Chapter 2 - Deeks

'Married? Are you serious, Hetty?' I asked.

'Very much, Mr Deeks,' she replied, handing me a pair of jeans to try on. I checked the tag; they were a size smaller than the jeans that I usually wore. I struggled into them anyway; it would take a braver man than me to argue with Hetty over clothing. Hell, even Callen just wore whatever Hetty handed him.

'Um…' I silenced my doubts as I suddenly realised that I couldn't do up the zipper of the jeans; maybe this was why Hetty had handed these jeans to me – I was concentrating so much on doing up the jeans without causing myself unnecessary harm that I didn't have the breath to argue with Hetty about the whole "marriage" thing.

'You have a problem with marriage, Mr Deeks?' Hetty asked.

'Me? No. Kensi…'

Me, personally, I have no problem with marriage. I even figured that one day I'd maybe even meet the right girl, get up the courage to get down on one knee, watch her walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress, put a ring on her finger and say "I do". Hell, maybe one day I'd have a couple of kids underfoot. Though with the tightness of these jeans, procreating seems kind of doubtful at this point.

But Kensi…

Well, let's just say, Kensi's track record with marriage isn't something that encourages anything more than a first date.

Sometimes, I dream, though. Getting down on bended knee before Kensi in a crowded restaurant, her looking even more beautiful than ever, and presenting her with a diamond ring; standing on the altar of a church and watching her walk towards me in a pretty white dress – something pretty, but completely Kensi at the same time, putting a ring on her finger and saying I do.

Those are dangerous dreams, though. Kensi would most likely castrate me if she even thought that I had those types of thoughts.

'Mr Deeks?' Hetty's voice broke into my thoughts.

With a yell, I managed to pull the zipper up and winced. 'Ow.'

'Mr Deeks, are you alright?'

Well, I just hope that Kensi wears something totally un-hot on this assignment, because I could do some serious damage to some important organs if I even think dirty thoughts… Hey, maybe that's Hetty's plan…

'These jeans seem a little tight,' I said, coming out of my stall.

Hetty looked me over critically. 'Turn around.'

I did so.

'Not at all,' Hetty said, smiling at me. 'They show off your assets just right – they look like something that your wife most definitely would've chosen for you.'

My assets? Was Hetty just checking me out? No…

'Are you sure? Because it…' I tried to think of a way to phrase it delicately. 'They don't allow room for expansion.'

Hetty saw right through me. 'You'll just have to control your urges, Mr Deeks. Now, put this on.' She handed me the suit that I'd wore for the Christopher Stone cover, but with a different tie.

'Is my cover a business man?' I asked, re-entering the stall.

'No. That's your wedding suit.'

'What?' I froze, the jeans half-down my legs.

'That's your wedding suit,' she patiently repeated.

'But- we're not- Hetty, I'm not marrying Kensi!'

I'd forgotten that Kensi was only a few stalls down, trying on clothes herself. 'Hey!'

'What, you'd want to marry me?' I asked, suddenly distracted.

'Well, no, but it's the principal of the matter. Women don't like to be told that a man doesn't want to marry them.'

'Oh, trust me, if I had to get married, I'd choose you.'

'You do have to get married,' Hetty pointed out bluntly.

Kens was still stuck on the point that I'd choose her. 'You'd choose me, Deeks? That's sweet… I think.'

'Are you dressed yet, Mr Deeks?' Hetty asked.

'Yup,' I said glumly. 'Well, almost.' I was struggling with the tie, which was a pale blue-green colour, but came out anyway.

Hetty looked me up and down. 'Well, after your hair is combed, you'll look very good.'

'Great.' I turned back into the stall to get dressed again.

'Where are you going?' Hetty asked, and I turned back around.

'To get dressed?'

'No, you're not. You'll need those clothes in a minute.'

I dropped the tie. 'What?'

'Hetty, I don't remember planning a wedding, and I definitely don't recall setting the date for today.' The door of the stall down the hall swung open, and Kensi appeared. 'However, this dress is incredible. It's exactly what I would've chosen if I were getting married.'

'I thought so,' Hetty said.

I didn't say anything, mostly due to the fact that Kensi looked so incredible that words couldn't describe her.

Finally, the words managed to come out of my mouth. 'Did it hurt?'

Kensi looked at me, confused. 'Did what hurt?'

'When you fell from Heaven? Because you look like an angel.'

