The long journey to recovery
Chapter 2
Fitz had scheduled today's meetings with his attorney and Mellie. He asked Andrew to make a reservation at one of her favorite restaurants. He would both sign the papers for JayT and tell Mellie about him he knew it would of go well. Mellie has been in contact with him trying to reconnect in a romantic manner…..this was now off the table. There were two reasons…he no longer wanted Mellie in his life and he most important Mellie's continued presence would create a big problem in his relationship with his son. No way in hell would Olivia accept Mellie lurking around as the possible step-mother.
Andrew arrived first …he was joined shortly by Mellie. A fruit and cheese tray was ordered along with drinks. When Mellie saw that Andrew had ordered two glasses of scotch her heart quickened…..could Fitz be joining them. The look on her face said it all…..as Fitz walked to the table he noticed a smirk on Andrews face.
Mellie and Fitz have been a near couple since she warned Amanda away nearly twenty years ago. They dated….she just wasn't the woman for him. They ran in the same circles ….their fathers golfed together their mothers club had a standing monthly tea date that stretched back over twenty years.
When he saw Olivia he knew,….that was the woman he wanted in his life. He had to cut Mellie loose. He did once he had to do it again…this time it would be permanent .
They ordered lunch …..while their order was being filled he signed the papers Daniel brought. Daniel steered the conversation about the things long term friends talked about nothing too personal.. Ordering another round… ..it was time to tell Mellie their nonexistence relationship had to end. There would never ever be a them…a Mellie and Fitz. Finally Mellie could not take the small talk.
"Fitz where have you been…..I have been calling your cell ….no answer….your secretary said you were on vacation…after you told me you had too much work to get away . Tell me what's going on?"
Fitz took a deep breath…"..I am not on vacation l am on family leave."
"Family leave…are your parents are sick….no one told me."
"No Mellie I look family leave to take care of my son."
Mellie glass froze in mid air.
"Son…..whoever the woman is she is a lie. When did You meet her….where does she live…..are you sure its your son…?"Mellie we asking question faster than Fitz could answer. Thoughts were speeding through her head….how could this have happened. Olivia was out of the way the road to Fitz was supposed to be wide open. Who…. is this woman… where did she come from…how did he meet her and keep it from her and the rest of their crowd who definitely would have told her
"Who is she Fitz…if she is trying to pull one over on you I will find out. Why do you need to take time off that's what nannies and sitters are for."
It was that statement that verified what he already knew…..Mellie wanted to host parties , teas , to be the social butterfly named Mrs. Grant….she had no interest in becoming the mother of Mr. Grant's children…..if she did these kids would be raised by someone else…..not her. After the past month he understood the joys of being a parent…..one either has it or not.
Fitz listened to Mellie telling Fitz how he could escape this trap…".give her a big settlement ….A house and a nanny….no need to tie yourself down to a child that's probably not yours and I will help you prove it."
"Mellie I'm not trying to escape anything …I'm taking the responsibility for my child. I don't want out. I wanted to tell you in person…I did not want you to find out second hand. You thought we could develop a closer relationship….that's out. Recently we have been talking a couple of times a week. That's will end. I don't want anything in my life that would in any way interfere with my relationship with my child."
" Fitz I'm not an anything….Who is the mother…. is she cutting you off from your friends?"
"No…my relationship with you ….the one you want to develop into more than friendship …. we have to stop any, and all, private contact. I hope you understand."
"I don't understand why you would cut off our friendship of over twenty five years because of a child." Mellie stood up to leave
"Mellie that's my decision. I expect you to abide by it…..the lunch was to tell you… should I get you a cab …?
"No thank you I have my driver."
Mellie started to leave the table then turned to Andrew…"Andrew does this end our friendship also?"
"Only if you wish…..we are still at Barneys every Friday."
With that Mellie seeing her driver left.
Both Fitz and Andrew finished their drinks….. wow…".heavy and intense"
"Another? " Andrew asked " I need another one"
"It's clear you have never had uncle duty to a baby."
"Fitz that's one joy I am willing to miss right now but evidently it's working for you ….I have never seen you looking so good….there is a sparkle in your eyes…"
" Andrew drop by any day after noon and meet him."
"Fitz I'm not sure Olivia would approve my dropping by ."
"You may be right,…give her some more time…. Andrew there is no scent better than a freshly bathed baby."
Andrew watched the expression on his friends face….he was happy for him. "Fitz I will take your word for that."
A courier delivered a message to Fitz
"You can no longer receive your messages at the penthouse?"
"Andrew I don't live at the penthouse. I live with Olivia and the baby at Olivia's ."
Fitz saw the expression on Andrews face…"you are living with Olivia….that's interesting."
" we don't have time for me to give you a complete explanation…..I have to get back."
Andrew gave Fitz a quizzed look.
"I bought Olivia a surprise I need to get it home."
"You guys are getting along that well…..I remember when she wanted to drive a stake into your heart."
"Nope….but I thought of something that would make her happy. I did not make it easy for her so now it's the small things.'
Earlier ….Back at the Apartment
Tom greeted Olivia when he entered the apartment then went directly to Jeff who was fast asleep in his playpen. "'Hi, you…. this is my first time I have really laid eyes on you…..I missed you in the hospital.…."
"Tom, he has been fed and changed so he should be ok for a couple of hours. Olivia is not to pick him up. If he wakes up sit her in the rocker and put him in her lap to hold him. She is not to pick him up….… she will try so you have to watch the mother as closely as you watch the baby."
Fitz walked over to the sleeping baby and leaned in and gave him a kiss
"Olivia if you get a taste for something call me I will pick it up otherwise we are having the vegetable soup Jon made with cranberry and turkey sandwiches."
