Author's Note: Well, here it is! Chapter two of our story. This one gets a little intense, so be prepared for some angst! Please R&R, we love hearing from you!
Sherlock led John down the hallway and into his bedroom which was at the end of the hall. He had insisted on it being decorated in black and royal blue, his two favourite colours. There was a desk at the far end of the room with papers scattered on it and a full chemistry set next to it on a table. His bed was king sized and had black Egyptian cotton sheets and a plush velvet quilt in royal blue. He took off his coat and tossed it on the back of the chair, toeing off his shoes and looking back at John with a smile. "Make yourself at home." His smile faded quickly when he saw how nervous and unsure John seemed to be. "Hey... what's wrong?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. He walked over to John and grabbed his shoulders, leaning down to try and make eye contact with him.
John couldn't believe the size of Sherlock's room. Even with the furniture, it was spacious, probably as big as the whole downstairs of his flat. He wrung his hands together as he looked around, in complete awe of everything. He felt so ridiculous now. Sherlock wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was so below his status. When Sherlock grabbed him, John couldn't even look the other boy in the eye. "It's nothing, I just..." He cast his eyes down further and flushed. "I'm not anywhere remotely close to you in wealth." His next words just came out in a rush. "I live in a tiny flat and my father works two jobs and I can barely afford petrol for my bike most days." He looked up at Sherlock, worried that he would tell him to leave, that he couldn't be associated with someone who was poor.
"John..." Sherlock said softly, his heart breaking at John's defeated tone of voice. He wanted nothing more than to erase his fears of rejection, knowing how it could feel. He pulled John close to him and hugged him, unable to think of anything else to do. "I don't care," he said firmly and released him, grabbing his face and turning his head to force him to look him in the eyes, "you are the first person to even want to spend time with me. All the others mock and tease me, beat me up and send me to the hospital with several broken bones and a concussion... You were the first to show any kindness towards me and I am grateful for that. How much money you have doesn't matter to me in the least. Please don't worry about that." He spoke softly, but determinedly, trying to convince John that there was nothing that would make him ask him to leave. He'd only known John for a short time, but he already felt such a connection to him that he knew he would always want him in his life, no matter what.
John's heart fluttered as Sherlock pulled him in for a hug, and he couldn't help himself. He put his arms around Sherlock and stayed there, face pressed into his shoulder. Sherlock smelled like clean laundry, a little like cinnamon, and just faintly like cigarettes. Somehow the combination seemed fitting and he relaxed a little because of it. He let Sherlock keep his face locked on him and listened to his deep baritone as he spoke. John's heart filled with warmth at the explanation, and sadness as well. He could see the sincerity in his eyes and he nodded, pulling Sherlock in for another hug. "Thank you..." Looking up at him without breaking away, John spoke with more determination. "I promise, I'll never let anyone come after you again. From now on, I'll protect you, ok?" He hoped that the vow wasn't too forward, but he just felt like it was something he had to do. Something about Sherlock was special and it drew him in.
Sherlock smiled brightly and with his heart fluttering, he leaned down to press a kiss to John's forehead. He closed his eyes and held his lips there for a few moments before pulling away and looking into John's eyes, "thank you," he whispered. He loved the feel of John wrapped around him and knew that he could stay this way forever if their bodies allowed them to.
A deep blush spread over John's cheeks as Sherlock's lips pressed to his forehead. This was definitely much more than he'd bargained for, but he wasn't complaining. Though when Sherlock's lips stayed in place for longer than a normal kiss, he wondered if it had just been an accident. Either way, he was really enjoying the feeling. He met Sherlock's eyes with a smile. "You're welcome."John reluctantly pulled away from him, figuring that it probably wasn't a great idea to stay so close to Sherlock for so long in case he got suspicious of something, because John couldn't deny it any longer. He was definitely attracted to Sherlock. He cleared his throat looking around the room. "So, uh, what do you want to do?"