Kensi actually blushed, pink staining her porcelain cheeks. 'Thanks.'

'Hey, Hetty, isn't it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?' I joked.

'Considering that there will be no wedding, no, it isn't.'

Kensi frowned. 'If there's going to be no wedding, why am I in this getup?'

'Don't tell me there's a plane waiting to take us to Vegas?' I asked.

Kensi glared at me. 'I am not getting married in Vegas.'

'You're not getting married at all,' Hetty finally managed to say.

'Then what's with the wedding clothes?' I asked.

'The pictures,' Hetty said. 'Your neighbours are going to be visiting; you're newlyweds – it would be strange if there weren't a few wedding pictures floating around.'

'So you're making us dress up just for pictures?' Kensi asked. She watched me unsuccessfully fiddle around with my tie for a few moments longer before shaking her head. 'Give me that.'

I surrendered my tie to her, and she reached up and lifted my collar. I caught the soft aroma of her perfume, and it swirled around us, cocooning us in a sweet-scented web.

'You look amazing,' I murmured to her. 'More than amazing. Gorgeous. Beautiful.'

She blushed again and finished tying my tie. 'You don't look too bad yourself. If nothing, it'll be a nice wedding picture.' She patted me on the chest before picking up her skirts, revealing white high-heels, and slowly making her way out of the dressing rooms.

'Uh huh.' I stared after her, completely dumbstruck. A beautiful woman will do that to me. And when it's Kensi in a wedding dress, talking about marrying me, well, that thing in my head isn't good at doing that thing that it's supposed to.

Hetty patted me on the elbow, the highest thing that she could reach of me. 'Come on, Mr Deeks. We've got some pictures to shoot.'

She handed me a hairbrush, and I stared after her. 'What exactly am I supposed to do with this?'

…

When I stepped out into the bullpen, Callen, Sam, Eric, Nell, Hetty and Kens in all her wedding dress glory were standing there, all dressed up. Callen, Sam and Eric were dressed in suits similar to mine, while Nell was dressed in a blue-green dress that matched my tie.

'Wow,' I said, looking at Hetty who held a pretty professional-looking camera. 'If I didn't know any better, I'd think that we've got a wedding to attend.'

'My God,' Sam said. 'You actually brushed your hair.'

Kensi frowned. 'It's not right.' She stalked over to me and reached up and started to reorganise my hair.

'Hey!' I protested, shying away. 'I don't let my own mother do that.'

'Deal with it,' she replied, her face tantalizingly close to mine. I had to concentrate hard on not kissing her.

'I'm trying, but I can't!' I looked down and realised that she had hold of me by my tie. 'Hey!'

'You'd look better with your hair like this,' Kensi said, brushing my hair this way and that with her free hand before finally releasing me.

'She's right,' Nell said critically. 'You do look better like that.'

'Where are we going to take the pictures?' I asked.

Hetty smiled. 'I think you're going to like this place, Mr Deeks.'

…

'Why couldn't I drive?' Kensi complained, getting out of the back of her silver SUV.

'Because you're in a wedding dress,' I said.

'I once rode a motorcycle in a bridesmaid dress once,' Kensi replied.

'For God's sake, why?' I asked.

'I was chasing a suspect.'

'Let me guess, you hotwired this one too.'

'Actually, no. It had a button.'

'Are you guys always like this?' Nell asked. She'd ridden in the back with Kensi, and was now helping her with her long white skirt.

'Yes,' I said, at the exact same time that she said, 'No.'

I shook my head. 'Is it always going to be like this?' I asked. 'I say push, you pull, I say hot, you say cold?'

'Yup,' Kensi said before walking away from me.

I looked out over the ocean, and a smile spread over my face. 'You were right, Hetty,' I said to her as she got out of her Jag. 'I do like this place.'

'I thought you would,' Hetty said, looking out over the pristine beach. 'I think maybe over there would look nice,' she continued, pointing over at a nice looking bit. 'Oh, and Mr Deeks?'

I turned around and walked back to her. 'Yeah?'

'You'll need these.' She held out three small jewellery boxes.

'Oh.' I took them and looked in each. The first was a plain gold band, and after I checked the measurements, I realised that this one was mine. I took it out of the box and put it on my ring finger on my left hand. It felt strange there – not unpleasant, just strange.

I looked up, and saw Kensi walking between Nell and Sam. She was laughing at something Sam had said, and she looked utterly and completely beautiful. But she was missing something, and I had it in my hands.

