A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for all the reviews! Anyway, I'll be telling the rest of the story from different character perspectives, starting with Susan for this one. I'll place the name of the character before each section to make things easier. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 1: Lock and Key

Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do

Susan

I held my eyes closed a bit longer. I needed the darkness of closed eyelids a moment more, if only to pretend that nothing had changed. I waited senselessly for Lucy's bounding footsteps to wake me up to get ready for school or another reason. But hard as I tried, the moment my fingers felt the silky sheets that clung snugly to my body, I knew precisely where I was.

Tears had begun to fill my eyes, as they remained shut, waves of anguish were still the strongest forces in my life. My will to fight was still weak but I opened my eyes to at least shift my attention. A distraction would be enough to numb me for now.

The wetness in my eyes seemed to increase as I drank in the sight of my surroundings. Without rising from the bed, I took in the intricate details of the dresser to my side and the vanity by the corner. I saw the light filtering through the thin curtain that lay before the doors to the balcony that I knew was there. All the things from a past life came to haunt me and made me think that I was dead myself. But the throbbing pain in my heart reminded me that this nightmare is real and that beyond that door was the world I was never meant to see again.

With great effort, I sat up and swung my legs to the side of the bed. I noticed for the first time that I was still wearing the clothes from the funeral. It was uncomfortable and I felt like it was burning my skin. I could smell the damp grass and see the mud stains on the hem of the skirt. It was too much. I rocked back and forth again, shutting my eyes as tight as I could but the images came back faster. I saw their names again on the marble tombstones. I saw the cut on my finger and the blood that dripped from it. I took a deep breath and remembered something I had pushed back to the farthest corners of my mind.

I remembered his touch. I could feel his embrace again, the one that should have comforted and calmed me. I could recall his words that even now seemed empty. In the depths of my mind, I had understood he was there for me but he wasn't what I needed. For no matter how much his love tried to save me they could not bring back the dead. Even if he brought me home, all the magic in this land could never summon them to life. No matter where I lived, they would still be gone and the colors of this world would be wasted on my grieving soul. It was then I realized I wanted the dull and grey world of England more than this place. For in that place everything blended into a monotonous tapestry that held little memories of the brilliance of the kings and queen that were lost.

I walked to the bathing room that could be accessed by a half hidden door in the room and found that someone had thought of preparing it for me. I submerged myself in the tub with all my clothes on and sat there to let the wetness soak through not caring how stupid I must have looked. I wanted to wash away everything until I was raw and brand new.

I stared off blankly until I felt foolish enough to come to my senses and bathe properly. After that, I put on the new clothes laid out by the side and fixed myself. I faced the full-length mirror and assessed my appearance. I looked pale and drawn but decent nonetheless. I took a deep breath and stepped into my room again. I walked directly to the door and placed a hand on the knob before pulling it away just as quickly.

My mind rejected the idea of seeing anyone and having to talk to them. For one, I had no explanation of why or how I came here. I had no energy to pretend and be polite when all I wanted to do was hide from the cruel world. So, I turned around and opened the other set of doors that opened to the balcony.

Narnia was as breathtaking as ever, with its sweeping mountains and lush green forests, the blue sea stretching out as far as the eyes can see. I could see the beauty but the happiness it filled me with was fleeting. In the next moment, I could only think of what my brothers and sister can never see again. I wanted to hate myself for having something they could not. I wanted to hate Caspian from not letting me suffer in peace.

My hand flew to my mouth as if I had said the name out loud. It was the first time his name has passed my mind and it unnerved me to realize it still had quite an effect on me. For months after we left, everyone had been careful not to mention his name. They referred to him as the prince or the king we left behind but never by Caspian until the day Lucy, Edmund and Eustace returned from Narnia.

Lucy had slipped and mentioned it and Edmund was quite late in trying to clamp a hand around her mouth. He had met someone they said but they never did find out what came of it. They knew not her name but just her father's. I had dropped the plate I was holding. It shattered in pieces and I bent over to gather the shards like I was trying to hold together my broken heart. Lucy's slip let loose the feelings I had kept at bay for so long. I had fought with being practical and sensible only to fall apart upon hearing his name. I was a mess, to put it kindly. A mess I shut in a drawer then threw out the key.

The moment I finished cleaning up the broken fragments of the plate, I became a different person. I built up defenses against every reminder of him, even with my family. I became a version of myself that lied through the heartache. I consoled myself by believing it was all a childhood game and that my real prince was still out there waiting for me.

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts and I stared stubbornly into the distance and tried to ignore the sound. I figured if I were quiet enough whoever was outside would think I was still asleep and just leave. I didn't factor in that the visitor was the king who was already overly anxious from seeing my state last night and would break down the door if needed. I forgot that he probably had every key to this castle.

I heard the door swing quickly as he rushed into the room when I didn't answer at the tenth knock, his fear evident in his motions. I could feel his eyes sweeping the room for any sign that I was in any danger and his relief when he saw my silhouette beyond the curtain. I closed my eyes to listen to the footsteps that brought him closer to me.

