Okay, so here is the next chapter. I apologize about the weird capital letters in the previous chapter, I have no idea how that happened but I have corrected the mistake now.
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
I found myself once again waking up besides Peter but at least I didn't wake up with a nightmare. I noticed that he was gazing at me. Seriously? I had just woken up and he was watching me like he had been all night.
"Hey" I mumbled.
"Hey. Did you sleep well?" Peter asked.
"Yeah, once I turned my phone off" I replied.
Rosalie had been constantly ringing me last night and I hadn't answered once. I didn't go to Alice's because she knows where she lives and Rose would just contact Alice's parent to bring me home. However, she didn't know where Peter lived so he was pretty much my hideout.
"How long have you been watching me sleep?" I asked curiously.
"Since I have woken up, I guess" he answered, sheepishly.
I raised an eyebrow at him and tried to hold back a laugh.
"What? You're a good looking guy" he defended.
I shook my head at him, highly disagreeing with him.
"No, that's just what people would describe me as before they see me without a shirt" I frowned.
Yep, Maria even destroyed my self-esteem as well helping me develop a fear of sharp knives and Arsonphobia, a fear of fire and it made me feel bad because my fears affected everybody else. The Cullen's have even stopped using sharp knives when I'm eating dinner around theirs. I'm just thankful that they were so understanding. Rose and Emmett were cautious about it, too. They haven't ever used the fire place that we have.
"Scars prove strength, Jasper. They don't affect the way people think about you" he tried to reassure me.
"That's bullshit. There's only one person that has seen my scars which happens to be Alice's father when he treated me that night and now he pities me. I can sense it. Pity isn't strength, it's weakness" I told him doubtfully.
Peter just shook his head at me.
"Look Jasper, I hate to bring this up but how many people out there have survived three stab wounds? Not to mention that you were lying in a house on fire plus you were still just a kid. That shows strength so don't even consider the thought of being weak" Peter told me, meaningfully.
I smiled lightly at him, appreciating what he told me. It made me feel a little happier.
"I should probably go. Rosalie has bound to have informed Alice that I ran off and she's probably panicking too….again" I excused, shyly.
It really annoyed me when people worried about me. Why did they have to be so damn protective? I get it, I was a young teenager who was victimized, stabbed and almost burned alive but I made it and I'm okay. Why couldn't they just understand that?
"Already?" Peter questioned, linking his fingers into mine.
He shuffled closer to me and put an arm around me to keep me close.
"I don't want you to go just yet" he mumbled into my neck.
I smiled, feeling wanted for once in my life and allowed him to spray a few kisses on my neck. I would have stayed willingly but then once again, remembered the consequences of staying at Peter's and seemingly avoiding Alice.
"No, I gotta go because if Alice gets bored, she'll end up inviting her boyfriend over" I informed.
Peter pulled back and looked at me skeptically.
"Why is that a bad thing?" He questioned me.
I could hear the suspicion in his voice. Oh god, not him too. I stayed away from Rosalie just to avoid that.
"It's complicated, okay? You wouldn't understand. Nobody does" I muttered.
"No, Jasper. You're complicated. I don't get you at all" Peter suddenly snapped.
My head shot to him, startled by his sudden change in tone. I began to feel my body shake. Damn, what did that woman do to me?
"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.
"You're pretending. I can tell" he stated.
I tensed, shocked by how quickly he had figured it out. No, I couldn't let him!
"Pretending what?"
"Come off it, Jasper; you know what I'm talking about. You like Alice. I don't believe for a second that you're gay. You're either bisexual or you're faking the whole thing. I'm not stupid" he said with venom in his voice.
I lost eye contact with him as I struggle to say something. I began to fiddle with my fingers nervously. Oh please, could I be more obvious?
"I don't like her in the way you think and I am g…gay. I proved it to you" I mumbled.
"With hesitation" he added.
"I never did anything like that before" I argued back. I put my hand through my hair in distress as I backed against the wall. "I'm new to this, Peter. That's all it is"
I lowered my body to the ground. You probably think that this was all an act, that I was trying to make Peter feel bad for his words but it really did tick me off. I just wish the whole world would stay out of my business and stop trying to figure out all my darkest secrets.
"I know, I'm sorry" Peter whispered.
