No Good Deed…

By Eydie Munroe

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know – Paramount and CBS own them. They whispered to me that they wanted to get out of the vault for a while, so here we are.

Note: This takes place sometime during the first half of the seventh season, and completely negates the events depicted in the episode "Body and Soul" – because honestly, I don't buy for a second that a hologram would do the trick.

The captain had spent most of the morning in her ready room, her tone when she left the bridge making it clear that she was not to be disturbed. Tuvok was also back at his station, and he tried to communicate with her as she walked past him. She merely shot him a bad look and a thought to mind his own business before the doors closed behind her. He shook his head, noting that the turmoil in her mind had not subsided since the day before.

Chakotay noticed the shake, and his brain was working overtime as he tried to figure out just what was going on. Finally his concern got the better of him, and he took the risk of heading for her ready room. Her voice was terse when it allowed him entry, and he found her slumped over her desk, her chin resting in her hand as she stared at her terminal. He was caught up in staring at her until she grumbled, "What do you need, Commander?"

Her words snapped him out of his reverie. "I wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" She fixed him with the stare that she reserved for him when he was intruding on her personal space.

But he knew that look all too well. And he was not about to start off some endless debate regarding her state of well-being. So rather than do anything else, he was blunt. "Can't I ask that question just once without you dodging it?"

In her mind, she could hear Tuvok tell her, He deserves an answer, Captain.

I know that, she spat back at him. But am I really supposed to tell him what happened between us? Do you want that, Tuvok?

If it preserves your relationship with him – then yes.

Relationship…?

On the other side of the desk, her first officer watched her with a definite frown. "Kathryn, what's going on?"

She shook her head, absently putting down the silver mug that she had been clutching when Tuvok's opinion entered the conversation. Her sleep the night before had been restless to say the least, and she was concentrating so much on appearing normal that she hadn't given much thought to how she was going to explain everything. "I really don't want to get into this right now, Commander."

"Kathryn..."

Captain...

"Alright, enough! Both of you!"

Her words took the first officer aback, his concern now vaulting into pure worry. "Both of who?" he pressed, taking the last few steps to her desk. She stopped suddenly, now aware of what she had just said. "Do you want to tell me what's going on here, Kathryn?"

"No."

That is not a wise course of action, Captain.

It's none of your business, Tuvok. I'll tell him if and when I feel like it. Not before.

He is going to ask, whether you want to explain it to him or not.

She heaved a sigh. "Look, this is something personal," she said, making a concerted effort to soften her tone as she addressed him. "I would much rather leave this until tonight."

It wasn't a good enough answer, but Chakotay knew when she put an end to a conversation. "Alright," he conceded slowly. "Dinner, nineteen hundred?"

"That's fine," she said quickly, her words also a dismissal.

He turned and walked out onto the bridge, the first thing meeting him being Tuvok's impassioned expression. Just what do you have to do with all this? Chakotay silently questioned. He must have shot the Vulcan a dirty look, because the security chief immediately returned his eyes to his console. Chakotay returned to his seat, trying to bury his concerns until the end of the day.

The captain changed into some loose fitting clothes on her return to her quarters, and then had collapsed in her lounging chair in the front room, taking the time to try and centre herself before Chakotay confronted her. And it was going to be a confrontation – she knew that. She didn't know just how she was going to explain what had happened, but part of her was wondering even why she should. There was nothing she had to explain to him – she would tell him exactly what happened. There was nothing between them, or between Tuvok and T'Pel for that matter, that would have constituted breaking any promises or any betrayal of trust.

Then why does it feel like it?

The thought flitted through her mind again, the same question that had appeared when Tuvok left her quarters the day before. She could still hear his thoughts clearly, but he was trying to pull his barriers back into place and shield her from the minutia that she had been subjected to all day – scan readouts, security protocols – more than she had ever wanted to know about running the Tactical station. But he was distracted at the moment, so there was no answer when she had asked herself the question again this time.

The door chime startled her back into reality, and in the blink of an eye more than three hours had passed. Ignoring the dull ache behind her eyes, she rose to her feet as she called, "Come in."

Her first officer entered cautiously, cradling a bottle in the crook of his arm as he looked around the darkened room. "Kathryn?"

"Over here."

He found her in the far corner of the room, where she was working at stretching the kinks and soreness out of her body. Her muscles had stiffened considerably, and though she hadn't checked, she was sure that the bruises had deepened over the course of the day. Chakotay watched her for a moment, desperately trying to figure out just what was going on. She looked like she'd gone five rounds with a Hirogen hunter. He held the bottle out toward her. "Olive branch?"

Kathryn glanced at him from mid-stretch, a range of emotions playing through her pale features before settling on the gift he offered. Her arms dropped wearily to her sides, but eventually she took the bottle from him, breaking into a tired smile when she read the label. "Bubble bath?"

He felt safe in a grin of his own now. "I didn't think you were in any mood for wine."

