"Okay, here's a book of unusual charms." Remus said cheerfully as he rushed over to the table where the other three Marauders were seated. He sat heavily down on the chair next to James and opened the book. His face fell, however, as he read the first page. "No, wait, it's about running dragon farms."
"Boys, we've been here for two hours. I don't think we're going to find anything anytime soon." James snapped, rubbing his eyes. He couldn't believe he had been dragged out of bed, though he was thankful for the hangover potion Moony had stored in his trunk.
"Well, I'm going to keep looking, go to breakfast if you want. Prongs and Wormtail, bring us back a croissant?"
"What about me? Don't I get to eat? No one will guess, I'll be very discreet!" Sirius began indignantly.
"No, Padfoot, I need your help. I can't do this all by myself!"
"And why the hell not? You've managed before!"
"Well, that was school-work! Now, do we have a rapport?"
"Not anymore!"
"Padfoot, I implore-"
"No, you ignore!"
"Don't try to settle the score! There is no score! Not like before!"
"Yes there is, so stuff your rapport-"
"Okay, let's not go round in the circle again, yeah?" James stepped in, staring firmly at both Sirius and Remus, who were huffing and sighing dramatically. "This is just getting way too weird. Plus, people are staring."
"Prongs, you know that we can't help but rhyme. Would you prefer it much more if we started to mime?" Remus asked playfully.
James narrowed his eyes theatrically, and spat back, "Don't be a smart-ass. You know as well as I do that Padfoot has the attention span of a Crup."
"Yeah, you know as well as he does that I have the-" Sirius began, and narrowed his eyes. "Oh, you're just loving this, you're glowing with glee."
"Meh," James replied, shrugging. "I was going to suggest that Wormtail stay up here and research, and Padfoot come down to breakfast with me. But if you're going to be rude about it, Padfoot, I'll just go to breakfast by myself and-"
"I'm sorry, I'll be good. I think I must have just… misunderstood."
"Good boy," James said, patting Sirius' head. Sirius growled but said nothing.
Hey, he was hungry.
---
James and Sirius sat at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall, grinning joyfully at the amazing array of foods that were splayed out in front of them.
"That's the best thing about breakfast. The food," James said, happily gnawing on a chipolata. Sirius nodded fervently next to him, taking handfuls of scrambled egg and stuffing it into his mouth, attracting several disgusted looks from some uppity Fifth Year Ravenclaws. James was about to yell at them (and point superiorly to his Head Boy badge), but for some reason he found his tongue had stuck to the roof of his mouth. Peculiarly, the words were there, but he just couldn't say them. Suddenly he became aware of a figure that had cast a shadow over his breakfast feast, and when he looked up, the explanation for why he had lost the ability to speak surfaced.
"Ah, Black. Nice to see your table manners have improved," Lily Evans said, frowning. "And Potter, as always, your culinary expertise hasn't ceased to amaze me. So, tell me, does it add to the flavour to leave chipolatas hanging out of your mouth?"
Sirius burst out laughing, and James was suddenly intently aware of the sausage between his lips. Do something, you moron, James thought to himself.
"Erm… it tastes good?"
Unfortunately, he had neglected to remove the chipolata before speaking, and it fell heavily onto the table in front of him, missing his plate by at least three inches. Lily stared blankly at him for a second, before inching her face closer towards his. This is it, James thought wildly. Oh, thank you, Merlin-Jesus-God-Mary-Joseph-Buddha-and any other supreme being that may have been responsible for Lily Evans leaning in to kiss me. James closed his eyes and puckered his lips, waiting for her to get close enough to kiss… but seconds later, the kiss didn't come, and when he opened his eyes he found her waiting a few inches from his face, looking extraordinarily angry.
"You. Disgust me."
And with that, she walked away, leaving James shocked, miserable, and sore from having kept his lips puckered for so long. He turned to Sirius, lips still pursed.
"Woy dosh she hate me sho, Shiriush?" James said, feeling his lips stuck in a puckered position.
"I don't know, but she sounded serious." Sirius replied. James stared at him.
"Cheater, you can't rhyme 'Shiriush' wisch 'sherioush'!" he had been about to say accusingly, but for some strange reason Sirius was leaning towards him at a disturbingly fast speed, and before James could duck-'n'-cover, Sirius' lips had pressed against James' for a moment before James was pushed into the person sitting next to him. James looked up at the rest of the Gryffindor table, and saw that they were all arranged in a similar fashion – everyone was tilted to the left. Opposite him, Frank Longbottom and Jeremy Silverton were having a loud argument about who-pushed-who, and it was soon obvious that there had been a domino effect around the whole table.
And then James realised that --
"Oh, for the love of Merlin! Oh, the humanity! Ugh, ugh, ugh! Your lips… touched my lips… oh, dear Lord, ugh, ugh, ugh. Oh Merlin, I'm filled with disgust," he said, scratching at his tongue and attempting to wipe it clean.
Sirius paused.
"Please tell me you didn't say, 'lust'."
"No! I didn't! Don't be so stupid!"
"Well if you didn't say 'lust', why don't you prove it?!"
"How do I prove that I didn't say lust? It's my honest word – give me a little trust."
"I do trust you! Well, sometimes, at least."
"Padfoot, is it your wish to be deceased?"
Both boys paused for a moment, and Sirius' eyebrow furrowed in confusion.
"Deceased. Strange word for you to choose." Sirius commented as would-be-casually as possible.
"Well, it's not like I've got much to lose."
"Prongs,"
"Mm-hmm?"
"You're rhyming too, mate."
"What? That's impossible. Hang on, just wait."
"Crap, you are rhyming. Oh, Merlin, what do we do?"
James eyes widened hysterically as he said, "I don't understand! I wasn't charmed too!"
"We need to get Moony, as fast as we can." Sirius said, and with a nod the pair ran to the library as fast as their legs would carry them.
"You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread man." James muttered, accelerating as he raced alongside Sirius.
"Gingerbread man? Like the fairy tale?" At this, James grinned.
"I guess that joke's getting a little bit stale."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA," Sirius shouted abruptly. "Not."
"Just the thing to hit the spot."
"Shut up."
"With pleasure. Silence is golden, much like treasure."
Sirius rolled his eyes.
---