A/N: Here´s the first chapter. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews. Seventeen in one week, I´m impressed. For you who wants to know what book my "borrowed" characters comes from, it´s "The Black Dagger Brotherhood" by J.R Ward. If you like vampires, check it out.

This chapter was beta´d by cboo2501 and pre-read by aliherondale333 and bethgreat97

And of course I don´t own either Cassandra Clare's or J.R Ward's characters.

Where are you know – Michelle Branch

Here without you – Three doors down

Wish you were here – Avril Lavigne

Chapter 1

Dear Izzy

September 1st 2011

Dear Izzy

How´s everyone?

I miss you soooo much!

This place is horrible. It´s just me and nine other kids. Five boys and five girls and they´re all, if not older, definitely bigger than me.

Everyone has their own room, but the lock was broken on mine, so I placed my desk-chair under the door-handle to keep the others out. Let´s just say I didn´t sleep at all the week it took for me to buy a new one and have it installed. I´m really glad that I didn´t spend everything I´d earned waitressing at Taki´s. The room is really small. It only fits a narrow bed and a dresser that I also use as a desk. But it´s all mine. It´s amazing to not have to share a room with someone for the first time in fifteen years.

Enough about me.

What´s going on over there? Any fun parties? Any cute boys?

What´s up with Alec? Simon?

Jace?

God, I miss him so much it hurts.

xoxo Clary

October 1st 2011

Dear Izzy

What!? Alec is gay?! I always thought he was just, you know, really shy when it came to girls. How did everybody take it? Has he told your parents yet? Let him know he´s still the same old Alec to me.

Congratulate Simon on his job at the comicbook store. Awesome way for him to earn extra pocketmoney after school and on the weekends. I know he´ll do great. It´s something he loves after all.

So Jace started dating? Already? That´s great, just terrific. I´m happy for him. I wanted him to move on.

Did that sound sincere? God, I feel awful. Does that make me a bitch? I can't even care right now.

Fuck it, let me just tell you about my wonderfultime.

The oldest boy, Raphael, who also happens to be the biggest, pushed me in a wall yesterday. I´m fine, just a little bruised. I just…really hate being away from you guys. Even Jace and his girlfriend.

It´s been two weeks since school started. The bus we have to ride in looks more like a prison van than any school bus I´ve ever seen. All the other students are scared of the 'inmates' as they call them here, even the teachers, and I can´t blame them. Which makes me scary by association, even though I´m the smallest in the whole school. The school itself is smaller than our old one. It´s a hundred students, tops! Which makes it impossible to fade in to the background.

How´s School? Did you get into all the classes you wanted? Meet any new people?

I miss you!

xoxo Clary

November 1st 2011

Dear Izzy

I´m glad your parents took it well when Alec came out to them. But why wouldn´t they, I can´t imagine there´s better parents out there, anywhere.

Jace has a new girlfriend, huh? That didn´t last long. I hope this one works out for him.

No, I really don´t.

I´m a total bitch, I know!

Glad school works out for everyone. Tell me more about the new guy, Magnus. Alec likes him? Do you know if he´s gay?

Some of the other students noticed that there´s no warm and fuzzies between me and the 'inmates' and started giving me a hard time. That didn´t go well with Raphael. He knocked out one of the guys and threw a girl into the lockers.

I stupidly thought that he defended me, but he tried to push me down the stairs as soon as we got 'home'. Apparently he thinks he should be the only one who gets to do those things.

Awesome, right? Not at all.

I´m going to check out the local gym for a self-defense class. I´ve decided that I need to know how to defend myself.

I miss you so much.

Not as much as I miss him though. Sorry about that.

I´m an idiot.

Don´t tell him, okay?

xoxo Clary

December 1st 2011

Dear Izzy

Alec and Magnus are a couple now? Wow, I´m soooo happy for them. A little sad too, I feel like I´m missing out on everything.

Jace has another girlfriend? He really gets around, doesn´t he?

You know what, I don´t care anymore. I won´t. I don´t.

You went out with Meliorn? How was that?! He´s hot and all but a little…cold. Right?