Olivia shrugged…" that sounds ok."
"Vegetable soup it is…I'll be back as soon as I can..."
Tom listened to the interaction between the two…they sounded like the couple of old but alas they were not that couple who seemed so perfect for each other.
Tom walked over to the bag he sat on the table when he arrived.
"I brought something I think you may like….I found this new storefront that sells flavored popcorn…probably a waste but it has a interesting menu . I convinced him to sell me samples of ten different flavors. Check them out ..if you like any of them let me know. I also got a half- gallon of lemonade from that stand you like…or used to like."
"A half- gallon?...he only sells it by the cup."
"I told him you were housebound after having a baby …. he remembered you and could not refuse my request. He told me to tell you to come by yourself as soon a you can."
The two poured five samples from the bags of popcorn…two receiving a thumbs up three thumbs down.
"thanks Tom…. I have been told I have to eat…...even a couple hands of popcorn would be an improvement over nothing."
"it was my pleasure Mrs. Grant."
Olivia interrupted…" its Pope I dropped Grant after the divorce and it's Olivia."
"Yes Ms. Pope…...you were really sick. We were not sure if you would make it. For the first three days it looked like it could go either way."
"We…..Tom how did you know how sick I was?"
"I knew because I was at the hospital with Mr. Grant. He was there the whole time, other than when he left to spend time with the baby."
"Fitz was at the hospital?"…..Olivia's brows furrowed
"No-one ever said anything….no-one has ever really discussed what happened during the time I was in the hospital ."
"Yes…Ms. Pope, …..Mr. Grant was either checking on the baby or sitting at your bedside holding your hand . I have never seen him that down because it was really close for a couple of days. He probably did not share his fear with anyone …..to let anyone know how bad you were a couple of nights.. He sat there in the room all day and all night holding your hand. I had to convince him to eat so when he left to see the baby his mom always had foods he liked at the house."
"Holding my hand…. the last time I saw him I was so mad I probably would have pulled my hand away and slapped him if I had known." Olivia said and smiled.
"I told him that he said it did not matter just as long as you woke up. You kept muttering in your sleep for him to forgive you. He said he did not want you to wake up and there wouldn't be anyone there, so he stayed. Frankly I think he stayed because that was the only place he wanted to be once he knew the baby was in good hands with his parents and Abby."
"Strange way for a person to act who treated his marriage vows in such a callous manner." Olivia said softly to herself.
'I'll pretend I did not hear that, ." Tom said.
Trying to return the conversation to neutral Tom made a couple of comments about the apartment and then the baby. They chatted about neutral things Tom even recalled the night he and his boss met "Mint"
"Wow Tom that seems like eons ago."
"Not eons just five years so many things have changed since the night at Bens."
"Unfortunately for the worse…..for me"
"Ms. Pope you are a young woman with your entire life ahead of you…..it could be a whole lot worse. How is Mr. Grant doing as a father…..he seems to be enjoying it."
"ok….I guess …if he is planning on taking custody he needs to be able to take care of him,….he's doing a good job…..they have taken well to each other."
"I'm still trying to figure out how you kept your pregnancy a secret."
"Tom it was easy if you were not looking for it and the pregnancy was during the winter months."
Tom looked in the direction of the playpen when Jeff was sleeping soundly
"He'll probably sleep for another hour…..he seems to be sleeping better the past week." Olivia commented
"Babies sense things…. maybe he senses a calmer mother."
"I am not sure how calm I am ….I still expect to be served with custody papers taking him away very time the doorbell rings."
"One good thing you can only be served if they can get in and they can't get in unless you let them in." Tom said with a smile
"Tom I never thought of that…."
"tell me some more about the baby.…a boy right….name and when was he born if I may ask. The information is for me only?"
"He was born February 15….two months before tax day. His name is Jeffrey Thomas Pope . One of my friends has nicknamed him JayT but I use Jeffrey ."
"Thomas …. I could think he was named after me, but I assume he has the same middle name as his father …. Thomas."
"Yes…I gave him Fitz' middle name. His father convinced me and he was right…it makes sense and will make more sense when he gets older and his teen hormones take over."
"Not Fitzgerald Thomas?"
"Nope I'll leave that name for his new wife and new son."
"What new wife and new son?"
"I'm not trying to get information out of you Tom….I am just guessing . Fitz is thirty-two I am sure there will be another wife and more children. The male child carrying his name should be in a family setting with his wife.."
Tom smiled …this is a remarkable woman….how could his boss lose her. "He's not looking for any other woman to give him a house full of children. I believe right now he is happy where he is with you and Jeffrey."
"Doesn't matter….I hope he finds happiness. Right now I have my child and I am happy."
"And if you find someone else."
"Not going to happen …. I would only marry again to a man I really love. Love means commitment. To love one must open one's heart . I opened mine once …I will never repeat that again." Olivia dropped her head Tom saw a flash of pain cross her face as though she remembered something that really hurt her.
" I think my boss feels the same way…he knows he lost something special I don't think he will try to replace it….at least not soon.
Tom was about to make another comment when they heard the bell indicating someone was on the elevator…probably Fitz and it was.
He poked his head in the door saying he was going to put some papers in his apartment… returning a short time later with a bag.
"Did you change your mind about dinner Fitz?" Olivia asked
"Nope I brought you a treat for either later tonight of breakfast tomorrow."
"Can I take a look?"
"Nope …you were always impatient it's was always so hard to surprise you because you always hounded me until I gave up…. This time nope…you will have to wait, and I will guarantee that because I will put it in the refrigerator across the hall." With that he turned with the bag and went back out the door.
"Wow…what brought that on ? "Olivia said looking at Tom and laughing."
"I'm glad you two are talking."
