Chapter 2 Wisdom from the Past

Sam stood in the shower, leaning against the wall, barely feeling the water hitting him. Nothing registered anymore, the last month was a blur, nothing mattered anymore. His legs slowly gave out, he slid down the wall and sat motionless until the water started to get cold. He felt his muscles start to shake as the cold water hit him, became aware of the goosebumps popping up on his flesh. Some stray thought popped in his head that he should turn off the water and get out, it was almost too much effort to do even that.

Diggle had found a hotel that had a small penthouse suite setup, basically two rooms joined by a bathroom. He and Oliver had already decided that if Sam was truly in bad shape they weren't going to leave him alone. Since there were three of them they needed the extra bed. Oliver had told him what Felicity said about the cards and how there had been no sign of Dean at the hotel. Diggle knew as soon as Oliver gave him that information what was going on with Sam. It had been Diggle's idea that Oliver go alone to check on Sam, when Oliver asked why all he told him was that it would be best. Oliver knew not to push and had headed out.

Diggle knew that Sam was going to be in a lot worse shape than Oliver thought and he knew that if the two of them showed up to intervene Sam would get belligerent. He would feel as if he was being bullied by the two men and that wouldn't help. Diggle knew because he had been through this both as the suicidal alcoholic and helping a fellow suicidal alcoholic. When Diggle had come back home from the war he had flashbacks, he had survivor's guilt, he had nightmares.

The VA just medicated him and told him to go talk it out, that did nothing. He, along with many other veterans, turned to drinking and eventually trying to stop the pain permanently. Diggle remembered screaming himself hoarse during nightmares of skirmishes where he had lost men, of seeing children getting blown up over and over again, women crying and screaming over bodies. He couldn't talk, not because he didn't want to but he literally couldn't. He dealt with the nightmares in his sleep. Why would he want to talk about them when he was awake? He didn't want to admit he was in pain, there was no one that would understand anyway. When he spoke of things to other veterans it seemed to just make it worse as more and more memories came up. So he shut up and started drinking, then drank more.

Then one day he woke up on the floor of a friend's house, his head feeling like someone kept dropping an anvil on it, his stomach heaving and his throat on fire. His friend made him dry out, watched him suffer through withdrawals and forced him to see how truly close to dying he had come. Several months later he had to do the same thing to another veteran that he had become friends with.

Now he was going to have to do it to Sam. He had already started collecting extra towels and sheets, he stocked the fridge with water and some of the cabinets with coconut water. Sam would be incredibly dehydrated and wouldn't be able to eat solid food for a few days. Diggle had gone out and bought some soups that he could feed Sam when he could eat again. It was going to be a long week and Oliver had to get back to Starling City. Oliver wasn't going to like having to leave Sam but Diggle wasn't going to give him a choice about it.

Oliver called Diggle while Sam was still in the shower.

"Dig, we have a problem here. Dean's dead. I don't think Sam has been sober in a month, he's just a shell of himself. On top of that he tried to commit suicide by trying to slice his wrist using pieces of the back window of the Impala which he punched right through. I'm out of my depth here. " Back in his playboy days Oliver had been drunk quite a few times, but never for a month straight; besides that was drinking for fun, not for self-destruction. He had no real idea of what Sam was going to need but he knew he had to get back Starling City, they had been closing in on the Mirakure serum and he couldn't let the leads get cold.

"You'll need to leave him here with me for about a week. " Dig said.

"Wait, a week? " Oliver didn't like the idea of being without backup for that long. He already had one brush with death tracing down this serum. If Diggle hadn't been there to carry carry him back to Arrow HQ he wouldn't have made it.

"Maybe it will teach you caution and strategic thinking. You really do tend to rush into things. " Diggle said. Oliver heard the smirk in his voice.

"Thank for the critique. Why a week? " Oliver wasn't doubting Diggle's assessment he just needed to understand the reasoning behind it.

"I've been on both sides of this. It will take him about 2-3 days to work all that alcohol out of his body, following that will be a day or two of feeling like he's being run over repeatedly by a train. Then I have to get him emotionally stable enough to want to function again. Trust me, he'll need a week before he can travel. Oh and leave the Impala here. One of two things will happen, if he shapes up fast enough we will drive it back to Starling, if not I'll make him clean it up and we will ship it. This is a long hard road Sam has to walk down Oliver. To put it simply, he's on his own hellish island right now and he needs to find a reason to survive. " Diggle's tone was somber.

"Should I have Felicity ship some of those herbs that counteract toxins?" Oliver asked.

"No." There was no give in Diggle's tone. " He has to feel the pain of this, he has to realize how far gone he is. If he wakes up in the morning and feels normal he will just go right back to drinking. Trust me on this. "

"I do. I just feel bad that he has to suffer this much." Diggle heard the sympathy and concern in Oliver's voice.