Sherlock observed how John was acting towards him and since he was not pulling away from his touches but rather pulling him closer, he came to the conclusion that John was feeling close to him as well. The overwhelming desire to just take him in his arms again and kiss him until he was breathless was almost too much to bear. He wouldn't push it though, knowing that John probably had not been in a situation like this with another male before, so he smiled and calmed his thoughts. "We could just sit on my bed and talk if you want," he said, gesturing to the mattress, "I would very much like to know more about you, John."
John grinned and nodded. "Sounds good." He finally took his shoes off, feeling more comfortable, and sat on the edge of the bed. And oh...That was very nice. His bed at home was like a rock compared to this. "You know, you said to make myself at home and I think I might just do that," he said cheekily, pulling himself fully onto the bed and laying down with a laugh. He sprawled over the quilt, letting the plush warmth envelope him. "I'm rather jealous of your bed."
Sherlock chuckled and sprawled out next to John, "yes, it is quite nice, isn't it? You can spend the night... that is, if you want to... I'm not... pushing you or anything," he ended up mumbling half the sentence, suddenly shy again and a blush finding its way across his cheeks. He turned on his side, propping his head up on his hand and smiled down at John nervously.
John turned his head to find Sherlock looking at him, the last of a blush fading from his cheeks. He must have still been a little nervous with John and he couldn't help a soft smile. The thought of spending the night was tempting, he hadn't slept over at a friend's house since he was in grade school. "Sure, I'll stay over. I'll just ring my father after dinner." John looked up at the ceiling and put his arms behind his head. "So tell me something, and sorry if this seems rude, but I'm really curious. How does your family have all this money?"
Sherlock beamed when John agreed to stay and laid back to stare at the ceiling too, his elbow brushing John's. "Well, most of it is inherited, I come from a long line of very wealthy family. My father owns several diamond and ruby mines, he even has a couple of oil fields out in the United States. My mother is very prominent in politics, she's on several boards that I can't even remember the name of," his thoughts drifted to his childhood and he fidgeted nervously before speaking again. "I've never had any want for money, we've always had plenty of it and I know that I won't have to worry about being able to continue with my studies, but... It gets really lonely. I mean, of course I have Mycroft, my elder brother, but we don't really get along that well and my parents are always busy with work and socializing with their elite group of friends, always throwing parties. I never had any friends growing up because they always assumed I was too 'well to do' and wouldn't have anything to do with them. As I said, you're the first person to ever approach me." Sherlock fell silent after the speech, not really meaning to go that far into detail, but again it just seemed to come naturally with John.
John watched Sherlock as he spoke, unable to imagine what it might have been like to grow up in the Holmes family. He was a very lucky boy, John knew that much. But he felt bad that Sherlock hadn't had any friends. Even if he couldn't make friends at school, John would have thought that the wealthy friends of his parents might have had children his age. In another way, he was sort of glad. Had Sherlock already had friends, they probably wouldn't have ever met. When Sherlock was finished, John's lips formed a half-smile. "To be perfectly honest, if I knew that you were so wealthy, I might have been afraid to approach you myself. I mean, I'm pretty much the complete opposite of you." With a sigh, John decided to tell his own story. This was really nice, talking with Sherlock. All his 'friends' at school only ever wanted to talk about girls and sex and sports. At least Sherlock seemed capable of other forms of conversation. "My mother left us close to seven years ago now because, um...Well, my sister Harry sort of revealed to us that she is a lesbian, and mum didn't really like that. But da wouldn't let mum kick her out, so she left instead. That's when things started to get hard. Harry was just about to go to college and my father put most of his savings towards that. We've been scraping by ever since. That's why da wanted us to move to the city because we could get a smaller place to live and he could find more work." John flushed a little, keeping his eyes on the ceiling towards the end.
