Hi Everyone this is another chapter to the my oneshot features point of views from both James and Pete.

I know I said I would leave it up to you but I decided to write another chapter anyway.

Now I know this chapter deals with unresolved issues and just to clarify this story has nothing to do with any other of my Emmerdale ones but I left the ending open

I love the Barton Brothers there is such a complexity to the three brothers and especially the relationship between Pete, Ross and James so I once again felt compelled to explore it.

Disclaimer-I own nothing

And please let me know what you think x

Insecurities

Chapter 2-

In which James finds out what his sister in law said and a heart to heart with both his elder sons are needed.

There is something off when James gets up to the farm and he doesn't know what. Maybe it's that both Moira and Cain are avoiding him (which isn't unusual for the latter) but then there's the fact that Pete hasn't bothered to turn up and nobody is questioning it.

It's Charity that clues him in in the end. She brings him a brew her (he will admit) pretty face twisted into a scowl. James honestly doesn't know what to make of her. She has brains and he does sympathise a little with her background, he can't imagine what would have happened had he been in her position. He sympathises with Jai a little though, he knows what it's like to not know where your son is after all but then again he also knows what it's like when your son doesn't want anything to do with you.

But still there's something about Charity that reminds him a bit of Emma, wild and uncontrollable and alluring and he needs to stop those thoughts before his ex gets into his head-he knows where that's gonna leave him.

"I'm kinda surprised you know" she said watching him intently as he attempts to do some work "I didn't think you would show let alone be friendly"

James stares at her before she elaborates without realising he doesn't have a clue what she's on about.

"I mean if Moira had said anything like that about either Debbie or Noah I'd have killed her never mind turning up to work again" when she realises that James is watching her she elaborates further "It's just good of you" she says watching him suspiciously "I mean I thought you'd be with Ross and Pete and making sure they don't come up here with machete's or something"

Now he's interested, both of his elder sons have reputations for being notoriously quick with their temper (they take after their mother after all) and something the both of them are equally angry about doesn't happen often.

"Something I should know about love?" he asks and at once her face falls shut and she bits her lip. God James thinks watching her, Declan and Jai and Cain between the three of them have probably all taken a chunk out of this woman and reduced her to the point where she watches her every move.

She catches the expression on James face and she sighs "Moira found Adam was being moved again and she hit the roof and blamed Ross for it"

"But there's something else" James said watching intently and Charity sighed "She was awful to him" she admitted "And coming from me James that's saying something, she began to blame him for the reason your wife left"

James gaped at her horror spreading all over him mixed with an impressive shot of anger he hadn't felt in years but before he could speak she continued "She began blaming him for everything, she said that Donna threw herself off the roof rather than be with him" she winced as she caught the steadily darkening expression on James face. And then she went for the kicker "She said if he died everyone would be happy, that you would be happy and that you loved the other two more than him"

There was a slight pause as James tried to sort out his feelings in vain. He knew from enough rows with Emma that he had to break down his feelings otherwise he'd last ten minutes.

There was the rage, and then the hurt but before that was the overwhelming need to seek out his son and make sure he was alright. He gestured blindly at Charity who continued watching him wearily.

"Well I'll say this for your boy" she said with a hint of respect in her voice "He handled himself well. Just stood up and walked out when it was all over head held high" and somewhere deep down in the bottom of James stomach something like pride for his middle son flared briefly "And anyway" she sighed "Pete followed him"

James nodded once before reaching blindly for his car keys and Charity had the sense to get out of his way as he got to the car.

He needed to go speak to his sons.

Pete had spent a rather uncomfortable night on Adam's old bed. He hadn't dared trust himself to leave Ross alone after the day before. After his crying jag Ross had pulled himself together rather amicably and hadn't put up much of a fight when Pete made it clear he was spending the night.

They had ordered a curry and much to Ross amusement and Pete's irritation found a marathon of Friends episodes that neither of them acted like they watched when they were little.

And when he had woken up he had heard the sound of the shower running. Once he had asserted that Ross wasn't planning on drowning himself in the shower he had gone to the café in search of a decent coffee and a couple of bacon sandwiches.

It was when he was coming back carrying all of this in a bag Bob had been kind enough to bring him when he came face to face with his father.

And that was a conversation he was desperate to avoid.

"What" he said as they stood facing each other. "I heard" was all that was said and Pete nodded "How…err…how is he?" his dad asked and Pete rolled his eyes irritably not in the mood for any conversation that the subjects included yesterday.

"Well as well as can be expected" he snapped the words coming out more harshly than he intended "Considering last night I found him on the kitchen floor with a gun next to him"

He knew deep down it wasn't his dad's fault what had happened but the part of him that-the part that fed into his helplessness took a deep satisfaction in the unhealthy colour his dad's skin went.