"We have to find a way to co-parent a child under a year old and not rub up against the others ego."
"Ms. Pope…. That's possible…. really possible... This setup is perfect for that to happen. You both have your own privacy yet you are both available to raise your son. together… but still with your own space ."
"Perfect until another woman, or man, comes into the picture then this perfect setup will fall apart quickly."
" woman or man…didn't you just say you were through with love?"
"it was just a throw away comment."
"May I make a suggestion?"
"Yes…please."
" Easy solution ….Don't let anyone else come into this setup."
Olivia looked at Tom…wondering where that comment came from. About that time Fitz returned to the room
"Where did you go?"
"I had to hide the bag, so you can't find it."
"Fitz…that's unfair."
About then they heard the whining from the playpen letting everyone know the Prince was awake. Fitz washed his hands then walked over picked up the baby and gave him a kiss. "I see you have been a good boy for your mom and Tom. Let's get you changed and into your high chair."
Tom said his goodbye to all saying he was always available for either of them.
Olivia watched Fitz as he changed Jeffery and made baby talk…he was the perfect example of a caring doting father but she remembered…don't forget there is a dark side. There is a Count Vader inside all that parental sweetness...
Olivia excused herself leaving the father and son alone she needed some time to think about what Tom told her about the first five days she was hospitalized. Did Fitz really remain at her bed and if he did why. If he were there for all that time why didn't she remember…better still why didn't he visit once she was awake. He was there …..then suddenly left and never visited her again.
He has been the perfect companion for her and father for their son…it was all she could ask….then she remembered what she had to do….…... get better then find someplace else to live now the Fitz knew about Jeff. She could not let her guard down.
A couple of hours had passed…Olivia had spent time updating her diary…something she had not done since her illness. She heard a soft knock on the door and Fitz call her name.
"Olivia are you ready to eat…?"
"Yes…...I'll be right out."
The table was beautiful with the usual daily flowers. "Fancy for soup and sandwiches."
"Beautiful table for a beautiful lady. What do you want to drink?"
"honestly…. a glass of wine but since that's will never happen let's try the lemonade Tom brought. I took a small glass earlier with some of the popcorn samples he brought…absolutely great the same as I remember."
Dinner progressed with the conversation as usual about the baby but then Fitz pivoted the conversation to Tom.
"How did the visit with Tom go I hope he did not tire you out."
Olivia took a bite of the sandwich… "Nope it was good to see him."
"What did you guys talk about?"
Olivia shrugged her shoulders "The same thing we talk about …Jeff."
"For over two hours?"
"I have a lot of baby stories."
"any that you wish to share with his dad…...can we talk about the day he was born …I remember my father leaving in the middle of an important meeting in the middle of the day in February….. would you care to add more?"
"No- I don't think so…I am sure this is not a good time."
"You have stories you can share with Tom but not with me."
"Those stories were from a time we were not speaking ….a lot of hostility between us … we are doing ok right now. I know we will someday talk about the pregnancy, the birth and the early months but I hope when we do there will not be a lot of anger from either of us."
Fitz let the comment go…now was not the time for this discussion.
"I have the papers to give you setting up a trust for Jeff. I named him as the beneficiary on my life insurance policy with you as the executor for everything."
Olivia nodded her head not saying anything…. smiling as Jeffrey who kept trying to pick up the cheerios and get them to his mouth being successful less than 50% of the time. She got up and put several carrot sticks and cut bananas on his tray. He was a little more successful with these. They were easier for his chubby fingers to pick up.
"Olivia we need to talk …can we talk now …...I am not sure where to begin and I don't want to make things worse between us. This arrangement we have is working…... I would like to continue living here….. Do you think we can make it work our son needs both of us?"
Olivia thought for a moment .."Nope Fitz it will not work we would just be putting off the inevitable…..one of us will have custody …the other one will be the visiting parent. It's a reality… something we have to face. No amount of living in apartments across from the other one for the next few months will change that."
Fitz' heart dropped into his stomach…everything he had hoped to happen had been shot down by Olivia. "Why not….. if we want to we can work it out."
"No matter how much we may want it….Fitz it will never work. We were married I don't want to be your friend. I don't want an invitation to your wedding . I don't want to go on a double date with you and your significant other. I don' want parents day with mom/dad/stepmom and stepdad. I'd rather raise my son alone…he'll have his grandparents and me…that's enough."
Olivia got up from the table rinsed her plate and put it in the dishwasher…"the late lunch was great... thanks. I'll have a couple of pieces of fruit and some popcorn for later don't worry about a snack for me." She said as she turned to leave the room.
"Olivia"….Fitz blocked her way." please I don't want an argument I'm trying to find a way to make this work.."
"Fitz don't you understand we can't make this work. You were my world …..my everything. . I knew better than to fall in love with you…my inner sense kept saying it will never work…..my friends said no but you won my heart. I looked at you and I did not have to worry about a marriage where I would be the breadwinner…you were a man who would never abuse me physically but in the end you hurt me emotionally….…you said you loved me you always acted like you loved me….but Fitz you broke my heart. "
Olivia moved to walk around Fitz….he blocked her.
"I knew you were a playboy….. I knew your reputation …a man who collected women like some people collect stamps but you convinced me those days were over…so I gave my heart to you . As soon as I did you took a knife and cut my heart out and threw it into the trash….you treated me, my feelings , my love for you…. like garbage."
Olivia was becoming emotional. She was recalling things she did not want to…..old feelings of pain that she had buried were resurfacing.
"What you will never understand , when I lot you I lost not only the loved of my life ….when I lost you I lost my best friend someone who could so easily warm my heart and lift my spirit. You not only took my heart you took away my best friend. I can't forgive you for breaking my heart and I cant forgive you for destroying our friendship. No…. we can't ever make it work living across then hall from each other trying to raise our son together. Unfortunately I'm not that magnamous .