I went to the gym and signed up for a class. The teacher is actually the owner. He´s something else I tell you. For one he´s freakin' HUGE and he have this way with words…kinda like trucker meets sailor crossed with a twelve year old. He has the most beautiful eyes I´ve ever seen – except for Jace's of course – one green and one blue. He´s name is Qhuinn and his accent is incredibly hot, very Dracula. It´s almost French, but not quite. There's something Slavic in there. Like Hungarian, or something. His partner is almost as big as he is. His name is Blay and he´s got red hair, a little more orange than mine.

Tell me about Simon, what´s going on with him? How´s work. Has he met a girl yet?

I miss you.

Can you send pictures of 'the gang' as a Christmas gift?

xoxo Clary

January 1st 2012

Dear Izzy

Thanks for the pictures. It´s nice to be able to look at you guys whenever I want, even if it´s just a photo.

I can´t believe you had a date with Simon. Tell me everything. It feels like I´m missing out on so much being away from you.

So Jace has a new girl…again? You know what, let´s make a deal. I´ll stop asking about him and you´ll stop writing about everything that goes on in his life. I know it´s been over four months since I saw him the last time, but it still hurts like hell.

How was New Year's Eve? Hope you had fun, especially getting dressed up!

My self-defense classes are going great. I´m learning tons of usable stuff. Like, if Raphael were to attack me right now I could…not really do much, besides get away and scream for help. But it´s a start, right?

I actually spent New Year's Eve with Qhuinn. He took me to this totally fancy party, bought me a new dress for it and everything. He usually takes Blay to those events, but he was away scouting locations for their next gym. There even planning to open a club in the same building. How cool is that?

Qhuinn has been taking me out to dinner a lot lately. He even offered to let me train for free. I said I would think about it, I don´t wanna be a charity case, you know.

Well, I´m off to class. Until next time.

xoxo Clary

February 16th 2012

Dear Izzy

I´m glad that you and Simon decided to be exclusive. I´ve always thought you´d be good together, you just had to date a couple of frogs to find out he was your true prince.

How did you spend your Valentine's Day? That New Year's party you wrote about sounds…interesting. I can´t believe that Jace's date threw up on the 'host'. He sure knows how to pick 'em.

Who is this Seb you mentioned? He must be new, I don´t remember him.

As you can see on the envelope, I´ve got a new addy. It´s part of the reason it took me so long to write back.

Three days into the new year Raphael managed to push me down the stairs. I wound up in the hospital with two cracked ribs and a broken arm. I was afraid to go back to the Institute, but didn´t have to worry. The day I was released Qhuinn picked me up and brought me home with him. He´d already picked up all my things, so now I live with him at his gorgeous penthouse apartment. I´m pretty sure the whole Institute can fit inside this place. Your room could definitely fit in my new bathroom! I almost got lost when I went in search of the kitchen last night. It´s scary, but in a good way.

It takes some getting used to. But everything is great, almost as good as if I was with you guys.

I miss you like crazy and can´t wait until I´m eighteen and can go home again.

xoxo Clary

March 1st 2012

Dear Izzy

I had no idea that Simon was such a romantic! I can´t believe that he took you on a candlelight picnic at the park. Wow, I´m soooo jealous. Not of Simon, but…I want that. Hell, Ihad that. I still miss Jace, but sometimes I afraid that I´m starting to forget about him. You know; the little things. Like the sound of his voice when he spoke to me, the look in his eyes when we were alone, how I felt when he kissed me. It hurts to think that I´ll never have that with him again.

Qhuinn is amazing when it gets too hard. Some nights he just lay in my bed and holds me in my sleep.

Seb moved here just before school started last year? How come you haven´t mentioned him in your earlier letters? I get the feeling that you don´t like him that much. Why is that?

How are things with Alec and his boyfriend? I love the way you describe him. Does he really wear all that glitter and sparkly rainbow pants, or are you exaggerating?

