"Is it right for me to come in?" Kasey asks from the door.
Derek turns and looks at her with reddened eyes and nods his head with a small smile hinting at the fact that he gets to see his baby girl.
Kasey pushes the isolate in and over towards Derek and Derek just smiles at seeing the newborn baby tucked away inside.
"Come on little Miss, time to meet your Momma and Dada." She says as she rubs the baby's stomach and then lifts her from the isolate. "Daddy has been patiently waiting for you." Kasey says as she hands the baby to Derek.
Derek holds his daughter in his arms and admires his little girl. She has tubes coming from her body but she is precious. She is his daughter.
"Hello baby girl, daddy's got you. I'm here now and I'm never going to leave you again baby girl." He says placing a kiss on her cheek. "Daddy's got you."
"So do you want to know what is happening with her?" Kasey asks.
"Yes please."
"So being born at 35 weeks is deemed as premature but it's still a good enough time to come into the world with most of their body already developed. So her recovery will be quick. She came in at just 5 lbs. and is 43 cm. Her lungs were the biggest concern at the moment but since she was born 15 hours ago you can tell how much developed they are and how healthy there are becoming just with the CPAP machine which has is a continuous positive airway pressure machine. It works by gently inflating the lungs and keeps them open. Her oxygen is going through the tube in her nose but we think that in a matter of days she'll be off the CPAP and she'll be healthy and will not need the machine. She's in the isolate or the basic unit which just provides care for newborns at 35 to 37 weeks. So really she's just in there for catching up on weight, height and development. Don't be scared of the wires and tubes. They are just monitoring her oxygen levels and keeping her breathing. She's being tube fed at the moment until she can suckle on the bottle. She's a healthy baby Derek and she'll be home in no time."
"So for the time being what can I do?"
"Just being here is helping her. Her daddy's touch is what she needs and lots of attention and affection. Kangaroo care which is skin to skin contact and helps them become more responsive and just letting her know that she is not alone despite everything and with the activity from the NICU it's good to be alone with you."
"I must seem so stupid."
"You're not. You're a first time father experiencing the NICU and prematurity of a baby. This is new and scary compared to when Savannah was born and was healthy enough to go home right away." She says. "All parents who go through this are worried and scared of holding them or being near them just in case they hurt them but parents need to know that they are significant to getting better."
Derek felt relieved and knew that his father instincts were kicking in. It was flight or fight. Anxiety and stress from everything but his daughter had seemed to help in calming his nerves and telling him that, he was doing a good job.
"I remember in my internship I had a patient who was a mother and was in an accident after being run down on her bike. She was in a coma for just over two months with her body healing slowly overtime. The father brought the baby who was only 5 months old when the accident happened every day and because the baby knew that this was her mother. The baby would be placed on her mother's chest and touch her mother, suck on her nose and other things and because of this touch the doctors were amazed at the mothers recovery when they believed that she would never wake up. They believe the baby helped the mother in her recovery. We don't know as surgeons what the brain goes through when in an unconscious state like a coma. Medical miracles happen every day and doctors are always unsure at how. Science is marvellous but the touch of a child is soothing enough for a mother or father to recover." She says. "You should hold the baby up to Meredith's cheek and let them bond."
Derek walks to Meredith's side and with the story going through his mind about touch and bonding he holds his daughter up to Meredith's cheek for skin to skin contact. His baby girl looks curiously at the lady but deep down looks at her to wonder why she isn't awake and cooing over her.
"Look at that." Kasey says.
"What?"
"Her vitals." She says pointing at the machine. "They're rising slowly. She's subconsciously aware."
"I wonder what effect Savannah and Jack would have."
"Bring them in."
"I will get Ma to bring them later."
"Well it's currently 4.30 am, the doctors didn't think she would last this long. She's doing great."
Derek smiles to himself and lets his daughter bond with her mother because this could be her last chance at touching her mother.
"Do you have your camera?"
"Yeah it's in the bag." Derek answers.
