II: Riverwood?

Riverwood. Why is it called that? Is it maybe because its main export is wood and the town's beside a river? I'd like to meet the genius who named this place and congratulate him on his originality. I bet it was Hod. I bet it was. Or Hod's ancestors. Or maybe Gerder's? She's like the queen of Riverwood. I can't remember much about when I first arrived here, though. I only remember Blondie running ahead and making himself at home in Gerder's house as if it was his own house. He ate all the bread.

One person that struck me, though, was Frodnor.

Motherfucking Frodnor! "Get me mad, and I'll prank ya."

"Oh yeah, boy?"

"An' not just a little, a lot."

"… I'm the fucking Dragonborn."

Apparently, being the Dragonborn means nothing to him. I had to show him something, to teach him a lesson or something. I didn't really know what to do, until Dorothe and Frodnor persuaded me to play Tag with them. I thought, "Hm, I could… do something here…"

I was it, first. I panicked a bit at first, not knowing what to do. What do I do? Help! Help! They didn't run very fast. I just jogged up to Frodnor and tapped him (quite camply, I have to admit) on the shoulder.

"Aw, you got me!"

That I did, my good man! Then I sprinted off, as fast as I could, but wanting to keep him following me. Then I climbed on the roof of Gerder's house and just sat up there. Frodnor was just standing below me, looking up at me angrily while I blew raspberries at him. I'm quite immature, if you hadn't guessed. Then Frody (what I call Frodnor behind his back) saw Dorothe a little way off and left me up there to chase her. I was quite annoyed by that. I wanted to keep taunting him.

After a few minutes Dorothe and Frody came back (they make the best couple! Because they rhyme!) and they said the game was over and I could come down. Frody was a little annoyed at me (haha) but Dorothe was alright.

I did find that, "Come down, we won't try to tag you," quite suspicious, but I thought that if they did tag me, I could just walk up and smack the tag back on them. I did try to get down from the roof, but I couldn't. I tried but I just ended up surfing down the straw roof, taking the straw with me. I scrambled back up, of course in panic, then started panicking all over again. The cow in Gerder's garden, Friend Cow, looked like he (or she) was enjoying the pantomime that was unfolding on the roof. Frodnor was finding it delightful. I kicked straw down in his face, then claimed it was an 'accident' because I'm mean like that.

I was stuck on the roof. Me! Kumiko Tora! Dragonborn! It was awful and I've never been quite so embarrassed in my life, or, if I have, there was no on around to see it.

"I would come down," I said uncertainly, "but I can't."

"We realized that," Dorothe said. She turned to Frody and had a conversation with him, then they both ran off towards the Sleeping Giant Inn. I scowled after them. If they had gone to get a ladder… hah! I didn't need that! I'm Kumiko Tora! Dragon-fucking-born! If I couldn't get down from a roof unaided, I didn't even deserve to be the Dragonborn. I moved over to the side of the house, where the flat side of the roof was, and dangled my feet off the edge. Then I turned myself around, so that my front was flat on the wooden rafter at the top of the roof. I shuffled backwards until my hips were off the edge. Undignified, but I was getting down all right.

I looked over towards the direction of the Sleeping Giant and saw Frodnor leading Embry and Sven up the track. He better not have! Embry, the most angry and unhappy person in Riverwood, was smirking, and Sven was laughing. Dorothe was there, too, but hanging back. So embarrassing…

I shuffled back faster now, trying to make my position look intentional but failing, and got my chest over the edge. Now I was only holding on with my hands. I straightened my arms and still didn't touch the ground. Still, it couldn't be too far down. Sven was practically falling over now, he was laughing so much and Embry was getting on with him quite well, his rough voice sending out chuckles.

With a deep breath, I let go. My boots touched the ground fine, but I was so surprised by this that I leaned backwards, and fell over. I swear Sven peed himself laughing. Embry came over to me as I got up angrily, and patted me on the shoulder, "You're a riot, Tora."

They all remember that. Frody still teases me about it. Even Sven does, the arse! I pointed out that he peed himself when he was laughing at me, so that's more embarrassing, but he said he definitely didn't. I said he did again. Then he offered me his clothes to sniff. I said no. Not into that kind of thing, thank you, Sven.

Why should he laugh at me?! I helped him out with Camilla, did I not? Faendal is still pissed at me about it, but… I liked Sven better.

It's funny; every time I talk to Faendal, he says, "Haven't you caused enough trouble around here?!"

"… I just saved you from a dragon…?"

"Don't care. Now Camilla likes Sven and what do I get?!"

"Dragon tail to the face?"

"That's only because I didn't duck in time! Now go and get me some water and rags! I'm bleeding out here, Tora!"

"Yeah, you're head's a bit… it's an improvement, though. Maybe you should try again with Camilla."

"Fuck off!"

Then I would, laughing all the way.

Ho ho ho!

Wait, what?

-Kumiko Arkia Tora Fredas 4th of First Seed