Title: Learn To Love Again
Rating: T - Maybe M in later chapters
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Brittana and other minor pairings
Chapter: 1
Word Count: 3.8k
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or the characters from glee that I use in this story.
Summary: It's not possible for a girl to get pregnant by another girl, right? But what happens when Brittany gets Santana pregnant and thinks that she was cheated on, leaving both Santana and her child? Will Santana be able to bring up a child on her own, with no help? Will she be able to somehow convince Brittany that she didn't cheat and to come back to her?
A/N:
Pikibear - Glad you like them!
tinygleek - 4/5 years.
Santanalover16 - I think that everybody is pissed with Brittany haha.
Guest - Brittany will definitely be the one begging!
Unknown - I know it is impossible for a woman to get another woman, that is why I said I made it up.
This chapter is set 4 years after the first one, so Camila is four and Santana is 22.
"Mommy?" I lift my head from the book I am reading and to see Camila stood in front of me, rocking slightly on her heels as she looks down to the floor. Immediately, I know that something is wrong with her so I put down my book and pull her onto my lap. Camila snuggles into me as I run my fingers through her long dark, wavy hair. And believe me when I say it is long; it stops just above her butt.
My neck becomes wet and I realize that she is crying, so I lean back so that I can see her face. My heart breaks at the sight of tears running down her cheeks. "Cams, what's wrong?" I ask her, panicking a little just like every other time she cries or gets upset. "Tell mommy what is wrong" Camila sniffles and lets out a small whimper.
"Jake was being a meanie. He took my crayons and push me over" Camila says quietly and I clench my fists. That fucking Jake kid is really pissing me off. He has been bullying Camila since they started school a couple of months ago and even though I went in to speak to the teacher, it still hasn't stopped. Guess I will have to go in again because nobody gets to make my little girl cry and be mean to her.
Plus, it makes her close herself away from people. She has no friends in school and stays on her own, scared and worried in case everybody treats her like Jake does. No wonder she didn't talk to me after I picked her up and just stayed quiet when I was asking her questions about her day.
"Shh... it's okay, Mila. Mommy's got you now, he can't get you" I whisper in her ear softly to calm her down. I really hate it when she cries because of him. Maybe I should go speak to his mother as well as the teacher. "How about we go and get some ice-cream and then feed the duckies to cheer you up?" Camila's face instantly brightens at my words and I chuckle at how easily pleased she is.
She jumps off of my lap and wipes at her puffy eyes before running from the room to get what I presume is her coat and shoes. Since Kurt owns his own fashion label, he is always buying Camila new clothes and I honestly think that she has more clothes and shoes than I do. Her closet is about 5 times bigger than mine is.
Slipping on my own leather jacket and pair of old worn out converse, I take my phone and stuff it into my pocket just in case. You never know when there is going to be an emergency. "Mommy, can we go to the shop where Auntie Quinn works for ice-cream?" Camila asks me when she comes plodding back towards me, taking my hand in her small one.
Camila is tiny. She is just like me when I was younger, except from her blue eyes that she got from her. I've learnt that not mentioning the name of Camila's other mother makes the hole in my heart hurt less. Sure, I still have sleepless nights where I just cry, but now I have my daughter to look after and I can't spend all my time crying over my past. She is not going to come back to me. I know this. She told me she wants nothing to do with either of us.
Sometimes I feel guilty though. My daughter deserves to know her other mother and I hate that she will never get to meet her. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if she didn't leave and for the three of us to be a family. Then other times, I get scared of the day when Camila asks who her daddy is and why he isn't here like all the other kids in her class. I am scared to explain that she has another mommy and not a daddy.
But, I am just going to have to push those fears aside until the day comes. I just need to focus on my daughter and continue to raise her like I am doing. "Sure baby" I smile at her and then lock the door up, leading Camila onto the street as we walk side by side, our hands joined between us whilst we walk towards the small coffee shop Quinn works at. That is just Quinn's day job though, she is also a private photographer.
