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Hey thanks for reading the next chapter of Harry Pothead and the Smiffling moocher. This chapter, like the last one, WILL be pretty weird. But I promise it will get more tolerable, as soon as Harry get some damn clothes (which unfortunately IS NOT this chapter, sorry) NAKED HARRYNESS! O.O! And thank you so much GuMmYbEaR for reviewing, you rock my world. And do anyone else reading, it's you whose making me write this, you crazy moochers! ^________^ I love you people!
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Harry Pothead and the Smiffling Moochers
Chapter 2 - More Naked Harryness
Harry opened his eyes wearily. He prayed that he was in his bed, and that he would open them to see the pasty-white ceiling.
Too bad for Harry. He saw a baby blue sky with sheepish clouds, bristling into view. There was quite a breeze, leaving the very naked Harry with a coat of goose bumps.
Then he remembered he was in pain. He had broken his arm once. He had to regrow the bones back too. He'd watched as his archenemy's evil minion cut his arm open. He'd even has his heart broken into 1,245.6342 x 10^23 pieces when the girl he had been crushing on asked out...CEEEEEEDDRRRIIIIICCCC.
He'd prefer all of that to happen again, instead of feeling what he was right now. BOTH of his heads felt as if they had been stepped on by Dudley and were probably permanently bruised. Not to mention on fire. Wait, why did they feel like they were on fire? He looked down.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?" he screamed, attempting to move, but giving up as fast as the dense Dudley would have. Little red fire ants were scurrying up and down his body. They started biting him happily. (Yes, eat him my little minions! Eat him! Oh.sorry, moving on with the destruction of Harry.)
"Arrrgggg!" he tried to brush them off. He grabbed onto his broomstick, yelled "GO!" His broomstick proceeded to drag his bruised and bloody body along the front yard.
Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, the front door opened. A grisly man, a horse-jawed bony woman, and the Pillsbury doughboy himself, Dudley, all appeared on the front step.
Dudley was beginning to salivate, his watery eyes fixed on Harry's.well.you know what.
Harry groaned "I'm in a bit of a ." he choked on the words, his voice cracking. "A bit of a pickle right now."
These words made Dudley begin to act very oddly. He began to shift his giant lumber-like legs, and slap his hands together like some sort of seal. You just sit there and picture that for a moment.Harry began to wonder whether or not his aunt and uncle were going to say anything, or if they were enjoying this as much as Dudley was.
Finally, after several minutes of very heavy breathing from Dudley, Uncle Vernon finally said, "Well, seems the boy found something he's good at."
On queue, Aunt Petunia chimed in, "Making people laugh!" She let out a high, shrew laugh. The other two joined in like they'd been holding it in for hours. Then, quite unnecessarily she added, "He should be a clown. Well- I'll get the camera."
"Good show, I'll get the digital!" Responded Uncle Vernon.
"I'll get the video camera!" squealed Dudley, and waddle in with his parents to fetch their tools.
"Oh good," thought Harry, "they're all one little sick family, together." He had to get up; he had to get away from this humiliation. "What moochers!" He thought. "I probably really do look pathetic. Not to mention naked.well this is enough!" Like a sloth he eased himself up, and flew up onto the house's roof.
"Yay," he muttered, "now I can show my business to all the muggles around."
"Not that you have much to show."
Harry's eyes widened as he carefully spun around. There leaning on his own old rickety broom was Harry's best friend Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley was fully clothed.
"Looking good Harry!" said a familiar voice, though at the moment Harry wasn't quite sure which one it was. Circling him, getting a full view were Ron's older twin brothers, George and Fred.
"I'm glad you guys know how to kick a guy when he's-" started Harry
"Way!" commented a twin.
"Very way!" added the other.
"Down" finished Harry.
"Well," started Ron, "Mum was wondering." The three Weasley boys started to snort with laughter.
"What?!" demanded Harry, feeling queasy again, but afraid to let his guard down.
"Nothing," smirked Ron, "We were just picturing mum's face when she sees you."
"When Ginny sees you!" Exploded the twins.
Harry knew he was turning scarlet, among other things. "Well. what was your mum wondering?"
Ron wiped tears from his eyes, "sorry, would you like to stay with us these last few weeks of the summer?"
"Sure." Sighed Harry. "I'll just grab my stuff and get dressed."
"Oh no!" exclaimed Ron, "Fred's already got that handled!" Fred gestured his wand up in a tugging motion to reveal all of Harry's things including Hedwig's cage, levitating in the air.
Harry's mouth hung open. He closed then demanded, "What are you playing at, that's magic!" Meanwhile he noted that Fred was wearing the green polo.
"Very good Harry, you're getting to be so quick! We ARE wizards after all." Replied Fred. With a flick of his wand, Harry's belongings in a neat, stacked pile.
Harry was outraged "you know we are not allowed to do magic before school! How did you get here without being seen?"
All three Weasley brothers nudged each other, smirking. Finally Ron replied, "Haven't you seen the movies Harry? Hermonie never seemed to mind using magic during the summer" Ron's face lit up with a devilish smile.
"What in the hell are you talking about, are you mental?" Fumed a confused, bruised, and very naked Harry.
Ron shook his head. "Never mind." He paused then erupted in laughter, "you're naked!"
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So what to you think? It was a beast to type! Don't worry next chapter involves.. girls.naked harryness.. and girl laughing at Harry! Oh and a bit of blushing on the side! The weirdness gets some new clothes, next chapter. Review!
