Would ya look at that I'm actually continuing a fic for once. It's a miracle.
I guess I forgot to say when this is set. Seeing as I haven't read New Testament #4 yet, I have no idea what happens after the incident in Hawaii, so I guess you can go ahead and assume that this happens sometime after that does.
Warnings: Swearing, eventual violence, M/M, M/F, implied F/F
Chapter-specific warnings: swearing, Kuroko
Enjoy :)
Chapter 1: In Which Tsuchimikado Needs To Put On A Shirt and Kuroko Is Just A Bit Overprotective
(Accelerator)
"Well, this is a minor inconvenience," Accelerator mutters to himself, opting out of removing his shoes as he enters so as not to step on broken glass. Mikoto follows him in and gingerly closes the door behind them like it makes some kind of a difference whether or not she does.
"A minor inconvenience? What the heck is your problem?" Mikoto snaps.
"At the moment, it's that you don't seem to understand sarcasm," Accelerator says. He surveys the room. Two broken plates and one broken cup. Television's still on and tuned to the news channel. "They were probably eating dinner when this happened," he guesses.
Mikoto nudges the unconscious Index with her toe, and then bends down to check her pulse. "She's alive," she says.
"Take her to the hospital," Accelerator says, crossing the room to inspect the balcony. The glass has been broken from the outside, which means whoever was here wasn't too bothered about stealth. Then again, thinks Accelerator, considering Kamijou Touma's lifestyle, his neighbors would probably hear some sort of fight or uproar and consider it perfectly normal, so stealth wouldn't even be an issue.
"You expect me to carry her all that way?" Mikoto complains. "Heck no. You do it."
Accelerator looks at her in disbelief and points over-exaggeratedly at his cane. "You think I'd have any easier a time with it?"
"Then call an ambulance!"
"I left my phone at home."
"Well, mine's out of batteries," Mikoto says.
"Use Kamijou's," Accelerator suggests, looking around to see if Kamijou has left his phone behind. He doesn't think he would, if he's going after whoever attacked his… what, roommate? Kid sister? Friend? Exactly what kind of relationship does Kamijou have with a nun?
"Found it," Mikoto announces. "Hey, he's got a voicemail." She presses a button on the phone and then holds it up to her ear.
"You're going to eavesdrop on his messages?"
"You broke into his dorm," Mikoto reminds him. Accelerator shrugs; she has a point.
Mikoto is silent while she listens to the message, and Accelerator pokes around the room a little more. Why would someone break into Kamijou's apartment, attack his nun, and then leave with Kamijou likely in hot pursuit? Maybe it was an assassination attempt, someone trying to destroy the Index Librorum Prohibitorum. Maybe the target was Kamijou and Index just happened to be in the way. Maybe-
"Oh my god," Mikoto gasps. Avoiding the broken glass, she walks hurriedly across the room and shoves the phone at Accelerator. "Oh my god, listen to this." She sounds frantic, nervous.
"This better be good," he mutters, pressing the call button and holding Kamijou's phone up to his ear.
"Hiya, Kami-yan!"
It's Tsuchimikado Motoharu's voice. Accelerator cringes.
"Hey, I was just callin' to make sure you ain't dead or anythin'. See, I heard the window break and I figured, well, that's just Kami-yan. But then Index-chan screamed, and I heard a lot of shoutin', so I went out on the porch to see if I could see into your room. But by that time I guess whatever was goin' on was over, and you weren't there. Oh, and I saw some really shady dude with a body or something slung over his shoulder makin' tracks down the street. Looked real suspicious-like, kinda like he was kidnapping someone."
Accelerator pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep, frustrated breath.
"Anyway, just checkin' in to make sure you didn't get kidnapped or nothin'," Tsuchimikado teases. "Seeya in class, bro." There's a click, and the message ends.
"You must be kidding," Accelerator says. "This is fucking ridiculous."
"He's been kidnapped, hasn't he?" Mikoto yells.
"Calm down, screaming won't help anything!" Accelerator retaliates. "Maybe. We don't know for sure. In any case, we should question that bastard Tsuchimikado and find out if there's anything he didn't feel the need to put in this message."
"You call him a bastard like you know him or something," says Mikoto.
"It's an unfortunate position to be in, but yeah, I do. Come on, he lives next door."
"What do you mean, come on?"
"I mean come with me and help interrogate this asshole."
