Your name is VRISKA SERKET. You are FIFTEEN years old and you are HEAD of SCORPIO HOUSE. Right now, it is SIX IN THE MORNING and you are in NO MOOD to deal with eight NEW STUDENTS.
She tossed her long, curly black hair behind her and fought back a yawn. Yawns were stupid. Mornings were stupid. She'd been sleeping when Kanaya had leaned over her and-
And slapped her in the face with a fabric sample. It wasn't a hard slap, seeing how it had been administered with a piece of cloth, but she woke up instantly anyway. Her glare had been received with a shrug and a clear "It is time to wake up and greet the newcomers."
Rooming with Kanaya could be a pain in the ass sometimes. Their room was covered with different rolls of fabric, mannequins with newly finished clothes pinned on them, tape measures, sewing junk, books, broken Magic 8 balls, and dice. The last two items on the list were hers. She figured that what with all the crap Kanaya dumped in their room, she was allowed to have some useless crap of her own.
"Stupid meddling friend," she'd hissed after she brushed her teeth and made herself socially presentable.
Kanaya had looked up, smiled, and said, "Thank you."
Although in truth, Vriska was relieved Kanaya had woken her up. The slap to the face had saved her from the terror of her nightmares, nightmares that she couldn't remember but knew would haunt her throughout the day.
She would never admit it, though. Especially to Kanaya.
Because as of RIGHT NOW they were standing outside in the cold mist of morning waiting for a bunch of stupid new students to arrive when she could have been sleeping or doing something productive.
Not that she would ever be doing something productive in the first place.
Vriska tapped her foot against the ground precisely sixty-four times. Eight sets of eight. "Kanaaaaaaaaya, when are they getting here? I'm losing precious procrastination time."
Her friend smirked. "Don't worry. The car is almost here."
And sure enough, a sleek black limousine had pulled up in front of the twelve Heads.
A door flew open and out fell a…
Your name is JAKE ENGLISH and you are SIXTEEN years old. You have just gotten out of a SMASHINGLY FANCY LIMOUSINE only to see TWELVE people YOUR AGE surrounding the car. You presume that these are the 'HEADS' that were sent to ESCORT you to the school but you feel SLIGHTLY INTIMIDATED ANYWAY. It probably doesn't help that you JUST FELL UNCEREMONIOUSLY onto the ground in front of them.
"Well, hi there!" he said with a bright smile. "Fell off the old doohickey, do excuse me for that. Anyhoo, the name's Jake English. Nice to meet you all."
He could feel the stares. They were burning holes into his head.
Jade tumbled out behind him, landing with muffled thump on his back. She looked up, dazed from the jolt out of her narcoleptic slumber. "Sorry, Jake. Oh! Are you the prefects? My name's Jade and this is my brother, Jake! We just-"
"Jake! Jade! Are you okay?" Jane threw open the car door, which slammed into Jade's head and sending her to the floor , unconscious. "Oh no!" Her eyes widened as she saw her cousin on the ground. "I'm so sorry! Jade, are you alright? Do tell me you're not hurt! I swear that that wasn't a Freudian slip in literal action and that it was a pure accident!"
Jake stared up at Jane, bewildered by the sudden collapse of his sister and the appearance of his cousin. He was pinned under Jade, making it a tad difficult for him to get up and move around.
And meanwhile the twelve teens were staring silently at them as if they were aliens.
"Well, this is awkward," he grunted as he tried to escape his knocked-out sister. "What a brilliant first impression, don't you think?"
Roxy peered out from inside the car. "Jane, would you be a darling and move?" Beside her, Dirk sighed [did cool guys sigh? Jake wasn't quite sure] and reached past John and Rose to open the other door.
"Miss Zuipperpips, please escort yourself out the other way," he said while nudging his twin sister towards the door. Rose and John slid out of the car and walked around to where Jake and Jade were, blinking a bit in the fog. Dirk managed to extract Roxy from the car and help her along to the front as well while Dave stepped out of the limo calmly. Gog, the Striders made everything seem cool. Jake wondered if there was ever a moment where they weren't utterly suave and confident. Probably never. At least, not in front of other people.
A loud, angry voice interrupted his musings. "Are you assholes done being complete idiots?" The speaker in question was a little on the short side, thin, and had dark brown hair along with curiously colored eyes that Jake couldn't make out from his position.
"Karkat, what did I say about being courteous?" reproached the tall girl next to him with the faintest hint of menace in her modulated voice. She was pale and graceful, her short black hair twisting into elegant waves in the back. Pearly green eyes swept over them. "We apologize for his rudeness. I am Kanaya. Welcome to Alternia. May I have your names?"
Every word she spoke could have stood alone as a sentence by itself. It was actually quite interesting.
Rose stared disinterestedly. "My name is Rose Lalonde, and this," she moved her head towards Roxy, "is my older sister, Roxy Lalonde."
John grinned, his large front teeth revealing themselves. "I'm John! John Egbert. And that's my sister Jane!" Jane smiled sheepishly as she helped the just-recovered Jade up.
"Dave," supplied the blonde as he leaned against the side of the limousine.
