To answer A. Orchid, I actually took three years of Chinese. I am about to go into Chinese IV. Ain't that exciting? Anyways, welcome to Chapter 2 of 'Drugtionary'! Okay, yes, I know the title is messed up. I agonized for hours trying to think of one. XD Even so. Let us commence forthwith with Chapter 2 of 'Drugtionary'!

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man is property of Katsura Hoshino and Funimation. This series is a parody and nothing more, so please support the official release. Got it? Damn well better.

~O~

2. Fighting Akuma and a Stranger

Several hours past as the Japanese man finally jolted awake. It was another one of those days where he thought he was dead when in reality he was still alive. The ticking of the cheap clock on the wall was the only thing he could hear. It began to dig into his mind and drive him insane, so he tried to think of something else. Alma seemed to be sleeping still, despite his alertness, which made him a little annoyed. Part of him wanted to crawl into his own head and shake the moron up himself, but he knew it wasn't possible.

Instead, he rose from the corner and sighed, stretching. No lights were turned on, so he had to navigate his way around in the dark. He stubbed his toes several times before he managed to find a light switch. The light flickered a few times before it finally turned completely, letting off dim light. He squinted in the light and found the shoes he kicked off earlier. He put them back on before locating his bag, which contained liquid forms of his signature drug: LSD.

Che. Street value is increasing for this stuff. He took out one of the bottles and slipped it into his pocket. If I get more money, I can actually pay off next month's rent and the month after that, no problem.

'Yuu?' When he blinked he saw Alma rubbing his eyes with one of his hands. 'Why is it so bright? You turned on the light? What?'

Just go back to sleep, Alma. Kanda slipped the bag over one of his shoulders and glanced at the clock. 7:07. He could still make it in time. I'm just making my deals for today and then calling it quits. If you behave, I'll go destroy Akuma with you.

'Really?' His voice increased in tenor with the amount of excitement laced within the boy. 'You really will, Yuu? Ooh, I'm excited!'

He fished out a new shirt from the closet (a black sweatshirt, nothing fancy) to replace his still-wet one and changed before heading out of the room and closing the door. His neighbor, a seventy-year-old woman, was just getting home. She smiled at him kindly and he bowed his head. Respecting the elderly came first in his book, no matter what age or gender or career you have. He opened the door for her when she unlocked it.

"Thank you, sir," she said, then proceeded into her own apartment. He merely bowed his head again before heading down one flight of stairs and out the double doors into the dark. The air still smelled of rain, though the half-moon was shining. The storm must have went away, much to his enjoyment.

He strode down the sidewalk while trying to not catch anyone's attention. Remaining calm was the biggest thing he had to do while trying to pull these sales off. He turned down one corner, then another, until finally he reached the back alley of a local pub. There were cheers and whoops from within the structure. It sounded like all of the boys were back from their biking tour. Not that he cared. They were always loud and noisy. They didn't understand the concept of 'peace and quiet', no matter how many times he had tried to explain it.

He sighed as his back leaned up against the wall. The smells of sex and vomit made the place 'more of home', so to speak. At least for the bikers, anyways. The added smell of trash from one of the trash dispensers made it extra-special. The cops loved to steer away from the place, which made it perfect for all sorts of things. Though, the constant beat of the bass during 'club hours' made it a bit less desirable.

He waited and waited until his nerves began to get the best of him. Alma was even a bit impatient, which wasn't too surprising, though he was tapping his foot repeatedly on the imaginary stone wall in his head. He glanced at his watch. 7:31. They were late as usual.

It was about three minutes later when the group of four came together. Jasdero came first in his gangly ways, followed by David, Skin, and Wisely. They were in cohorts with a larger drug cartel known as "The Noah". Cops tried to bust them, but their efforts couldn't stop them. They were the second-largest drug sellers in the country. However, the four in front of him came to him for their own share, and they paid high for it.

"Che." Kanda's bag slipped off his shoulder as he started to unzip it. "It's about time you got here. I was starting to become afraid that you'd never show."