"Why are you still alive?"

Even I was surprised at the question that sprang to my mind. My voice was hoarse and full of emotion even when I tried so hard to be nonchalant. It was a harsh and accusatory but the truth was I simply wanted to understand at least this one thing that was happening—how was it possible for such time to pass in England and to find him just a few years older. Why didn't thousands of years pass this time around? Why was he here with me in this moment when all the odds were against us from ever seeing each other again?

More than the words, I think he was more surprised that I even spoke at all. It took him longer than necessary to answer me. I wanted to tell him that it could still be the grief talking and then listen as he told me everything would be alright in the end. But I couldn't even turn to face him just as I wasn't able to filter the edge in my voice.

"I suppose time isn't relative between here and there. It flows as it wants to and bends only to the dictates of fate." Caspian replied as he took a cautious step closer.

A hollow laugh escaped me as I heard him mention 'fate.' The scar from the loss I had suffered was still fresh and I remained powerless against the anger that still refused to ebb.

"Fate. It was kind enough to let me accomplish the impossible by returning here and yet it couldn't have done something simpler by putting them on another train. It is cruel and unyielding that's what it is. I suppose it also thinks it a good consolation prize to allow me back in Narnia. There is nothing for me here."

Caspian was standing off to my side facing me. He lifted his arm and reached to touch me but let it drop just as quickly. With every word I knew I was pushing him away and making him believe that he was the last person I wanted to see living and breathing.

"There are people who love you here your majesty. By right and by blood, you are queen of Narnia and you belong here. Maybe you were brought here to heal in the care of another kind of family," he said gently

"My family is dead. You brought me to a place that only serves to remind me of what I lost. I belong with them not to this place." I spat out the anger bubbling inside me against my better judgment.

Caspian stepped back and looked as shocked if I had slapped him the way I wanted to at that moment. Somewhere inside me, I knew he only had good intentions but every word he uttered seemed to infuriate me even more. Of everything I've seen and will see in Narnia, he will always be the greatest reminder of the family I had lost.

As I looked into his dark eyes, I saw the man that fought against and beside Peter. I saw the broken young man that Peter saved from the White Witch's temptation. I saw in his eyes the battle between revenge and compassion as the high king handed him the sword to kill Miraz. I saw the man who fought side by side with Edmund. I saw the king who understood how it was like to fall and rise above his human weaknesses to be king, as Edmund had done before. In Caspian's eyes, I saw the innocence and kindness Lucy had taught everyone. In his courage and faith in Aslan a part of my sister seemed to emanate. As I looked at him, I saw the man who saved me from death and I wished for the first time that he hadn't for that would mean I would be with my family now. It would mean that I wouldn't haven fallen for him and there would be no reason for me to want to reach out to him and want to be in his arms. I could live with the grief forever and let it consume me without worrying that I was hurting someone in the process.

He turned away from me and leaned on the railing, ignoring my outburst. He spoke as calmly as he could, but I knew better. I had succeeded in hurting him and it pained me that in my heart I knew I didn't want to take back the words.

"I apologize your majesty for bringing you pain. I did not have this in mind when I rebuilt Cair Paravel for I never expected a tragedy such as this to occur. I only wanted to give all Narnians a symbol of hope for a new golden age," Caspian took a deep breath before continuing, "And to some extent, the reminder was for me and not you. I wanted something of your life to hold on to. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that you would come home this way."

All of what he said I knew and understood. Believing it was another story altogether. It was much easier to be furious and take everything the wrong way. It was something I found I could deal with to cover the pain even just for a while. But the echoes of a stronger emotion made me hold my tongue and I contented myself with listening to him again.

" Aslan came to me one night and told me to take a walk with him in the forest. He told me a story about a young lady who had everything that many envied and how life took each of them from her one at a time. The first was the crown and the kingdom she ruled for years as a gentle queen. She bore this well and lived her life without resentment. Then she wasn't given a chance at a love she almost held in her hands. She put on a brave face and moved on with her life. Though she did not love after that, she took comfort in the love of a family that never failed her. But even that was taken away from her. It was then that the lady wept."

The tears were streaming down my face again and I did not bother wiping them. I could only focus on remaining standing; anything more would leave me a heap on the ground. Seconds passed before anyone spoke, and I was the one who broke the silence.

"How did the story end?" I asked quietly, fearing the answer

"I don't know. We never got to that. It was at that point that Aslan left me standing by the edge of the cemetery as you buried your family. I only know that I want to give everything back to that lady though I don't know how. I only know I love her even if it might not be enough."

It was then I gave up the fight and let my legs give way under me. I expected the floor to break my fall but Caspian's arms came sooner than that and we slid down together. He cradled me in his arms just as he did the night before. I wept until my sobs died into dry heaves, then those faded into silence eventually.