Sherlock listened intently as John spoke, thanking whoever was out there watching over him that John had no previous knowledge of him before their first encounter. He was very glad to have John in his life now and didn't want to let him go. He nodded when John was finished speaking and turned to face him, propping his head up again, "what about you? Do you... I mean... do you date? I know I've heard several of the girls at school talk about how 'handsome' the new boy is," Sherlock smirked and winked at him.
John's blush only darkened when Sherlock asked him about dating. Oh, if only he knew who he wanted to date now. What would he think? "Well, I haven't really talked with many girls since I moved here," he said. "And dating hasn't been the first thing on my mind lately anyway. I've been trying to get good enough grades to get some kind of scholarship or I don't know how I'm going to go to Uni." That was absolutely true, of course. Much as he was now feeling like he wanted to date Sherlock, before he hadn't been trying to find anyone. It just didn't seem that important at the time.
Sherlock smiled, glad that John wasn't seeing anyone at the moment. He'd like to think that increased his chances of maybe dating John himself, but he didn't know for certain that he felt that way about boys. "Well, I'm sure you wouldn't have any trouble at all finding someone. You're very handsome, kind and smart," he said and couldn't resist reaching out to brush John's hair away from his forehead before he realized what he was doing and blushed, jerking his hand away. "Sorry..." he murmured.
As Sherlock's fingers touched his face, John felt a tingling sensation and he swallowed a little nervously, shaking his head. "No, it's alright. And, um, thank you," he said, in regard to the praise. He didn't know if he should ask Sherlock about his dating history. If Sherlock didn't have friends then he probably hadn't had girlfriends. Or boyfriends, whichever he preferred. "You could get someone, too, I'll bet. You're pretty handsome yourself," he admitted. "You're nice from what I've seen of you so far. And I'm going to guess by the chemistry set over there that you're pretty intelligent too, or at least good at science."
Sherlock snorted, "yeah right... I'm too much of a... a freak to ever find anyone." He spoke with a bitter tone in his voice, swallowing down tears and feeling his heart clench. He'd been called many things by his peers: freak, faggot, arsehole... none of them even remotely as positive as what John just said. He smiled gratefully down at him, "thank you for thinking so, though," he said softly.
John felt his heart breaking at Sherlock's tone. He must have been bullied by more than just the rugby players,yet John just couldn't understand why. Sherlock seemed harmless and pretty normal to him. "Is that what they call you?" he asked gently. He rolled onto his side, reaching a hand out to rest on Sherlock's upper arm. "I heard Moran saying it before. He's talked about you, now that I think about it. Never referred to you by name, only as...well, that." John could tell that the word really bothered Sherlock, so he avoided saying it. "But I don't get it. Why?"
Sherlock nodded and swallowed again, the tears reaching his eyes and threatening to spill over. "I... notice things. Things that most other people don't and I get a lot of hell for it. People just don't want to hear what I have to say, preferring to stay in the dark rather than be shown the truth about things." He sighed raggedly and felt the first drops of moisture roll down his cheek, "I think too much most of the time and it gets so lonely, John. I can't help but observe everything about everyone around me and it causes people to run away from me. I don't want to die alone, but I know there's a very good chance of that happening because I know no one could ever love me." Sherlock closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. He didn't want to cry in front of John, he hated showing any kind of weakness. It made him feel vulnerable.
John instantly felt guilty. He hadn't meant to make Sherlock cry. And hearing what he had to say almost made John want to cry as well. It was heart-wrenching. Reaching up his fingers, he gently brushed a tear from Sherlock's cheek. "I'm sorry, Sherlock. I shouldn't have asked." John bit his lip. He wanted to say that he could love him, quite easily he thought, but that was too much too fast. So instead, he decided to show Sherlock in another way, without saying it outright. "Tell me what you noticed about me," he said, offering him a smile of encouragement. "I want to see this for myself. It can't be as bad as you make it out to be." John brought his hand down to grab Sherlock's and squeeze. "I promise you, I won't be going anywhere," he added softly.