"Eeeee?" Jasdero, who was arguably the most messed-up out of the group, looked a bit worse than normal. "The Earl made us go across the country to sell a large shipment! I haven't gotten a break since! And my hair!" He grabbed some of his own locks and shoved them into his face. "My hair got caught in the door and got ripped off, eeeee!"

"Calm down! I'd said I'd get you some hair," David sighed, pulling out some money from his pocket. "So how much today, Kanda? Usual amount?"

"Yes."

Skin began salivating. "I can't wait to put it on sugar cubes and devour it all."

"Shut up." David handed him the money, which in turn he gave him the little bottles of the hallucinogenic. "Thanks for always showing up for us, man."

"No problem." So long as I get my money, anyways.

The group left, leaving Kanda behind in his alley way. He resided there for a few minutes before leaving. He always did that, just to make sure they were out of eyesight and they couldn't see where he came from. The better hidden his apartment was, the safer he was going to be in the long run. He knew one of these days he was going to screw up. It was inevitable. However, he was going to stall it as long as possible so that his prediction for when he was going to die was correct. He was always funny about those things.

'Hey!' Alma tugged at his mind as he started to leave the alley. 'Are we gonna go kill Akuma now? Pretty please? I was quiet and everything!'

Fine. Kanda sighed out of annoyance as he heard yelling from around the corner. It didn't sound like one's typical 'gang versus gang' sort of yelling, it was more of a 'what the hell were you thinking' sort of yelling. Sadly, it was in the direction of where he wanted to go, so he tried to make himself as deaf as possible before rounding the corner.

There was a young punk who was full of himself, screaming every profanity known to man, as a redhead- Wait. Kanda stared at the redhead for a long moment before it registered in his mindset of who it was. It was the guy who ran into him earlier that day, only this time he didn't have boxes in his hands, he had books, which were scattered on top of the wet sidewalk. He looked apologetic.

"I-I said sorry, there's no need to blow a gasket over the situation!"

"'Sorry'? 'Sorry'?" The punk seemed beyond pissed off. Kanda frowned. Did he have to make so much noise? "You fucking moron! You directly stepped towards me, you fuck-face! If that isn't violation of privacy, I don't know what the fuck it is!"

"Actually, the violation of privacy states that-"

"I don't fucking give a flying shit about all the technical shit!" The punk grabbed the redhead by the collar. "You owe me money, man! If you don't fucking pay up, I will fucking shoot you right here!"

It didn't take a single brain cell to realize that the kid was drunk and that was far too young to be drunk. Kanda's frown deepened as he walked passed them, trying to tune the conversation out. He just wanted to get home and go to his little fantasy world. Alma was growing impatient, too, which wasn't helping with the situation. His foot was tapping rather rapidly. He must have really wanted to kill Akuma.

He rounded another corner and was finally out of earshot from the punk's yelling. His apartment building was getting closer. Subconsciously, his pace quickened. Part of him felt like he was being watched, and part of him was telling him that it was paranoia. Either way, he wanted to get home. His fingers was squeezing the bottle of liquid LSD as he pushed past the doors and up the stairs and down the hall to get to his room.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

He locked the door (he didn't anyone to just let themselves in while he was tripping) and dug out the small bottle. He pulled out some sugar cubes, mostly because he didn't like the small taste of bitterness that came along with it. He squeezed some of the liquid onto it and popped the cube into his mouth. It was a fairly moderate dose, the typical amount he usually took when Alma wanted to play.

He sat down and stared blankly as the scenery began to shift. Things began to shift and change into an unfamiliar place, one filled with crumbled buildings and occasional pools of water. Alma waved at him. He couldn't help but to wave back.

"You kept your promise!" He was grinning widely with that stupid grin of his. Kanda only rolled his eyes.

"Che. When do I not keep my promises?"

"You really don't want me to answer that question, Yuu." He pulled out his weapon (known as the Innocence. Alma told him that) that looked like a wing protruding out of his back. Level One Akuma began to appear out of the ground. Just his idea of fun. "You better pull out Mugen, or else you'll get shot and turned to dust."

"You forget," Kanda smirked, "that the tattoo on my chest regenerates my health."