Fitz stood there taking all this in…..what Olivia had said hurt him but at least they were talking about them and not the same daily conversation about Jeffrey…no matter how much he enjoyed discussing their son. He needed this he needed her to keep talking about them. It was the only way to make anything he was hoping for happen.
" I'm going to bed we, …..you, need to start thinking about which of us will Jeff live with . I assume you will marry again so please let me have my son…you will have other children…let me have him…please. I will never portray you as anything other than a loving father to him."
"What about you…..you are younger than I am …maybe you will marry and have other children. Just like you I don't want him to be the odd child out in another family. "
"Fitz I would never marry anyone I do not love and I know I will never trust my heart to anyone else. I am not sorry I married you because my son is the result but I never should have gone against everything that said no."
Fitz was hurt beyond words at what Olivia was saying …he did not deserve this. He flinched when Olivia said my son. As much as he wanted to not upset Olivia …..to keep this arrangement as neutral as possible he had to speak up…..He had to let her know how he felt. This was a conversation that was long overdue but one that was necessary.
Fitz did not know what had prompted him to move their neutral baby filled conversation to a conversation about them…
"Olivia stop acting like you are the only victim….when you left me I lost the only woman I have ever and will ever love. I also lost my best friend too …my soulmate ….I lost you …I know you want me to give up my son… I can't lose everything that's important to me…..you cant expect me to give up everything …..lose you and him…?"
"We don't matter …Jeffrey growing up feeling love is what matters."
"And you think he will feel he is loved when he sees his father has moved on creating another family without any thought of him."
"Fitz either way he is going to lose one parent full time….He may be hurt but I can give him enough love for both of us."
"Olivia you are talking nonsense…"
"Nonsense?"
"I'm sorry…lets table this until tomorrow…"
They heard a noise as Jeff was tired of his chair and wanted out. Fitz picked him up…"Ok kid….lets get your bath and pick a book for tonight's reading". …He stopped walking as he passed Olivia . "By the way Olivia I love you….you are the only woman I want and the only one I have ever loved."
He took Jeff and walked into the nursery….Olivia headed for the bathroom for her shower. Usually Fitz helped her with her shower after he took care of Jeff but tonight Olivia wasn't in any mood to have him help her. She wanted to be as far away from Fitz as possible.
She sat on the stool under the shower wishing the water could wash away the hurt from the memories…..…she had cried for a year she thought she was all cried out but all the memories…..The hurt she felt was still there.
She heard a knock on the bathroom door…"Olivia I have someone here calling for you will you be out soon…..do you need help?"
"Give me five minutes." she answered
Olivia wrapped a towel around her wet hair ….. put a robe over her gown then went out to say goodnight to her son.
"Is you hair wet why didn't you wait?…hold him I'll blow it dry."
"No let it air dry."
"You just got out of the hospital do you think it's the smartest thing to go to bed with wet hair."
Olivia gave in and sat in a chair in the bedroom holding their son while Fitz tried to dry her hair. Of course the noise of the dryer was interesting so instead of going to sleep he was wide awake. Fitz dried her hair the best he could with the baby trying to reach for the dryer. When he finished and reached for Jeff he started to whine and refused to leave his mother.
"That's ok….he can sleep with me. Put him in the bed with me." Olivia moved over to her bed and reached for the baby that Fitz had taken from her ..
"Olivia he will roll out of the bed and he will not go to sleep without his story… move over."
"Where am I going?"… Olivia asked ...
Fitz sat on the bed…..."nowhere I will read to him you he can cuddle with you." The last thing Olivia remembered was her son lying on her chest as he ex-husband read a story.
When she woke up at midnight she was in the bed alone with only a wet pillowcase and a wet gown to tell the story of what happened earlier that night . Olivia found the baby in his bed but no Fitz. Changing into dry t-shirt she looked through her apartment grabbing a handful of flavored popcorn and a glass of lemonade before deciding to check for Fitz in his apartment.
She found him in his bath … soft music playing a glass of what she suspected was scotch sitting on the edge of the tub. She peeked her head in but choose not to interrupt his privacy … she turned to leave when she heard a voice that sent shivers through her body "Are you looking for me or your breakfast surprise ?"
She stepped back into the bathroom forgetting she was wearing only an old t-shirt that once belonged to Fitz….He noticed the shirt but choose not to make a comment. He silently wondered about it. Did she keep it because it reminded her of him or was it just something comfortable to sleep in. He hoped the former
"No I just wanted to make sure you were ok.."
"That's my line to you, come on in I won't bite."
"Nope…I am interrupting you,"
"Don't you know you could never interrupt me…sit a spell . The baby is asleep we are both awake. Would you mind refilling my glass."
"Where is the bottle?"
"It's in my bedroom." Fitz said emptying the glass and giving it to her.
Olivia took the glass…..poured two fingers …returned and sat it back on the tub. She forgot she was only dressed in a t-shirt until she saw Fitz looking at her . She immediately jumped up from the sink where she was leaning …"sorry I have to go."
"We were married for three years Olivia and we dated for a year….. we both have seen each other in various states of undress…are you shy…..you dressed in just a t-shirt me in my birthday suit …hidden by bubbles of course…..do I make you shy ?"
This was the second time Fitz made a personal comments about them….it brought back memories. These memories she did not want to remember. She decided to throw a comment out to defuse the sexual tension between them
"I want to apologize for the things I said tonight maybe it did seem as if I was making myself a victim…I'm sorry."
"I asked you if you were shy…are you changing the conversation?"
"Nope I just wanted to let you know I'm not putting all the blame on you because our marriage failed I am sure part of it was my fault."