"Can I go to ballet, mommy? I saw it on TV and it was real pretty" Camila asks me, a pleading smile spread across her face when she looks up to me. Seriously, I could never say no to Camila even if I wanted to. She is just so God damn adorable.
Letting out a small sigh, I nod my head, earning an excited squeal from the small girl beside me. "Sure, Mila. I will look into it to see if I can put you into classes. It might not be right away though and you might have to wait for a while" I tell her gently, and she just nods her head making me chuckle because I know that she doesn't really care too much about waiting as long as she will eventually get to do it.
As we approach the small cafe, a confused frown spreads across my face because I can hear what sounds like Quinn yelling inside. Camila obviously hears it too as she turns to me with fear and worry in her eyes. Lifting her into my arms and taking a deep breath, I rest her on my hip and walk inside.
My breath hitches and a lump forms in my throat when I see the reason Quinn is yelling. Its her. Tears spring to my eyes and my grip around Camila tightens subconsciously. She told me that she wanted nothing to do with either of us again, so I should just ignore her. Not just for me though, but for my daughter.
She can't see me break down. Especially because she doesn't know who Brittany is yet. Yes, I still have all of mine and Brittany's home movies and pictures and I plan on showing her them someday, but not yet. "Auntie Quinn, why you yelling?" Camila speaks up, causing both heads to turn our way with wide eyes.
I ignore her and walk towards Quinn with a forced, but thankful, smile. I'm glad that she tried to sick up for me and get her to leave because she probably knew that Camila and I would come and visit her here. "No reason, Mila. Do you want what you always have?" Quinn asks her softly, her voice much quieter now that she is speaking to Camila. Camila looks towards me.
"How about you get an ice-cream sundae for being so brave and telling me about Jake?" I ask her with a smile and Camila beams at me, nodding her head furiously. Usually, I don't let her eat loads of junk food and sugary things, but since she opened up to me, I think that she deserves a treat.
I know that it is hard for her to talk to people and to tell me that Jake has been bullying her again is kind of a big thing. "Thank you mommy" Camila grins when I hand the money over to Quinn for her ice-cream and also a coffee for myself. I'm probably going to need it with Brittany being here and all.
"Jake? As in that kid that you went to speak to the teacher about?" Quinn asks with her eyebrows raised and I suck in my lips before nodding my head. "What the hell did he do now?" Quinn basically growls and I nudge her slightly, silently telling her to calm down in front of Camila. I know that she is still pissed because she is here.
"Yeah, that is the one. He pushed her over again and took her crayons off of her" I inform her, a small tear rolling down my cheek at the thought of another kid bullying my daughter. Quinn just gives me a comforting smile as she hands Camila her sundae and I finally let my eyes turn to her as it is too hard to ignore her and Camila is now focused on something else.
"What are you doing here?" I try to sound intimidating, but my voice comes out barely above a whisper and cracks half way through. If I'm being honest, I never thought that I'd see her ever again and now that she is here in front of me, my heart is pounding loudly in my chest. I am still so in love with her, even after she walked out on me when I needed her most.
Quinn clears her throat awkwardly and I see her move to serve somebody, leaving us to talk. "Santana" Brittany breathes out, her bottom lip quivering slightly and I can see in her watery blue eyes that she didn't know that she would see me here. I shake my head at her, the hurt that I felt four years coming back. Obviously she didn't try to find me.
She still thinks that I cheated. "Here" I spit out to her, taking the piece of paper from my bag and shoving it into her hands. I knew that carrying it around with me everywhere would be a good thing. I could of bumped into Brittany everywhere and now that it happened, I need to prove my innocence to her.
Brittany's eyebrows scrunch up in confusion but opens up the letter anyway. I can see her face changing as she reads it. From guilt, hurt and sadness, the emotions flash across her face before she finally bursts into tears, throwing the paper back at me and burying her face into her hands.
