I stared wide eyed at this young version of Mikasa, staring at me the exact way she did all those years ago. My breath got stuck inside of my throat, my mind no longer working, not being able to comprehend what the hell was going on. Her eyes seemed to take on a concerned look. One that would grow more and more protective as we grew older. "Eren, are you feeling well?" I didn't know how to answer that. Am I stuck in a dream? Is this even real life? If it is, then how did this happen? Her eyes became more and more concerned as minutes went by without me answering. "Eren? Eren, can you hear me?" I blinked out of my daze and stared at her.
"Oh, yes I'm fine, Mikasa." I said blinking rapidly, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Well," she began, not quite losing her look of suspicion and concern, "we should be getting back." I smiled at her and awkwardly stood, not at all used to this tiny sized body.
"Yes, let's head home."
All the way back to our home Mikasa kept sending me concerned side glances, even if she hid it well.
I had forgotten how peaceful everything was before that day. You would hardly recognize this place now back in my time, or what I assumed was my time. I'm still quite confused about what is happening.
We approached the gate to the Shiganshira District with the collected sticks on our backs. Hannes was standing in the gate entrance with a drunken flush on his cheeks. I felt myself become enraged at the sight, remembering how this is how my day started. We slowly made our way to Hannes and the gate to our home. With a saddened look on my face I said in a small voice, "Oh, you've been drinking again." My sadness was lost on Hannes in his drunken state, as he just smiled and laughed.
"Would you two care to join me?" He said in that infuriatingly drunk voice of his.
"Shouldn't you be working?" I said in an attempt to scold him. He gave me an amused look, as if what I said was the most hilarious thing someone has said all year.
"Ah, if a titan gets in here, we will take care of it. Besides! If some alcohol gets put in our drinks, who's it gonna hurt?" He said with that smile on his face. I felt a bitter smile grace my face as I looked up at the man who had failed to save my mother.
"Mr. Hannes, everyone will get hurt. If you are in a drunken state when a titan attack was to happen, how would you defend yourself? How would you defend the people within these walls? You would be incapable to! Why? Because your drunken self would not think of protecting the walls, would not think about protecting the people, but it would think only to protect itself! You trained in the military for this, act like an adult for once in your life!" I said in an angry tone, my captaining skills making themselves known. I briskly walked away from Hannes, knowing that Mikasa would follow me wherever I went. If I had taken a moment to look up from my steaming mood I would have noticed the shocked and respectful faces of all four men who were supposed to be guarding the gate.
"If I were you, I would just give up on the Scouting Region." I became completely confused, wondering where this came from before I remembered this moment that was imprinted in my mind from so long ago. The memory of the time my 'heroes' came back from their latest mission. I sighed sadly as I looked at this much more innocent version of Mikasa.
"No Mikasa, I can not do that. The Scouting Region is where my heart lives, whether I want it to or not." Mikasa made to interrupt me, but I continued speaking before she could. "Mikasa you must understand I-" Oh to hell with it. If I AM in the past, I might as well start changing things. "It's not just about wanting to see the outside world. I want to be able to protect people from the titans. It's about making bonds stronger than anyone could ever begin to imagine, it's about changing the world and fighting back for the rights of humanity." I sighed as I looked down to the ground, "It's about making a family and overcoming the hard times with said family." Here I looked up and smiled at Mikasa. "It's about everything and nothing at once, but most of all, it's about freedom." Mikasa stared at me with a bewildered look on her face, contemplating what I had just said. Not being able to fully understand.
"Eren wha-" Mikasa was interrupted by the tolling of bells signifying that the Scouting Corps had made their way back. I looked at Mikasa and faked a smile, dragging her behind me claiming that we had to go see them at the opening gates. The familiar faces that stood in a not so perfect line trying to observe the damage done to this new batch of recruits.
I made my way over to the boxes that I had stood on last time, when I was filled with such child like wonder at the heroes that fought to protect us. This time, however, when I stood atop the box there was not a huge grin on my face, or laughter in my eyes. There was sympathy and understanding. Bitterness and sadness, all locked into one look. This time when Commander Erwin looked at me, his face did not hold bitterness, but confusion. I wondered why he would look at me in such a way. After all, I had done nothing of importance yet. I took in the gruesome scene the dead bodies and body parts made. Such a horrible but familiar sight to my eyes. I snapped my head over when I heard a familiar old woman's voice pierced my ears.
"Moses? Moses! Excuse me Sir, have you seen Moses? I have looked everywhere, but can't see him!" The man stared at her in silence for a brief moment, before turning to his counterpart.
"This is Moses' mother, go get it." I watched with a heavy heart as the old woman received the mutilated arm of her dead son. No matter how many times I saw it, it never got easier. "It was all that we could retrieve." The women's broken cries shattered the tense silence around us. Her eyes became wide and dilated, and her cries became hysterical.
"But my son, he was helpful...yes? Even if he did not achieve direct greatness… Surely my son's death helped humanity fight back, yes?!" There was a moment of silence where the soldier did not look like we wanted to respond, to shell shocked about what she was saying.
"Of course! No… on this latest scouting mission, we...no...just like all the other missions… we achieved nothing at all! My incompetence has done nothing but needlessly send soldiers to their deaths! We haven't found anything about them!" Where the Scouting Legion had stopped before, they began to move again, but I didn't want to let that happen. I could not go knowing that a soldier was feeling so low about everything that had happened to him. I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd, ignoring Mikasa's warning voice telling me to stop. I walked in front of the man who was previously speaking with the old woman, who was still shell shocked on the ground. My presence brought an immediate halt to the moving squad. The man looked at me with heavy eyes and a depressed posture. I took in a deep breath and projected my voice as loud as I could make it.
"Mister, you know that what you just said is wrong, correct?" The silence around me was deafening. "Every human life that is given for this is one step forward for our nation, yet two steps back for the family. You have found a great deal of information about the titans, whether you acknowledge it or not. You have found different variants of titans, you have found out more about the outside world in which the titans live, and every day you go outside of these walls, you find out more." A sad smile graced my lips as I stared up at the broken man before me. "Death is a part of this life that we were forced into, you and your squad just happen to see it more, but not for one second should you think that the lives of these dead men and women have not contributed to humanity. They have given their lives to protect the ones who are still alive in your squad, and the people who reside within these walls. They gave their lives so that another family would not have to grieve the loss of a child, or husband, or wife. Father or brother, sister or lover, they have given themselves so that other people may be happy. Sir, while it is more than okay to grieve for the souls who have lost their lives, it is not okay to say you have achieved nothing." The man's face was stunned, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing. I shifted my gaze slightly and noticed that Erwin was staring at me with large eyes and a contemplatively dazed look.
"What do you know about loss and death?! You don't know how it feels to have blood of people you love coating your skin!" The man was on the verge of hysteria as he said these things to me.
"Sir, with all do respect, I know how it feels to take a life, and I know how it feels to see your close people dead, but most importantly I know how it feels to save a life. If you just concentrate on the negative things in life, you will not prosper into your full potential. For the sake of yourself and your squad mates, I suggest you reevaluate your standings, and miss...I am sorry for your loss." With these parting words I walked back over to Mikasa, all too aware of the silence that followed in my wake, and grabbed her hand. "Come, Mikasa. We have to bring the firewood home for mother." I walked away with a bounce in my step, and humming a light tune, because before I walked away from the soldier, I noticed a spark of hope flash across his face as he stared at me in wonder. Yes I thought to myself if I really am back in time, then I am going to make things right. I am going to give people hope, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that the people that I care about do not die again! I will bring a new hope to humanity!
A/N~ So, how is it? Do you think I should continue? Reviews and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Until next time!