Kasey comes over towards the bed with the camera and takes a few photos of Meredith and the baby bonding and one of the three of them. His phone sounds and he juggles his baby while he answers the text.
"Who is it?"
"Calliope. I thought it might have been Ma or someone."
Hey Derek, so sorry to hear about your wife. How is your baby? Did he/she make it? It would be an awful loss if it didn't make it. I see how much you light up around Savannah and I saw how much she wanted to have another baby sibling. Call me soon and let me know what is going on so I can organise myself. My deepest condolences to you and your family. My prayers and thoughts will be with you. I picked up a gig at a club in LA tonight. We'll pray for you all there. Talk soon. Callie x
"Meredith would have loved to name the baby Callie. She just loved the name. She wanted a musical name for you. We even discussed it two weeks ago when she was in New York with Savannah and I. We conceived Savannah in New York. The city of lights. City of dreams."
"Vannah look at Daddy." Meredith says pointing to Derek as the three of them shared breakfast and Derek decided to start pulling funny faces.
"Daddy, you're being silly." She says sighing.
"What's wrong with you miss?" Derek asks Savannah.
"Why don't you want to name the new baby Savannah? It's a pretty name."
"It is, that's why you have the name." Meredith says to her.
"We don't want to have two Savannah's in our house. It'll get to confusing."
"But you could came me Vannah and the baby Sav."
"Van, it will be better if we don't name the baby Savannah and give it its own name. You'll thank us when you're older for doing it."
"Daddy." She says. "Why don't you love my name?"
Derek just smiles at Meredith before looking down at Savannah. "We do love your name. That's why it's your name. Your mother loved Jack's name and that his own name and the baby will have a name that both your mother and I love and it will be his or her name. In ten years you'll understand why it is better to name the baby another name so there's no confusion or anything else."
"I suppose your right." She says sighing again. "What about Savannah as her middle name?"
"It might not be a girl." Meredith adds. "It could be a brother."
"But Nanna said you're having a girl."
"I know she did but that doesn't mean anything. It could turn out to be a boy."
"I don't want another brother." She says turning her nose up. "They don't like playing dolly's."
"That's just the consequences you make when you have brothers."
Savannah ignores her parents and begins to eat some more of her breakfast.
"Derek, I realised we haven't thought of any names for this one? We've discussed but haven't agreed."
"Well I have made a list of a few names that I like at the present moment. You can add to them and tell me what you think of them." She says.
Derek reads through the list on her phone and smiles. "I actually like these names. Sia, Shelby, Lily, Piper, Emily, Aria, Sienna, Luka, Riley and James. I don't mind them."
"You don't want to add to them?"
"No. No I don't." He says leaning in and kissing her.
"When we conceived Savannah it was at the apartment which was dubbed the plateau and Savannah means plateau. We didn't actually decide on Savannah until after her birth which was fitting I think. Jack, Meredith named him after the Jackson hotel which she stayed in when she was pregnant with him. And little miss here…."
"Where was she conceived?"
"Italy."
"Well are any of the names on your list Italian?"
"Aria…" They hear and turn and look at Meredith who is awake. "Aria is Italian."
"You're awake." Derek says shocked and moves to her side and kisses her cheek. "You're awake."
She nods her head slowly and then looks to their daughter.
"You want to meet our daughter?" He asks.
"Yes please."
Derek lowers their daughter into her arms to hold and stands there just in case.
"She's beautiful isn't she?" Meredith says smiling.
"Just like her Momma." He says kissing her forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm in a little bit of pain." She says.
"A little bit or a real big amount of pain?" Derek asks.
"Is there an in between of those two?" She asks.
"I'll call for the nurse to get some more morphine."
"Thank you." She says in a daze as Kasey leaves.
"You look tired."
"I only just woke up."
"And you've had a baby and you've had surgery. You're allowed to be tired."
"I had a caesarean. That's nowhere near the amount of pain of natural birth."
