Of Masks and Perceptions
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Hmm, well lookie, I actually wrote a continuation! I plead for patience when you're reading this as I did this when
I was really tired and not
functioning at that high of a level.
*Grins sheepishly* I know some
of you are going, "well then just redo it!" but I can't... I can't
rewrite it, it just wouldn't come out the way I want it to and this one did,
for the most part.
Well... enjoy!
Oh yeah, mushiness and OOC warning….
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"What?"
"I believe you heard me, Lina," the violet haired priest said quietly as he knelt down before her. He could see the doubt in the eyes of the sorceress as she gazed at him. How he loved those eyes, so deep and red, like freshly spilt blood yet so clear that one could lose themselves. "If I could know you, my dear girl, what do you think that I would see?"
"What I see. A scared little brat with too much bravado and no respect for anything," she answered simply, moving her eyes away from his face as she embraced her legs tighter to herself. "Right?"
"Wrong." His smile widened slightly when her attention snapped back to him in surprise, her delicate eyebrows drawing together slightly. With slow grace he stood and held out a hand to help the petite sorceress to her feet before gesturing for her to follow. "Come, and I'll tell you what I would see."
Lina, though nervous of what he'd say, followed a step behind him as they wound their way through the forest, the only sound being the sound of her footsteps and the faint thud of his staff against the ground as he walked. It was some moments and the Mazoku still hadn't begun, and she began to dread the words he would say to her. I see a child, weak and spoiled, a young woman that is undesirable and immature, and a sorceress that has too much strength and not enough skill, that's what he'd say. She was sure of it.
"Fire," he said lightly, his tone softer than what she'd expected. "Your eyes alone speak of the fire that burns brightly within you. You may think that it's dim and flickering and that you've duped us all into believing otherwise, but you are mistaken. You're right, I have seen through your mask, just as you've seen past mine, but what I see there is far from what you think."
Had she heard him right? Was he saying that she was more than what she thought of herself? No, she thought, I must be reading into it too much. But still, the thought burned through her mind like an ember through her glove. With growing consternation she reached out to stop the priest, turning him towards her with a light touch on his shoulder.
"Explain yourself."
Xelloss grinned but complied. "I said you were like fire, something that has to be handled carefully in order not to be burned, yet that flame is a source of light and heat for many, and at times can blaze out of control, leaving its mark on the world. Your temper is a main piece of your mask, Lina, we both know this, just as my smile is mine. We both use them to keep others at bay or to keep them second-guessing themselves. In that, you sometimes let your emotions run away on you and with them your power can occasionally leave a few not so small marks on the land."
Lina frowned darkly. She knew he would see the way she handled herself as less than perfect. "So it does, and I do get carried away at times. I've tried to keep my emotions locked away but I don't have the skill or the will to keep them that way. I love to feel and I love the power I can wield, it's the consequences that disagree with me. Perhaps I lack the skill needed to harness L-sama's powers... She was wrong to allow me to have them. Me, a child."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Lina, for you aren't all that," he dismissed, tipping her chin up with a fingertip. Opening his eyes he looked into hers to see the pain and the doubt residing there. "You wanted to know, so now listen."
"But I-"
"Tut," he silenced, pressing a finger gently against her lips. "My turn to talk. A child you aren't. What child can control the fate of the world between her hands? And L-sama would not choose wrongly. She is the creator of us all and she best of all would know that you are the perfect one to carry her powers within you. Don't you see that you know the dangers of Her power but still you harbor them? And that you have the responsibility and the skill to cast them with relative ease but not to let them come to misuse? You doubt yourself too much, Lina, and because of that, now, you are afraid. You may have feared what would happen before, but I've seen the excitement come into your eyes whenever you're casting. You were given a gift, Lina; something no one else in the world has... Delight in it.
"You said that your bravery, ego, immaturity, and strength are all fractions of your facade, and you may be right. But the part where you're wrong is that you've created that ploy so well that it has become a part of you, your personality. You may have thought that you were only pretending your bravery before your friends, but did you ever stop to think of how much courage you actually had to have to do so? You have the strength, courage, and mindset of a great sorceress, just as your mask shows, but within as well. Where you see a coward, I see a powerful courage that aches to be recognized mainly by yourself. Your friends all love the way they think you are and within, I don't believe that you're all that different with the exception that you hide your emotions and a far more sensitive side from them. Perhaps it is that you don't want to be hurt, but only now are you realizing that you're hurting yourself worse by acting this way.
"Tell me, Lina, in a word describe what you see in yourself," he ordered suddenly, his eyes boring steadily into hers.
"There is no one word," she answered after a moment. She was growing upset, her features reflecting exactly what she felt, unhindered. He was only saying what she thought the others would see... her mask. "How about murderer, thief, liar, egotistical, insecure, frightened, envious, skeptical, weak, disgusting... a fake."
There was no contempt in Xelloss' eyes when he spoke again, his words comforting rather than berating, "Murderer? I am no one to speak about such things but I will point out, however, how many people you have saved each time you rose to the unbelievable task of saving the world. Thief and a liar? Well those are just two of the many things I like about you, Lina-chan; you get what you want, usually by any means necessary and if that involves the occasional lie you'll do it. The same with treasure which you usually acquire from the bandits that haunt the roads and I'm sure no one besides the other brigands would argue with idea of a few less bandits in the world," he smiled and Lina felt her lips twitch in the beginnings of a grin.