She came over and rested a hand on his chest. "I appreciate it. Thank you." Then she turned and set the bottle on the table. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just water is fine."

A gesture sent him on his way to the couch, while she ordered a glass of water and a cup of coffee from the replicator. He noticed that her movement was somewhat slowed as she sat down beside him, and he let her settle in before he asked the question. "Kathryn, can you tell me what's happened?"

Sipping her coffee gave her some time to gather her thoughts, and her knuckles whitened around the silver form as she tried to warm them. She swallowed hard. Tuvok, what do I do?

Tell him the truth, came back in an immediate reply.

A deep sigh gave her a few seconds more, but even Kathryn had to eventually concede defeat. So after drawing one more breath, she started. "Yesterday afternoon, the Doctor was filling me in on the cure he found for Kalster Disfunctia when Tuvok showed up at my door." Then she summoned a burst of courage and said, "He had just entered pon farr."

It took a moment, but the full realization hit him. "Kathryn, you didn't..." He stopped, something in the back of his mind telling him that it really wasn't any of his business. But then there was the part that loved her, and that part of him was quickly taken over with jealousy.

She couldn't look at him as she confirmed, "We did."

The news was overwhelming him, and without thought he was on his feet and pacing. His fingers raked through his hair as he worked it out in his mind, but no matter how hard he tried it just wasn't going to sit easily. "Why?" He paced a little more before adding, "There must have been some other way."

"There was no other way," she told him, her voice eerily quiet. "You know that."

He shot her a glare, a look that she rarely saw from him. "But why you?"

Any patience that Kathryn may have forced herself to exercise was rapidly evaporating into the tension that was filling the room. "Who else would it be?"

"I don't know."

"Chakotay..." He continued to pace in front of her, and as long as he was moving she couldn't talk to him. "Chakotay!" she said again, this time summoning her command voice. The tone was enough to stop him, and she reached a hand out to him. He didn't take it, instead staying exactly where he was. "You know as well as I do that there are only two ways to rectify pon farr," she explained, her voice soft but firm as her hand returned to her lap. "I was not about to ask anyone on this ship to fight him, and I would ask no other woman to..." She searched for the right word. "To bond with him."

"Bond?" he echoed abruptly, the sound of her voice ringing in his ears. "Is that what you call it? Bonding?"

Kathryn's anger rose another notch. "Well what the hell else am I supposed to call it?"

He started to head for the door, but stopped and faced her before it opened. His pain was fully evident now, any attempts at veiling it long gone. "Kathryn, how could you?"

She jumped to her feet, taking a defensive posture. "I wasn't about to let him die, Chakotay."

"Really?" He felt his hurt so strongly that he lashed out at her. "I didn't see you volunteering when it was Vorik's turn." Chakotay turned away from her again, not wanting to look at her right now, but not willing to leave just yet.

Kathryn didn't know what to say. She'd known that he would be upset, but he was taking it much more personally than she'd anticipated. She turned away from him as well, folding her arms across her chest as she stared out the windows at the passing stars.

Chakotay finally decided that he needed to leave, to give himself some distance to calm down before he said something he'd really regret. He turned toward the door, but stopped. When she pulled her arms in front of her, it caused the wide neckline of her blouse to slide down off her shoulder, revealing one of the dark bruises from the day before. It caught his attention, and he closed the distance between them to examine it. "What's this?"

"What's what?" She watched his reflection in the window as he approached her, and whirled away from him when he ran his fingertips over the bruise that extended from the back of her shoulder and over the top – one that vaguely resembled a handprint. Even with his light touch, it still shot pain through her.

She felt Tuvok's reaction to it, and he told her, You should have that attended to by the Doctor.

Not now, Tuvok.

The man in front of her saw her attention leave again, and it concerned him. "Kathryn?"

She blinked as her focus returned to him, but now she was finding it hard to concentrate on his face. "Sorry."

"What happened?" No answer came, and he reached up to hold her shoulders. "Kathryn please, help me try to understand this."

And there it was, the opening that she had feared he would give her. Her hands ran along his arms until they covered his hands, and she pulled them down to rest between them. Tuvok, how much do I tell him?

Tell him everything if you feel it necessary. I trust his candor.

She nodded, then looked up into her friend's dark eyes. "What I tell you can't go beyond this room."

Thank you, Captain.

"Kathryn..."

"Promise me, Chakotay."

He wanted to trust her, to know that she was going to tell him the truth. "I promise," he pledged in a whisper. "Please, tell me."

Oh hell. Her eyes fell to their hands, which he was tightly clutching to his torso as he waited for her. "I..."

"Take your time," he told her. But before she could utter another word she blacked out, her knees going out from under her. Only his quick reactions kept her from hitting the floor. "Kathryn? Kathryn!" He tapped his commbadge with his free hand and called for a direct beam-out to Sickbay. Then his sigh of frustration filled the ward, followed by his strong voice when he called, "Doctor?"