"I'm such an idiot. Santana, I-I am so sorry" she sobs and all I can do is send her a glare before walking away back over to my daughter, aware of the blue eyes following my every movement. Whatever, I need to just ignore her. As much as I want to kiss her and hug her right now, I know that I can't.
I can't just forgive her so easily. Sure, she deserved to know that she does in fact have a daughter and I wasn't lying, but she doesn't deserve to just come crawling back in my, our, life now that I proved it to her.
"Mommy who is that?" Camila asks me, her mouth still filled with ice-cream, causing it to spit out everywhere and for her to giggle at herself. "Oops" I shake my head and chuckle at her despite how bad I just want to burst out crying. I can't tell Camila the truth, not here anyway. She needs to be told properly, not in a cafe whilst she is eating ice-cream and probably not even paying attention to what I am saying to her.
"Just one of mommy's old friends. How about we go home and get our cuddle on instead of going to feed the duckies? You can pick the movie" I tell her softly and she nods her head with a smile. I know that I will probably end up spilling everything to her about Brittany when we get back home, but right now I need to push those thoughts out of my head and try to block out the feeling in my stomach.
Quinn walks over to us and I lift Camila into my arms whilst she takes back the empty coffee cup and ice-cream glass. "I'll talk to you later, S. Hopefully she will go when you leave" Quinn says to me and I glance back to Brittany, only to see that her eyes are glued to my daughter. My mouth goes dry and a lump forms in my throat before I quickly look away from her.
I don't trust her.
I can't let her into Camila's life when she could just leave us again.
I couldn't do that to my daughter.
I nod to Quinn and turn around to leave the cafe, but when I am about to open the door, I feel a hand on my shoulder causing me to freeze. Her hand. Turning around, I am met with blue eyes that are identical to Camila's but when I see the hurt in them, my anger rises. She doesn't get to be hurt. I should be the one that is hurt, hell I am fucking hurt. She is the one that walked out, not me.
"Please, I want to be in her life. I'm so sorry" my anger only increases at her words, but I know that I have to calm down for Camila's sake. I need to not yell or scream at Brittany as much as I want to. I can't. It will scare my daughter and I can't do that to her.
"How am I supposed to be able to trust you again? You left us both once, how am I supposed to know that you won't do that again?" I spit out to her quietly so that Camila can't hear me. I want to tell her about Brittany, not have her hear this conversation and put it together herself.
"You should of believed me, trusted me. You should of known that I wouldn't cheat on you and with a guy especially. I am gay, Brittany" I continue and with every word that falls from my lips, I can see her guilt increasing. "So tell me why. Why the hell I should let you back in my life. I don't want my daughter going through what I went through because of you" Brittany opens her mouth but no words come out.
That is what I thought. "Until you prove to me that you want this and you won't run when things get hard, I can't let you in her life. I still love you but I'm not going to forgive you so easily for leaving me when I need you the most" the last sentence is barely above a whisper and I am fully aware of the tears that are streaming down my cheeks.
Without letting her reply, I turn around and walk out of the cafe. "Come on baby, let's go home" I sigh when she buries herself into me and I let my fingers run through her hair as I carry her back to our house. Luckily it is only down the road because all I want to do is cuddle with my little girl and watch movies together.
Once we finally arrive home, I put Camila onto the ground as I open the door. She immediately kicks off her shoes and coat, running through the house to put them in her closet as I do the same. When I get in my room, I let out a tear-less sob when my eyes land on the picture of Brittany and I that is placed on my bedside table.
Strangely, Camila has never mentioned it before. Probably because it is hidden behind pictures of the two of us, but still. I would of thought that she has seen it and recognized Brittany earlier today, but no. I have to tell her though. Not about Brittany, but about her having another mother and not a daddy.
I've raised her to accept all people no matter who they are. If they are either rich, poor, gay, bi or straight, I've taught her that it is okay and that she should treat everybody the same. So hopefully, she will take the news well and won't be upset about not having a daddy.
