Author's Note: To Rhainus, who wanted this. I know I said I wouldn't do it, but then I ended up thinking differently.
.
"When the old hag gave us custody of Gaara, I didn't think she meant like this." Naruto shifted around, grimaced, and kicked Lee's leg out of his space. "Geez, bed hogger."
Ignoring that last comment, Lee responded, "I know what you mean. It is just… Forgive me if this hurts your feelings, but… when I imagined marriage, you were never the bride."
"HEY! I'm nobody's bride, dattebayo!" He cocooned himself in the covers.
"Naruto-kun! Stop stealing the blankets!"
"Not till you admit that you're the bride!"
"Fine, fine, I'm the bride. Now, please?"
"… Huh. That was easy." Too easy. Naruto eyeballed the back of Lee's head as he returned some of the covers. "You wouldn't happen to want to be…?"
"Hhmm? W-well, I imagine it's not terrible. It is the same thing as being a husband, but only… being the bride."
"I guess you have a point. Heh, how often is the bride expected to do all the hard work, huh?"
"Naruto-kun, that was very inappropriate of you." Lee cracked a grin nonetheless.
A moment passed in silence.
"So… Do we have sex?"
"What?" Lee whipped around to gawk at Naruto.
The blonde flushed darkly. "I'm just asking! Geez, the old hag said we have to be like this for two years before we can get an alimony – "
"Annulment."
"Yeah, that thing – we might as well enjoy ourselves!"
"… Naruto-kun, do you even know what sex is?"
"Yeah!"
"Then why are you asking me for it?"
"… Dunno. It's just, that's what married people do… right?"
"I think of us more as best friends, raising a child, who hokage-sama is playing a bad joke on."
"I guess you're right…" The silence was awkward for another small moment. Then Naruto whistled distractedly, looked around the room, and coughed not suspiciously. "Can we cuddle?"
"I do not mind cuddling."
When Gaara came in later that night (as he never slept), Naruto was spooning Lee and they were snoring in synchronization. Gaara picked at his shirt. "Lee? Naruto?"
Lee grumbled something that could vaguely be an acknowledgment.
"Can I stay in here?"
Lee nodded, whether he was aware of it or not, and the small redhead smiled as he scurried into bed. Naruto's arms were already full, so he squeezed into Lee's and the jounin held him snugly to his warm, beating chest.
Gaara wasn't allowed to sleep. But if he were, this would have been his lullaby.
.
Gaara was… pouting. A pouting Gaara was an insanely cute Gaara, no doubt, but Lee was still confused and a little hurt to boot. Gaara wouldn't talk to him. Gaara had always talked to him, for the two weeks he had been in Konoha, he and Naruto had been the only two people he would talk to.
But now… now a wall of sand came up every time Lee came within ten feet of him. His heart gave a painful squeeze in his chest. What had he done to upset his adorable little Gaa-chan? He wanted to know so badly!
He didn't want to hurt Gaara, though, or make him feel cornered. So he couldn't just bash through the sand and beat some common sense into him like Naruto or Gai would.
"Hey, uh, is he getting any better?" Speak of the devil.
Lee turned to Naruto with tears dripping down his face, covered in snot, and sniffling. "NO!"
"GAH – I mean, well, let me talk to him!"
"He won't let me near him," Lee sobbed and then rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. "But you can try and… and…" Naruto was already walking off. Lee's heart broke as he entered the ten-foot diameter Gaara had created around himself. "Why is it only me?"
.
Naruto was a little cautious getting close to Gaara. If he didn't want Lee around, the same guy he had adored since day one, then chances were that something bad was going down. Maybe Naruto as a fellow jinchuuraki could understand?
"I hate Sakura," was the first thing Gaara said when Naruto sat down beside him.
Okay, maybe being a jinchuuraki had nothing to do with this. "Huh? Why would you hate her? She's my teammate!"
"You like her," Gaara snarled in turn. And, well, Naruto couldn't deny that. It was hard to get over first loves and Sakura was his. "Lee likes her too."
"Yeah… That's caused us a few problems over the past few years, let me tell you."
The sand boiled unpleasantly.