"I know, but this is how this has to happen. "

"Ok, well I'll stay tonight and till tomorrow evening. It sounds like you may need the help watching him. Then I have to leave. I'll bring him to the hotel tonight. We will have to move the Impala over there tomorrow somehow. " Oliver heard the shower being turned off. "I have to go. See you soon Dig."

The water had been turned off but Oliver heard no movement. He waited a few minutes, he really wanted Sam to come out on his own. Oliver didn't want to literally drag Sam out of here. He spent the time starting to pick up cans, bottles and rotting food and throwing it all in the trash bags. After what seemed like an eternity the bathroom door opened. Sam had a towel around his waist and he was leaning heavily against the door frame. Oliver kept picking up the trash but kept an eye on Sam. Sam's eyes fell on the bed where he had placed the little memorial to Dean and Oliver saw a shudder run through his body.

"Oliver, I'm" he paused " my bags are over there. Would you please hand them to me? I think I have some clean clothes still in them. " Every word that came out of Sam's mouth seemed as if it was being dragged from a place of deep pain, like he had almost forgotten how to actually talk.

"Of course Sam." Oliver walked to the other side of the bag and saw three bags, he really didn't want to pick up the wrong one.

"Mine doesn't have the broken buckles. " Sam saved him. Oliver found the bag and walked over to Sam to hand it to him.

"Thank you." Sam turned back into the bathroom and shut the door. Oliver heaved a huge sigh of relief. It was a start, however small.

Sam walked out a few minutes later in some jeans and a tshirt. He walked a few steps and then just stopped. He couldn't comprehend anything past the fact that he needed to get dressed after taking shower, he looked at the empty bed again and started to head to the fridge to get another drink. Oliver stopped him.

"Sam, we need to get going. I have a room at another hotel and you're coming with me. "

"I can't drive, and no one else drives the Impala but De…." he couldn't even say the name.

"I have a car, we will come get the Impala tomorrow. It will be fine. We can't leave the guns laying out like this. Can you get them? " Oliver didn't want to touch them, he knew Sam saw them as something almost sacred at this point.

"Yes, we can't leave them out. Cops might find them. " he stumbled over to the bed and picked up the guns. pulled the necklace over his head and slowly picked up the Impala keys. Oliver picked up the books and bags, they walked out of the room to Oliver's rental. Sam got in the passenger side and Oliver put the bags and the books in the back seat.

"Hang out here for a minute I'll be right back. " Oliver told Sam and then he walked to the night clerk's window. .

"Here is $300 for the shape the room is in. I cleaned it up as best I could. " Oliver looked at the clerk and the clerk looked up at Oliver. Oliver shifted his stance a bit, looked the clerk directly in the eyes, then watched as those eyes got wide with fear. "I will be back for that car tomorrow. If it has been touched in any way I will hunt you down and take whatever damage has occurred out of your hide. Do you understand me? " Oliver had gotten plenty of experience threatening people as of late, this clerk was hardly worth the effort but he wanted to make things crystal clear.

The clerks eyes went even wider and he shrunk back against the back of his chair.

"Of course sir. I understand perfectly. "

Oliver turned on his heel and walked to the car. He opened the door, slid in next to Sam and drove out of the parking lot. He turned and looked at the Sam. Sam's eyes were utterly vacant, there was no thought or emotion showing in them at all. Oliver looked back at the road and thought that a week may have been an optimistic assessment.

They pulled up to the hotel, tucked the guns in the bags, grabbed everything and walked in. Sam just followed Oliver, didn't say anything or do anything unless he was instructed to. Oliver hoped Diggle would be able to help Sam out because he felt helpless.

They arrived at the door and Oliver knocked, he didn't have a free hand to unlock the door. Diggle opened the door and the two of them walked in. Oliver put the bags and books down and Sam just stood there.

"Sam. " Diggle said "Put the stuff on the couch. " Sam did as he was told then he looked around the room and saw a fridge. He walked to it and opened the door expecting to find alcohol. All he found was water. He turned around, and there was a tinge of anger in his eyes.

"I agreed to come here, I didn't agree to some sort of AA intervention. I am fine. I am going to the bar and get something to drink. "

"With what money Sam?" Oliver asked. He had grabbed all of Sam's fake cards and the two Vigilante Ventures card before Sam had gotten out of the shower.

"Oliver, John. You are neither my father nor my brother. I do not have to listen to you or respect you. Give me what is mine. " Sam's voice was rough with anger and a desperate need. Diggle stepped between Sam and Oliver.

"Sam, you don't have to respect us, but you are not going to get another drink. " Diggle had to establish that ground rule now and he wanted Sam to focus on him, not Oliver. Oliver could easily take Sam out but that wasn't the point of the exercise. Sam needed a target, not a friend right now and Oliver didn't understand that yet but Diggle did.

"Oh that's right. You're the bodyguard. All of sudden Oliver needs you to protect him from something? I remember him saving your ass back at the warehouse, you were useless." Diggle sensed Oliver tensing up behind him and he motioned for Oliver to relax.

