A/N: I just realised to my horror that I last wrote anything over a year ago! So if I'm a bit rusty, I've got a good excuse

Thank you for all the reviews, it's nice to know that people are enjoying the story.

Chapter 2

Jane was downstairs in the quiet kitchen making a cup of tea. He was mildly surprised that Lisbon and the gang weren't back yet, but then he wasn't totally sure how much time had passed since he heard them leaving.

He was dipping a teabag in his cup when his phone started chirping for attention in his pocket. He dipped the bag once more and dropped it in the bin and then fished the phone out of his pocket and answered.

"Jane," he said while balancing his teacup trying to not spill any of the tea.

"Lisbon has been shot," Cho's impassionate voice came through and Jane stiffened and stilled.

"Where is she?" Jane asked, already lowering his cup on the kitchen counter and walking towards the exit, while Cho gave him the information in clipped voice.

XXXXXX

The traffic was light at this time of the night and Jane quickly arrived at the hospital. For once his thoughts didn't center on Red John, but only on Lisbon. He felt anxious and he was acutely aware that he had been avoiding her with the purpose of not having to lie to her about Hightower. He hadn't really talked to her for a while and now she was injured. Although it wasn't his fault, he felt guilty.

He parked his car and briskly walked into the hospital. There were few people around but the calmness of the night didn't really help him. He was shown where to go without a fuss, clearly indicating that Cho had informed the staff that he was coming. He found the team in a waiting room.

Cho was sitting still, staring straight ahead. Van Pelt was sitting next to him, pale and worried and Rigsby was nervously pacing by the window. When they heard him entering, they all looked up.

"How is she?" Jane asked looking worried as they didn't look like this was just a trivial wound.

"She's still in the surgery," Cho answered.

"What happened?" Jane asked taking a seat opposite Cho and listened keenly when Cho relayed the story.

Jane was struck by what Lisbon had said before losing consciousness.

"What did she mean that she failed?" Jane asked perplexed and turned to look at Van Pelt with Rigsby and Cho when she was the one who answered.

"Since Agent Hightower's escape, she has questioned herself and her instincts. But you haven't been around her to see that," Van Pelt said quietly and angrily.

Jane flinched at her tone but for once didn't come back with a witty retort. Van Pelt was right after all and this was Lisbon they were talking about.

"She pulled her gun on the suspect. He must have done something to make her hesitate and I saw her lower her gun a bit and then the suspect shot her. Two shots were absorbed by the vest," Van Pelt continued.

"But one hit the junction of the neck and the shoulder severing the carotid artery, "Cho continued tonelessly.

"She is still in surgery," he said quietly.

Silence fell as Jane took in the news and all that had happened. He could tell that Van Pelt was angry and disappointed with him. Rigsby was generally angry and there was no telling what Cho was thinking. He leaned back in the uncomfortable chair and joined the others in waiting while an unidentified emotion was raising its head and made him feel even more uncomfortable and twitchy. Van Pelt was correct, he hadn't notice the change in Lisbon. How could he not have, Jane berated himself. Maybe he could have done something to stop this going this far.

A tiny voice in his head piped up, "You should have told her about Hightower. That her instincts and judgement of character were spot on." Jane started to feel the dread spreading slowly, could feel the heaviness in his chest as it started to dawn on him that this mess actually was his fault.

XXXXXX

While Jane was deep in thought, a doctor walked in wearing scrubs and a white coat, neither being blood splattered. That must be a good sign, thought Jane as they all got to their feet.

"Agent Lisbon's surgery was successful. She has lost a lot of blood as it was artery that was severed and she will have substantial scarring in her neck, but she will be fine," the doctor announced.

"Can we see her?" Jane asked immediately at the same time with Van Pelt.

"She is still not fully conscious from the anaesthesia, but I'll send a nurse to take you to her," the doctor said knowing from experience that law enforcement always wanted to see their injured ones with their own eyes before leaving.

The doctor turned and waived at a nurse who came and took them along a long corridor. From the last room on the right, light was spilling to the darkened corridor and they all crowded in to be faced with a very pale Lisbon resting on a bed, lines and tubes sneaking out of under her covers and the steady beep of machines echoing from the walls.

Jane stood back while the others approached Lisbon. He saw how Van Pelt reached for her hand and clasped it in her own. How Cho was standing close on the other side of the bed and how Rigsby was hovering nervously beside Van Pelt. Lisbon didn't react to any of them.

Jane felt like the air around him was flowing slowly, thickly, and it was suffocating. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest and he couldn't hear anything. He could only see Lisbon, tiny and pale with large dark circles around her eyes, quiet and still and that scared him the most.

He took a careful step towards the bed and Cho gave way so that he could stand next to Lisbon. They knew the capacity of the man to blame himself for everything gone wrong and in other circumstances they might have been worried for him, but they knew that if Jane had been around more, Lisbon wouldn't be in this bed.

"Jane, I didn't mean…" Van Pelt began as her kind heart started feeling sorry for him, but Jane cut her short by waving his hand.

"It's alright Grace, it is my fault. I haven't been around her and I haven't been there for her like she has been for me…" the rest of Jane's sentence tapering off into silence.

Van Pelt nodded tears in her eyes and let Rigsby lead her away. Cho nodded at Jane and took his leave with the other agents.

XXXXXX

Jane stood still for a while as the nurse came in to make sure Lisbon's vitals were ok and that she was comfortable. She didn't give him any grief for staying for which he was grateful.

Once he was alone with Lisbon, he hesitantly took her hand and gently held it in between his larger hands. He wasn't great on physical contact, but he needed to feel that Lisbon was still alive. That she was still here with him.

As he stood next to Lisbon's bed, stroking her hand, thoughts swirled in his mind. Running around chasing their tails, tripping over themselves his mind was in chaos and he didn't know how to tame them. He only knew that the old, familiar guilt was gnawing his gut, reminding him that once again it was his fault that a woman that he cared about was hurt.

The fact that he had just admitted caring for Lisbon was drowned by the other emotions and warranted little attention from his mind as it battled with itself.

Jane knew that he had to come clean about Hightower. It might be what was needed to make Lisbon to start trusting herself again and he was going to do everything he could to make his absence up to her. This thought brought his mind to an abrupt halt. He had just put Lisbon's wellbeing ahead of catching Red John without any hesitation.

He looked down at the injured woman, still holding her hand and finally it came through to him that once again he hadn't thought what the consequences of his actions were and now he was here, alone, without Lisbon at his side to help him to shoulder the consequences as she usually did without him asking. He was truly alone.

TBC