"But you've still had a child no matter what. You're hormones are all over the place, your milk production is still coming through and to top it all off…"
"I was shot and had to have surgery. Yeah I know." She says.
"You're fine. You're still alive. Be grateful for that." He says. "And our little girl here."
"She needs a name."
"She surely does." Derek says smiling.
"Aria Grace Shepherd." Meredith says smiling. "Grace for the purity that she has inherited and being that single, graceful flower to come out of this tragedy. Her beauty and her grace she already has. The grace of the two of us. Aria meaning Lioness in Hebrew. She definitely is a lioness, a fighter. The Italian word for Air. The musical sense of being a self-contained piece for once voice, usually found in the context of opera. And for when we met that Opera singer in Spain just after we found out we were having her. The beautiful, breathtaking and kind Aria, a girl we envisioned we would have and we have her."
"Our baby Aria Grace." Derek says capturing a photo. "I love you so much more."
"I love you too." She says as Derek leans down and kisses her lips.
"And I love you for bringing her and Savannah into the world."
"Derek, if I don't make it…"
"Mer, please don't think like that."
"Just in case the infection kills me, just know how much I love you, I should have stayed in LA with you after we had Savannah and I should have never let you go. I was naïve and just wanted you to chase me down to the airport and confess your love to me but I was so silly in thinking that and I just left thinking maybe it was for the good. Maybe it was for the best but we would have had these last 5 years together rather than 2 weeks every 6 weeks." She says.
"Hey, it worked out perfectly fine. I think even though we had 7 years apart we still needed that in a sense. You got married to another man and you had a child with him. I think it was good for you to be with someone other than me."
"About Jack…"
"How's the pain Meredith?" The nurse asks walking into the room and interrupting her. "On a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the worse."
"7 leading towards an 8 but I might say that Aria here is really helping me forget."
"We have a name?" Kasey asks.
"Aria Grace." The two of them say at the same time.
"Little Ari." Kasey says. "She is an Aria."
With the nurse upping her pain relief she soon leaves the four of them.
"Dr Vincent." A doctor says from the door.
"Yes?"
"It's time to take the baby back to the NICU."
"Can't she stay a little longer?"
"Dr Henley isn't too happy that she was taken away. He thinks the baby is at risk of infection for being here."
"She's with her mother and she is happy. If Dr Henley has an issue tell him to come and see me right away because last time I checked I was Chief of this hospital."
"Yes, I know. We are just thinking about the baby."
"Just go and if Dr Henley is pissed then tell him to come down and see me. I'd love to have a few words with him." She says as the intern turns and leaves the room.
"Your aunt is Dr Meanie." Derek says smirking and running his finger down Aria's little cheek.
"Interns." Is all she said. "I'll give the three of you some more alone time."
She left the room in a silence and Meredith patted the space beside her for Derek to lie down beside her. He sat down carefully in the space and snaked an arm around her back and laid his free hand around to pull her into an embrace. He tried not to hurt her or jostle her stitches. He though wanted the comfort of her.
"I miss you these last two weeks." He says.
"Me too. So did little Miss here. She went crazy of a night because you weren't there beside me, she couldn't sense her father and she didn't have you to talk to her of a night to calm her down. She would kick me so hard, it was like she was punishing me."
"Oh Ari, that's not very nice." He says to the baby.
"But all in all, it just makes it feel so much more real and fun. Saturday night, I had Jack in bed with me and he was fast asleep, it was raining at that point in the night and I just lay there thinking about how great things were going to be after your tour and after Aria was born. We would be a family and after nearly 10 years of confusion and not being able to think straight, I was finally able to see clarity. I mean after Savannah and Jack were born I was in that zone of motherhood and was so focused on them but after things just got into such a complicated mess in my mind and I couldn't think straight. Saturday night, I could. I could see us waking of a morning to Jack and Savannah jumping into bed with us and we would tickle them and blow raspberries on their bellies and laugh. Little Miss would be in her basinet beside our bed kicking her legs wanting in on the attention and you would swoop her into your arms and hold her close to your chest and whisper how much you love her and you include her in on our mornings and she would soon get bigger and bigger and smile and laugh as the other two laughed. We would tour the world together as a family. Go on bike rides and family walks along the beach of a night time. We would sit around on Friday evenings with pizza, and sit on the beach and you would play your guitar and we would sing along and laugh some more. As the kids got older they would have a better appreciation of what we did and would understand more. I'd say we would have another child by then and it would be another bundle of joy we would shower in love. I know you have always wanted three children and I would give you that third one."