"Cams, come here a second, I need to speak to you about something" I yell through the house as I walk into the living room, sitting down on the couch after putting Finding Nemo into the DVD player. I know that it is her favourite film and that is what she would of chosen to watch.
Camila comes skipping into the room and I chuckle when I see that she has gotten herself changed into her duck onesie. Her hair is flowing lazily over her shoulders and she looks totally adorable as she scrambles over to me, cuddling into my side whilst sucking her thumb in her mouth. She has been sucking her thumb since she was a baby, a habit that I have been trying to get her out of but it hasn't worked up to now.
Swallowing nervously, I pull her onto my lap and lift her chin so that she is looking at me. "Mommy needs to tell you something really important and I need you to listen carefully" I say softly and she nods her head. "Do you know like everybody has a mommy and a daddy?" she nods again. "Well, you are really special and have two mommies instead" just get it out there.
I bite my lip as I study Camila's face. She has her nose and eyebrows scrunched up and I can't really tell what she is thinking right now. "I have two mommies?" She asks quietly, her free hand that is not in her mouth coming to play with the ends of my hair. I nod my head at her question and a grin forms on her face, "cool."
A small laugh of relief escapes my mouth and I press a soft kiss to my daughters cheek. "I promise you that one day, me, you and your other mommy will be together again, okay?" I say to her quietly, because I know that Brittany was speaking the truth earlier when she said she wanted to be in Camila's life.
Even though it has been almost five years since we last saw each other, I can still read her like a book. I saw it in her eyes that she regrets walking out on me and for not believing me. But I need her to work for my trust and earn it back completely before I introduce my daughter to her. I need to know that she is going to stay by my daughter and love her like I do.
As much as I say I can continue raising Camila alone, I know things are only going to get harder. With her growing anxiety, she is going to need more people than just me to turn to. Don't get me wrong, I would do anything to protect my daughter and I will always be there for her, but she needs somebody else to talk to other than me. She needs to learn that there is people other than me that care for here and are there for her.
It is going to be hard, but I know that I do eventually have to let Brittany in. I just need to feel her out first to make sure that this is what she wants and knows what she is getting into. Being a mother is hard and being a mother to a child that is constantly bullied and shutting herself out is even harder. But in the end, it is all worth it. Camila is the most amazing child I have ever laid eyes on and I am so lucky to have her.
Once you get past her walls, she is one of those kids that constantly makes you smile at everything she does. When she trusts you and is comfortable around you, she is the most affectionate little girl ever. She is always telling me that she loves me and we always just spend days cuddling together. It is nice and I am glad that we have a relationship where we are so close.
It hurts when she shuts me out like she did earlier today, but I know that she will eventually open up to me. She is just like myself when I was younger and hates to admit when something or somebody is bothering her or making her upset. But lately she is getting better with speaking to me about things and what she is feeling.
"Okay, mommy. I love you" Camila whispers against my chest and I swear she can probably hear my heart beating in my chest because it feels good to hear her tell me that she loves me. It always makes my heart start beating faster than it already is and a dopey smile comes onto my face at her words.
"I love you too, so so much baby girl" I mumble against her smooth skin as I press a soft kiss to her temple before finally pressing play on the DVD that was previously forgotten about. Right now, I just want to cuddle with my daughter and not think too much about how both of our lives will change now that Brittany knows that I didn't cheat and she does have a daughter.
A/N: And that is chapter 2. Seriously guys, thank you so much for the positive response from chapter 1. I honestly wasn't expecting so much alerts from you all. I hope you all like this chapter just as much and now that Brittany is back and knows that truth, things are going to get interesting.
How do you all like Camila so far? And her relationship with Santana? Review and let me know what you all think along with your favourite lines, scenes and character in this chapter! Any ideas on how Brittany is going to win Santana over? ;) The next chapter will be posted as soon as I can!