"Like… work together?" Mikoto says, making a face like she's just smelled burning garbage. "With you?"
"It sucks, but think about it this way," Accelerator explains, "If Kamijou's been compromised, it could very well take a lot more than just me or just you to deal with the fucker that did it. If we cooperate, no matter how grudgingly we do it, it'll be to everyone's benefit."
Mikoto sighs. "Man, I hate it when I have to agree with people who piss me off."
Tsuchimikado is awakened by the doorbell, and both Accelerator and Mikoto cover their eyes and grimace when he answers the door in his boxers.
"Put something on, you freak," Mikoto says.
"Hurry, before you blind me," Accelerator adds.
"Screw you, nya," says Tsuchimikado. "What are you even doin' here?"
"Well, I had something important to ask of your stupid neighbor," Mikoto says. "Whereas this lunatic was-"
"Planning on doing the exact same thing," Accelerator interrupts. Mikoto turns six shades of red and starts stuttering at him.
"Like HELL you were here for the same reason I am!" she shouts. Tsuchimikado raises an eyebrow at her. It occurs to Accelerator that he's still wearing his goddamn sunglasses.
"We're both here to talk to Kamijou, aren't we?" he says.
"Yeah, but there's no way in hell you were planning on saying the same thing to him that I was!"
"And what, pray tell, would that be?"
"None of your business!"
"That sounds like exactly what I told you my business with that ass hole was."
"Hey," interrupts Tsuchimikado, "Didja guys wake me up for a legit reason or somethin'? 'Cause if ya didn't, I'm going back to sleep."
"No, wait, dammit," Accelerator snaps. "Kamijou Touma is missing and his pet nun is unconscious next door."
"Oh, I forgot to call the ambulance!" Mikoto remembers. Accelerator resists the urge to facepalm.
"Then do it now, you cretin! Leave the interrogation to me; I can more than handle Tsuchimikado on my own."
"That sounds dirty, Accel-chan," Tsuchimikado teases. "Too bad I'm not into that."
"Stuff it, you shitty bastard. Tell me everything you observed yesterday night about the break-in next door."
"You said Kami-yan's missing, didn't you?" Tsuchimikado notes, sobering up a bit. "You think he went after whoever broke in, nya?"
Accelerator shrugs. "I thought as much until Railgun over there-" he gestures to Mikoto, who's busy giving the ambulance Kamijou's address, "decided to check Kamijou's voicemail for him and we heard you talking about someone shady carrying away a fucking body."
"Oh, that?" Tsuchimikado laughs. "I don't think that's anything to worry about."
"Why not?"
"Well, who the hell would wanna kidnap Kami-yan?" he wonders. "Wait, shit, lots of people would. Dammit, you think someone kidnapped him?"
"Until someone coughs up a ransom note, who knows?" Accelerator sighs. Mikoto wanders back over and inserts herself into the conversation.
"Ambulance is on its way. If you want, I can pay them to shut up about this and not call Anti-Skill, and I can deal with Judgment myself, get them off our case," she says.
"Just deal with Judgment quietly and we got a deal, brat," Accelerator says.
"I don't think we're thinking of dealing with them in the same way," Mikoto mutters.
"Anyway, Tsuchimikado," Accelerator continues, "I want you to keep an eye on shit over here once we're done. Check Kamijou's mail and text me if someone sends a ransom note. Also text me if Kamijou comes back."
"Text me if he comes back too," Mikoto requests, scribbling her phone number down on a scrap of paper for Tsuchimikado.
"Remind me who y'are again?" Tsuchimikado asks. "And why I should care about you?"
"Screw you."
"Go wait for the ambulance, brat," Accelerator says, pointing Mikoto back towards Kamijou's apartment.
"You come too, this is half your responsibility!" she insists.
"This blows."
"I'm going back to sleep now," Tsuchimikado announces from his doorway as they leave.
"Nobody cares," Accelerator says.
"Fuck you too." The door closes behind him and Accelerator and Mikoto, not exactly knowing what to do at this point, each sit down on either side of the door to Kamijou's apartment. They cease acknowledging each other's presence.
Accelerator crosses his arms and runs through a mental list of people stupid, desperate, or actually powerful enough to kidnap Kamijou Touma.
It's not a very long list.
And half of the people on it are imprisoned, dead, or Accelerator himself (and even then, Kamijou would fight back).