He crouched down by my side and watched me. I just look straight on ahead; not sure what to think anymore. This week is getting more dramatic as the days go by. I closed my eyes and tried to relax but I couldn't exactly do that when I could tell that Peter was worrying beside me.
"Jay, really, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed things like that" he tried.
I sighed and released my hands from my hair so that I could lean my head on his shoulder as Peter's hand moved into my hair to comfort me. The other hand was entangling my own as if he was apologising with his body. I opened my eyes once more and looked at him.
"I need some air" I mumbled.
He was probably one of the only people that respected the fact that I need time to myself; especially when I ask for it. It's a shame that Rosalie couldn't give me the same thing.
"Okay" he agreed as he pulled away from me.
I just left his house without another word. I'll return when I stop being a fucking coward.
I had to get out of there fast. Peter was a lot smarter than I had first thought. He had me figured out but I had to make him think that he got it all wrong which made me feel bad because now he thinks that he hurt my feelings.
I still needed the air though. I needed space to breathe. I couldn't let anyone figure out the truth of what had happened to me. What if Maria ever came back? She could hurt Alice and it would all be my fault because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. This was why nobody could know. I just couldn't risk it.
I had no idea what to do with Rosalie, either. She would get suspicious soon enough. I didn't want her to know that I was 'gay' but I also wasn't able to prove that I weren't. I couldn't date a girl; not without picturing Maria. I was going to freak out with this whole party thing that Emmett and Rosalie had planned. What the hell were they thinking? In fact, what the hell was I thinking?
I was running back to Rose and Emmett's house; I suppose I still don't feel like I live there though. I just feel like I am intruding in their private life together. They were living happily alone until I had unfortunately survived the fire and three stab wounds and Rose and her boyfriend had just welcomed me into their house.
"Jasper, why haven't you been answering your calls? I have been worried sick" Rose started complaining as I walked through the door.
I just ignored her and walked past her, running up the stairs and into my room. It was the only place I ever got peace from the world. I turned on some music, Eminem, and put it on full blast once again just to piss Rose off some more. The more I annoy her, the more she'll hate me and if she learns to hate me, she'll have no reason to be over protective. I hate how she is like that. I wish I would go unnoticed like Peter does with his parents.
I sat on my bed with my back and head leaning against the wall. I closed my eyes and tried to think over the music. I had no idea how my life would turn out. Could I carry on living my life as a lie? Well even if I couldn't, there was nobody I could tell without putting my best friend in danger.
I opened my eyes again when the music stopped. I saw Emmett who had just walked in my room to switch the music off. He sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me. Seriously? Rose yesterday, him today. Why couldn't they leave my damn music alone?
"Why are you so pissed off, dude?" He asked.
I looked away from him. What was I supposed to say to him? Oh hey Emmett, it's because I am so sick of people trying to protect me even though I don't deserve it. I let some slutty girl have her way with me after she threatened Alice and then she killed my parents because she realised she had made a mistake. It's my fault my parents are dead, yet my sister and best friend still believe I deserve a protector. And on top of that, I have to be gay to avoid myself from visualising Maria every time I look at a girl. Are you going to ask me to leave the house yet? I mentally asked him. Of course he couldn't hear me so I just shrugged. There was no way in hell that I was really going to say anything.
"Come on, man. We are all worried about you. It's been two years and you're still….you're still not you" Emmett stated.
I still didn't look at him. I just wanted him to get out of my room.
"You blame yourself, don't you?" He murmured.
Hell yeah! Of course I blamed myself. I shouldn't have ever got caught up in that situation with Maria. She may have been the one who killed my parents but I was the one who triggered her anger. Emmett just didn't understand; no-one did.
"Why are you here, Emmett?" I asked, annoyed.
"Because something is wrong and you won't talk to anybody about it. Dude, seriously, you have to know that I'm here to talk if you want to. Life doesn't get better until you open up to someone" he said.
That was bullshit. As soon as I open up to someone, Alice would most definitely get killed by her and it would be all my fault. If she ever did get hurt because of me, I would probably end up killing myself. I have already thought about ways of doing it if Maria ever came back. I could jump in front of a car or even a train, I could slit my neck or wrists, I could jump off a high building, I could overdose on drugs, I could drown, shoot or hang myself. At the moment, I am more in favor to hang or jump; I don't want to be too messy. But now isn't the right time to be thinking about this because Alice is still alive and as long as I don't open my mouth to anybody, she'll be safe.
