It's time for… Thw Twilight Ninja theme song!
And so I slice and I dice,
And I eat some more rice-
Ummm… those are the only lines I could think of. Sorry.
Anyway, I left home in my ninja outfit, looking for Twihards to mess with. My thoughts strayed to when I realized I had been banned from the Twilight moms forums just because I didn't like the series. Or maybe because I wasn't a mom. So they're either like Meyer, and hate criticism, or are just sexist. I dunno.
So I walk to the mall, and see the deranged twihard who had called the cops on me yesterday. What a bitch. She called the cops on me just because I stole her Twilight! You'd think it was a crime or something!
So I decided to teach her a lesson.
I took out some matches, and threw them into the nearest store.
Hot Topic.
The store burst into flames. The Twilight fangirl (Along with several fake-emo bitches, who were probably also Twihards) Rush to try and put the fire out.
I laugh maniacally. The cops see me and chase me.
Again.
So I run outside. Six cops are waiting for me.
More come from behind.
"Well… shit." I said.
"You're that guy from yesterday!" One of the cops exclaimed. "The one who killed Trivette!"
"Trivette's dead?"
"OMG he killed Trivette!"
"That bastard!"
"Ummm… what about all those cultists outside?" I asked.
"What? Those were just girl scouts." One of the cops said dismissively. "Our cookies should be here in a few weeks guys."
"Yay!"
"…" I said. What the hell? Did they just help fund a freaking cult?
"Anyway." The cop turned on me. "You're under arrest. For Theivery, Pyro- pyro- burning stuff down, and being a grade-A asshole to little girls."
"What have you got to say for yourself?!?"
"The Lion fell in love with the Lamb!" I said suddenly.
The Cops took a step back.
"Holy shit!" One cried out. "He's armed!"
"With fluff!" Another cried out.
"If we listen to anything he says, we'll be repeating those crappy quotes all day!"
"My love, my only! Wuthering Heights Sucks! I live for you know! My Brother, my son!" I yelled out every Stupid Edward quote I could think of. The cops fell over on the ground in a vain attempt to cover their ears. But it was in vain!
"I have defeated you in a battle… OF LOGIC!" I screamed. Then I ran off.
….
So I sneak back into the mall to see what happened.
For some strange reason, all the Twilight merchandise was burned to the ground. The store was still standing.
The Twihards were crying.
That bitchy girl was still there.
"No… Edward!" She sobbed.
I cracked up.
Then I ran.
…
Holy shit.
I was on a Twilight website, looking at the thread about me. Ahhhh… the hate of horny teenage girls who assume I know nothing of love is quite hiliarous. They actually think I'm actually Mars Defdan from Twilightsucks . com. No, seriously. If Mars is reading this, let's say this together:
What the fuck.
Now back to the story.
It was a link calling together all the bitchy Twilight Moms. Of course they didn't refer to each other like that.
I found out there was a meeting of sorts.
Intriqued, I checked it out.
…
I was in the rafters of some building. I got up there using my mad ninja skillz. Anyway, the Twimoms were below me.
"It's official." The leader said. "It's time we act!"
Cheers.
"Today, we go to Washington, D.C and overthrow Obama!"
More cheers.
"And replace him with Stephenie Meyer! Her vision shall spread, and the world will be at peace!"
I fell out of the rafters laughing.
The TwiMoms stared at me.
"Who are you, young man?"
"I?" I asked as I struck a gallant pose. "I am the Twilight Ninja! My mission is to stop the Twilight fad! I must assist you in choosing a less evil plot!"
"The TwilightNinja! The guy that spammed our forums with lies!" The leader screeched.
"How can a opinion be a lie?" I asked.
"Get him!" The Twimoms screeched.
"I can't be get!" I jumped out of the way. I made my signature salute. "Twilight Ninja, AWAY!"
I should have used my catchphrase earlier… oh well.
I ran from the Crazy TwiMoms who think Edward is better than their husbands. It doesn't matter how small they are, Reality Fantasy!