"Oh yeah." Alma pouted. "No fair, Yuu. Come on! They're trying to attack that girl! Let's go kick some Akuma-butt!"

He rolled his eyes as the shorter kid began running towards where the Level One resided. Kanda reached for his sheathe and pulled out the samurai sword known as Mugen. It had an ability known as 'Ichigen', which summoned spirits that looked sort of like bugs. He followed up from behind and jumped over a pile of rubble, taking out one of the Akuma that was threatening to attack Alma from behind.

"Nice one!" Alma grinned widely. "Let's see how many we can get in an hour! The one with the most kills of Akuma wins!"

The Japanese man seemed to grin at that. "You're on."

~O~

By the time he snapped out of his drug-induced hallucination (at which point he had the higher of the two scores: Kanda, 77, Alma, 69.), he was sprawled out on the floor, panting. He didn't know that Alma could wear him down until he was literally laying on a pool of his own sweat. He stared blankly at the ceiling before glancing at the clock, which he could make out to be a little after midnight.

That was definitely more than an hour, Alma.

'Sorry. Got carried away, you know?' The moron was grinning again. 'Think of it as extra-training or something! You never know, you could actually manage to come across a real sword and need it one of these days.'

You need to stop coming up with different things that could happen. He made a face that was between distaste and annoyance. Ugh. I feel sick from all that running. How many hours before I have to go to school?

'About eight hours when you have to be there, so about… seven hours of sleep.'

Wonderful. Don't wake me up for anything, not even the phone.

'What if Allen calls?'

Then burn the phone until the ringing stops and tell me we need a new phone number. He rolled over and sighed heavily. I didn't have any homework today, right? No. Okay. And I should be safe from Lenalee for at least a little while before she tries to talk to me again. I think it's safe to say I made it through another day. He glanced at the door vacantly and sighed. Maybe I should just skip school tomorrow. They'll forget to lecture me that way, I think. I'm really sick of Leverrier being an ass.

'Then why not kill him?' Alma was playing with a rock in his hands before he threw it across the way, surveying it until it fell. 'I don't think anyone would miss him, truth be told. Though, those security guards he always has around him might be a problem.' He skipped another rock across the way before yawning. 'If only they were Akuma, huh?'

Yeah. He closed his eyes and partially smirked. If only they were Akuma.

~O~

Kanda.

The moon was gone, as were the stars. It was raining, but he couldn't feel it. Instead, he was staring at the pools of dark water that laid before him. It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't water at all, but that it was blood. He spotted Mugen amongst one of the puddles. Its blade was broken and tattered.

Kanda, one of these days, you are going to find someone you really don't want to disappoint.

He approached the sword only for it to crumble to dust before his eyes. It integrated with the dark red pool. He looked up out of slight confusion to see a group of people (the Noah?) standing there, all of which with weapons in their hands. Jasdero and David had their beloved pistols out, whereas Wisely had a steel pole and Boric just had his fists ready to go. They were staring down at someone, who was lying incredibly still, on the ground.

…And when they learn about your habits, they'll leave you in no time flat.

He could feel his eyes widened as blood-soaked lotus flowers began to emerge from the pools of water, their petals larger than normal. The Noah group turned and looked at him, all of whish were grinning. "This is what you get for leaving us."

He stopped moving as Alma rose his head from the ground. 'Yuu… He…lp… me…'

"…Alma…?"

…You'll be alone for the rest of your life.

He sat up, startled, as his chest heaved up and down. He had a nightmare, he knew it, but he could barely remember it. All he could remember was Lenalee saying something in the background and blood. He shook his head from side to side, still panting, as he shakily rose from the living room floor. There were sirens going off outside the building, which caused for some concern. He approached his front door and rested his ear against it, only to hear the yelling of paramedics.

"…suffered a heart attack! At this age…"

"…she probably won't make it…"

"…dispatch, we have an elderly female, just suffered from cardiac arrest…"

He paused, confused, then opened the door. There was a stretcher, and on it was his neighbor, the seventy-year-old woman. People were rushing in and out of the building in one great confusion. He blinked once before realizing something bad had happened. She had a heart attack? The confusion delved deeper. But she was the health addict about everything. She dropped off vegetables at my door sometimes, even.