" You still did not answer my question…..I asked if you were shy because I am about to get out of the tub." Fitz started to stand up which made Olivia make a quick dash out of the room. She could hear Fitz' laughter following her as she went back into her apartment and into the safety of her bed. As she pulled the cover tight around her neck all she could think of was the sight of his body coming out of the tub….. Her gut may be saying no….her brain was saying stay away ….. her sixth sense said run but the feelings she felt between her legs and her hardening nipples were having a completely different conversation.
The next morning Olivia woke to tiny hands grabbing her nose .When she opened her eyes they were met by a head resting on a pillow and a pair of deep blue eyes looking back at her. She blinked twice to make sure she wasn't seeing things.
"He woke up early and kept asking for you. Like his mother he wouldn't accept no. He refused to settle down until I put him in bed with you."
"That explains him in my bed what explains you."
"Easy ….like last night I did not want him to fall out of the bed but since you are awake I will leave."
"Your choice" Olivia said as she started to kiss Jeff's fingers .
"What".. she asked watching Fitz watch her"
"I can see you enjoy being a mother." He remembered the comment about a nanny and sitter from Mellie.
Fitz watched the two interact for a while before he reluctantly got up
"Are you ready for breakfast?"
Olivia continued to play with her son….."no if you don't mind I want to spend a little more time here …it's been a while since I have had a morning like this with him. This feels good my strength is really getting back. I can handle him a lot better than I could a week ago."
"still not enough to be left alone and clearly not enough for you to pick him up. You may be getting stronger but each day while you are getting stronger he is getting heavier even with the cast off you can't handle him."
"Fitz I understand that...I will not do anything to hurt him."
" Olivia I'm not trying to chastise you. I know you understand your limitations with him right now. But you are getting stronger. Jon will be here today any special requests?"
"nope he has mixed things up a lot …I really like his food I wish I could keep him."
"you can …..I'm glad we talked last night …..it was a good start it helped clear the air some ."
"That was not a talk that was me blaming you for my unhappiness."
"It was a much better conversation than the ones we have been having the last few weeks about babies and food. Much better than the absolute silence for a year. An angry Olivia is better than a silent one."
Fitz continued to watch the interaction between mother and son
"May I ask you something?"
"baby or food?"
"us"
"us…"
" not really us…..were you shy when I was about to get out of the tub last night?"
"I wasn't shy….I was giving you your privacy."
"what would you think if I said I did not want that privacy."
"Fitz let's not go there."
"why not …..from the beginning I have been there for your showers and baths but last night things seemed different when the tables were turned."
"Fitz don't read something into something that wasn't there."
"sorry Olivia something was there …you just need to admit it. Like I said last night and I will repeat it …..you are the only woman I have ever loved… together or apart I will always love you."
"please tell me how does that love fit in with your head buried between another woman's legs?"
"It doesn't …I hope it's something I can explain….or something we can work through."
"Fitz those photos…what happened that night between you and another woman is something we will never be able to work through."
"Olivia I love you…..do you love me?"
"Fitz this is not a conversation I want to have right now . ….not this early in the morning."
"it's not a conversation we are having early in the morning it's one we never finished last night ….its one we should have had a year ago."
Fitz ran his hand through his hair…."I am willing to tell you I love you…I will always love you…I want you and my son in my life permanently in one apartment not living across the hall from each other. I am sorry about what happened….can you.. would you please meet me half way."
"can we table this for later…..please?"
"Will you agree to continue this later…. And I will want an answer to two questions…. were you shy to see me nude last night but …..I want you to give me an honest answer…if you were shy why were you shy…do you still love me because I still love you."
Fitz stood for a moment and when Olivia did not reply he stood up to leave " Should I get your breakfast now I think our son is ready for something with a little more substance than milk."
"Yes I'm ready for breakfast Fitz…thanks."
"Ok let me take this guy so you can get up…." Jeff started to fret when his dad moved him from his mother's bed but soon started laughing when his father started to kiss his neck and face..
Olivia watched the two …she was starting to become conflicted…yes she loved her son unconditionally and she could give him everything but one thing….she could never give him the interaction he was now having with his dad. No matter how great she was with him….she could never replace his father.
By the time she got into the kitchen Fitz was in the middle of feeding Jeff his breakfast.
"I could have done that you are doing everything else."
Fitz turned to look at Olivia as he teased his son with a spoon full of food…first giving it to him then taking it back and eating from the spoon then giving it back to him.
"What are you feeding him Fitz it looks like peas which he hates haven't you noticed?"
"it's peas and beets which he no longer hates," Fitz answered as he air planed another spoon of beets into Jeffrey's mouth .
"May I ask how did you accomplish that?"
"JayT should we share our secret with your mom ?" Fitz said aloud knowing the baby could not answer as the two kept up the game …one spoon of peas then a spoon of beets alternating between some for dad and some for son
"JayT when did you decide to give him a nickname and how did you come up with that one?"
"from Dr. Ware and I like it….since the only part of him that relates to me is Thomas and I want something that each time I call his name it connects him to me. At least I am glad his mother decided to include my middle name since she decided to give him her last name . His full name should be Fitzgerald Thomas Grant IV ….. I should be happy he will carry part of my name."
Fitz turned to look directly at Olivia who did not answer.
"Ms. Pope should l get your breakfast now?"
"when you finish with JaýT." Olivia answered the JayT was meant as a peace offering .
"you met Dr. Ware…..when…where?"
" when you were first admitted….he clearly doesn't like me. He reminded me you went against all your instincts and did not listen to friends who warned you. He seemed happy we are divorced. If you had doubts Olivia why did you marry me?"