Hey thanks for reading the next chapter of Harry Pothead and the Smiffling moocher. This chapter, like the last one, WILL be pretty weird. But I promise it will get more tolerable, as soon as Harry get some damn clothes (which unfortunately IS NOT this chapter, sorry) NAKED HARRYNESS! O.O! And thank you so much GuMmYbEaR for reviewing, you rock my world. And do anyone else reading, it's you whose making me write this, you crazy moochers! ^________^ I love you people!
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Harry Pothead and the Smiffling Moochers
Chapter 2 - More Naked Harryness
Harry opened his eyes wearily. He prayed that he was in his bed, and that he would open them to see the pasty-white ceiling.
Too bad for Harry. He saw a baby blue sky with sheepish clouds, bristling into view. There was quite a breeze, leaving the very naked Harry with a coat of goose bumps.
Then he remembered he was in pain. He had broken his arm once. He had to regrow the bones back too. He'd watched as his archenemy's evil minion cut his arm open. He'd even has his heart broken into 1,245.6342 x 10^23 pieces when the girl he had been crushing on asked out...CEEEEEEDDRRRIIIIICCCC.
He'd prefer all of that to happen again, instead of feeling what he was right now. BOTH of his heads felt as if they had been stepped on by Dudley and were probably permanently bruised. Not to mention on fire. Wait, why did they feel like they were on fire? He looked down.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?" he screamed, attempting to move, but giving up as fast as the dense Dudley would have. Little red fire ants were scurrying up and down his body. They started biting him happily. (Yes, eat him my little minions! Eat him! Oh.sorry, moving on with the destruction of Harry.)
"Arrrgggg!" he tried to brush them off. He grabbed onto his broomstick, yelled "GO!" His broomstick proceeded to drag his bruised and bloody body along the front yard.
Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, the front door opened. A grisly man, a horse-jawed bony woman, and the Pillsbury doughboy himself, Dudley, all appeared on the front step.
Dudley was beginning to salivate, his watery eyes fixed on Harry's.well.you know what.
Harry groaned "I'm in a bit of a ." he choked on the words, his voice cracking. "A bit of a pickle right now."
These words made Dudley begin to act very oddly. He began to shift his giant lumber-like legs, and slap his hands together like some sort of seal. You just sit there and picture that for a moment.Harry began to wonder whether or not his aunt and uncle were going to say anything, or if they were enjoying this as much as Dudley was.
Finally, after several minutes of very heavy breathing from Dudley, Uncle Vernon finally said, "Well, seems the boy found something he's good at."
On queue, Aunt Petunia chimed in, "Making people laugh!" She let out a high, shrew laugh. The other two joined in like they'd been holding it in for hours. Then, quite unnecessarily she added, "He should be a clown. Well- I'll get the camera."
"Good show, I'll get the digital!" Responded Uncle Vernon.
"I'll get the video camera!" squealed Dudley, and waddle in with his parents to fetch their tools.
"Oh good," thought Harry, "they're all one little sick family, together." He had to get up; he had to get away from this humiliation. "What moochers!" He thought. "I probably really do look pathetic. Not to mention naked.well this is enough!" Like a sloth he eased himself up, and flew up onto the house's roof.
"Yay," he muttered, "now I can show my business to all the muggles around."
"Not that you have much to show."
Harry's eyes widened as he carefully spun around. There leaning on his own old rickety broom was Harry's best friend Ron Weasley. Ron Weasley was fully clothed.
"Looking good Harry!" said a familiar voice, though at the moment Harry wasn't quite sure which one it was. Circling him, getting a full view were Ron's older twin brothers, George and Fred.
"I'm glad you guys know how to kick a guy when he's-" started Harry
"Way!" commented a twin.
"Very way!" added the other.
"Down" finished Harry.
"Well," started Ron, "Mum was wondering." The three Weasley boys started to snort with laughter.
"What?!" demanded Harry, feeling queasy again, but afraid to let his guard down.
"Nothing," smirked Ron, "We were just picturing mum's face when she sees you."
"When Ginny sees you!" Exploded the twins.
Harry knew he was turning scarlet, among other things. "Well. what was your mum wondering?"
Ron wiped tears from his eyes, "sorry, would you like to stay with us these last few weeks of the summer?"
"Sure." Sighed Harry. "I'll just grab my stuff and get dressed."
"Oh no!" exclaimed Ron, "Fred's already got that handled!" Fred gestured his wand up in a tugging motion to reveal all of Harry's things including Hedwig's cage, levitating in the air.
Harry's mouth hung open. He closed then demanded, "What are you playing at, that's magic!" Meanwhile he noted that Fred was wearing the green polo.
"Very good Harry, you're getting to be so quick! We ARE wizards after all." Replied Fred. With a flick of his wand, Harry's belongings in a neat, stacked pile.
Harry was outraged "you know we are not allowed to do magic before school! How did you get here without being seen?"
All three Weasley brothers nudged each other, smirking. Finally Ron replied, "Haven't you seen the movies Harry? Hermonie never seemed to mind using magic during the summer" Ron's face lit up with a devilish smile.
"What in the hell are you talking about, are you mental?" Fumed a confused, bruised, and very naked Harry.
Ron shook his head. "Never mind." He paused then erupted in laughter, "you're naked!"
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So what to you think? It was a beast to type! Don't worry next chapter involves.. girls.naked harryness.. and girl laughing at Harry! Oh and a bit of blushing on the side! The weirdness gets some new clothes, next chapter. Review!