Title: The Blind Date

Chapter: 2/25

Summary: Elrond and Bilbo decide to set up their two respective best friends on a date. After all revenge was in order. AU- set in modern times.

Genre: Humour, drama, romance.

Warnings: slash, references to m-preg and non-con in later chapters. Some OOC simply because this is an AU, which means Thranduil and Thorin do not hate each other or have any history prior to their blind date.

Chapter 2

Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.

Elrond made his way to his front door, when it rang once more. It was most likely a very angry Thranduil; the elder elf was at a loss on what to do- how could he be so foolish to send such a vulnerable elf on a date with a dwarf?!

"Is it ada?" Legolas asked as he ran after Arwen. Elrond smiled in relief as he pulled open the door to find his two other best friends arguing at the door. He was not ready for Thranduil to return yet.

"How many times must I tell you not to ring the door bell so many times!" the darker haired elf snapped, "Honestly Glorfindel! The children could be sleeping!"

Elrohir choose then to let out a tremendous roar that sent his younger sister and Legolas dashing to Elrond's leg.

"Sleeping hey?" Glorfindel grinned as Arwen jumped into his arms.

"Uncle Glory!"

"Hello princess!" Glorfindel hugged her back as he pushed his partner through the door.

"Uncle 'Tor!" Legolas wrapped his arms around his favourite uncle Erestor. The elf smiled softly as he bent down to the child's level. "I missed you!"

"I missed you also Green Leaf," Erestor smiled, allowing the child to embrace him.

"Where's Thrandy Randy?" Glorfindel asked, he listened for the elf; expecting to hear the elf tell him not to call him that.

"Out on a date," Elrond said, Glorfindel almost dropped Arwen.

"What?!"

"How the balrog did you convince him?" Erestor asked, his eyes widening.

"Arwen, Legolas go and play in the playroom," Elrond smiled, "I'll make some hot chocolate for us."

"Perks of being half human, hey Elrond?" Glorfindel chuckled.

"Your husband is the one who loves chocolate," Elrond smirked.

"Especially melted," Glorfindel smirked, Erestor smacked him across the shoulder.

"Who was the lucky elf?" Erestor asked.

"Uh, it's not an elf," Elrond said, nervously.

"Human, then?" Glorfindel asked, "I'm surprised he agreed at all to a blind date."

"No, not a human," Elrond shook his head.

"A hobbit?" Glorfindel asked, another shake of the head, "An ent?"

"An ent? Truly Glorfindel? An Ent has not been seen in centuries!" Erestor repeated, blankly. He and Elrond exchanged unimpressed looks for a moment.

"Who is it?" Glorfindel grumbled.

"Do you two recall Bilbo Baggins?"

"The hobbit? You choose the hobbit?"

"No, his friend," Elrond replied, rolling his eyes. "It's a dwarf."

Glorfindel tripped over his feet and fell to the ground. He looked up at Elrond and cried out, "What?! A dwarf!"

"I know! I'm an idiot! I cant believe I agreed to this," Elrond exclaimed, "He'll probably hate me now, his first date in years and I blow it by sending him on a date with a dwarf!"

"Why a dwarf!?" Erestor finally gasped.

"He shaved my eyebrow off!"

"You are a blithering idiot," Erestor sighed, shaking his head. At times he wondered about his friends. "Hurry up and make us some hot chocolate."

"Come on now Kíli," Glóin said, tiredly. "It's not that bad, uncle will be back soon enough. Come and play with Fíli and Gimli."

Fíli sighed, looking over his shoulder to where Kíli was lying under the table sniffing and shaking his head. The older sibling sat beside Gimli playing with the new Lego set that Uncle Bofur had given them a few days earlier. Fíli pulled himself to his knees and crawled under the table with his little brother, grasping his hand.

"It's alright, little brother," Fíli whispered, "Uncle's just gone out for a little while, he'll be back soon; I promise. Won't you come and play with me and Gimli?"

Kíli shook his head, curling into himself.

"Please, for me, Kíli," Fíli said, sadly. "I miss you and Gimli's becoming sad."

Kíli looked at his brother with dark, watery eyes and nodded. Glóin sighed in relief when finally Kíli emerged from his hiding place and toddled over and sat beside Gimli. The older dwarf smiled proudly when Gimli pushed a far share of Lego pieces before the sad dwarfling. Soon enough the three children were busy building together.

A few suburbs away in a double storey home, three adult elves and four elflings sat cuddled together before a toasty fire place, listening to Glorfindel retell the story of his battle with a vicious balrog. Legolas was snuggled up tightly in Erestor's arms, his little hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate (which was now warm), listening intently to the tale. Beside him and Erestor, sat Elrohir, his large brown eyes wide, Erestor's left arm was snaked around the elfling holding him close. To Erestor's right was Elrond with his oldest and youngest both seated on his lap, Elladan stared at Glorfindel with an intense stare- each word from the balrog slayer's mouth sinking in, as Arwen rested her little head against her father's chest.

