He retreated to the shadows, making himself scarce before the crack of the shot had faded. I left myself. Too many witnesses. It was a good thing I was still considered a ghost to many.

"You really let me do it…"

I looked to my left as he joined me, never breaking stride as we went to meet Kasumi by the rapid transport. "Of course I did. For once, someone did need a hole in the head. Why, did you have your doubts?"

"You've been dead and in Cerberus hands for two years. I still wasn't sure if it really was all you."

"And now you're convinced?"

"Your old self is the only one I know who would not fight me on this." He shifted his rifle over his shoulder. I didn't let on that I noticed it was the HMWSR I had given him two years ago.

"You're saying you didn't trust me. You lied then."

"I was cautious. Genetic modification is terrifying these days. Wouldn't you reserve your judgment if you were me?"

I stayed silent, keeping my focus ahead. His stride same closer to mine, and I wasn't sure who had been the one to get closer. My heart began to race.

"I'll take your silence as a yes. I know it's you for sure now."

"You and I both know he would have slipped through the cracks. His crimes were on Omega. He would have been turned free."

He chuckled, sending a trickle down my spine. "There are no doubts to that." Kasumi pulled alongside us as we approached the transit. He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll follow you into Hell, Shepard. You have my full trust."

He may as well had touched my bare skin, something that was becoming a stubborn, persistent thought. "Any time you need me, I'll be there. Through Hell and high waters."

The cruiser opened to let us in. "Seems I owe you a favor now."

"Stop staring at my ass through your scope and we'll call it even."

"Ah, but I've sniped quite a few mercs who have tried to sneak up on you that way."

"Come on you two," Kasumi said from the car. "There are a few books on my shelves waiting for me, you know. You can play goo-goo eyes on the ship.'

I sat at my desk, legs crossed over the surface. Jexton, the little space hamster I had adopted on the Citadel, scurried over whatever paths my hands made for him. I pressed my tongue to my front teeth and sucked in thought, a subconscious action I had developed in childhood. My gaze was occupied on my model ships, my collection slowly growing the more places we visited. More specifically, it was kept on a model of the Normandy SR-1.

Everything was easier then. The mission was top priority. Whoever wanted to assist gave what they could. Ashley gave her life to do it. And I had gained, for the first time, friends. Something more than the relationships the Reds gave me before I focused on the military and eventually the N7 position. And now… everyone had something they needed done. Never once could I just ask someone to do something and they would do it without demands. What a pain in the ass.

By not having to run errands for everyone two years ago, I only grew close to those that mattered. I did give them all equal time to make their impressions, but never to this extent. Only Garrus provided much entertainment in his conversations. At least he didn't hit on me, or speak of aliens as trash. Or talk about the genophage and mercenary life. Or bore me to death with engine specs (no offense to Tali, I grew to value her, I'm just not that interested in the engines). I mean, growing organs inside your followers to harvest them later, that's as gruesome and interesting as they get.

He told me of missions from the past, things he had seen in his life. I learned he was actually a little younger than me. I gave him something I hadn't given anyone before. Full, undisclosed information of the story of Torfan. Things I had kept off record. I trusted him to keep the information to himself. He was much like me. Fed up with liars and backstabbings in C-Sec. In everyone. I guess in the end he had become my closest friend out of that. He ended up being the one to corner Kaidan and Liara both to stop wishing after I had told him I couldn't even keep a neutral conversation with them without them thinking I was interested in more than their stories.

The rest of the crew liked to talk, and I happened to pick up on "Did you hear where Vakarian said Kaidan could shove his pistol?" "Yeah, wonder what that was about."

"...it's the both of them. I'm ready to tell them to get the fuck off my ship," I said one night in my cabin, getting him away from the Mako damage for once. I sat in the corner of my berth, leaning against the wall as he sat at the desk beside me. "I'm only showing interest in what they have to say. Not my fault if asari have an interesting way to reproduce and she wants to talk about it. Nor is it my fault if I'd like to show sympathy for once for someone screwing up bad in their childhood." I sighed and rested my chin on my hand. "I mean, what should I say? I'm trying hard not to be Commander Bitch here."

He leaned forward, arms over the back of the chair he was straddling. "You might just have to be this time. If the only way they're going to understand you don't want to fuck either of them is to tell them off, do it." He shrugged. "You're their commanding officer."

"I'm Kaidan's commanding officer. And Ashley's. The rest of you are just along for the ride."

"If it's any consolation, I consider you my CO. Though that's the military blood talking." He held on to the back of the chair and leaned back a bit. "Regardless, you are the one giving orders. At the end of the day, if that means ordering them out of your bed, do it. If they still don't understand, do it with your HMWS."

I grinned at him. "And this is why I talk to you."

"I thought it was to keep me from discovering the damage you've done to our only Mako." He grinned as I paled. "Turians work fast, Shepard. You've been driving off cliffs, haven't you?"

I shrugged, closing my eyes and turning my nose up. "Not my fault of the scanners send me over cliffs when I'm trying to find insignias for your people or whatever else I have to find now."

His hum of amusement shifted and I looked back at him, seeing he had gotten up. "I should get to work on the repairs. We hit the geth bases tomorrow, don't we?"

I nodded. "So just keep being a renegade woman?"

"You've done well enough with it so far. Why not? The world needs more people like you. More able to make the calls you can. A hero would try to save everyone. You save who can be saved. And that's enough in war." He inclined his head. "Good night, Shepard."

"Get some sleep yourself, big guy."

"Sleep is for the dead."

I laughed, holding Jexton closer to my face as his tiny paws rested on my fingers, his whiskers twitching over the skin. "Little does he know that you don't even realize time has passed. You don't even feel rested." The rodent continued twitching his nose. "But you'll know about that in three years." My mood fell. "And I made myself sad. Wonderful." I stood and took Jexton back to his tank, letting him run and hide in his box. I glanced back at my desk, seeing the current mission's specs laying on the surface, the Cerberus logo staring back at me. "Then again, he may know soon enough. It is a suicide mission, after all." I wasn't giving myself much better of a chance either. The wheels in my head started turning. Suicide missions usually let people do things they would normally regret. It gave those involved little time to do what they could.

If we were to die at the end of this, all of us… I wanted no regrets. No what-ifs. Not this time. My thoughts were barely half put together before I took the elevator down two decks. I passed Rupert cooking the ship's dinner. I entered the battery, not sure what to even say.

All the apprehensiveness melted away as soon as he turned around. "Shepard. Need me for something?"

I smiled, my scars pulling slightly. This would either end horribly right or horribly wrong. No regrets. Not again. "How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?"