"S-so if this has to do with both of us, how come Bushybrow's the only one you're not letting close?"
The world went still. Naruto was almost afraid of what that meant.
Then Gaara wiped his eyes. Shit! He was crying? Just like Lee. Geez… "Lee was mine first."
"Oh… Oh… Oh!" Right. Gaara had only had his uncle and then there had been Lee. So this was Gaara being jealous. Naruto cleared his throat. This was a little out of his league. "Umm… Well, Bushybrow likes you just as much as he likes Sakura."
"Liar."
"No, he really does!" Now Naruto just had to avoid the question of "in what way?" As long as he could do that, he was…
"Does he like us in the same way?" Gaara looked innocently up at him, practically begging for him to say that there was no one more important in Lee's life than him.
Gai was due to return from his long-term mission in three days. Naruto could see now how that was going to blow over. He gulped. "W-well, uh, you see, Gaara, there are, umm, different kinds of people who will come through your life, and, er… You and Sakura are two different kinds of people."
Gaara's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that, like, your Bushybrow's son, right? Then there's Sakura who's like his love interest." And his too. But he better not bring that up at the moment.
"I don't want to be his son! My father tried to kill me! Why does Sakura get to be his love interest? Why is she so SPECIAL?" He grabbed at his skull. The sand was frantic now.
This whole situation was going straight to hell. He had to think fast before Lee decided to break through! "Because you're not old enough!"
There was a small moment of peace, like the eye of a hurricane, and Gaara glared at him out of the corner of his eye. "What?"
"Y-yeah… Bushybrow's eighteen and you're, what? Six? Seven? You can't be his love interest when you're so young, that's called pedophilia and he doesn't go that way."
"What's pedophilia?"
"It's where… You know what? Just know that Bushybrow's not into it and that people who do that are really sick. But, yeah! I've got the perfect solution, you ready to hear this?"
Gaara nodded, attention successfully caught. Naruto leaned conspiringly close to his ear. "You've got to grow up and take him down by force!" He offered a wolfish grin as he pulled away. Gaara was frowning.
"I can take him down by force now."
"Not what I meant. Listen, when you're old enough to understand what it means, you'll most likely be old enough to do it. Okay? Now don't hate Sakura so much, she's a pretty awesome person and me and Bushybrow wouldn't even be here if not for her. Don't be jealous of her."
The child stared at his hands for awhile.
"C'mon, Bushybrow's really worried about you and, hey! You've got to apologize to him too, you really hurt his feelings when you didn't let him get close to you!"
He nodded, sulking, and Naruto really couldn't stand the look of depression on his face. He grinned and patted his head. "Don't be so down, Gaara. Bushybrow likes happy people." Naruto winked.
Gaara's face lit up like Christmas.
.
It was worse than what Naruto had thought it would be.
Gai came back, Lee met up with him, and Gaara was there to witness the manly affection the two shared for each other. Naruto was there to personally see the last shred of patience and acceptance in Gaara be shattered into millions of pieces as wave after wave of sand rose up and went after the sensei.
Not that Gai immediately realized he was in danger. Naruto had to admit, the guy was a freak and he looked too happy to be chased around by dirt. He kept screaming something about this being the most perfect attack simulation.
Lee came to stand next to them, face turned down, and the attack stopped as soon as it had started as Gaara paled. "Lee?"
"Gaa-chan… why are you trying to kill my sensei?"
The boy flinched. Naruto grimaced but this was something Gaara would have to go through. Yeah, he had had a bad past, but that didn't give him the right to try and isolate Lee.
"I want… I don't want…" He clenched his fists. "I don't want anyone but me touching you! You're mine, aren't you?"
This was bad. This was so bad. Naruto watched Lee, trying to see how he would react before he would actually react. In the end, this was only going to break Gaara's heart.
Lee crouched down and took Gaara's hands in his. "Gaa-chan, first and foremost, I am a shinobi that specializes in taijutsu. I have to have body contact. As for belonging to you exclusively… that can not be. I belong to this village, to the people who need me, to my friends, to the people who raised me… but a part of me does belong to you because you are dear to me. Please, can you be happy with that? All I want in life is for you to be happy."