"The same reason you married me yet chose to break your marriage vows. Was that the first time ….. were the pictures your way of letting me know it was over. If that was your goal…..it worked"
"Olivia do you really believe what you are saying …if you doubted me …..why would you marry me? There was never a time l doubted wanting you…from when we first started dating…..to when you accepted my proposal to the day we got married ….I tried to show you how much I loved you …how much I wanted you…why would you have doubts about my commitment?"
Olivia started moving her place setting around….she stopped to look at Fitz " are you really going to ask that question after what happened."
"Olivia I will never be able to explain what happened that night….nothing I had done during the whole time we were together would have made me believe I would do that"
"maybe the old Fitz was always there he just came out again. Let's have breakfast."
Fitz finished feeding JayT…..cleaned his face and his tray then put some blocks on his tray to keep him occupied. He made Olivia a cup of tea and poured a cup of coffee for himself, presenting two plates holding a brioche covered with poached eggs on the table…he placed a dish with seasonal fresh fruit in the middle of the table for them to share.
Olivia took a look at the brioche with its distinctive shape….frowned then took a bite and closed her eyes.
"Fitz where did you find these….please say they are from Café Sicilia and you did not find them in New York."
Fitz smiled at his wife….. ex wife….she was enjoying the special treat as much as he enjoyed surprising her with it. This was a good transition from the difficult conversation they had just had. Her reaction to breakfast made him forget about the earlier words coming from both of them. …..this was good after a very bad start .
" I remembered how much you liked them so I decided see if it were possible to get a few delivered."
"delivered…that was quite a delivery . I am not going to even ask how much it was over the normal delivery charge ."
" seeing the happiness on your face is worth it no matter the cost…."
Olivia was not pushing this food around her plate…..as she took another fork full of eggs and brioche. Seeing her happy after the pain he had caused was a happy moment for Fitz.
" Fitz I need to know how did you arrange this treat? It could easily become my guilty pleasure."
"My secret… " they finished breakfast Olivia put her silverware down on an empty plate.
Fitz got up and cleaned off the table …taking a look at JayT who had just thrown the blocks on the floor and was looking from the floor to his father waiting to see what he would do.
"Fitz that was just great….I can never thank you enough."
Fitz picked the blocks up….rinsed them off then put the baby in his walker…." A hug would be a great way to say thank you."
Olivia got up from the table but headed in the direction from him not answering.
A short time later Fritz came into Olivia's bedroom….she thought damm the morning discussion is about to resume .
"Olivia I would like to take JayT out for awhile...maybe tomorrow…..May I….I thought we could take a walk get him some fresh air….give you some alone time…..get both of us out of your hair"
"Do you promise to bring him back ?"
"Of course."
The rest of the day went very well...no heavy conversation just things bubbling waiting for the first comment.
The next day after breakfast Fitz readied JayT for his outing
"Are you sure you are coming back?"
"Of course I will…why don't you use the penthouse pool why we are out….. Swimming is a great exercise …you can use the soft cast….and I know swimming is one of your favorite pastimes…..Have you been swimming at all lately?"
"Nope not the past year. I did not want to run into anyone especially dressed in a swimming suit.. will they let me use the pool?"
That comment crushed Fitz …..he remembered when he removed her name from the lease. He walked over to the house phone and called the building manager. She listened as he put her name back on the lease agreement and verified she could use all the facilities in the building immediately.
Olivia sat there perplex by this man…..….watching him as he left her apartment….being followed by his son in his walker. Fitz returned before JayT could navigate around the tables and chairs and handed Olivia a key she recognized.
"Fitz why are you doing this? First breakfast yesterday then suggesting a swim today ."
"It's nothing more than what I should do. I'm trying to say I'm sorry…I know I can never make you forget what has happened but I'm trying to remind you of the good years we spent together."
"Fitz…..I don't need you to remind me because it just smacks up against the day I saw the photos of you and another woman…I know I can never get past that ….I don't want to waste your time or mine , thinking about what could be."
Fitz recognized reclaiming Olivia was going to be really difficult but after being around her and JayT he knew if it did not work out the way he wanted it to…..whatever efforts he made was worth trying.
"I'll call Tom and have him pick you up. You can shower in the penthouse….do you feel strong enough or do you need me there.?"
" I should be ok."
"we could go there together…I'll stay until you start your swim…..JayT and I will walk back."
"walk back do you know how far that is"
" it will be a good walk since I have not had a lot of exercise the past month…l will stop in some of the stores along the way if I get tired."
"Fitz…."..
"Fitz nothing. I'll get you started then our son and l will spend some son/father time together."
"I really want to say no but I can't wait to see the look on Alfred's face when you show up with a baby stroller and me….are you sure you want to be outed this way"
"what's outed?"
"you showing up with your ex-wife pushing a stroller. I am sure some will try to get a look at the baby wonder who he is."
"I'll keep it simple I will tell anyone I meet who he is."
" you do know everyone in your circle and at Grant will know before you get home,"
"I hope so….that way there are less people to tell, ….my dad has already semi announced the birth by giving out banned Cuban cigars the day you came home…he was hiding the baby from me not the world.…I think many suspected since his desk is filled with baby photos...….he's a proud granddad and he wants everyone to know… just like I am a proud dad."
" you are putting it on pretty thick aren't you?"
"JayT tell your mom…whatever it takes."
They called Tom who picked them up and parked in the lower level. This meant they would not meet too many people ….then Fitz decided to make a detour to the main office with the stroller and baby in tow. He wanted to give his son as much subtle exposure as possible …... Olivia decided she would pass it all and head straight for the penthouse to shower and change for her swim.