'Hey, Kens! Wait up!' I called, running after them.

'Yup. Waiting,' Kens said, and I could see her tapping her foot, even beneath her long skirts.

I quickly checked the boxes, and tucked the one that I momentarily didn't need into my pocket.

I finally caught up with her, and after spending a moment regaining my breath (hey, it isn't easy to run on soft sand – in fact, it's really hard), slid down onto one knee, a huge grin on my face. I presented her with the engagement ring, a fairly modest diamond solitaire affair, and said, with my best pleading expression, 'Will you marry me?'

Kensi rolled her eyes in the way that I had come to love, plucked the ring from the box and stuck it on her finger. 'Really, Deeks? You're getting all sandy.'

I rose back up onto two legs and dusted myself off. 'I s'pose you want this one too.' I held out the wedding ring box.

'Yup.' She reached for it, but I suddenly snatched it away.

'Hey! Deeks,' she growled.

'Hang on. Wanna do this right…' I opened the box and took the ring out before taking her left hand and placing it on her ring finger. 'With this ring, I thee fake wed.' I grinned down at her. 'Time to kiss the bride?

'Nope.' She then set about very carefully stepping on my toes before walking off to join Nell.

Hetty clapped her hands. 'I think this is the perfect spot.'

She then set about placing Kensi and I in a suitable location and pose, and then artistically arranging the others around us.

'No, no, no!' Hetty said, shaking her finger at Eric, who was just kind of standing there with a hapless grin on his face. The poor guy was actually wearing pants, and shoes with laces! I could tell he was wondering how the hell he had gotten himself roped into this. I was wondering the same thing. 'Mr Beale, this is the happiest day of their lives! Look happy for them!'

Eric managed to pull his lips into a smile, and Hetty turned on Callen.

'Mr Callen, that is not a suitable pose for a wedding picture.' We all looked at Callen, who was standing next to me on one foot with a grimace on his face.

'You do know that these shoes are one size too small?' he asked. 'It really hurts.'

'Deal with it, Mr Callen,' Hetty said dismissively, and set about arranging him so that he looked happy for Kensi and I.

Finally happy with our poses and positions (you'd think that we really had just gotten married, the way that Hetty carried on), she produced a small bouquet of white roses and a much larger one absolutely brimming with white roses, which she handed to Nell and Kensi respectively.

'Right,' she said, standing behind the camera on its tripod and glaring at us all. 'Smile.'

We did, and she clicked away.

'Alright, let's just have Miss Blye and Mr Deeks now,' she finally said, after which time I'd started to think that the smile would have to be scraped off of my face. My cheeks hurt, I'd smiled that much.

'Come on, really?' Kensi asked as the others dashed away, getting away before Hetty could change her mind. 'Isn't that enough?'

I kind of silently agreed with her, but didn't dare say so out loud. Hetty could, after all, switch those ridiculously tight jeans for a size even smaller. And then I'd really have something to complain about.

'Nonsense. You're newlyweds, and you're going to be in a suburb of Los Angeles where for the first few days, you're going to be flooded with neighbours. That's why I've insisted that you all get into the photos. If one of your neighbours comes in to find Callen and Sam giving you a briefing, or Eric and Nell making adjustments to your computer, you'll at least be able to back up your story that they're your close friends.'

Kensi sighed. 'Alright, but can we make this quick? The sand is getting into my shoes and it's really uncomfortable.'

We took a few shots, first looking happily at the camera, and then a few more staring "romantically" into each other's eyes.

'Are we done?' I asked, after one last really awkward shot where I was sure that Kensi knew I was thinking about tearing that dress off of her. It wasn't that I didn't like the dress – it's just that I'm pretty sure I'd like it off of her even more…

'Yes, yes,' Hetty said absently, flicking through the images on her camera. 'Yes, we've got some beauties.' She handed to camera to Nell. 'To be developed, ASAP.'

'I'm driving,' Kensi announced on the trek back to the car.

I opened my mouth to say 'No, not dressed like that,' but Hetty beat me to it.

'Not dressed like that you aren't!' she said. 'That dress is worth more than I'm willing to risk by you driving in it,' she continued, and Kensi looked down at herself and gulped.

Kens sighed and handed the keys back to me. 'Fine.'

'Come on, Princess. We've got a house to move into.'

'Deeks, please, to protect my sanity, don't call me Princess.'

…

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