"He believed her you know" he said softly watching intently "About you-especially you. And imagine my shock when I found out that you did pay him to get lost that last time"

His dad closed his eyes before opening them again "It wasn't like that" he muttered and Pete took a deep breath "You did it to make things easier for your girlfriends son and the woman who ensured that we didn't have a mother-you sent your own son away for them. And you know what dad? Right now I'm inclined to think that maybe Ross was right maybe you don't love him as much as you love me and Finn"

He stalked off only to be followed by his father who grabbed his arm with such a force that the coffee Pete had nearly went flying. There was something on his dad's face that Pete couldn't tell whether it was anger or heartbreak but when he spoke it was with such a conviction that Pete was stunned into silence.

"Let's get something perfectly clear son" he said his voice a low "I love your brother, I love all of you and I can take god knows what off you or him or Moira and even your mother but I will not stand here and let someone tell me I loved one of my children more than the others"

"It doesn't matter to me" Pete said wrenching his arm back "What matters is that it matters to Ross" and he stalked off back to the house his father trailing behind.

"Pete" his dad said miserably when he got to the door "Do you think he was really gonna kill himself?" there was a long pause before Pete scrubbed a hand over his face "I honestly don't know" he said bitterly before pushing the door open.

"Hey" he said when he saw Ross curled up on the sofa in his oldest pair of joggers and a loose jumper. "I ran into Dad" he said as his father came into view and Ross stiffened before pushing himself upwards to face him.

"Pete can you give us a few" his dad said watching Ross intently and Pete caught Ross's eye and upon his nod of approval muttered something about getting a fresh change of clothes from Debbie's and Ross should text him when he could come back.

That left James and Ross sat in what could only be described as the most uncomfortable situation he had ever been in. "So Charity told me" and Ross nodded. There was a long pause before James felt compelled to speak again "Pete seems to think that there was a part of you that believed it" there was a long pause that seemed to speak volumes because James sat down heavily "So you believe I don't love you as much as I love your brothers"

He gave a long sigh before closing his eyes and opening them again "Is that why you left?" Ross gave a small shrug and James nodded again "How long have you thought I didn't love you?" he said his voice nothing but careful and Ross bit his lip wondering when the hell he had become so shy around his own father.

There was a longer pause before James felt like he had the right to touch his own son and god when had it become that bad that he didn't know when to touch his own son, he curled his hand over Ross's knee and took a deep breath.

"How long" he asked again and Ross took another deep breath and shrugged again "I don't know, it wasn't really hard-I mean…it wasn't very difficult for me to clock on that I wasn't the favourite"

"Jesus Ross" James sighed "What the hell do I have to do to ensure that you understand, no matter how aggravating you are I do love you"

"I don't know how to make you happy" Ross said flatly "I don't know how to do that, I didn't know how to make Donna happy and Moira is right" his voice kept rising and rising "I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I don't know if you love me, I didn't know that Donna was dying, I don't know anything!"

It took James all of two seconds for him to realise that Ross was having a panic attack. They had become less frequent since he had become a teenager but they were still the same as the ones that Ross had had when he was a kid and he would wake James up due to a nightmare that had turned bad.

"Breathe" he said softly pulling Ross face to face him the way they had done when he had been a kid. And slowly but surely Ross slowed his breathing down.

Once Ross had calmed down there was a lull of silence as James struggled with that to say. He didn't actually know what to say to his own son and he hated himself for it.

In the end he settled for the truth or what he could say without breaking down into tears "All you ever had to do to make me happy was to come home at the end of the day"

There was a long silence as Ross looked at him as if searching for the truth. When he couldn't find anything that indicated that James was lying he indicated with his head and smiled softly the first real smile that reminded James of the little dark haired, dark eyed boy that use to crawl into bed with him carrying one of his books and demanding James read to him.

"I love you" he said again and Ross smiled again looking a damn sight healthier than he had at the start of the conversation. There was a moment where Ross seemed to be pondering something "I love you an all" he said playing with the end of his jumper and James smiled trying to control the feelings inside of him when Ross said those words for the first time in years.

They weren't better. They weren't magically fixed and they still had a whole lot of issues including that gun (which was gonna keep James up at night for a long time) and the rest of the insecurities Ross had built over the years like a second skin, but they had hit a roadblock and they were slowly but surely back on the right path, maybe they didn't deal with all of Ross's insecurities right now but perhaps, maybe they were on the way to fixing it.

But right now James just focused on his son. The rest of it could all wait. Nothing was more important, nothing had ever been more important than his boys, back in the dark days those three had been the reason why he had got up some mornings and he would be damned if he lost any of them and if he had to hammer it into their brains every night then he would bloody well make sure that they remembered it.

Yeah and not really the best ending but please let me know what you think-this story is complete x