"I don't need a counselor, Emmett so stop acting like one" I replied.
"Actually, now you mention it, a counselor might actually be good for you" Emmett suggested.
Great, now I was giving him ideas. Way to go, Jasper! If your big mouth won't get Alice killed, it will at least give you some more trouble in life.
"Fuck off, Emmett" I told him.
"I'm serious man. I know they were you're parents and I would expect you to act this way for the first couple of months but you really need to start thinking about your future. Acting this way isn't good for your health"
I just rolled my eyes at him.
"It's true. Most people that act this way for years either end up in prison, rehab, mental facilities or dead because they find stupid ways to deal with the pain" Emmett said, seriously.
Emmett rarely spoke in a serious manner. It just didn't suit him. I rolled my eyes at his concern.
"Don't worry, Emmett. I haven't tried drugs, I don't cut myself and I clearly haven't killed myself" I told him.
"Have you thought about doing any of those things though?" Emmett asked.
"No" I replied quickly.
Perhaps I shouldn't have said it that quickly because now he is looking suspicious.
"Just go away, Emmett. I'm fine, really" I assured.
I knew that he was just looking out for his girlfriend's little brother. If anything happened to me, she would be upset and he wouldn't want that. It's like me with Alice. I want to do my best to prevent upsetting her. I guess that's why I haven't actually tried anything. I enjoy seeing her bright smile and it would be a shame if I took that away from her.
"Okay, whatever. But you could at least act happy during the party" he advised.
Emmett then got up and left my room; leaving me on my own again. I wasn't looking forward to this party. There were going to be girls; a lot of them and there will also be guys who will be using our rooms to 'do stuff' with the girls they flirted with. I swear, if anybody even thinks about using my room to do their dirty stuff in, I will go crazy.
I don't usually express anger but if I feel it in me, I will not hesitate to beat up anybody who will try to use the place I feel most comfortable in. I will just have to put a lock on my door or put up huge 'keep out' signs and hope that they would listen.
If Alice would be there though, I am sure that it would be okay. She doesn't know about my fear of being near any female but she does know that I wouldn't be hitting on one. Knowing about how I am not 'out of the closet' she will also know not to introduce me to guys either so hopefully she will just stick around with me….until James arrives. I don't know what I would do then.
Hell, it's my fault why Alice was dating James anyway.
Jasper- 4 months ago
"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked my best friend, concerned.
"Huh? Nothing" she lied.
We were sitting on Alice's bed, trying to get our homework done together. We always did it together but she was unusually quiet. She usually wouldn't shut up but I didn't mind it. She had an amazing voice.
"You're not very talkative tonight" I stated.
"Nothing's wrong; I'm just thinking" Alice told me.
"About?" I encouraged. She remained quiet so I continued. "Come on Alice, we tell each other everything, remember?"
I felt rather hypocritical saying that. I was probably hiding much more than she was but I was curious. She sighed at me and then begun to speak.
"You remember earlier when I told you about that guy who asked me out on a date?" I nodded at her.
I didn't like him a single bit but he made Alice feel really happy so as her best friend, I had to be okay with it. And be there for her when something bad happens between them. I say 'when' because I know that nothing good is going to come out of this.
"Well, what if he kisses me? I...I've never kissed a guy before" she admitted.
"Alice, it's a first date so I'm sure it won't be nothing more than a peck on the lips. You know; the sort of kiss people give their parents before they go to sleep at night" I told her.
My parent's….How I missed them so much. I tried to hide the frown that appeared on my face.
"But what if he wants more than a simple kiss?" Alice asked.
"Tell him to back off and if he doesn't, he'll end up with a broken nose, a black eye and a busted lip whereas I would be left with a messed up hand" I threatened.
And it wasn't a joke. I wasn't the kind of guy that goes around beating up other people but nobody hurts Alice!
"Seriously Jazz, I really wouldn't mind kissing him but...I don't know how and if I mess up, he won't want me" she worried.
"Alice, listen to me, if he ditches you because the kiss wasn't perfect, then he is just fucked up. You're a pretty girl, Alice, I'm just surprised that he's the only one that asked you out" I told her.
She smiled appreciatively at me. It was no lie, I thought she was absolutely beautiful. I sometimes saw the occasional guy check her out but nobody had actually asked her out. James was the first. There were times when I wondered if I never crossed paths with Maria, that maybe, I would have been the one to date Alice. Was that weird? I tried to clear my mind of the thought. She was my best friend and only my best friend.