"Just as I thought the blasted thing was going to finish me off," Glorfindel hissed quietly, his blue eyes full of fire, "Ecthelion pounced and defeated the fell beast with one well aimed blow- that bastard! I told him that was my balrog and I wanted to slay the fu-"

"Glorfindel!" Erestor snapped, "Language!"

Glorfindel let out a dramatic sigh; "You always interrupt me at the best part!"

"Yeah, shut up, Erestor!" Elladan snapped. Erestor glowered at the youth.

"Elladan!" Elrond said, firmly. "Do not speak to your uncle with such blatant disrespect!"

"What happened then, uncle Glorfy?" Arwen asked, smacking Elladan across the nose. A look from Elrond stopped Elladan from retaliating.

"Ecthelion and I thought the balrog was done for, but when we stopped arguing we realised we were surrounded by three bloody balrogs including the one Ecthelion thought he killed!"

"Then what happened?" Elrohir asked, pushing himself closer to Erestor. The elder elf held him tighter, knowing the child was in need of comfort.

"And then I took out all three balrogs and saved uncle Glorfindel's rump!" roared a newcomer, frightening the balrogs out of the four elflings.

Elrohir and Legolas squealed in surprised; Arwen hid her face in Elrond's chest as Elladan jumped onto Glorfindel in fright.

"Nice, Ecthelion," Erestor grumbled, covered in warm chocolate milk. Legolas was trembling in his carer's arms; Elrohir was no better, he grip tightened around Erestor's arms, quivering. "The first night Legolas spends the night away from his father, we send him home covered in chocolate milk and terrified because of two idiotic balrog slayers."

"Oops," Ecthelion shrugged, frowning slightly. The ancient elf made his way to the young elfings gathering Elrohir into his arms and stroked Legolas' long blonde mane. "Sorry, pen-neth. I didn't think."

"I don't like balrogs," Legolas sniffed, shaking tensely. "Wh-what if they come b-back?"

"They wont," Glorfindel said, softly, "They've were defeated long ago; hundreds of years ago. The last balrog was destroyed by Mithrandir, during the War of the Ring."

"What about dragons?" Elladan asked, horrified at the thought.

"No, no more dragons either," Erestor responded, "No evil lurks in the dark any longer."

"Well, just the orcs," Ecthelion responded, pulling his ebony hair out of his face. "But they will never hurt any of you- we will keep you safe. Alright, time for bed."

"You know Elrohir?" Elladan slid out of Glorfindel's arms and walked to his brother. "The war of the ring occurred thousands of years ago."

"Aye," Elrohir nodded, taking his brother's hand, looking at his brother with some confusion in his eye.

"And the fall of Gondolin occurred many thousand years more," Elladan added as he led his brother towards their bedroom. The older elves stared at each other confused; what was Elladan getting at? "Our uncles and ada are very old- very old indeed!"

"Why you little!" Ecthelion snorted, "He gets that from Celeborn!"

"I think it's more his grandmother," Elrond chuckled, "Alright, my little Evanstar and Green Leaf, it is time for bed. Come I will tuck you in."

"Let me change Legolas first," Erestor smiled, "Lest he was up covered in ants."

"Yuck," Legolas giggled as Erestor helped him wriggle out of one shirt and into the next. Legolas planted a little kiss on Erestor's nose and took hold of Elrond's hand, "Good night!"

"Good night pen-neth," Glorfindel smiled. Elrond disappeared into the hallway with the children as Erestor crawled over towards Glorfindel and snuggled into his arms. Glorfindel greeted him with a loving kiss. Ecthelion smiled to himself as he sat behind his best friend and lover; waiting for his own to return.

Soon enough Elrond was resting comfortably in his arms; his head rested on Ecthelion's powerful chest.

"I wonder how Thranduil's date is going," Glorfindel yawned. "He hasn't called or anything."

"I'm surprised he hadn't barged in ready to murder Elrond hours ago," Erestor smirked, looking over his shoulder at Ecthelion. "Your dear husband set Thranduil up on a date with a dwarf."

"Are you on a suicide mission?" Ecthelion asked, eyes wide. Elrond rolled his eyes, "Don't roll your eyes at-what on earth happened to your eyebrow!?"

Elrond growled.

"He just dozed off a few minutes before you came," Gloin whispered, as Thorin closed the door behind him carefully. Kíli was asleep on the couch one arm dangling and the other resting under his head.

"How was he after I left?" Thorin asked, softly, "Did he cry too long?"