I pulled away and stared at him. In mind, our future was playing out. I saw myself falling in love with him more than before. I saw a marriage, children and every good thing in between. And then I saw their deaths, one after the other until I was the only one alone—old and miserable. He can give me more than what was taken but he will also be the source of even greater pain. Even imagining his death felt like I was drowning without any hope of resurfacing. And this was something I could stop in this moment. I can be selfish and stupid for once in my life. I can choose the easy way and so I did.

"Leave me Caspian. Ramandu's daughter is waiting."

In just a few words, I sent reality crashing down on both of us. He stared hard at me and fought to understand what I really meant. I must have shocked him enough, it seemed, that I knew and remembered as much when everything was still a haze. 'Desperation can do that,' I wanted to tell him. I realized I succeeded in hurting myself as well the moment I saw the truth of what I said in his eyes. She was real and not just an insignificant part of the adventure he had with my siblings.

I clenched my jaw as the tears threatened to fall again. I'm losing faster than I was gaining, if you could call a trip to Narnia a prize. He was never even mine to begin and now it seemed that he never would be.

Surprisingly, Caspian gave me a rueful smile and pulled out a letter with my name on it. He shook his head as if to shrug off the weight of my words and thrust the piece of paper again. It wasn't from him I was sure. I looked at him in wonder and he only placed the envelope in my hand, gently closing my fingers on it.

"The only one doing any waiting around here is myself, my queen. Excuse me; I must leave for I was requested to let you read that alone. If you need me, I'll be around."

With that he stood up and extended a hand to help me up as well. I took it and savored the familiar sensation of his palm against mine. He held it a while longer as he hesitated about something. Before I knew it his arms were around me and his lips were kissing my hair. I stood straight and refused to give in to the embrace but I could not stop my eyes from closing in satisfaction as he held me. In spite of everything that has happened, I had dreamed that I would have that moment again, the one when we left Narnia a second time. I could still remember how we fit perfectly against each other and how it had felt so right.

"I am sorry for your loss my Susan. If I could, I would give them back to you even if it meant not being in your life and not having you here. I love you and I ask nothing of you but this—do not destroy yourself because you can get past this. You will get through this, I promise. I won't leave you." Caspian whispered in my ear before letting me go.

I waited for him to close the door before opening the letter in my hands. As my fingers removed the unfamiliar seal, I wondered if by some miracle this was from Aslan to explain all events that had unfolded in the last twenty-four hours. But as I scanned the page, I knew in my heart that this was a woman's cursive, one that I would forever remember from this point on.

To Susan, the gentle queen of Narnia—

It may seem a rude welcome, my queen, to greet you by way of a letter and a ship's sails in the distance (I'm sure the view from your room affords you this sight.) but this is the only way I know I can spare the king from choosing between love and duty.

I do not assume that you know of me and truth be told, I would prefer it remain that way for I do not wish for you to hate me. At one point, I may have been the woman beside the king and almost his wife but I could never be the one he truly wanted. In so many ways he tried to hide it but you can only lie so much before it unravels before your eyes.

He took me back to Narnia with every intention of marrying me. I was elated by the attention and said yes, ignoring my father's warning. I came here and saw the beauty that awaited me in this new life. I saw everything with veiled eyes. You see, at first, I only saw what I wanted to see. I should have known better and trusted the wisdom of a star.

My father had told me that this king had a great love that he had lost even before it turned into anything more. It wasn't written in the heavens, he said. However, he cautioned me that never had he seen anything challenge destiny as much as this love had and he feared for me because things like this have a way of working out in the end. He knew that if it did, I wouldn't be the winner in the end.

It was a few months in Cair Paravel before I saw the truth in my father's words. It was confirmed in every movement and look Caspian had—he wasn't in love with me. He cared deeply, of this I am sure even now that I have left. We were friends and we were comfortable in each other's company. But he never looked at me the way he did at your painting that it pains me to imagine how he looks at you now that you're home.

You must wonder though, why I left. It is because I am in love with him. When I saw him with Aslan, things fell into place. I understood my father's warning and the signs I saw in the night sky. You were to return and my departure is the only service I can do for my love. It is a sacrifice necessary for him to have what he deserves and needs in his life.

I know from the stars that your return is not without hardship or pain and I fear that this will blind you from what is right in front of you. And so, I remove myself from the equation so that at least there is one less obstacle for both of you. Remember dear queen—the only thing standing between you and Caspian is the choice you have to make of loving him back. Though I still wish him for myself, I do hope you get past your dark hour or you leave us all cursed to live an empty life never knowing the true magnificence of loving and being loved.

I let the unsigned letter flutter to the floor as I watched the ship in the distance. I waited for the tiny speck of white to disappear completely from my sight before turning around.

I did not know what to do with the information that I had been given for my mind was still in mourning. I picked up the piece of paper and walked inside so I could lock it in the drawer beside my bed. I turned the key and I knew at once that with that action I was going to disobey every request she made of me for my heart was in there with that letter.

I had resolved to cling to my anger until he gave up and I was sure I would never have to see the day when life would leave his eyes. I refuse to face death again until it is my own.