"This really is getting to you isn't it?" I muttered as I realized she had just gone back to her homework.
She didn't reply so I took that as a yes. I sighed nervously as a thought suddenly occurred in my head. I had an idea but I was unsure if Alice would be weirded out by it.
"You know, if you want you can um...You could...practice on me"
She stopped writing and looked at me and I smiled sheepishly, unsure of what was going on in her mind.
"You would do that for me?" She asked.
Okay, so she didn't hate me for suggesting it.
"You're my best friend Alice. I would give my life up just to save yours if it ever came to that" I answered.
"That means a lot to me Jazz, thank you" she said, pulling me into a hug.
I returned it without any hesitation. Although when I pulled away, I suddenly felt really nervous. There had only been one other time a had a girls lips pressed to mine and that was Maria's while her two friends were preparing to set the house on fire.
"So...do you want to start now?" I asked, anxiously.
She nodded.
"Okay, um...we'll just do what feels right. Sometimes a first kiss is a good one anyway so you might not even need to practice" I explained.
After saying that, I leaned over and pressed my lips onto hers. Saying that it felt amazing was an understatement as I turned one kiss into a few more. I tilted my head slightly so that it was easier for us to mold our lips together. We were going for a few minutes but then I realized that Alice didn't really need the practice; she was perfect and it was wrong that I just want to feel her lips against mine so I pulled away.
"Did I do anything wrong?" She asked.
I was speechless; I struggled to find my voice although I wanted to tell her, comfort her. She did nothing wrong. I shook my head with a sheepish smile as I manage to speak.
"Alice, that was...that was really good. You seriously haven't kissed anybody before?" I questioned.
"Well I have now" Alice stated, smiling at me.
Oh god, don't blush, do not blush. My cheeks heated up and I looked down to hide my face.
"Thank you, Jazz. You're a real great friend"
No I wasn't
Present
It was a few days later when the night I hadn't been looking forward to came up. I spent the majority of the first 90 minutes sat in the corner watching people make a fool of themselves. Drinking, dancing, sucking face, making a mess. Alice sat with me for some time, keeping me company but as expected, when James showed up she ran to his side.
I felt anxious in my own fucking home. I wish I had invited Peter like Rosalie suggested. At least that way, I would have had someone to talk to but instead I was bored shitless. Speaking of the devil, Rosalie came to sit by my side.
"If you're just gonna sit here all night, the least you can do is make sure that nobody has sneaked off into our rooms. My room is for Emmett and I to have sex only" she stated, proudly
I grimaced; it's not the kind of thing somebody wants to hear from their sister. I rolled my eyes at her and moved up stairs, dodging to teens making out on the staircase. I checked my room; thankful to find it empty. I then moved down to Rosalie's room and opened the door.
I suddenly regretted not knocking and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks in embarrassment. I had walked in on Alice seemingly getting changed. Her shirt was off but her bra was still on. James would probably kill me if she that was off too.
"Oh fuck, I'm…I'm so sorry" I rushed before shutting the door quickly.
I tried to breathe calmly, feeling rather ashamed at the sudden tightness I could feel in my jeans. I couldn't help it though. Her skin had looked so smooth and beautiful; I just wanted to run my hand down her bare back. I was brought out of my thoughts when Alice opened the door on, with a shirt on this time.
"It's my fault, Jazz. Don't be embarrassed. Eric bumped into me with a drink in his hand and it went all over my shirt but your sister came to the rescue and told me that I can burrow one of her shirts" Alice explained.
My sister is officially a bitch. She had this planned! Emmett and Rosalie had constantly been on at me to man up and ask out Alice but they didn't stop when Alice begun dating James. Rosalie hated him almost as much as I did and she also noticed his 'fuck them and leave them' behavior. That was why Rosalie had sent me here; so that I would walk in on Alice getting changed. What a bitch! And now I have to pray that Alice doesn't look anywhere below my waste. I'm already embarrassed enough and I'd rather not have my best friend know that I got a fucking boner by walking in on her.
"I'm still sorry. I should have knocked" I told her.
"Relax, Jazz. You saw nothing more than you would have if I was wearing a bikini. Are you gonna go back down stairs?" She asked as she began to turn around.