Olivia decided to pass the master bath and use one the other ones. She was surprised to find it crammed with Fitz toiletries. Trying to find a less masculine bath wash she checked the master bath…..it was filled with her toiletries, none that belonged to Fitz'….most still unopened. She was in a quandary…..return to the bathroom that Fitz evidently uses or shower there. She decided to take door number three…..use the other bathroom. . This was getting too complicated. If the opportunity came up she would ask but she knew there was no way for Fitz not to know she had seen the bathrooms. She did not want to dwell on this she wanted to swim…it would clear her head. She would revisit these thoughts at a later time when she had a clearer head.
Fitz did not come to the penthouse choosing to wait for her in an area off the pool…he waited until Olivia started her swim….left Tom to make sure she was ok then started the walk back with the baby in the stroller.. He wasn't sure if the walk would bump up against his midday meal but first time out he would let it play out .He had a bottle he hoped it would hold him.
Fits stopped twice on the walk back to the apartment….He shared a malt with JayT at one of his favorite confectionery shops. Just like the beets and beans his son followed his lead. He enjoyed the sweet treat whining when his dad took the cup away. " look we can't tell your mom ok….let's put this spot on our special visit list for us….it's our secret."
Later to take another break ,he did not anticipate the distance, he stopped to pick up some fresh flowers for Olivia and talked to some of the people there he had not seen in a while. Leaning down to make sure JayT was bundled he gave him a kiss." Mr. Pope I wish you mother took to me as easily as you did….she's going to make me work hard for her but she is worth it.". He continued their walk home thinking they are only a hallway apart .
He had called Jon and told him they would be out but would be home by two which was his usual time to arrive.…..JayT would probably not last through a missed meal and a missed afternoon nap.
They got back before Olivia and Tom …. Jon showed up with what seemed enough food for a family to prepare their meals for the next few days. He normally did a lot of the preparation in his own kitchen that way all that was required was to pop the main courses in the oven and add the last ingredients to the soups . He had started to include some foods for the baby. It was Jon's idea to puree vegetables and slice fruits for him that were soft enough for him and he could eat with his hand.. By putting cubes of green Jello next to the peas…the same with red Jello or pudding and beets they had increased his menu of acceptable foods by 50%. JayT was discovering new colors and new textures . He readily accepted most…..Not all but most.
He heard the elevator and knew Olivia and Tom was home….he heard Olivia complaining that she was hungry which Fitz suspected she would be after her swim. This day had gone better than he could have hoped now if they could continue with their talk from yesterday morning maybe just maybe they could find their way back to each other.
The smell of clam chowder hit Olivia as she got out of the elevator. Once she caught the aroma she knew…. she was in for a treat.
"Tom you have to join us for a late lunch."
"Ms. Grant"
"Tom its Pope"
" Pope or Grant…..I'm your driver not a lunch companion thanks but I cant…you cant invite the help to lunch."
"It's my apartment ….you don't work for me…..you work for the person who lives next door. I am inviting someone who sat at my bed and held my hand during my darkest moment…. I think that would make you more than my driver. If it makes you feel better and less self conscious we will enjoy our meal without your boss."
Fitz heard the entire exchange including the part about Tom sitting at her bedside. "I heard you …..are you barring me from eating in my home?"
"Nope I'm barring you from eating in my home…..you live next door."
"If you take that attitude I will remove the doors and turn everything from the elevator to the apartment doors into a lobby then turn this entire space into one apartment."
" You forgot Mr. Grant you can't do that without your mother's permission."
"I'll tell her it's a safety measure ."
"Tom what do you say….would you even consider eating with such an arrogant man."
"Let's cut the difference Ms. Pope… let's sit at the counter and enjoy a delicious homemade soup and a sandwich. I think I smelled some homemade bread….maybe Jon will join us so I won't feel so out of place.
The invitation was extended to Jon who accepted. Soon a very tired JayT had been fed and was asleep and the four adults settled in for two hours of great food and great conversation so good they forgot the time. It was only when they heard the baby fretting did they realize they should call it a day.
Fitz checked JayT put him in his walker .He and Jon returned to his apartment to discuss next week's menu. Jon does much of the basic prep so he needed to get an idea of any dish the family was interesting in having.
Olivia and Tom stayed visiting with the baby who was satisfied that someone had come to collect him. Tom moved him to his playpen which satisfied him for the moment until he decided how much attention he wanted and who he wanted the attention from.
Fitz returned to the apartment saying he needed to go over his schedule with Tom since he would be returning to work in another month part time .
Olivia excused herself …followed closely by Fitz who was anticipating her picking the baby up and he was correct. As she reached in the playpen for him she felt a hand in her shoulder…"nope…sit down I will change him and put him in his chair then bring him his snack you can fed him. I want to finish up with Jon and Tom can I depend on you to sit and feed him. He should be ok until I finish."
Fitz
Shush…
Ok…..
Fitz changed JayT….gave him his bottle of juice then put him back in his walker. Jon had come up with the idea of different foods all on the same plate …He loved the different tastes, the different textures and the different colors and if the person feeding him was too slow he could always take a handful of the food he wanted to eat.
FPOV
I need to let Tom know what l need from him….since I would be returning to work soon. Twice a week…Pick me up at 7am I'll return home at 1pm when JayT takes his nap. Take Olivia to the penthouse for her swim .I figured this would be good until the thanksgiving holiday then we could determine what needed to be changed. I will talk to Olivia about it. I am able to get a lot of work done from home which helps...plus I love hanging out with my son...no better way to spend a day.
"after both Jon and Tom left.. JayT was returned to his playpen with his array of toys. He was ok as long as either his mom or dad was in the room. He played for a while then quiet…he had gone back to sleep.
Fitz decided this was a good time to talk
"MY outing with JayT was great."
"Its JayT now…..?"
