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How to "Stop sleeping in Class" by Shikamaru Nara
Step 1: You don't.
Conversation between Shikamaru and me:
"You can't just hand out absolutely useless advice like that."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't. Now, rewrite it."
End Conversation
How to "Stop sleeping in Class" by Shikamaru Nara
Step 1: Skip class.
*sigh*
How to "Catch a Fish" by Kisame
Step 1: Put bait on the hook, preferably gummy worms because they are so much more appetizing than real worms. Trust me, I know these things.
Step 2: Cast your line. Don't ask me how the hell you cast your line. Just do it, but if you are really, really picky about your instructions then go look up how to do the damn thing yourself instead of writing to a "how to" column where you will just get help a week later than you need it. Otherwise, continue reading.
Step 3: Wait for about an hour, which will actually feel like five hours because as we all know patience is a virtue that practically nobody has.
Step 4: When there is a bite, reel the fish in, and voila, you have catch your very own fish!
Step 5: Throw the damn fish back in the water before I find out who you are and hunt you down for killing my distant family.
How to "Stop siblings from Annoying the Hell Outta You" by Itachi Uchiha
Step 1: Find a stick and beat them with it. (If still annoying continue on to step 2)
Step 2: Find a knife and stab them with it. (If still annoying continue on to step 3)
Step 3: Find a gun and shoot them with it. (If still annoying continue on to step 4)
Step 4: Hire a secret assassin that will murder any potential threats to your mental health, something I should have done in the first place. Note: (Move step up to step 1) May cover up evidence that can later be used against you in court or to ban you from the village, forcing you to meet a snake-like pedophile that will mentally scar you for the rest of your life.
How to "Breathe" by Naruto Uzamaki
Step 1: Open your mouth.
Step 2: Take in a huge breath.
Step 3: Make sure there is not an emo-looking best friend/enemy that is trying to strangle you because you revealed to the entire village the name of his teddy bear.
Step 4: Release breath.
How to "Avoid your Fangirls" by Sasuke Uchiha
Step 1: Make an obscure screen name that no one will ever find out because you have only told the most trustworthy people you know. For example, mine is ItachiIsDead.
Step 2: Change your name and move to an obscure town that nobody knows the name of. For example, I am going to be moving to Chicago, Illinois.
Step 3: Wear a disguise whenever you go outside so no one can recognize you. For example, I usually wear a bowler hat pulled down low over my face and a gray trench coat. And before you ask, I am not looking for a lost puppy, do not have a van, or have any candy.
Step 4: Get a restraining order on all of them. Note: I find this approach to be very ineffective because it's such a hassle to find out all of their names. In addition, it's not much use when fangirls are chasing after you because if they took that much effort to find you the mob is certainly not going to stop when you hold up a flimsy piece of paper and yell "Stop! In the name of love!" I mean "Stop! It's against the law to get within one hundred yards of me!" They will rip the aforementioned flimsy piece of paper to shreds and then oops, you're screwed.
Conversation between Naruto and Sasuke:
"Teme, you just told them all your information. Your screen name, city, and type of disguise you use. You do know that right?"
"So what? It's not like anyone reads the newspaper."
*mob of fangirls appear right outside the door*
"Oh, shit."
End Conversation
How to "Sleep Peacefully" by Gaara
Step 1: How. The. Hell. Should. I. Know.
Step 2: Idiot. I. Still. Don't. Know.
Step 3: Why. Are. You. Still. Reading.
Step 4: That's. It.
Step 5: I'm. Leaving.
How to "Take a Photograph" by Kiba Inuzaka
Step 1: Turn on camera.
Step 2: Face toward object of desire. No, we are not having sex.
Step 3: Click big button. Note: Not the big red button. We all know that the big red button is a no-no, leading to massive destruction. Then again, if you are me, CLICK IT.
Step 4: Swear when you realize you didn't take the damn cap off.
How to "Traumatize Someone for Life" by Sasuke Uchiha
Step 1: Take them to a fortune teller, and have her predict their detailed death only five days later.
Step 2: Don't let them have ketchup with their fries.
Step 3: Steal their baby photos and show them to absolutely everyone you know.
Step 4: Kill their whole entire family under the cover of darkness, leaving them to become emo and depressed about life.
Step 5: Stick them with Naruto for five hours.
Step 4: Make them listen to Hannah Montana…and let them realize that a 47-year-old father wrote the songs.