The image of Alice in a bikini wasn't helping. Now I'm speaking of it, I have never seen her in one. I tend to avoid beaches and pools because people always expect me to remove my shirt which was something that I was not willing to do.
"No, you go on ahead. I…I have something to do" I stuttered.
Yep, to get rid of the unwanted fucker down south. Alice nodded and walked off. I thought that gave me a chance to sort out my little problem but as soon as Alice disappeared, Peter showed up in front of me.
"Peter, what are you doing here?" I asked, nervously.
"Your sister told me that I should come over. I didn't realize she was throwing a party" he stated.
Again, with the whole Rose controlling my life thing? She was really starting to piss me off. But then again, I was kind of glad that Peter was here now. I smiled at him as he moved closer to embrace me.
"Not here" I murmured.
There were about 25 people in this house and the chances of somebody seeing us together like this in the hallway was very likely. Peter rolled his eyes and opened the door behind me and pushed me into Rosalie's room.
"This is my sister's room" I told him.
"So?" He questioned as he pushed his lips to mine.
I was about to protest when I felt him cup my balls.
"Got something for me?" He whispered referring to my raging hard on.
I smiled against his mouth before returning the kisses, doing it more fiercely. While doing so, he unbuckled my belt and slid his hand down my pants so that he had access to what I needed help with. I moved down to sit on the bed and Peter sat by my side as our lips didn't separated. His hand was stroking my member and he fastened his pace when my hand slid down to his own erection.
His tongue was battling mine as we moaned in each other's mouths at the amazing sensation we were feeling. In fact, Peter was making me feel so good that I completely forgot about my surroundings. We were in Rosalie's room therefore if she had a reason to go into her room in the middle of a party, there would be no need for her to knock. It is her room after all. And unfortunately, my life is still a bitch and Rosalie did in fact walk into her room at the wrong moment.
"Oh my god" she gasped as she stood there in shock.
I suddenly withdrew my hand from underneath Peter's jeans and pulled back. I wasn't sure if she was mad because she caught me making out with a guy with obvious erections or the fact that we were doing it in her room.
"Get out" She demanded calmly.
Calm wouldn't be her usual attitude but it wasn't exactly a good thing; she was containing her anger. Without any hesitation, I ran past her and out of the house; fearing about what she now thought of me. I think it was pretty easy to say that I have now lost her and it is only a matter of time before I lose Alice, too.
I slept outside that night; somewhere in an alley way and this time, I didn't have to worry about constantly getting missed calls from either Alice or Rosalie since I didn't bring my phone with me. I don't think she would care anyway; not anymore. She probably hates my guts.
I was still sitting in that same ally way and had been for a few hours. I felt like I had nowhere to go. I was hungry and thirsty but I didn't care. The sound of James' voice caught my attention. At first, it made me want to hide but then I heard Alice's name mentioned. For that reason, I moved into an area where I had James and 3 of his friends in sight. I could hear their voices more clearly now.
"I'm telling you guys, she is a great fuck" James bragged.
Wait, what? I swear to god if he was referring to Alice….
"She was? I thought you said she was a virgin" one of the friends questioned.
"Perhaps she had practice with the blond freak" another friend smirked.
So they were talking about me now. I began to breathe rather heavily. I couldn't believe it. She did have sex with him. She let that bastard take away something that was very special and know James was bragging about it to his friends.
"Nah, that sad fuck ain't gonna get laid by anybody. Anyway, Alice was probably a good fuck because I knew that no other cock had been in her pussy before"
The way he spoke about Alice absolutely pissed me of. Nobody should speak that way about Alice.
"Next time, I'll fuck her so hard she'll bleed"
And that did it. I ran out of my hiding place and towards that arrogant, disgusting being. Throwing a punch to his nose the moment I was close enough. It knocked him back and his hand rushed to his bleeding nose as his friends just stood there in shock.
"Don't just fucking stand there!" He yelled at him.
With that, his three friends moved and restrained me but I knew better than to struggle against them. They were three muscular guys and I was just a scrawny young teenager. I didn't stand a chance and I knew what was coming to me. James turned around and smirked at me.
"Aw, what's the matter little dude? Did hearing about me fucking your crush anger you? Huh? Get it in to your thick head that she isn't. Interested. In. you" He stated, smugly.
With that, a fist made contact with my abdomen and I groaned in pain. If it wasn't for his friends holding me up, I would have collapsed to the ground.
