So while Jacob was trying to make amends with Bella for being a complete dooshenozzle, Dr. Edward Cullen, baby doctor, was trying to figure out what on earth he saw in this clumsy, rude girl. He also thought long and hard about what kind of parents would cruelly name their child "Just Bella."

Nonetheless, Dr. E couldn't keep his mind off her - her mousey brown hair, the way her nose would crinkle up at the sight of her own blood. This was definitely a man stricken in love.

He was quite upset though when he realized she had a guy. She probably went for that rustic, grease monkey type and didn't think that she would be interested in a doctor. But it was love at first sight for the too-hot-for-his-own-good baby doctor and he let out a sigh as he put the key into the lock at his mom's house.

That's right. Despite being a very successful doctor, Edward had a slight problem. He was a mama's boy. After his father, Carlisle, died, he was left to take care of his overly obese mother, Ms. Esme Platt. Now most of you may be wondering why her name wasn't Cullen, and that's an easy answer to be honest. Esme was so distraught over her husband's death, she even went back to her maiden name. She begged Edward to change his last name too however he said that he already had business cards drawn up with the last name Cullen, and that would be too much of a waste of money. Esme agreed.

"Where the hell have you been Teddy?"

Esme had been a huge supporter of Edward "Ted" Kennedy and even named her only child after him, even supporting the nick name. Poor Edward couldn't ever get a break from the insistent name calling once that got out in high school.

"Moooooom," Edward whined, "quit calling me Teddy. I went to get coffee after my shift at the hospital and well, I didn't get any."

"And why not?" she asked as she knitted another sweater for her 200 cats they had living in the house.

"The girl at the In N Out Burger got hurt so I was attending to her wounds." He even hated the mere thought of mentioning another girl. Ms. Platt was very protective over her little boy and no girl would ever be good enough for him, especially one that works at a fast food restaurant.

"Serves her right. She was probably ogling over you and not paying any attention to what she was doing," Esme said as she looped the yarn around her sausage fingers.

"Mom, you know... I mean I hate to ask this, but have you considered, I don't know... slowing down on the food?"

Esme let out a gasp. She looked hurt and distraught.

"Edward Teddy Kennedy Masen Platt Cullen, don't you ever sass your mama like that again, do you understand me?"

Edward dropped his eyes and nodded.

"That's a good boy, now come here to mama," Esme said as her arms opened wide for his embrace, with her bat wings flopping in the air. Edward had to stop himself from getting mesmerized by the way they just swayed there like a swing in the summer breeze. He jumped straight into her lap as she tussled his auburn locks and sang a sweet piano lullaby to him until he fell fast asleep.

Bella sat on her bed staring at the four purple walls in her bedroom. As much as she hated to do it, she had to call her best friend Alice. They met in high school when some sasquatch of a woman shoved Bella's head into a toilet and then flushed. Alice, being the fashion guru of the school, did the same with her hair and made it into a fashion statement. Since then, they've been the best of friends.

As Bella dialed the number, she kept thinking about the hunky baby doctor and about how he would probably never walk into the In N Out ever again.

"Hello Bella, thank you for calling Madame Alice, how can I show you your future today?"

"Wait, how did you know it was me?" Bella asked. She was still convinced that Alice wasn't psychic. She once predicted the winner of Miss America and from that moment on, Alice was convinced she was all seeing and all knowing. She bought a deck of tarot cards, a 900 number and is now known as "Madame Alice" to her psychic phone friends.

"I am the all seeing and all knowing Alice, I know everything about you."

Bella thought about it for a moment then sighed. "Alice, you Miss Cleo wanna-be, you have caller ID."

Alice giggled, "So yeah you are calling to tell me about your week aren't you?"

Bella didn't even struggle to understand that question. It was Sunday, which meant confessional time. Even though Alice was a horrible psychic, she was a great listener.

"Actually yeah, It's just been that bad."

"Let me see if I can tell you what happened?" Alice asked.

"I'm not in the mood to play this game," Bella said as she filed down the corns that started to develop from standing at the burger place day in and day out.

"No seriously. You were working the other night and this gorgeous doctor came in, scared you... you dropped a pot of coffee on the floor, cut your hand, puked and then Jacob embarrassed you in front of him."

Bella was astonished. Alice was right on the money for the first time ever.

"Alice, how the fuck did you know that?"

"I am the all seeing, and all knowing..."

"Bullshit, tell me the truth," Bella interrupted.

"I just started seeing this guy Jasper, who by the way is like a total cheapskate. Apparently he likes to stalk out your In N Out Burger for free drinks. He's teaching me the fine art of not spending a dime on anything. So far I've gotten like $300 in free food coupons and I've learned to get all my drinks at fast food joints for free. You should see the stack of reusable cups I have."

It hits Bella then. "So this Jasper saw the whole thing? Great, as if Emmett and the baby doctor seeing it wasn't bad enough..." she trailed.

"I guess it could be worse. You could have passed out in your own vomit, which I see you doing in the near future."

"Fuck you Alice, I'm going out for a bit."

"I love you too lady. By the way, whatever happened with the baby doctor."

"I have no idea, after Jacob left, I haven't heard from him. I do have his card though. Do you think I should call?"

"Yes... ooh wait, gotta go. One of my clients is calling. That'll be $18.95 for today's session."

"Fuck you again, Alice." Bella said as she slammed the phone down.

What Bella didn't know was that the other client was none other than Ms. Platt. She called Alice once a week to "talk" to her dead husband about daily matters that needed attending to. She had no idea how to control her "flaky" son of hers so she would consult Madame Alice for everything.

Funny enough, Alice had no idea that the same woman who spent nearly $100 a week in "advice" from her was the same woman who mothered the son that Bella was freaking out over. So the conversation took a rather weird turn for Alice once the conversation started in on her son.

"You know Madam Alice I just don't understand why on earth my son would even want to stray from his mama's house? He's got everything he could ever want here, plenty of food, love, and all the things that any man could want. What else could he want?"

Before Alice realized what she said, the words "sex" fumbled out of her mouth like the worse case of verbal diarrhea ever.

"Madame Alice, how dare you say something like that? My Teddy would never do something like that. He knows better."

Alice rolled her eyes as she listened to Mrs. Platt rant and rave over this "hussy" who has taken her boy's attention away from her. She filed her fingernails, painted her toenails, and was just about to shave her pits when Ms. Platt finally finished her rant.

"So do you think I could ask my dear, late, great husband what his thoughts are on this?" Esme asked of Alice.

Alice sat up in her chair and found her deep inner man voice.

"Esme, this is your husband," the bellowing voice shouted. Alice has perfected this. She couldn't actually channel Carlisle, but it did make Esme happy, so she kept up the façade. Besides, how on earth would Esme ever find out?

"Carlisle, my darling. Oh I miss you so much. If you only knew what your son was up to," she said with a sigh.

"I dooooo knowwww," the manly voice said. "Leave him be Esmeeeee. He needs to get laiiiiiid."

And with that Alice nearly lost it. She had to cover up the phone as she literally rolled on the floor laughing. She knocked over her crystal ball right onto her pinky toe and broke it.

She accidentally hung up on Esme and immediately called 911.