Tell everyone I miss them. Yourself too. Well, except for… you know.

xoxo Clary

May 12th -12

Dear Izzy

Sorry you had to wait this long for this letter. Qhuinn and Blay took me on a little trip for spring break. We went all over the country to check on their other gyms. I thought it was just one, but apparently they own a whole chain. Black dagger Gym is the name. Ever heard of it? I sure as hell hadn´t. They are still undecided about where to open the next one and the club I wrote you about.

I told them about that empty warehouse, about three miles from the orphanage, you know which one I´m talking about? Wouldn´t it be amazing if they were to open it there?

Ever since I moved in to the penthouse, either Qhuinn or Blay drops me off and picks me up from school. It´s kinda embarrassing, especially because of the car. Quinn's Hummer is huge, so big that they have to help me to get up or down from it. I walk around school with a permanent blush.

Starting tomorrow, Blay´s teaching me how to drive. Qhuinn refused, 'cause he didn´t wanna risk losing his temper and yell at me. How cute is that?

I could tell from the pictures of Alec and Magnus that you weren´t exaggerating. God, that´s a looooot of glitter. He looks like a big sparkly fairy. But they look good together. I like seeing Alec so happy.

I get that you don´t like the influence that Seb seems to have over Jace, but your brother is a big boy. He has to make his own mistakes.

xoxo Clary

June 1st 2012

Dear Izzy

How´s summer treating you so far? Glad to be out of school?

I love it. No more Raphael or the other 'inmates' giving me the evil eye. The best part is that Raphael graduated this year, so I don´t have to see him anymore.

If you're wondering why he left me alone since 'the stairs incident' - as the head of the Institute calls it – it´s all because of Qhuinn and Blay. I told you they were HUGE and I wasn´t kidding. Blay is six-foot-four and weighs about 275 lbs. and Qhuinn lands on a frightening six-foot-seven and weighs around 300 lbs. Would you mess with them?

Quinn's officially my legal guardian now. But he calls it whard. I know the spelling is all wrong, but he claims that´s how it´s supposed to be. It apparently means that much more than the usual word, and who am I to argue.

They´ve finally chosen a location for their gym-club. Too bad someone already bought the warehouse.

Oh, well.

I wish I could see you guys. Maybe you could visit next month or something? Jace could come too. If he wants too.

Write me back as soon as you can.

I miss you all.

xoxo Clary

July 1st 2012

Dear Izzy

It sucks that you can´t visit me. So you got a job, huh? Never thought I would see the day when Isabelle Lightwood actually worked for a living. I´m so proud of you sweetie! Working in a clothing store will be perfect for you. Lots of employee discounts? And the owner is Magnus's aunt? That´s pretty cool, right?

Qhuinn and Blay have been working on a surprise for me, for my birthday next month and you know how patient I am…

They won´t even give me a clue and it´s killing me. Qhuinn takes me out to dinner twice a week to try and placate me, but it´s not working. Blay even tried to buy me off with a promise of a shopping trip for a brand new wardrobe for when school starts in the fall. Like that would work. Qhuinn knows me better and bribed me with art classes.

I can´t believe it´s close to a year since I saw you last. In some ways it feels like it´s been way longer than that and others like it was only yesterday.

I even have trouble sketching. The only thing I seem to draw these days is Jace and I can´t do him justice anymore. When I´m awake his features is cloudy, like I see him through fog or something. But in my dreams I see him perfectly. I wake up in the middle of the night, reach for my pad and pencils without thinking about what I´m doing. But half-way through my mind goes blank and I´m stuck with yet another unfinished drawing of him.

Less than a year shouldn´t be enough to forget someone, but so much has happened. Qhuinn thinks my mind is trying to protect itself from all the memories. Speaking of him, I have to get ready. It´s time for our 'dinner date' and he hates being kept waiting.

Miss you all

xoxo Clary

August 1st 2012

Dear Izzy

I´M COMING HOME!

xoxo Clary

A/N: I hope you liked it. Next chapter will be up next Sunday and it's in Jace's point of view.

Whard: Equivalent of a godfather or godmother to an individual.

This is according to the glossary in the beginning of J.R Wards books.