"You're treating her like an object" I spat back but failed to hide the pain in my voice.
He chuckled at me before throwing another punch to my gut.
"I'll tell her" I gasped.
That earned me a punch to my left cheek and then his friends threw me to the ground. James nodded at them and then all of a sudden, they all began to kick me. My stomach, my back, my legs, my head and then in the place a guy does not like to be kicked.
"He won't be using that again" somebody chuckled.
I felt too weak to move and I felt ashamed of myself for letting tears fall down my cheek. James pushed my body so that I was leaning on my back and then he crouched down so that he could look into my eyes.
"And what makes you think that she'll believe you? She hates you because you hate me. It's obvious that you'll just try to break as up" he stated.
I hated him! I hated him because I knew that he was right.
"And do you wanna know what's also funny? If you tell Alice that I did this to you, she'll think that you're making it up and she will no longer want to hang out with a loser like you" he whispered darkly.
I wanted to spit in his face but once again, I couldn't because of my pathetic weakness. I felt like I was getting ready to pass out. I had something caught up in my chest so I tried to cough, only to find myself spitting out blood. The guys laughed and then continued with their kicks. I used those kicks so that it could help me move so that I was lying in fetal position. They kept up with their strong kicks for about 3 long minutes but then all of a sudden, they stopped and legged it.
I was unsure why they had run away but I was too weak to turn my head to look behind me. I heard footsteps running forward and I wasn't sure whether I should be scared or not. I flinched when a gentle hand touched my shoulder and turned me around so that they could see my face.
"Jasper?"
I recognized the soft, worried and concerned tone in the male's voice and would recognize it anywhere. Isn't it ironic how I was found by a doctor?
"Stay with me, Jasper. Do not close your eyes" Dr Cullen told me as I felt him lift my body up.
I didn't listen to him. I accepted the darkness.
My eyes shot open but I closed them again when I realized that I was in a really bright room; the light was hurting my eyes. Somebody squeezed my hand and I wondered who it was but I didn't have to think too hard since they started to speak.
"Open your eyes again, Jasper" my sister commanded.
I obeyed her immediately and opened them but squinted them so that they would adjust to the light.
"Rosalie" I gasped weakly.
She put a gentle hand through my hair and smiled sadly at me.
"It's getting a bit of a habit, finding you in a hospital" she commented quietly.
I smiled although it hurt my lips to do so.
"You're not mad at me?" I questioned with a small voice.
"Why would I be mad at you?" She asked me.
I turned my head away from her nervously and didn't say another word. Rosalie must have figure what I was talking about as she begun to speak again.
"I was mad because you should have been doing that in your own room. Jazz, I don't care if you're gay. I just don't understand why you never told me" she explained.
I locked my eyes with hers to read them, to see that she was being truthful. I gave her another small, yet painful smile to show her that I appreciated her words.
"It all makes sense now" she murmured. "That's why you and Alice never became a thing".
I wanted to roll my eyes at her. It didn't make sense like she thought it did. She didn't know the whole story but I didn't want her to know it either. I would rather her think me as her gay brother rather than a brother who fears every women but his sister and his best friend.
"You set me and Alice up yesterday" I stated.
A smirk appeared on her face and I couldn't help but chuckle either.
"I'm sorry. I fucking hate James. Alice can do better…..so much better. Who did this to you, anyway?" She asked.
I looked away from her quickly, not wanting to tell her or anybody for that matter. It's not the first time I avoided telling people about those who hurt me. Maria managed to get away with it. I'm just glad she moved house by the time I was out of the hospital. I haven't seen her since then.
"It was him, wasn't it?" Rosalie questioned stubbornly.
I guess the fact that I just closed my eyes with a tear running down my cheek answered her question. In a flash, she darted out of my hospital room, leaving me alone.
A whole day was wasted in hospital and once again, Alice's father was my doctor. He had told me that Alice was worried about me and that she wanted to see me.
But I couldn't.
And he respected that.
So Rosalie was my only visitor but I knew I would be stuck with Alice's questions. In fact; she was there the moment I stepped out of the car that Rosalie drove me home in.
"Can I talk to you?" She asked.
I hated the idea but I knew I would have to eventually so I decided to get it over and done with. We walked of so that nobody could hear us and once we knew that we were alone, we stopped.
"You didn't want me to see you when you were in the hospital" Alice started. "Why?"