Gaara looked over Lee's shoulder at Naruto, as if he was supposed to have the answer. At a loss of anything else to say, he mouthed, 'Remember, take him down when you're bigger'.
Gaara turned back to Lee. "I… I'll try… I'm sorry…"
"It's alright… this time, anyway. Gai-sensei didn't realize your true intentions."
As a matter of fact, he was on a distant rooftop, just barely in side, and Naruto could catch the echoes of "BRING IT ON!"
"Well, seems like we're done here," Naruto chirped. "Let's go home, huh?"
Gaara smiled. "Yes."
"YOSH!"
"BRING IT ON!"
.
Gaara ate like it was his only way to survive in the cruel, cutthroat world that he presided in. Lee couldn't figure it out for the life of him but he encouraged it (in moderations at appropriate times with the correct exercise schedule).
Naruto considered it their little secret as to why Gaara was suddenly telling people that his goal in life was to become big and strong. Lee was just happy that Gaara was so into learning taijutsu – despite the overwhelming truth that he most likely wouldn't need it.
But no matter how hard he worked at it, Gaara was short stuff.
"Well, you were born premature," Lady Tsunade grouched at them when they approached. "It's natural that you would have growth problems."
"Can you help me?" Gaara pleaded, flashing those aquamarine eyes at her, and Naruto almost cried for the guy.
Pouting never worked with Lady Tsunade. Naruto shuddered.
"In all honesty, I thought Lee's diet would have made you gain a few inches in the first day."
"It made Shu angry."
"And you're still on it, aren't you? Don't answer that, of course you are. After all, Lee's on it, huh?" Gaara nodded. Lady Tsunade huffed. "I can see what I can do for you, kid. But you'll owe me a favor later in life, you got that?"
Gaara puffed out his chest, looking so hopeful, and gave a dutiful bow. "Understood, Lady Tsunade!"
"Great! Now we're going to put you on this table and stretch you out, alright?"
Naruto gasped and grabbed Gaara, squeezing him to his chest. "You old hag, that won't work!"
"I know. I just wanted to see you overreact."
"It's not overreacting!"
"Of course not. Now come with me. Shizune! Take over for me!"
"Gotcha, boss!"
"Oink!"
.
Naruto was pretty sure he had been born in this cave. He flinched at the image of Gaara spread out on the stone table and Lady Tsunade leaning over him. His own position reminded him of the one his dad had had to take all those years ago, hands over Gaara, making sure his seal didn't break as the boy howled and screamed like Shukaku was ripping at his insides.
Tsunade turned to Naruto, nonchalant as smoke. "Growing pains."
.
"I'm scared that they'll pick on Gaa-chan," Lee confided in Naruto the day they saw Gaara off to the academy. "I want him to have friends and laugh everyday, but I don't… I…" Lee gave him a furtive look and then stared at the ground.
Everyone knew what Naruto's days at the academy had been like. He had had Iruka, his rivalry against Sasuke, and that was it. Now Gaara was going there, same as Naruto, and he could understand why Lee was hesitant. Hell, he was hesitant!
But so far the people of Konohakagure didn't care. They'd lived through one jinchuuraki that had grown up to be a hero, they were willing to give a second one the chance. Now they weren't welcoming Gaara with open arms, but they weren't using those arms to hurl things at him either or insulting him. They kept their watchful quiet and Gaara went about not bothering them.
He did, after all, have Lee and Naruto. As a matter of fact, he had all of Konoha Ten on his side. Plus Sai. He didn't need them.
But now Naruto was aware of the fact that Gaara didn't have any friends his own age. So there he went… through the gates, gourd on back, and he didn't look back once like the brave little boy Naruto and Lee had told him to be. And he went alone.
"I hope he ends up in Iruka-sensei's class," Naruto muttered.
"He will. I was able to arrange that much with the academy."
"Heh, nice thinking, Bushybrow!"
They stood there in a frightened, heavy silence.
"You want to go scope out the playground?"
"That sounds like a marvelous idea, Naruto-kun!"
.
They had an issue with Gaara that they couldn't overcome because they never really faced it to begin with. Hell, Naruto wasn't even sure how they were supposed to face it. He and Lee would go to sleep and when they would wake up, Gaara was there…
Clean.