"Yes…like I said I like it….we walked all the way back…well I walked he rode. We stopped a couple of times once at that little pastry shop on Stone and once to pick up some flowers for tonight's table. JayT said he thought his mother would like them. I want you to know our son is already a chick magnet."
"At eight months I think the magnet is his father."
"No you are wrong …. When we stopped at the florist the girls stopped what they were doing to talk to him."
"Fitz they were flirting with you not talking to an eight month old baby."
"Well, he enjoyed the attention there and at the pastry shop."
"What did you buy there?"
"We had a malt."
"You gave my baby a malt."
"I gave him his bottle….he kept looking at me when I was drinking mine I gave him a taste . He is used to sharing food with me ….did I do something wrong."
"Nope but please don't make a habit of it….peas , carrots and beets for breakfast then you give him a malt…..that's a great diet dad."
Fritz shrugged his head thinking a malt just milk, flavoring and sugar….oops Olivia is right
"Olivia how was your swim?"
"Fitz thanks it was just what I needed I'm a bit tired but that's good. I saw Zack he said I looked like I had lost some muscle tone and said he would develop a strengthening plan for me. I have not done much exercise since the baby was born … I guess it shows."
"He always had an eye for you…does he know we are divorced."
"My personal life did not come up we only discussed my fitness. He asked if I wanted to come in three times a week to work with him or I could hire a personal trainer."
"Did he volunteer for that or suggest someone."
"What are you saying ….or trying to say?"
"I'm saying he has a thing for you. I heard him make a couple of comments before he knew you were married to me. Comments I did not like. If you need someone to help you with your fitness I will hire a trainer to come here but you look ok to me. I don't want him around you. If he is going to be at the pool I will change my schedule and swim with you."
"Fitz that's not necessary…".
"Olivia I am only going to say this one more time….stay away from him …if you let your guard down he will definitely take advantage of it."
"The ex-husband giving orders about my personal life…..now isn't that a hoot . _Do you think I'm that easy, that lonely that much in need for male companionship…."
"When did you last have a date?"
"Date…like what kind of date?"…..this conversation was just to the right of being really funny ….Olivia could not stop now she had to let this play out as she pretended she was upset about the conversation to keep from laughing.
"You know what kind."
"That's none of your business…should I ask you the same question."
"I have been celebrant since you walked out."
"If you had tried that before I walked out I would not have left. There wouldn't have been be a reason for the divorce."
"Please don't go there now Olivia ."
"Remember Mr. Grant you wanted to talk...but I am sorry about the comment. Do you understand why we will never work. See how easy it was for me to bring up what happened."
"Olivia I don't like the comment but I understand...it's only been two months."
Fitz decided this was the perfect time to change the subject
"MY mom invited us for thanksgiving dinner…should I accept for both of us…it's –the baby's first I thought we could start doing some family things together."
"And that would lead to what?"
"Maybe nothing but it would be good for his scrapbook."
"Usually your mother's thanksgiving dinner is geared towards adults….not sure how a baby will act around a house full of adults…how many people?"
"Twelve "
"Tell you what JayT and I will go over for breakfast you can represent us at dinner. It will give your parents an opportunity to spend the morning with him."
"If you are not going I'm not going."
"When was the last time you missed a Thanksgiving dinner with your parents?"
"Never but there is always a first."
"We won't start this year. I will go over that morning and come home. My excuse a baby who has yet to master the art of how to act in a very formal setting…..I am sure Alma and Gerry will understand. I'm trying to give them the same kind of space as they gave me."
"Is that final…..?"
"Yes it is Fitz."
"Ok…we will have thanksgiving dinner here the three of us….. I'll get your evening snack meet me in the kitchen its in my refrigerator." Fitz said as he walked out of the room and over to his apartment.
Fitz returned with a bowl and placed it in front of Olivia who screamed when she saw what it was
She took the chilled spoon from Fitz and dipped it into the bowl …".Fitz….it's Almond Granita from Café Sicilia… isn't it?".
"Yes….I was able to get it and the briscotti …at the same time."
"You know you are spoiling me…briscotti, a swim and now Granita…..what did I do to deserve days filled with three of my favorites. Olivia savored every spoon full…That's all I need for tonight."
"Its nice to see you happy…."
"Today has been good . Do you think JayT is knocked out for the night?"
"Maybe "…
"is it ok if I sleep on the couch in the nursery ?"
"It will kill your back."
"I could always sleep with you in your bed."
"The couch will be comfortable for one night Mr. Grant."
"I heard you and Tom talking about the hospital what did he tell you?"
"He told me everything you, you parents and Abby did not. Thank you for being there for me."
"My mother informed me I knew absolutely nothing about taking care of a baby who did not know me and probably would not accept me being around him. They were taking care of him the least I could do was take care of his mother."
"Thank you Fitz…..goodnight."
"Are you sure you wont change you mind. Take pity on my back and let me sleep in your comfortable bed."
"Fitz is that even a serious question?"
"Yes it is….just think how great the day has been…..it would be a great ending for me if I could go to sleep holding you and wake up in the morning with you in my arms."
Olivia went into her bathroom without replying. Her whole body was tingling ….she wanted in the worse way to end this day cuddled close to her ex. She reminded herself… ok he was her ex for a reason… but that did little to stop the feelings rippling through her body. When Fitz had asked about her last "date" …it was over a year ago and her body desperately needed some attention…..something she had not really thought about until Fitz mentioned it earlier. Living across the hall from a man she knew could soothe all the feelings she was having.…..seeing him every day with these feelings beginning to surface…..this was not going to be easy. .
Once Tom told Olivia about what happened in the hospital her room she was able to see the Fitz she once loved which opened the door to finding each other again.
.