I shrugged because I didn't know what to say to her. I was mad about what she let James do to her and I was mad because I knew she wouldn't believe what he did to me.
"Are you okay?" Alice asked.
She gave me a pleading look. Fine. If she wanted answers, then she'll get them.
"You let him have sex with you" I stated, angrily.
Alice froze, trying to figure out how I knew but she brushed it off quickly.
"Jasper, I told you that whatever goes on between me and James is none of your business. I don't know how you found out but you should stay out of it" she told me.
I scoffed at her. "Stay out of it? What will it take for you to realize what an asshole he is? He doesn't want you, he wants your body"
"So what? I'm old enough to do this. Maybe, one day, you'll grow up, have whatever sex you do with guys and understand how good it feels" she argued.
"Maybe one day, I'll grow up, huh?" I repeated.
"Yes, Jasper. Grow up. I understand that you lost your parents two years ago but you can't just go on feeling sorry for yourself. Live your life and stop trying to ruin mine" she yelled.
"I'm not trying to ruin your life, I'm trying to stop you from doing so yourself" I argued back.
"James is a great guy. And are you seriously telling me you didn't want to talk to me because I had sex with James? He's my boyfriend!" she defended.
"No, I didn't want to talk to you because of how blind you are to all of this. Please, Alice. I'm begging you to break up with him" I pleaded.
"I don't even know who you are anymore. Look, if this is how you're gonna be for as long as I'm with James then I suggest that we forget that we were ever friends because I cannot deal with this" she harshly stated as she walked past me.
"Alice" I whispered.
She sighed and looked at me once more.
"What?" She snapped.
I opened my mouth to say something but I struggled to speak. I was trying to fight the tears trying to fall. She didn't want to be my friend anymore. When Alice received no answer, she just rolled her eyes and carried on walking. My hands begun to shake violently. I didn't want her to leave. She was my rock. She was my only reason to live. I was there to protect her and now she wouldn't even let me do that.
"Alice, please don't go! I need you!" I yelled.
I collapsed onto to the ground and put both of my hands in my head. Alice was crouched by my side and looked at me in concern.
"Jasper, what is going on?" She asked in a whisper.
I was breaking down in front of her; I wanted to hide it for so long but I was struggling. I couldn't take it anymore but at the same time, I needed to. I was a danger to Alice. She put a caring hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off and stood up.
"No, no, no. I have to…..I have to go. You should s…stay away from me. You were ri…right. I'm a terrible person" I stuttered as I begun to run.
My legs were shaking so hard that it made me stumble and Alice had caught up.
"You're stuttering. Jazz, you haven't done that since….since you're parents died" she informed.
My hands returned to my head, my nails clawed at my face.
"Stop, Jasper. Please. I want you to tell me what's going on. You've changed so much. I care about you"
The anger built up inside me once more.
"No you don't! If you cared about me, you wouldn't be dating that prick! I know what happened between you and James because he was bragging about it to all his friends and spoke about you like you were trash! I was the one who cared Alice and all I got in return was constantly being yelled at. Do you wanna know how I got put in the hospital? Take one guess? I'll give you a clue. I was standing up for you when I overheard James talking about you to his friends and the next thing knew I was on the ground"
"Jazz, I…."
"I'm not finished, Alice! You told me that I had no idea what sex is about but as a matter of fact, I do. In fact; it was having sex that ended up getting my parents murdered. And do you wanna know something else? I kept quiet to keep you safe. She threatened to kill you if I said anything"
Alice stood there shocked. "She?"
I closed my eyes in shame. I have said too much and now she knows what a weakling I am. I opened my eyes to look at Alice when I managed to gather enough confidence and she seemed to be working it out in her head.
"You were 13" Alice stated. "Oh my god! Is this who I think it is?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. I only slipped a 'she'. That could be anyone.
"It makes sense. You really liked her but she was too old for you and then all of a sudden, your house gets burnt to the ground and she leaves the town. I can't believe I didn't see it before" Alice mumbled to herself and then she started to speak louder, directly to me. "I knew it. Rosalie and I told you to stay away from her. We said that she was bad news but you didn't listen. You didn't see it"
"And now the rolls are reverse" I noted.
She paused and thought for a second and then looked at me. "Did he really hurt you?" She asked.