"Mer, Jack, he isn't biologically mine but he is still my son, no matter what."
"I know." She says swallowing the lump in her throat. "I would still give you another child and we would have four children and we would continue our family traditions even until they all moved out of home and were in college or starting their own families." She says smiling. "No matter what anyone says, you are the one for me and you have been since we were babies. You understand me and you make the world seem so much more clearer for me. I am so carefree and loving because of you and your ways. I would never change a thing. Every little thing you do for me, I lock inside a little box and I go back to those days and I take the time to remember. It has been in these last two years that I have really been at your side and I regret having to get on that plane or in the car and drive home again and if I wasn't so naïve then we would be living in the same house and touring and I wouldn't be here in this hospital with the chances of dying from a stupid infection. I wouldn't be here. We'd be in LA, we'd be home asleep together in bed waiting for the new day to begin. We'd be happy, waiting for her rather than sitting in this bed, after being gunned down. I should have stayed with you."
"Mer, I don't care that you didn't stay with me. It should have been me to ask you to move to LA as soon as your mother died. As soon as we found out about Savannah. I should have been the man and did the right thing. We were both naïve in thinking that it'd be a fairy-tale ending. I wish it had been but if you never came back to Lakeview just after Savannah was born then you wouldn't have Jack and you wouldn't have married Craig and had that beautiful son of yours."
"Derek…"
"No, I'm being serious. Jack is a gorgeous boy and he is beautiful. You wouldn't have him in your life if you didn't leave." He says. "Besides he calls me Daddy. He thinks I am his father because he doesn't have anyone else."
"Derek…"
"No, I'm shutting you up there because there is nothing else that can be added to this." He says and smiles at her. "I love him no matter what." He says and leans down and kisses her. "No more talking about that, okay?" He says.
She swallows the lump in her throat and nods her head. "Okay."
"Great because I don't know how much…"
"I know. Just tell me about the last two weeks with Van?"
He sat beside her and told her about the last two weeks spent with Savannah. Every little thing the two of them did together and about her singing and playing on the stages. He missed out the moment driving home and how worried he was and how he knew that deep down Savannah was feeling the worried tension of her father. Meredith didn't need anymore stress.
While he spoke Meredith's brain was racing a million miles an hour just trying to get around the fact of how he will react when he finds out about Jack. She was dreading that moment and at this point in time she was hiding the fact of her current health status.
She was feeling so rundown and sick. She knew that she'd have a huge uphill fight ahead of her and that the chances of making it till morning where starting to catch up with her body and the infection was in her body. She didn't know what would happen and she didn't want this moment to end. She was with her baby and her husband. She was with the loves of her life. She still needed to see her other two children and her siblings before her time was up.
She didn't want this to end.
"Derek can you take Aria?" She asks.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, just my arm is starting to tire. My whole body is and I don't want to hurt her."
"You won't." He says taking Aria from her arms and settling her in his. "You'd never hurt this princess."
She smiles down at Aria and runs her finger over her cheek taking a mental image of what she really looked like. The pure perfections of her newborn girl.
"Kiss me Derek."
He looks down at her and smiles and leans down and kisses her softly and tenderly. A kiss full of love and desire and pain and passion. It had to be memorable right?
Sorry I had to leave it there. Suspense and all.
Let me know what you all thought and I'll try and have an update soon in between everything else that I have planned.
And at the moment I have no idea how I'm going to carry on from this chapter so anything could happen.