"Hey, uh, Gaara, you mind if I ask you something?" Naruto one day approached with.
The boy looked up at him. "I've got to go to school."
"Yeah, but I just want to ask you something really quick."
"Okay."
"How do you… you know… take a bath?"
The redhead frowned at him, hairless eyebrows drawn together in confusion. "What?"
"It's just, sand doesn't stick well in water and you're always carrying so much of it… And then you were raised in Suna and they don't really have a lot of water, so… how do you do it?"
"I just… do it. I take a bath when you're both sleeping."
"Huh." He rubbed the back of his head. "It's just, we never hear you or see you go near the bathroom… for anything… and that raises another question –"
"My sand is not a litter box."
"Great! Great, 'cause that would be really, really bad – I mean, your foes would be… y'know what? That would just be gross." He fiddled with his thumbs. "Where do you take your business?"
"I've got to go. Iruka-sensei doesn't want me always being late like you were."
"What? H-hey! Get back here, don't you jutsu away!" The swirl of sand ignored him and disappeared.
He sat back and grumbled.
"Naruto-kun… I think maybe you were a bit too direct." Lee crouched down in front of him, arms folded over his knees.
"I think I wasn't direct enough!"
"There was no way to be more direct, I'm sorry."
He huffed. Lee laughed into his hand. "Hey, Bushybrow…"
"Yes?"
"Are we good parents?"
"I…" Lee frowned. "I don't know. I'll ask Gaa-chan when he gets home, we are acting as his parents, after all…"
"Yeah, I guess so."
.
Gaara tripped. Naruto hadn't thought that that was possible, seeing as how there was a gourd of sand attached to his back that seemed to be against him being harmed in whatever way. It happened anyway.
It wasn't serious, he just went from vertical to horizontal in that classy way people do when they trip over roots in the forest. It wasn't like it penetrated his sand armor.
Lee had a freak attack anyway. "Gaa-chan! Oh, Gaa-chan, are you okay?" He did a thorough onceover, checking all points of collision and when he saw the smallest scratch in Gaara's armor on his knee… wow. Naruto twitched. This was bad. "WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!"
"Whoa, Bushybrow, you've been through worse by his age, what are you losing your head over?"
Lee turned towards him, expression dark, and it was all Naruto could do not to piss himself. "Gaa-chan is not me."
Gaara tapped on Lee's shoulder. "I wouldn't mind."
"W-what?"
"I want to be raised like you were. Because you grew up to be a really good person, so…" Gaara fiddled with his shirt. "This is nothing! It didn't even penetrate my armor. But you never had armor, so…" The sand melted away.
Beneath it was a boy and he was…
"Wow. You're really pink, aren't you?" Naruto scratched his cheek.
"Gaa-chan!" Lee sobbed. "YOSH, I will help you become a good person in life and help you overcome your pinkness or else I shall do – … I shall do…"
Naruto frowned. What could Lee do if Gaara didn't grow up to be a good person? Neither of them really wanted to think about it.
Then Lee's grip on Gaara's shoulders tightened. "I shall make you a good person and I will beat the pink out of you!"
Gaara flinched. "O-okay…"
Naruto was a little scared himself. "Geez, he's just a kid, Bushybrow."
Lee squeezed the redhead to his chest. "I know! He is my adorable Gaa-chan and I hope I do not have to fulfill my punishment, but if I must! I must. Please do me proud, Gaa-chan!" He brushed a hand across the scar on Gaara's forehead. "I love you."
Gaara stopped breathing. Tears started slipping down his face. Naruto had to look away because this was as heartbreaking as life could get.
But then he thought about it realistically and, really, from Lee's point of view, this was nothing different than from what he did with his sensei. So the only person it was heartbreaking for was Gaara. And Naruto, because he understood what it was like.
When he had been a kid about Gaara's age, someone to say "I love you" was about the only thing he had wanted too.
.
Hinata had been acting weird since he and Lee were "married" about a year and a half ago. She hadn't gotten over it and only Lee of them seemed to understand why that was.
Naruto had more than once turned a corner to see Lee trying to explain to Hinata about something being "out of love for the child, not ours" and things like that. He had no clue what it meant, but then Hinata would notice him and run off in the other direction.
And then even Gaara knew what was going on. He looked up as Hinata hurried past them in the market. Naruto blinked. "Hey, Hinata-aa…?" She was gone. He stared where she had just been. "What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything," Gaara chirped. "I think that's the problem."
"Huh?"
Gaara looked around like he was about to do something he knew he shouldn't and then he tugged Naruto down to eye-level. He cupped a hand around his ear and whispered, "she likes you."
"Well, I like her too! We're friends, after all."
Gaara shook his head. "She likes you like you liked Sakura."
"What?" What was with this "liked"? But, then again… Naruto hadn't been acting so much on his first love lately, had he? That had dimmed down since he had taken Gaara in. He frowned at the floor. And then he was shot back to the present. "Wait, she likes me like that?"
"I'm seven years old. Why are you asking me?"
"You're the one who pointed it out!"
"I'm hungry. What do you think Lee wants for dinner?"
"You cheeky little b-"
.
"I want Lee to like-like me," Gaara said randomly one day.
Naruto spewed ramen on the kitchen table. Wait, he had already known this… but it was strange hearing a seven-year old say it so monotonously. "R-right…"
"But I want him to be my mom too."
"What?"
Gaara fidgeted and his voice softened by a few octaves. "I've never had a mom… Uncle Yashamaru told me that she hated me when I was born, but then he'd also said that he hated me too and that wasn't true… so I don't know what my mom thought of me. I look at Lee and I think he might be what a mom's like."
Naruto thought about it. In a roundabout way, it was pretty true. Except the moms Naruto had met were way scarier than Lee. He finished his ramen in a deep, calculating silence. "So a mom, huh?"
"Yes. Should I tell him?"
"Eh. If you want to." He could imagine Lee bursting into tears, overjoyed and all of that. It surprised him to feel that that would pretty much be in character for the jounin.
"I don't think I'm supposed to like-like my mom."
"That's a bit creepy, yeah."
.
Gaara met his worst enemy in existence.
His name was Hyuuga Neji and he was Lee's greatest rival and one of his closest friends. As Gaara had told Naruto, Lee most likely liked Neji.
That was apparently unacceptable.
But Naruto still had to stop Gaara from trying a non-violent, almost playful approach to making Neji's life miserable. Because Gaara had realized that with great hair came great responsibility and a shitload of sand made an equally great mess. Naruto was two seconds in time to stop Neji from having to learn just how much of a mess that was.
Sadly, he ended up having to deal with it himself.
He was home that night, Lee helping him from getting grains out of places they never should have gone. He could feel them digging into his scalp, scratching his skin, under his fingernails, in his fucking mouth, and, damn it, he had sand burns!
He grumbled as Lee scrubbed his hair. "It just isn't coming out!"
Gaara stood guiltily in the bathroom doorway. "I can take it out…"
"Really?" Naruto whipped towards him, happy that he could finally get this over with.
"When you dry up."
"What the hell!" Naruto tossed his hands up and then splashed back into the bath. Gaara winced. He was always trying to conserve water. "Come on, Bushybrow, let's get this over with!'
"Naruto-kun, please stop moving so much, you're getting water on the floor."
"Don't you care about me, Bushybrow? What about me instead of the floor?"
"Well…" Lee sighed. "Alright." He kissed Naruto's cheek. "Do you feel better now?"
"… Uhh… Yeah, actually. Wait a second! You're not my mom too!"
"… Too?" Lee looked to Gaara for confirmation.
Gaara flushed just a little bit. "I was talking to him and I said that you were like a mom."
"Really?" Lee lit up like a pregnant woman. "Gaa-chan! If I could be your second mother, I would be overwhelmed by the spirit of your youth and love! In a good way, I mean!"
"Hey, what about me?" Naruto scratched at his armpit. Sand came loose. "I'm a walking sandman! Uh, no offense to you, Gaara."
The redhead ignored him for once. "So it's okay?"
"YOSH! Though I would refrain from calling me mom in respect to yours."
"… Okay."
They hugged, their first official hug as mother and son. Naruto watched on as the impression of a rainbow and unicorns came into the background. "Neji better be grateful, that asshole."
On the contrary, somewhere across the village, Neji had no clue what had nearly happened. He did sneeze, however, and look accusingly in the family's direction. "Who keeps talking about me?"
.
It was the last night of their marriage. To be honest, Naruto had enjoyed the married life, knowing that there were people at home to come back to and that he didn't have to sleep alone. And it was practically guaranteed because it was marriage! But, eh, he and Lee had already talked about it and they'd made the decision to just go on like normal. Or what had become normal over the past two years.
They weren't really planning to do anything about it, though. The night was going to pass, they'd get the annulment in the morning, and then life would go on. Nothing special about it.
Except Lee slipped on miso sauce as Gaara came in from his day at the academy.
What he saw wasn't really that innocent but it wasn't Naruto fault either, damn it! Why did this always happen to him? Why always him? Him!
And how was it possible for someone who was as awesome as using their body as a weapon as Lee to be so freaking clumsy?
Naruto pushed the frozen Lee off of him as Gaara's expression turned dark and dangerous. "H-hey, this isn't what it looks like!"
Sand swirled dangerously. Lee was slowly coming back to himself, hand over his mouth. "M-m-my first kiss!"
That did nothing for the situation.
Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the attack. It didn't come.
"G-Gaa-chan?" He could hear Lee getting to his feet. "Gaa-chan, why are you crying?"
Aw, fuck. He'd rather Gaara would attack him.
"Lee, Gaara and I need to talk for a moment."
The jounin flinched and looked back at him with eyes wider than usual. "What did you just call me?"
"Lee." He gave him his most serious, desperate face. "We really need to talk about something that moms can't know about, okay?"
"Oh… Okay…" Lee looked down at Gaara who wouldn't meet his gaze; his head was tipped down and tears fell off his jaw. "If Naruto-kun doesn't help you, I will, okay? So, please, Gaa-chan, don't cry. I always want to cry with you when you do!"
"Lee!"
The taijutsu artist nodded and left through the open door, shutting it behind him. Naruto waited till his chakra signature faded away.
Gaara didn't look up. The apartment was practically a beach but at least the sand wasn't trying to strangle him… yet. "Gaara, I swear that wasn't what it looked like. There was miso sauce on the ground, Bushybrow slipped and fell… on me. It's happened before – not with Bushybrow! – it just always happens to me, I didn't mean for it to happen, and it's all cool, right? I'm not making a move on him, promise."
Gaara's fists clenched at his sides. "I told you… that Lee's mine – and you do this?"
"Not on purpose!" He scratched the back of his neck. He shouldn't be having this conversation with an eight-year old! "It was an accident. Look, there are still smears of sauce on the ground!"
Gaara followed his accusing finger. "Why is there sauce on the ground?"
Naruto's finger drooped. That was a really good question. Unlike Naruto who could be a slob when left to himself, Lee was a neat freak. In the past two years, he had practically beat his neatness into both jinchuuraki. So who the hell would leave sauce on the ground for Lee to slip on?
"I have no clue. But you see it, don't you?"
Gaara contemplated it in silence for awhile. Then he lifted his head to glare at Naruto with golden eyes stained red. "It doesn't matter. You still took Lee's first kiss. That was supposed to be mine."
This kid was weird. Really weird. Naruto gulped as the sand suddenly rose. "I-it was an accident! Gyaah! BUSHYBROW! SAVE MEEEE!"
.
Despite everything, Gaara eventually forgave him. Seeing as how Lee got that sad puppy dog face whenever he saw them fighting (or Naruto defending himself against the red fury), Gaara really had no other choice.
But that didn't stop the incidences from happening.
This time, however, it was dashi soup. And they weren't even in the kitchen, for crying out loud! Who left dashi soup in the bedroom? And at the foot of the bed, no less! That wasn't the worst part, though. The worst part was that Lee wasn't the one who slipped.
When Gaara came in (what the hell was with his timing?), Lee was blinking owlishly up at Naruto, who was a little horrified himself that his towel had just fallen off and that he was on top of Lee and – holy shit, this really looked bad!
"GYAAAH! Don't kill me!"
"Naruto-kun, if you would please get off of me…"
Gaara was practically shaking in his skin. Sand was mounting up all around him, a wall of death that wanted Naruto's mangled corpse, and the blonde was reasonably scared.
And then Lee smiled. "Hello, Gaa-chan! How was school today?"
.
It was ice the next time… in July. And it wasn't either of them that slipped on it either. It was the random dude passing by as they were facing each other, talking, Gaara with them (because he had zero trust in Naruto), and then that bastard slipped!
The next thing Naruto knew, he was shoved right into Lee, sand rushing in his ears, and he thought to himself, 'WHAT THE HELL? AGAIN?' Despite what must have been Gaara's attempt to stop what was undoubtedly happening, they still ended up crashing against the nearest wall, kissing for the third time in two weeks.
Lee sagged in defeat. "Why does this keep happening to us?"
"I don't know!" Naruto sobbed. Gaara's face of pure, murderous jealousy made his skin prickle. "Make it stop, man, make it stop!"
"NEVER!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
Gaara's sand struck out.
"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee ran to where his role model had fallen, desert soil spilling out of his mouth. "Are you alright?"
He made some sounds that could have been an affirmative.
Naruto was leaning a little towards asking Gaara to do it again. "What do you mean, never make it stop?"
Naruto wasn't sure where the sand went. Maybe he swallowed it or Naruto didn't see him spit it out, but either way Gai was back on his feet and grinning like a lunatic. "LEE! NARUTO! It was my goal in life to save your marriage so that Gaara could be raised in a family environment! If I fail, I must," he paused dramatically, "die."
"No, Gai-sensei!"
"Of humiliation!"
Naruto and Lee took a step back. Gaara took one forward. "Huh?" Naruto squawked in horror.
"If I fail to bring you two back together with the POWER OF TRUE LOVE'S KISS, I shall crawl on my hands and knees through the streets of Konoha in nothing but a thong! That is the challenge I have set up for myself!" He posed radically.
Naruto's mind wandered to what that would look like… and the contents of his stomach immediately tried to choke him. He twisted around so they wouldn't see his face turn green. "B-Bushybrow…"
"Yes, Naruto-kun?"
"We have to get remarried."
There was a moment of silence. Then Gaara inputted, "I could just kill him and save us all."
"Gaa-chan!"
"But, Lee!"
"Bushybrow!"
"For the sake of my dignity, will you two get back together and rain love and passion down upon this village?" Gai was practically crying.
"No," Gaara answered for them with the sincerity and straightforwardness of one who would kill to make his words the truth.
"Gaa-chan!"
"Lee! I don't want you marrying Naruto!"
"You… You don't? Why not?"
Oh, boy. Naruto knew exactly what was about to happen…
"Because I want to marry you!"
The silence was thick. But there wasn't a silence. No one stopped to stare at the "demon boy" propositioning Lee, no one paused at that there was a little kid declaring his intentions to a male jounin. Hell, one mom giggled as she walked by with her child in hand. Or at least Naruto thought that was her kid. She seemed to know what was going on better than they did anyway.
Or at least Lee, who was frozen in time. Gai had about the same gawking expression as his student.
Naruto clapped his hands. "So who wants to go to Ichiraku's!"
.
"So… you want to… marry me?" Lee had his arms wound tightly around his legs, crouched low so he was eye to eye with the sitting redhead. "Why not Naruto-kun?"
"It has to be you," Gaara growled. "You were mine first… now we're back here and everyone wants a piece of you."
"Gaa-chan, I told you –"
"I know what you told me!" He paused, realizing he was yelling at Lee. Gaara abated. "But Naruto said that if I became big and strong, I could have you."
"W-what? Naruto-kun said that?"
"Yes."
"W-well… this explains… a few things. Like your sudden growth. This is why you suddenly shot up five inches that one night, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"H-huh… Gaa-chan –"
"I'm not done yet."
"What?"
"I'm not done growing and getting stronger. I have to be big and strong enough to protect you. When I get to that stage, I know I'll be ready to make you mine."
Lee's face was crimson red. "You're just a child, Gaa-chan, I think you are confusing what one feels for a mother-figure with someone they are in love with!"
"But I'm not just a child. Shu's always yelling at me, always wanting me to do bad things, and he shows me stuff. Bad stuff. I don't think you could understand all the things I see in my head."
"Gaa-chan…"
"I'm young, but I'm not stupid. I want you to be my wife."
"W-wait, wife?"
"Well… you're more like a mom than a dad. So you'd be more like a wife than a husband," Gaara reasoned.
"That makes some sense, but Gaa-chan – you are very young. Once you become an adult, perhaps you'll let go of these… feelings."
"I won't," he swore vehemently. "I don't want to let go of these feelings. I really do l-love you, Lee…" His cheeks were almost as red as his hair. "I'll do anything for you."
The silence was nearly unbearable.
And then Lee gave in. He dragged Gaara into his side with gentle hands and nuzzled his chin into his wild head of red tresses. "All I want you to do for me is be happy, Gaa-chan. Follow the righteous path and live your life to the fullest! YOSH, may the fire of your youth always burn with the intensity of ten suns! … But, mostly, I want you to be happy. And if you want… t-this… then I will not stop you."
Gaara's head shot up, nearly clipping the jounin. "I can have you? Right now?"
"NO!" Lee caught hold of himself. "I-I mean… You are still very, very young. If in… ten years? Yes, in ten years if you still love me this way, I will most definitely marry you or live the rest of my life without a lover!"
"It's that easy?"
"No, not really. I am… honored to be your f-first love… In a way, I suppose. I mean, I am flattered, anyway. But it will be hard to remember me ten years down the road when you will be a man, back in your own village, watching over your people, and there will be so many ladies – and, er, men – who will want you to pay attention to them."
"… I thought you had an ego the size of the Fire country."
"Pardon?"
"You really think you're that forgettable?"
"Hah hah! Gaa-chan, I wear green spandex and orange leg warmers, running around at the speed of light and I can brain damage a chimera. I am far from forgettable."
"But you don't really think you're special, do you?"
"I am not anymore important than the next jounin."
"That's not what I meant." Gaara sighed. "You know what? I'm going to spend the next ten years showing you that you're really the greatest person in the world and that everyone else is a loser for not l-l-loving you as much as I do."
"I do not think Naruto-kun has ever 'loved' me as much as you th-, as much as you do."
"He's a loser too." His expression turned dark. "He took your first three kisses."
"Yes, but those were accid-" Lee's eyes widened in understanding. "That's why you have been so upset?"
"Yes."
"There is no need to be. Naruto-kun and I are just friends."
"You two sleep together."
"N-no we do not!"
"I mean, you guys sleep in the same bed."
"Oh… well, yes, we do…. But you usually sleep with us, Gaa-chan."
"I don't want him sleeping with you!"
Lee, after a small moment, chuckled. "Gaa-chan, you are being very selfish and inconsiderate. Because, if you think about it, Naruto-kun wants the same thing you do."
"What's that?"
"He wants love… so much. And he likes to cuddle. He has never had someone to run to when he was scared, he had to be fearless quick or else the world would have gobbled him up. I am here for you, and I always will be, but I would like to think that I can be here for Naruto-kun as well. You seem to be forgetting that you two have something in common."
"We're jinchuuraki," Gaara said sagely.
"Well, there is that. And it's more of the reason behind what you two have in common… But, really, I was just thinking that you two act like koala babies. I can not abandon one koala baby in favor of the other, Gaa-chan."
"Koala… babies…?"
"They are very adorable." He chuckled and rested a hand on Gaara's shoulder. "Just like you… and I suppose Naruto-kun is adorable at times."
"But not as adorable as me."
"Heh heh, you are much more adorable, definitely!" He stood to his feet, stretched, and then pulled Gaara to his feet too. "Let's go home, okay?"
"Okay… Lee?"
"Yes?"
"You're going to be mine someday."
Lee sputtered. "W-we shall see!"
.
Author's Note: Wow, is it just me or did I get heavy into the NaruLee? Geez, I'm going through a phase at the moment… Oh, and if anyone was wondering~
Yes, Gai did wear the thong. I hope you're happy, Rhainus!