Damn it, Damn it, I knew in that instant he wanted my iPod. "Ashley" he said, "I want your iPod." Fuck, why doesn't he just give me a warning; is he fucking serious. His smile dropped, "Ashley" he repeated "I want your iPod now." What the hell got his panties in a bunch, is it really that big of a problem to listen to my iPod, at least I am paying some of my attention on him.

"Yea ok" was all I could muster up. For some reason there was a smug smile on his face. Next thing I know my iPod was out of my hands and a 'fuck you' left my mouth. Oh shit did his ass hear me say that.

After a few minutes I realized I was in the clear however I sensed a pair of eyes on me. I wasn't sure whether someone was really staring or was it just me being paranoid. That is the worst feeling not knowing whether you should look or continue to ignore the person. Well I turned around again and green met brown. I turned quickly away and for some reason I felt eyes on me, he was staring again. I mouthed a quick 'what' and noticed he was actually pretty cute. "Jaiden," the teacher yelled "I don't think Ashley likes to feel on display… stop staring."

I laughed and smirked at him. Next thing I know, I'm saying, "It's fine, I'm hot no reason not to stare." As I turned around my eyes land on hers, her eyes bored into mine searching for some unexplainable substance.

The bell finally rang. I rushed out the door and knocked into someone. "Motherfucker," she says. I completely lay her out flat, great all I need is a pissed off Spencer. I frantically look at her and say, "Fuck, I'm sorry Spencer." Her face turned a deep red, I laughed internally and waited for it; here it comes.

"Please, the next time you decide to… I don't know lay me out why don't you let me know ahead of time." She said with a smirk and walked off.

The next bell rang and I sat in class staring at the wall. Time slowly dissipated and my memories tormented me. The past was catching up and I wasn't sure how much longer my façade would last. The silent screams seemed to slowly seep through the cracks and my mind grew more confused between the present and the past. I wish I could erase the parts of my life like Jim Carrey in the Eternal Sunshine in the Spotless Mind but I can't. The memories dwell in me and resurface to tear me apart piece by piece. There was never a time when I was completely happy, but there were times when I was content.

I looked up at the clock and realized there was an hour left of class. I raised my hand and asked if I could use the bathroom. The next thing I know I'm in the bathroom and I couldn't stop them. I tried so hard but I couldn't, the tears trickled down my face. As they rushed down my face I heard someone come in. All at once I'm normal again, there were no traces of tears. I opened the door and once again my eyes meet hers, but there was something wrong with her. I knew I did not know her but I needed to know what was going on. "Hey what's wrong with you," I asked. 

She looked at me and waited. "I know you don't know me or probably don't even like me but I hope you are alright." With that I left the bathroom.

I get back to the room and there was about twenty minutes left of class. I wait the time out, finally the bell rings. Great where the fuck I am going to seat for lunch. I scanned the area someone was waving at me. Who the fuck is that, I wait a second to make sure it's me there are waving at. Yep that's me alright, I walk over there carefully.

"Hey," she says. "Hello, do I know you," I asked her. She laughed and tells me no. "I'm Sophie." I shake her hand and tell her my name. I not entirely sure what I think of Sophie, it's not that I'm insecure, I just you know don't seem to trust people that well. She seemed alright but a part of me didn't understand why she would be so nice. I shake my thoughts and go along with the conversation.

"So what have you seen of L.A?" she asked me. I was blunt and told her nothing except this awesome school. I stressed every syllable in awesome letting her hear my sarcasm. She laughed again and said, "Why not, there is so much to see." I smiled and told her I didn't have time. Next thing I know I'm being dragged into a car. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked her.

"Well what does it look like I'm doing huh, I'm kidnapping you," I laugh at her and simply tell her okay. We go everywhere Hollywood Blvd, Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, and Santa Monica. I'm glad as a kidnapper she didn't kill me. The day wasn't horrific at all.

"So how was your day," she asked me I look at her and just smile. "I need to get home, thanks though." I tell her. She dropped me off and I opened my door to see my father. "Hey Ash, how was your day?" He asked. There was something in his voice that made gulp, but I couldn't gather what it was yet.

The next thing I know is he's hugging me. This made me nervous and uncomfortable, growing up I never conveyed any affection towards people. "Let go please." I told him trying to hide the pain in my voice but I don't think I succeeded. I ran upstairs and turn my IPod on. The lyrics flowed into ear. P.O.D's Going in Blind soothed over.

This life not like you wanted it.
His eyes I can see again, I need you here.
In your mind nobody's listening.
It's alright

Just breath again...
Time after time I walk the fine line,
But something keeps bringing me back.
Time after time I'm going in blind,
I don't know which way I need to go...


Feels like your world is caving in
And I cry, failing to understand,
I wish I can...
It's alright if you're missing him,
In his eyes you can live again,
Free within!

As I listen to the song, emotions overrode me and I started to cry again. "Time after time I walk the fine line, but something keeps bringing me back." The words correlated with my life, something always brought me back to the past.

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