"As for an ego, well, you are rightfully entitled to one aren't you? Do you not have the power and the skill to back up any threat you issue? I always believed that you did, so are you going to tell me that I'm wrong, again?" The sorceress shook her head, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. "Good. Now, as for insecure and frightened, all humans have such misgivings, that is why they acquire friends and thus have the ability to care for them to a greater degree than the other races. You have friends that care for you and you for them, and you can't tell me that you would trade them for a world without them. I know you better than that. You treasure your friends despite your sharp words and blows, and it would destroy you to lose them. You are loyal to them, and that demands recognition for you do not trust lightly nor do you let yourself close to anyone very often.
"You are one of the strongest beings I know, so I think that settles your little comment about being weak." Lina grinned and he smiled wider. "Disgusting," he chuckled, winking at her. "Far from. I find nothing about you repulsive, including your exquisite eating manners," Lina flushed, "so I cannot agree with you on that one either. Skepticism is a part of human nature and I'd be worried if you weren't at least a little skeptical at times because then you'd lose your sharp wit and wouldn't be so entertaining to string along..."
"Hey!"
Xelloss laughed then, his eyes softening as he ran a hand lightly down her cheek before continuing. "A fake you say. Well I cannot see how one with so adverse and wildly colourful a personality can be fake. We both put up fronts for people but behind them, no matter what lies there, it is real. It cannot be manipulated on a single thought or whim and it's there to stare us in the face every moment and that's what makes us who we are. Dreams are our escape and occasionally our prisons, but what we live and what we are is real.
"Envy?" he continued, his smile becoming thoughtful as he turned away from her, his eyes searching out the moon through the budding foliage of the forest. "I can appreciate that. I, too. envy others, in fact I'm downright jealous of some people."
"You?" Lina gasped. She hadn't thought that of the priest. She figured that such petty emotions were below him; how wrong she'd been if what he was saying was true.
"Yes, me. I do not envy skill or different looks as some do, but I envy... your friends," he said quietly. He'd never even told his Mistress about this secret and he expected the sorceress to sneer and turn away, but she had to know. "I'm jealous of your friends because they are your friends. They have your trust, loyalty, and heart and I don't, not that I deserve it for the acts I've conspired in against you, mind you. I long for someone that I cannot have because of what I am and what she thinks of them. I do not have her trust, and without that I cannot even dream of having her loyalty, and I fear that her heart already belongs to someone else. You said once that backstabbing you is what you expect as I am a Mazoku, and in return you use me as a convenience item... and it's been true, but what I hadn't counted on is how much I didn't mind being used in such a way, or that I wished for more. That is where my desires surpass just being one of your friends. I want more.
"We are selfish, Lina, you and I, but the difference is that you are willing to help others out of kindness not out of convenience for the most part. I on the other hand do exactly that, use you all as my own convenient pawns, and I still want more. I want the one thing that you have not given to anyone else in all the time that I have known you though I believe that either the chimera or the swordsman will have it soon..."
Lina watched him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, her muscles taught and her heart pounding in her chest. Swallowing hard, she voiced the question echoing through her mind. "What is it?"
"You. Completely and totally. But I cannot have that," he trailed off and the sorceress took a step forward. "Which is it? Gourry or Zelgadis? Or am I mistaken and it is someone that I don't know about?"
"You are wrong," she said softly and cringed when she saw his shoulders slump slightly and the grip on his staff tighten. "Before I tell you who, answer me one last question, Xelloss... Situation, practicality, and probability aside, if you could really know me, or rather, since you know me -better than I do myself- what would I be?"
He turned to her with a small smile, his hand coming up to brush her bangs out of her eyes, gliding down to rest against her cheek. "Mine."
"That's all I needed to know."
"Wha--""For a guy that always seems to know so much, you can be very clueless," she laughed, feeling more like her old self again. He'd been right; her mask was more than just something to put on in front of the others, it was her. She grinned impishly at the curiosity clouding the Mazoku's face and grabbed the collar of his shirt tightly. "It's you, idiot."
Xelloss didn't have time to voice his confusion, or sudden elation as he was pulled down to have her lips press against his. So soft, warm, and inviting; he deepened the kiss slowly, his arms curling around her of their own accord. Moments passed in a sweet eternity until he felt the sorceress pull back a bit, breaking the kiss and looking up at him with a wide smile.
"We better get back, it's almost time to wake Zel up for is watch."
"As you say," he replied, reluctant to release her.
He finally let go, but followed swiftly behind her as she led the way back to the camp, and sat next to her after she'd restored the fire to a comfortable height. They sat in silence for a while longer before she moved again, this time walking over to Zelgadis' sleeping roll and shaking him awake.
"Good night, Zel," she bade as the chimera took up a position on the log on the far side of the fire. Stifling a yawn, she stripped off her shoulderguards, boots, gloves and cape before climbing into her own sleeping roll. "Good night, Xelloss. Are you still going to be here in the morning?"
"I'll be the first one you'll see," he promised with a wink. Lina grinned when Zelgadis let out a disgusted huff, and closed her eyes restfully.
"What are you going to do? Sleep right next to her?" he sneered darkly. He never was one to rise in a cheery mood, especially with Xelloss around..
"Well, as long as I have your permission," the trickster said brightly, vanishing and reappearing next to the sorceress beneath the blanket.
The chimera gaped wordlessly as he watched, stunned, as Lina merely smiled at the priest and closed her eyes again as she snuggled up against the priest's chest, his arm curling over her protectively.
"Good night, Zelgadis," they said together.
Only the crackle of the fire broke the silence.
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Well... I warned ya, sort of, so comments and/or suggestions are welcome...
I wonder if I'll do a third part... should I?
Hmm... well this could take some thought, but not tonight.
Ja matta ne, minna-san!
~Ishy-chan