Borrowed: Time Ago--Black Lab
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Sara -----------
Jim just said the most curious thing. After heaving me up off my heels and back onto the walk, when I expressed my gratitude, he said he wanted to live his life with me, or something to that effect. Truth be told, I never much thought of Jim in that way, but given what he's just said, I find myself wondering "why not?". I mean, he's kind, generous, magnanimous, witty and easy on the eyes. That is if you go for the short, stocky, grumpy sort...Jim can be so complex at times. I've known him for years and he's one of my best friends; one of my best friends that I've seen naked, but then I suppose he's seen me naked as well (naughty thoughts). But it wasn't even like that. It was right after a long, tedious and very messy shift in which Jim pulled me from a huge pile of human and animal parts that the team had found in the woods near Lake Meade at some sort of dumping ground. It was the most rank thing I'd ever seen, let alone had the displeasure of being submerged in. Immediately following my extrication, Jim and I covered the seats of his car in plastic and drove back to the lab, at Grissom's request.
In the beginning we kept our backs to each other, not wanting to see more than we should, but my curiosity got the better of me and I peeked. It was just a little peek, which is not to say that Jim is small in that department, but to say that I only looked briefly. I remember thinking to myself that for someone his age, was in pretty good shape. Sure he's got a bit of a belly on him, but what 50'ish man doesn't? Just as I was about to turn round' and go back to scrubbing all the funk from my body, he turned and looked at me, smiling. I grinned and he said he knew I had a tattoo, but never expected it to be "there". All I could do was offer an awkward smile and my own witty retort in the form of ⌠I knew you had chest hair, but, DAMN. You're a bear." He blushed and turned away from me, almost if sulking. To this, I said, "That's good. I like bears, so plump and cuddly." He laughed and after that, since shift, at that point, was almost over, we went out for dinner...or breakfast, depending on how you look at it.
Jim -------------
Whenever I go on my walkabouts and find myself in front of Sara's apartment, the same song running through my head. I know not many people my age listen to "Black Lab", but for some reason their music appeals to me; and the one song in particular.
I watch your window for hours
The moon has set down without us
All by ourselves riding in the front seat watch the sun come up
All by ourselves we would run. Remember?
It was long ago. It was so long ago
Feel your hand close beside me
Hear the highway behind me
All by ourselves we made love under the sleeping moonless night
All by ourselves we would run. Remember?
It was long ago. It was so long ago
I couldn't stop you crying or stop myself from fighting back
I tried, but never hard enough Don't you remember, love?
All by myself I can see it like its right before my eyes
By myself, time goes by, remember?
It was so long ago It was a long time ago
I know the lyrics are kind of on the sad and reminiscent side and some of the words have yet to happen, like the making love under the moon part; but I can just imagine what that would be like with her. It would be pure beauty. It would be like looking at a painting of a wispy, cloudy sky with beams of heavenly light peeking through the clouds and heading Earthward; like something out of the Bible. It would be something sacred and borderline Holy. Something, a memory, that no one could take away from us. Something neither of us would ever let go of or give up.
Then, of course, there have been the times when we had watched the sun come up while on a scene or the time she got so emotional over something Grissom had said that she started crying. She was in the locker room and I wanted so much to comfort her that I sat beside her and draped my arm around her shoulder and drew her to me. She cried a lot that time and no matter how much or often I told her that things would be fine, she continued sobbing. I really wanted to throttle Grissom for being such an insensitive ass. She finally stopped crying when I got her home and into bed. She asked me to stay with her until she fell off and that's exactly what I did. I actually fell off as well and didn't wake up until her alarm went off. By that time she was still in a right state and I didn't think her fit to go in to work that evening, so I called the lab and called her in sick, as well as myself.
That night was spent mostly in silence, with the two of us on the couch watching some re-runs of Stargate SG-1 and talking about what had gotten her so worked up earlier that day. Apparently she was trying to have a serious conversation with him about the case she was working on and he had made some typically Grissom-ish insensitive remark. Admittedly, it was that time of the month for her so she was already moody and Grissom's remark just added fuel to the fire. She stomped out of his office and made a bee-line for the locker room where I found her. I don't know what she sees in Grissom. I mean, he's emotionally stunted, distant, insensitive and at times can be really quite callous. In my opinion Sara deserves someone much better, someone who's in touch with their feelings, sensitive to their partner's needs and willing and able to listen and talk problems out. Admittedly, I fit the category, but I don't believe she sees me in that light. I think she sees me more as a good friend than a potential partner. I'd certainly have more to offer in the emotional and communication categories than Grissom would. Whenever things get tough for him emotionally, he shuts down and his emotional walls go up; stonewalling everyone.
Sara -------------
We're still standing on the corner and Jim's got this far off look on his face. It looks like he's remembering something pleasant because he's got a slight smile on his wonderfully thin lips. I love his face; every feature of it, from his eyebrows to his wattle. His eyes are like the window to his soul, and believe me, despite his hard and gruff exterior I know he's got a beautiful soul. It really shows when he's with children. I think that of he'd had more time when Ellie was growing up she wouldn't be such a loser bitch. I can imagine that if he had another chance at being a father to a child he'd make more time, be more attentive and sensitive to his child's needs. You should just see him on crime scenes where children are involved; his inner child just comes out and makes him even more beautiful than he already is.
He hasn't let go of my hand and to be honest it feels good to hold the hand of a true friend and possibly more. I don't believe he sees me in the way that I do. He's a good man with a tremendous heart. I've seen him shine in so many different lights; I think I might know him better than any other team member. Sometimes we go out for meals, sometimes we sit at his house and watch movies or go out to the movies; but always as friends. it's the ways in which we act like more than friends that kind of puzzles me. He's not afraid to hold my hand, we've shared a bed on more than one occasion (always as sleeping companions)
and we've even taken vacations together.
Last year we went on a cruise for two weeks to the Caribbean and it was great. Yeah, we shared a suite and bed, but nothing untoward ever went on. The closest we came to doing anything was when I woke up one morning and Jim had his arm draped over my stomach and his right leg across my legs. I must admit that it felt good to sleep with a man without having to worry about the sexual aspect, but in all truth, if he'd made an advance I just might have taken him up on it.