The ambulance shows up with Judgment quite literally on its tail, since the officers teleported themselves in. A pair of paramedics shuffles hurriedly into Kamijou's apartment and then shuffles hurriedly back out with Index on a stretcher (protocol only, they insist, she's not actually that badly injured). The Judgment officers appear at the end of the hall as the paramedics leave with Index, one with five hundred flowers attached to her head and wearing a sailor fuku, and the other with her hair up in ponytails, dressed in a school uniform matching Mikoto's.
"Let me handle this," Mikoto whispers, and then the ponytailed girl in the Tokiwadai uniform teleports directly in front of her and tackle-hugs her.
"Onee-sama!"
"Jeez, Kuroko!" Mikoto attempts to wrestle the Judgment girl (Kuroko, Accelerator presumes) off of herself. Kuroko is rubbing her face into Mikoto's chest. "You are doing serious work, so be freakin' serious about it!"
Kuroko releases Mikoto and straightens her skirt out. "You're right," she sighs. "Besides, we'll have plenty of time for romance later."
"Kuroko…" Mikoto growls.
"Right, now could you tell me the nature of the incident being reported here?" says Kuroko, suddenly very serious.
Accelerator notices Mikoto glance out of the corner of her eye to watch the ambulance leave. As soon as it's pulled around the corner, he catches a sincerely evil-looking glint in her eye. That can't be good, he thinks.
"Well, the truth is," Mikoto begins, and Accelerator has to keep from snickering again because she's cranked up the moe cuteness and is talking in a sweet-sounding, innocent voice that is totally not befitting of her character.
"The truth is…?" Kuroko prompts. Her floral associate pulls out a pad of paper to take notes on the testimony.
"The truth is, I came here to see my great friend Kamijou Touma-"
"Oh, him?" Kuroko groans. Accelerator wonders if she sees Kamijou as some kind of rival for Mikoto's love.
"Yes, and you know how close we are. But when I got here, he was gone, and this meanie was here!" Mikoto points accusingly at Accelerator, who until that point had gone entirely unnoticed by either Judgment officer. "And he was absolutely horrible to me! He's always horrible to me! He tried to kill me once, you know."
Accelerator decides he is going to try again relatively soon, and then he happens to glance at Kuroko.
She is staring at him.
More specifically, she is staring at him with wide, dilated eyes and a far-too-innocent-to-really-be-innocent smile splitting her face.
"Excuse me," she says, coyly, politely. "Exactly what have you done to harm my darling Onee-sama? Answer me swiftly and your death will be swifter." She takes a step closer to Accelerator, and suddenly there are needles in her hands.
Mikoto leans over towards him. "Start running," she whispers.
"I'll only repeat myself once," Kuroko says, gritting her teeth. "What. Did you do. To my Onee-sama?"
Accelerator flips the switch on his choker and jumps off the balcony, landing lightly thanks to a high-speed vector shift.
He briefly debates killing Kuroko before reminding himself that she's with Judgment. Also she appears to somehow be a friend (of sorts) of Mikoto's, and the last thing he needs is her to be angrier with him. He decides to put siccing an angry teleporting lesbian yandere after him as part of the revenge Misaka Mikoto probably owes him, tells himself he'll get her back for it later, and takes off down the street with Kuroko in hot pursuit.
He hopes he doesn't run out of batteries before she catches up.
Back in the hallway outside Kamijou Touma's dorm, Mikoto takes care of the rest of Judgment.
"Hey, Uiharu-san," she says. "Wanna go get something warm to drink? On me."
"Sure," says Uiharu. "If you don't mind me asking, who was that boy just now?"
"The one Kuroko's chasing?"
"Yes."
"Why do you want to know?"
"I think he saved my life once. You know, that time I was trying to help a little girl who looked like your sister, and this jerk assaulted me? Remember that? I think that boy was the one who stopped him."
Mikoto laughs. "Him? Save someone? Not in a million years."
Six miles and several city streets away, Accelerator has the feeling that someone is talking about him behind his back.
He dismisses it almost immediately though, because Kuroko has yet to give up and has just shot another bout of needles at him.
This is such a shitty morning, Accelerator thinks. I blame Kamijou.
for some reason I don't find this chapter to be nearly as funny as I wanted it to be... I'll have to fix that in the next one
review if you'd like to
-NatRoze