"Yup, I'm the bodyguard. You shouldn't talk though. If I remember it right you and Dean were in the same boat. " As soon as he heard Dean's name Sam flinched. " Guess you were useless too, stuck there watching as we all got cut up. " Oliver winced, he hadn't told Diggle about Dean being cut up and dragged to hell. Sam's face took on an aspect that Oliver never hoped to never see again. There was hate, anger, pain and a desperate need to strike out at anything. His bloodshot eyes were both full of tears and anger and his lips curled in a savage snarl.

"How dare you, you bastard! " Sam launched himself at Diggle, Oliver dived over the beds to clear space for the two of them. There was no skill on Sam's part , he just started swinging at Diggle, his hits coming faster and faster as he screamed incoherently. Diggle for his part just took the hits and blocked. He knew Sam needed to feel the impact of those hits. It was the only way to work through the pain right now. After a few minutes of this Sam started slowing down, he was breathing hard and his eyes were losing focus, he took a swing and almost fell into Diggle's arms. Diggle shifted Sam's weight and laid him on the bed closest to the bathroom door. He knew the next part was going to involve Sam bolting into the bathroom and retching his guts out. He had to give Sam credit, for being drunk off his ass he could still land some serious hits. He motioned to Oliver to follow him to the other room.

Oliver for his part felt like he had just been in a fight, the raw emotion from Sam flowed through the room and spiked his adrenaline. He had no idea how fast the mood swings were going to be and he felt even worse for having to leave Diggle to deal with this alone. He felt completely drained after less than 15 minutes of this torture, he had no idea how Dig was going to get through this.

"How are the arms? Sam wasn't pulling any power. " Oliver asked

"They'll be sore as hell tomorrow but it's ok. Nothing's broken so it doesn't matter. Tell me why he got so upset when I mentioned us being ripped to shreds. I was trying to provoke him but not that much. " Diggle said.

"When I was at the motel, I checked his phone. I am going to write this number down for you before I go. There's a guy named Bobby, apparently he's like family to Sam and Dean. He had been calling for weeks and Sam never answered. You should have heard how relieved and angry he was when he got a call from Sam's number. I called him because I needed to know how Dean had died. I had meant to tell you but got sidetracked. From what Bobby said Sam had actually been killed a little over a year ago, Dean found some crossroads demon thing and made a deal. Sam comes back in trade for Dean's soul in a year. Last month was the end of that year.

Apparently they send hellhounds to collect your soul and they tear your body to shreds. Sam watched it all. Here's the worst part about it all. According to what these guys believe the purpose of hell is to torture human souls to the point where they break and start doing the torture. Once they break the soul slowly turns into a demon. So in Sam's mind, Dean is being tortured into becoming what killed his mom, his fiance, his Dad and ultimately Dean in the end. They are turning his brother into his enemy. " Oliver watched as Diggle's face registered the ultimate horror of this situation. Diggle leaned back on the couch, put his head in his hands and sat there for a minute.

"Shit, shit, shit.." was all Diggle could say for a minute. "Even if we get him sober and get him moving, the only thing he has to live for is revenge. Maybe we should have left him in the motel, that's a better existence than what he has to look forward to. "
"You're not serious John." Oliver was shocked

" In a way I am. Oliver, I know you're not into religion but that doesn't matter right now. There is no escape from hell, unless some crazy miracle happens. Sam knows that eventually Dean will break, he knows that. Dean can't kill himself to thwart his torturers, or create a resistance movement. There is literally no other ending to this story. Sam fears that one day he will be shooting his brother with that Colt. To Sam the only way to free Dean now is to kill him again" Dig leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

Oliver hadn't thought things through to their ultimate conclusion but now that Diggle had laid it all out in front of him he had to agree with him. Oliver couldn't think of a single thing to say. After a few minutes Oliver spoke.

"So what do we do? Take him somewhere and let him rot? That's not right Dig and you know it. "

"I know Oliver. What we have to appreciate is that he may not want to be saved, he may not be able to find a reason to come back from this."

Ironically it was Dean's voice that came to Oliver. "You did the best you can, but you can't save everyone." Dean had told him that when trying to comfort Oliver about his failure to save Shado and Yao Fei. Dean had known what was coming, maybe he was trying to tell Sam that as much as Oliver. Then he remembered something else Dean had said. "We all have scars, they remind us that doing what we do costs us so we don't forget. The only people that don't have scars are the people that never try to make a difference." He thought about that scar on the inside of Sam's arm and he had a beginning of an idea of how to make Sam want to survive this.

"Diggle, get him functional and bring him to Starling. If we can get him that far I think I can get him the rest of the way. " Oliver said, with a bit of hope in his voice.

"What? How? "

"Remember how I told you not to underestimate Dean? Dean knew what was coming and I think he was trying to get through to Sam when the three of us talked that night. I'm not sure it will work but it's worth a shot. "
"Ok Oliver," Dig said "I'll get him functional." Then they heard Sam run into the bathroom and start retching. It was going to be a long night.