Sherlock searched John's face and thought long and hard before he spoke. "You've been playing sports all your life, so you're very athletic. You're a very caring person, which means that you probably want to go into some field where you're helping people. Most likely a doctor, based on your advanced skills of taking care of injuries..." he paused, unsure if he should continue, but decided to give him everything, after all he asked for it. "You're also unsure of your feelings towards me, you think you may be attracted to me, but you're not sure. You're not gay, you have never had feelings for another boy before so... it frightens you. I frighten you." He held his breath in anticipation of John's reaction, he could hear his heart pounding in his ears.
John smiled a little in fascination at Sherlock's first words, but after the pause he paled and his eyes went wide. He swallowed after Sherlock was done, heart threatening to burst from his chest. However, Sherlock didn't seem to be bothered by it; he was just stating facts, and damn he was good at it. John relaxed, only marginally, letting out a nervous chuckle. "No, you don't frighten me," he said quietly. "But you're absolutely right. I've never been attracted to a boy before. You're the first." He blushed furiously, casting his eyes down. "And it looks like I was right too, because that was fantastic. You're brilliant." John looked back up at Sherlock and smiled faintly. He didn't know what was going to happen, and it made him nervous and excited all at once.
Sherlock's heart nearly stopped at John's words, a wide smile breaking across his face. Nobody had ever been this kind to him, not even close. He felt so connected to John in that moment that all he could do was reach forward with a shaky hand and place it on John's cheek, pulling his face closer to his own. He was breathing rapidly and his heart was pounding again as he closed the distance between them and placed a soft kiss on John's lips, unable to resist anymore. He let his lips linger for a moment before pulling away again, his eyes still closed. "Are you sure?" he asked softly, barely above a whisper. He had never been more scared in his entire life. He was terrified that even though John had confessed his feelings, he would run from the building after this.
John stayed completely still as Sherlock moved forward, only closing his eyes as their lips touched. He could hardly believe this. He met this boy only hours ago, and now they had kissed. John felt his entire body light up at the connection, and he just knew that this was right. Boy or girl, it didn't matter. Sherlock was right. When Sherlock pulled away and spoke again, sounding so worried that John would take it back, he brought his own hand to Sherlock's cheek. "I'm positive." He then scooted his whole body closer, pressing his lips to Sherlock's again, very gently.
Sherlock whimpered in relief and kissed John back, moving his hand to the back of John's head and rolling his lips against the shorter boy's. He took his free hand and rested it on John's hip, stroking gently and focusing all his attention on their kiss. Having never kissed anyone before, he was going purely on instinct and the few occasions he'd seen other people kissing.
John made a muffled sound as Sherlock suddenly threw himself into the kiss, but he gladly kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around Sherlock's neck, holding him in place and parting his lips to lock with the other boy's. It was different from kissing a girl, more firm and a bit scratchy because Sherlock had some stubble, but really, he couldn't care less. It was wonderful.
Sherlock moaned softly into the kiss and briefly darted his tongue out to caress inside of John's mouth before retreating, still unsure of himself. His hand migrated from John's hip to the small of his back and pulled him even closer, their bodies now flush against each other from head to toe. Sherlock hooked his leg around the other boy's and groaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his head from the pleasure of the contact.
John opened his mouth for Sherlock as his tongue pushed through, and was disappointed when it didn't stay longer. He whimpered soflty as their hips bumped together and, oh God, was he already getting hard? Sherlock was too good at this. If they went too much further, things were going to get heated. John's conscience decided to kick in and he pulled away breathlessly. "Sh...Sherlock..." he gasped out. "We...should stop...before we go too far..."
Sherlock frowned, confused, until his insecurity set in and voices that sounded strangely like every person that had ever bullied him filled his head. He doesn't want this... doesn't want you. How could you think that? How could anyone ever want you? He winced and scrambled to the far corner of the bed, sitting against the headboard and pulling his knees up to his chest. "Sorry... I'm so sorry..." he mumbled and kept repeating it over and over. He buried his face, escaping to his mind palace again to avoid the pain, only this time it wasn't physical pain he was experiencing.