"Dirk," the other Strider nodded, the lower half of his face expressionless as usual.
Jade swayed on her feet, a bit dizzy. "It's nice to meet you!"
Kanaya inclined her head. "Quite. I believe it is time to introduce ourselves, as well."
Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO, and you are SIXTEEN years old. You are the HEAD of ARIES HOUSE, and today, you have a NEW STUDENT in your HOUSE. His name is JOHN EGBERT and you are NOT QUITE SURE what to do.
"You are an Aries?" Aradia inquired towards the black-haired boy.
"Yeah! Are you the Head? Man, that's really cool! It's nice to meet you!"
She twitched. John was overtly enthusiastic and she could feel her vitality draining away just by being near him. It was exhausting. "Yes. I'm Aradia, and starting from today, you will be in my House. I'll show you to the Aries dormitories if you are ready."
He looked a bit uneasy. Was her monotone making him apprehensive?
"Uh, yeah, I'm ready. Hang on, just let me get my stuff-"
John grabbed his suitcases and looked up at Aradia to indicate that he was ready. She turned around and swept towards the Aries house, making sure he kept up. "Would you like me to help you with your baggage?
He looked surprised. "No, it's fine. Thanks, though."
Aradia shrugged as she led him to the boys' section. "Okay. I think that you're rooming by yourself. You are…" She walked down the hallway, inspecting the room numbers as she did so. At the very end of the corridor, she stopped in front of a door and handed him the key. "413. Remember it. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
The boy shifted. "Uh.. no. Thanks for showing me to my room though, I really appreciate it." He broke into a smile. "I guess I'll see you around, then?"
She stared at him, her face as blank as ever. "Yes, I guess you will. You can stay in your room and settle in for a few hours, but at ten-thirty, please be in the Aries room. I will be taking you on a tour of the campus, along with your friends and their Heads. Do you know where that is?"
"Is it the big room with the tables and chairs we passed by earlier?"
"Yes. Well, then, good-bye." She turned around and strode off, leaving John to assimilate into his new room. She wasn't sure what to think about her new charge yet, he seemed nice, but a little too energetic for her to deal with properly. But she supposed she was okay with him. It didn't really matter.
You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and you have a NEW PRICKHEAD in your House. His name is JAKE ENGLISH, and right off the metaphorical bat he is PISSING YOU OFF.
This new student was annoying.
Really annoying.
He talked with this stupid Australian accent and he was ridiculously friendly. Couldn't he tell that Karkat DID NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want to be friends with him?
"Hey, asshole, here's your room, here's the key, and be at the study room by ten-thirty," he snapped as he shoved the key into Jake's hands and interrupted the monologue Jake had been entertaining.
"Study room?" GOG, the kid was clueless.
"The giant-ass room with all the tables and chairs we JUST walked by. Are you fucking blind?" Karkat scoffed and turned around, ignoring Jake's good-bye. Hopefully he would get the hint and not bother him. Ever. Again.
Your name is TEREZI PYROPE. You have JUST turned SIXTEEN YEARS old, and two NEW KIDS who smell like ORANGE CREAMSICLES and BUBBLEGUM have just come to your HOUSE, which is LIBRA. You showed them to their rooms and now you are on the hunt for ORANGE CREAMSICLES and BUBBLEGUM FLAVORED ICE CREAM because all of that DELICIOUSNESS has made you HUNGRY.
You cannot be Terezi any longer because she is on a legendary quest for junk food with artificial flavoring.
Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK and you are FIFTEEN YEARS old. You are HEAD of SAGITTARIUS HOUSE, and you are not sure why you have THREE new students but you suppose it couldn't hurt. However, this DAVE character is making you slightly UNCOMFORTABLE. And by that you mean SWEATY.
He had to show the girls to the female dormitory first, and by then he was left with the blonde boy behind sunglasses. Ironic ones.
"We done? Cause I gotta put my shit down after that longass plane ride," Dave commented offhandedly as they stopped in front of the door.
"Yes, we are done. Feel free to recuperate, but make sure to gather with your two companions by ten-thirty as I previously informed you," Equius replied, itching to get away from the boy and his dark, reflective shades.
"Whatever you say," Dave smirked as he shut the door and left the Head at the door feeling somewhat defeated, although he could not figure out why.
Equius stalked off, muttering to himself, "I need a towel."
You are now VRISKA SERKET and you REFUSE to PUT UP WITH THIS REDUNDANT BULLSHIT because in the process of breaking the fourth wall, the readers now know what's coming next. But you basically just left that Jane girl at her door and walked away to resume breaking your new collection of MAGIC 8 BALLS.
A/N: Well... pretty much everybody besides Jane/John were Sagittarius(es), so I just split the Alpha kids into their Beta counterparts' patron trolls' Houses. Except for Roxy 'cause she and Dirk are twins. Jegus this is complicated. So Terezi has Roxy and Dirk, Karkat has Jake, Equius has Rose, Dave, and Jade, Vriska has Jane, and Aradia has John. I guess because John is technically an Aries based on his birthday?
And I got lazy towards the end. Sue me. Bring forth your lawyers and the Supreme Court of FF!
While you're at it, do review 3 It would make my day (: