12:30

The Living room.

"Tily?"

"MMM?"

"All I was doing was getting my point across."

"I'm not listening."

Why do I even bother?

"Look, if you can just..."

"I'm not listening, there's no point."

"Right."

I take it back. Anyone would guess she's fourteen.

"You'd better be careful with those babies; they could choke on the string." I say -slightly bitterly, it has to be said- and stalk out of the room.

"Ray?"

It's Ly.

"Where are you going?"

"Ly, I've saved the world 3 or 4 times over, do I have to tell you every freaking move I make?"

And I slam the door and start walking.

12:35

Walking to a random location

Ok, maybe I shouldn't have said that. What difference does it make? I'm stuck in a house with a mutant bluebottle, a giant talking frog, the giant talking frog's girlfriend (Well wife actually), a stroppy teenager, 650 babies, and a fairy who I think I'm developing a crush on.

God no.

I HAVE A CRUSH ON LY?

Aaaannndddd now everyone is staring at me.

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

I'd better go home.

Oh wait, I can't or Ly will give me the Spanish Inquisition –or something like it. I'm nearly eighteen. I'm not a baby.

So where do I go then?

When I was eleven, I ran away from home. It was for reasons that will take an additional explanation to explain.

The rest? I got kidnapped, stuck in a circus, helped myself and others escape from the circus (to be precise, we cut a hole in the wall and fell out), Rigatoni (the circus owner) phoned some detective-inspector person called Archie (Archie Grubb in fact but ah technicalities) and told him we were criminals, menawhile I found myself in Aeropolis, fell through a roof into an unoccupied flat (we did a lot of falling then), and lived for three months as a fugitive and a "Criminal". Then Betina- one of the fugitives, and the only girl, not counting her little companion Flips- told me to go home.

It started with a conversation, actually. LacMac (another fugitive and Betina's boyfriend) and Cookie (yet another, the last one thankfully, and LacMac's OCD best friend) were...somewhere. I don't know. Anyway, they were somewhere, and me and Betina were talking about random things, and I'd mentioned my family. So the conversation sort of changed to Ly and Globox and the rest, and I mentioned that I lived with them.

She said, "Well how come you're here then?"

I said, "I ran away."

Then for some weird reason I started crying. Crying, of all bloody things.

So she sort of awkwardly patted my back (Betina was never one for comfort) and said "Why don't you go home then?"

I said "I don't want to."

She said, "You're eleven, Ray. You have a family. They'll be worried sick about you. Just go home."

So I did. The next day. It was only when I said my goodbyes and the door shut that I realised I didn't know the way. Which was probably something I shoulda mentioned sooner.

So I started walking. Any direction. And, by some wonderful but weird coincidence, I encountered Globox.

My ribs have never been the same since.

He insisted in chaperoning me home (did he think I'd run away again?), even going as far as to HOLD MY FREAKING HAND, and soon enough we made it home. (I was actually pretty thankful for the chaperoning, considering I didn't know the way home, but eh whatever.)

Anyway, we went home and Ly was in the garden.

So she did the most hypocritical thing since hypocrisy was invented.

She saw me, and she stared at me. Then she slapped me round the face and pulled me in to a hug.

Hypocritical? I think so.

It really hurt too - and I'm not just talking about the slap here. She probably crippled my already injured ribs with another too-tight hug. (The first was from Globox.)

Even so, it took her a long time to get me to stop clinging to her.

When she finally did, she sat me next to her in the living room, and said, "Tell me exactly what you've been doing all this time. Where were you Ray? I was worried."

I said, "Betina was right then."

She said, "Who in the name of Pokolus's pyjama trousers is Betina?"

So I told her everything. From the moment I ran away to the moment Betina told me to go home. And for some reason, she found it all so horribly hilarious.

So I was in the middle of explaining the bit where Cookie got committed (don't ask) and she just laughed her ass off. So I said "It's not meant to be funny. The poor guy was scared."

She said "But the way you explain it was just so funny."

Fair enough.

Now, diary, you probably want to know why I ran away in the first place. Well, to explain I need to tell you about my mom.

My mom was..IS called...Betilla. (Yes, I know it sounds like Betina, I don't give a damn to be honest)

She was fairly good as moms go, took my to the park, bought me candy, stuff like that. My dad I didn't meet til I was about 6, and even then I was saving the world from him, but that's another story that I think you know.

So anyway, my mom knew Ly's parents, and I got to know her. Ly I mean. And when Ly moved out of her house at fifteen (I was about 7 at the time) I got invited around a lot. So then I met Globox and Uglette, And it went from there. So then four years later I turned eleven and due to these circumstances that are still a mystery, six years later, I had to spend the year with Globox and Uglette. (Ly's cottage was undergoing DIY repairs so she had to stay as well) So then...well, I was barely eleven, lost, confused, I got the impression my mother didn't want me...so I ran away.

There.

So then, wait it gets better, one year later, Razorbeard (Rigatoni's like apprentice type robot person) came back, invaded, killed (yes killed) Rigatoni, then went around killing a lot of other people. Including Betil-

NO. NO NO NO NO. She's not dead.

She isn't!

She-

She just isn't, okay? We don't know for sure, so why take assumptions?

Anyway, so then I had to stop Razorbeard, I met Murfy, he moved in (along with Ly's cousin Tily-yes, that Tily) and...yeah.

So here I am. It turned out Ly's cottage was unliveable in so she stayed with us. And even when it became liveable in she stayed anyway.

So yeah. That's the story of my life.

So yeah.

...Hang on.

Where...?

Oh god. Somewhere during my trip down Memory Road I ended up somewhere else in fact.

Aeropolis.

I dither for a moment. Maybe...?

No. Wait. I can't. They probably wouldn't recognise me. Besides, LacMac and Betina are probably married by now. With a daughter. A baby daughter. Called Gemima. Yeah.

I wouldn't want to intrude on their babysitting.

Not to mention all the scary police cars whizzing round and I know that if Grubb is in one of them, knowing my luck, he WILL recognise me and I'll be arrested and banged up.

So I run. Away. Again.

To my surprise it seems that none of them are following me. Hmm. Must just be my paranoia.

I carry on running anyway. You can never be too sure.

To my surprise, I find myself speeding up.

Big mistake.

I trip.

I fall...

...?

"Ray? RAYMAN!"

I open my eyes. Ow, my head hurts.

"Ray?"

It's Ly. I didn't know she could get her voice that high.

"Oh Ray..."

She pulls me in to her arms and stands up.

Normally I'd say that was the trouble with being three foot tall.

But not now.

"Why did you run off like that?"

"I just needed to clear my head."

She sighs, gently runs her hands through my hair...and freezes.

I get a sensation of pain and wetness. Darn it.

"I think you've cleared your head of more than thought." She says slowly, and bolts.

Right.

That means what exactly?

Does she mean I'm bleeding?

God I'm stupid, of course that's what she meant.

I'm not really aware of what's happening, but I soon realise we're home and she's bandaging my head.

"Owch."

"Stop complaining."

With that, she carries me to my room.

"Just go to sleep, 'kay?"

How could I refuse?

I burrow my head in the pillow, and almost immediately fall asleep.