It sounded like she already knew it was true but didn't want to believe it. I nodded my head at her and she frowned. I accepted the hug that she was embracing me in, needing the comfort and her head rested on my neck.
"Okay, I'll tell you what, I will break up with him on one condition…..you go to the police and tell them about what Maria did to you" she negotiated.
I tensed, feeling uncomfortable at the thought of turning her in.
"Jazz, she murdered two people; your parents and she put you in the hospital so I guess that was attempted murder and not only that but she molested you"
I forcefully shook my head. "No! No, she didn't. I…I wanted her to do that. I let her"
Alice gave me a sympathetic look. "You were 13, Jazz. She was 16. She was old enough but you weren't. Even if you were okay with it, you were still too young to understand" Alice comforted.
I held her tighter in the hug, afraid that she would let go. It was this kind of comfort that gave me the strength that I needed.
"Alright. I'll do it" I whispered.
Despite my tight grip, she pulled back and looked at me.
"Thank you"
The following day, I went straight to the cops and told them about Maria whereas Alice was making herself officially single again. That means I wouldn't need to worry about her and boys for a while. Opening up to Alice and then being interviewed by the cops suddenly made me realize that there was no need to keep up the whole being gay thing which was why my next stop was around Peter's. We weren't ever a couple; we were just 'experimenting' with each other but I still needed to do some sort of breaking up thing.
I didn't tell him everything, just enough for him to understand why I would convince myself to be gay. He took it rather well and I was relieved when he told me that he was developing feelings for somebody else anyway and as it turns out, that somebody is a 'she' but it makes sense, Peter's a bi.
For once, Alice was the one in my room. She was sitting on my bed crossed legged and I was sitting opposite. It occurred to me that there was something she still didn't know.
"I'm not gay" I announced, unexpectedly.
She watched me and furrowed her eye brow as well as tilting her head in confusion. I decided to explain to her.
"Maria scared me, Alice. I was afraid of every female because of what she did" I admitted. "I mean, I trusted you but….you're my best friend"
"You thought that the only relationship you could have was one with a male" Alice finished, understandably.
I nodded at her. "Oh, Jazz" she muttered as she leaned over for a cuddle.
I enjoyed having her so close to me although I still felt like I was missing something. Alice ran her fingers up and down my spine and gazed at me and when I my eyes met her, I felt like this was my chance to say it. I had nothing to lose and I had already told her everything else.
"Alice, there's something else that you should know" I whispered.
"What is it?" She asked, curiously.
I had no control over my hand as it gently moved to cup her cheek. I thought that she would freak out and push me away but instead, she leaned into the touch. That only encouraged me to lean forward and slowly press my lips against hers lightly and pull back without giving her a chance to either reject me or kiss back. I guess you could say that I was afraid of the answer but confident to say it out loud.
"That I have been attracted to you for quite some time" I admitted.
A small smile appeared on her mouth. "How comes you didn't tell me?"
"Because we were best friends. I thought that you would think it was weird. Besides, you were into James" I explained.
"You're such an idiot" she chuckled
"What do you mean?" I questioned, unsure of what she was talking about.
"Jasper Whitlock, I have liked you from the moment a kissed you when we met in pre-school. When I turned 14, I was thinking about telling you but then you came to me one day telling me you like Maria. I hated her but I didn't want you to be unhappy. And then the fire happened and you came out to me, claiming you were gay so I thought that I would never have a chance with you. That time you taught me how to kiss; that was the best day of my life, Jazz" she explained.
I couldn't believe it. Alice liked me. Alice Cullen liked me! A big goofy smile appeared on my face and it made Alice chuckle. I didn't even see it coming when she moved forward and kissed me. I kissed back without any hesitation and put a hand on her back to pull her close. Both of her hands were holding the back of my head, playing with my blond locks.
Alice started to use her tongue but I didn't mind a single bit. She was beautiful and she was finally mine….well not officially. That thought made me pull back.
"Are….are we like a …a couple now?" I questioned nervously.
Alice grinned at me. "Of course we are. In fact, let's go tell your sister. I know she's been trying to get us together for a long time" Alice said as she grabbed my hand and walked out of my room.
Okay, now she was mine and I would NOT treat her the way James did. And it was great to see Alice back to her joyful self. Now I had to face my sister. Oh well, Alice's hand had the power to comfort me.
I'm done although I haven't actually been very happy with my style of writing in this chapter. Tell me what you think?
Review!