"No, but he hid under the table for a good half hour before Fíli convinced him to leave," Gloin sighed, "I love the dear boy, but he'll be starting school next year- he needs to be able to separate from you. If he gets this upset from being left with his own family, imagine being left alone with strangers."

Thorin nodded, "I was thinking of enrolling him in a Kindy or something, I cant keep taking him to work with me. It's not that I'm worried about him doing anything while we are there- he never leaves my side when he should be with children his age."

"How was the date?"

"The date was an elf," Thorin said, blandly.

"Bilbo, that little devil!" Gloin chuckled, "Tell me you didn't kill it."

"No actually, I quite enjoyed my date," Thorin nodded, pleased, "I'll be calling him this week to organise another one."

"With an elf!?"

"Yes, Bilbo set me up with a rather good-looking elf," Thorin smiled, "I'm still going to kill him- the fool told me his name was Thrandurin- I must have called him that seven times- each time he had to remind me it was Thranduil."

"That name sounds familiar," Gloin said, thoughtfully. "Thrand-Durin? Bilbo probably called him that intentionally. Made the name sound dwarvish. Are you sure about going out with him again- you and elves don't have great track records- you didn't forget about that last elf you dealt with?"

Thorin grunted, "Don't remind me- Thrandurin isn't like that- I mean Thranduil- damn it Bilbo!"

Gloin chuckled, when soft murmuring behind them caught his attention. Kíli was stirring on the couch, a moment away from falling flat on his back onto the tile underneath him. Thorin rushed over and caught the child before he fell to the hard ground; the sudden movement however awoke him.

"Hello," Thorin smiled, "Sleep well Kíli?"

The child nodded in his arms, snuggling closer to his uncle.

"Come on, I'll put you in your bed," Thorin smiled. "Did you have fun with uncle Glóin and Gimli?"

Kíli nodded again as Thorin carried him to his bed; Fíli's light snores filled the room as did Gimli's slightly louder ones. Kíli yawned, as Thorin slipped him into his bed, above Fíli was asleep in the top bunk, while Gimli was asleep in the spare bed beside them. Gloin stood over his son smiling proudly at the four year old.

"Do you want to leave him here tonight?" Thorin asked, "It's cold outside and you don't want to disturb his sleep…"

"Hhm, aye- come over tomorrow morning- Gin will have some breakfast ready for you and the children," Gloin smiled, he quickly cut his cousin off before he could argue, "Don't object- I have to invite you otherwise when I get home she'll have a field day!"

Thorin chuckled, "women."

"Women," Gloin agreed.

"Elrond, what is that?" Erestor asked, when Elrond returned with a bottle and a glass. "Wine?"

"Thranduil is going to get here any minute and before he tries to kill me I will offer him wine," Elrond explained with a triumphant smile. "Then, he wont kill me… I hope."

There was a soft rapping at the door; Ecthelion kissed Elrond on the forehead and made his way to the door.

"Oh Elbereth," Elrond whispered, "He is going to kill me."

"Where is that blundering buffoon?" Thranduil's voice came from the hallway.

"My children are about to become orphans," Elrond whispered. Glorfindel snorted only to be slapped across the chest by his lover. Thranduil stalked into the room; his robes billowing around him, Elrond shrunk into himself as Thranduil inched closer. "I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking! I should have never set you up with a dwarf- I'm an idiot! Here have some wine!"

Thranduil froze, a brow rose as Ecthelion slowly eased beside them; ready to shield Elrond if necessary. Of course he wasn't going to completely rain of Thranduil's parade. The prince deserved a little retribution- after all he was set up on a blind date with a dwarf.

"Give me that," Thranduil snatched the bottle from Elrond who raised his arms defensively. Thranduil responded by popping the bottle open, the blonde's eyes widened when the cork popped out, flew across the short distance and smacked Elrond right above his missing eyebrow. Erestor snorted as Elrond swayed on his feet slightly. "Uh… I didn't mean to do that, but I suppose you could call us even then."

"Wine glass?" Elrond squeaked, eyes rolling in his head as Ecthelion held him by his swaying shoulders. Thranduil shook his head and drank directly from the bottle.

"So how was the date?" Erestor asked, "And before you ask no, we had no idea Elrond set you up with a dwarf- he planned it on his own, and did not tell us. I would have suggested picking someone a little more well not dwarvish."

"Me too!" Glorfindel said, quickly- he didn't want a cork knocking him out!

"Then it is a good thing he didn't tell you," Thranduil smiled as he drank from the bottle again, "As he will call me sometime this week to organise another date."

The four elves sputtered, "What?!"

Kili's silence will be explained in later chapters. And yes, Ecthelion is alive! He sounds like a bloody dream!