John blinked at Sherlock in surprise when he suddenly pulled away and curled up in the corner of the bed. "Sherlock?" he said quietly, crawling across the bed towards him. "Hey, Sherlock..." John could hear him muttering apologies. Did he think that John was upset? The blonde ran his hand through Sherlock's hair, trying to show him that he wasn't mad or whatever he thought, and he dropped a kiss into his hair. "Come on, Sherlock...what happened?" he asked with his face pressed in dark curls.
Sherlock whimpered as the voices continued to scream in his head. He couldn't feel the soft touches, couldn't hear John's voice above the rest and he started to shake. Stupid... so stupid. He's going to leave now, he'll run away... you'll be alone. Forever alone. He started to whimper audibly, the shaking getting more intense as he tried to focus on something else, anything else.
John felt Sherlock's body trembling and started to panic. He had to snap him out of this... whatever he was having. John grabbed both of Sherlock's hands where they were clasped around his legs and he leaned forward to speak directly into Sherlock's ear. "Sherlock, listen to me. I'm here. Please talk to me." He hoped that this worked. He didn't know if he'd be able to pull Sherlock out of this episode otherwise.
Sherlock faintly heard another voice joining in with the others, but this one was different, soothing... "John?" he thought and focused on that voice, pushing the other ones aside. His shaking slowly became less intense as he worked as hard as he could to hone in on John's voice alone. "John..." he murmured softly.
John smiled a little when it seemed like it was working. "That's right, it's me. I'm here." He kissed the shell of Sherlock's ear and squeezed his hands, trying to pull Sherlock back with the different sensations. He only wondered what had happened to make him so upset in the first place. It must have been something he said. A pit of guilt welled in his stomach at the thought of hurting Sherlock, even though he hadn't meant to.
Sherlock finally stopped shaking and the voices were growing quieter, but he still worried about whether John was going to stay. He looked up and locked gazes with the shorter boy. "Please... don't. Don't leave me," he whispered, tears starting to fall again. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He desperately needed John to stay, more than he ever needed anyone and if it meant he had to push aside his deeper feelings for him, he would.
John's heart just broke at the sight and sound of Sherlock. He was like a frightened child the way he was curled up and begging for John to stay. "Sherlock..." He leaned forward and kissed him slowly, cupping his face in both hands. When he pulled away, it was just far enough to look into his eyes again. "Relax. I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm right here." He attempted a smile and smoothed his thumbs over Sherlock's cheekbones. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I said something to make you this upset, didn't I?" He kept a hold of Sherlock's face and kissed his forehead, then the tip of his nose, then moved to his lips where he gave him a few slow, tender kisses to try to convince him that he was most certainly not leaving.
Sherlock calmed down gradually with each kiss, relieved that John was staying, and after a few minutes he shook his head. "No... I just..." he sighed shakily, "it's okay if you don't want to... be with me. I just don't want you to leave." He bit his lip and looked away nervously. "I've never kissed anyone before that..." he said quietly, not sure if he even wanted John to hear him.
John smiled, finally understanding what he'd said to set off Sherlock. "I do want to be with you," he said, surprised at how easily it came out. But it was just the truth. He couldn't imagine himself with anyone else for some reason. "I just didn't want to go too far today. We only just met after all, and if we do something, you know, sexual, I want it to mean something." John's eyebrows raised in surprise at Sherlock's last words. "Really?" He grinned. "Well, you are a damn good kisser for someone inexperienced." He smoothed his hand over Sherlock's hair.
Sherlock sighed and smiled in relief. He honestly didn't know what he'd done to deserve someone as kind as John, but he was so glad to have him. "I want it to mean something too," he said and pulled John in for another kiss. He started at a knock on his bedroom door. It was Mycroft, letting them know that dinner was served. Sherlock gave John one last quick kiss after Mycroft walked away and helped him down off the bed.