One of the paramedics spotted him and patted him on the shoulder. "Son, it's okay. This woman will probably be fine. You should go back to your room."

She's definitely dead, then. Kanda nodded, biting his tongue hard so that he didn't snap at him for calling him 'son', and went back into his room. He closed the door behind him and frowned heavily as he glanced at the clock. 10:04. He was more than definitely missing school that day. He heard the sirens again and the sound of a car, no doubt an ambulance, speeding off in the streets.

'What was that?' Alma rubbed at his eyes again.

Che. Our neighbor suffered a heart attack. It's safe to say that she's dead. He rummaged through his closet and found black jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt. I'm going to take a shower, then we're going to go walk around for a little bit. I don't think it would be in our best interest to stay here for long today.

'To hide from the authorities, you mean?'

He ignored his as he took a shower, then got dressed. He brushed his hair back into a slipknot ponytail before glaring at himself in the mirror. It was making his reflection melt. He shook his head from side to side before staring at it again, only with the same result.

No, he finally responded as he forced himself out of the bathroom. Just to get away from here. Maybe talk to Lenalee. Che. Who knows?

He looked down on the floor and blinked. Blood was surrounding him again, only this time it was in little swirls. If they were in an ocean, he would have called them whirlpools. He grimaced and found his bag before leaving the room, making sure this time that the door was locked. Paranoia was getting the best of him, but he could have honestly cared less. He just needed to get away from there as soon as possible.

He proceeded down the stairs and out the door before inhaling deeply. The fresh air seemed to clear his mind for a moment, just before he took one step and tripped somebody walking past. He blinked, then frowned in discontent as he realized who it was.

"You again."

The redhead shook his head before picking up pens this time. "Hunh? Oh! I know you, you were that jerk who yelled at me for my lack of depth perception!" He stood up and frowned. "And then I saw you when I walked into that punk. Wow, must be a small world since I ran into you again a third time, huh?" He held out his hand and grinned. It didn't take a genius to figure out that it was fake. "My name's Lavi."

"Che." Kanda ignored the hand and started to walk away from the idiot-redhead.

"H-Hey! Where are you going?" He ran after him until he was beside him. "I just met you… well, I met you three times. That actually reminds me of a quote, something about if you meet a stranger three times, then your destinies are fated together. Weird, huh?"

"Stop talking to me."

'You tell him, Yuu!'

Lavi frowned. "Oh, c'mon! I just moved here, well, I'm looking for a place to move into, and I don't know this place very well. Could you maybe show me around? Pleeease? I'll treat you to food if you do."

The Japanese man sighed. "Does it really look like I want to put up with anybody?"

"No, but I like to take my chances."

Alma kicked at a rock in Kanda's head. 'Let's just ditch him, Yuu. He looks and smells like an idiot, therefore, he must be an idiot. We should just go and check to see if the lotus flowers are blooming. That old man never lies, you know. And I wanna see the flowers. Let's go.'

The idea sounded really good to him. He ignored Lavi and started walking towards the place that Alma was talking about, only for him to follow him. Kanda's pace increased and so did Lavi's. He whipped around and glared at him. "Will you stop following me, you stupid rabbit?"

"Rabbit?" Lavi blinked. "Wait. Are you Japanese? My name would be Rabi… Ohhh, I get it." He grinned widely. "That's a new nickname for me."

"Che." Okay, change of plans, Alma. We're going to see Lenalee. He seems like the type that would dig a pretty girl.

'Sounds good, just so long as we get rid of him!'

And soon.

A murder of crows flew overhead as he approached the local café in hopes to get rid of the stranger that rudely walked in on his life. With any luck, this plan would work.

Hopefully.

~O~

Woo-hoo, Chapter 2, done! So! Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Destroy it? Hit me with a review, por favor! I got a bunch last chapter (which I meant to reply to. I will, starting this chapter, promise! ^.^) and it made me super-happy! See you later in Chapter 3! -Mr. Ree