'ALEX', Piper half groans half giggles, pushing her very reluctant wife through the front door of her parents' house –mansion, Alex always corrects her, but to Piper, this place is nothing but a lonely house-. Alex rolls her eyes dramatically and Piper gives her a small kiss on the lips, pressing her body against her, 'come on,' she whimpers. Alex lifts one eyebrow and breathes out in her deep voice, 'you owe me Chapman… big time.' Piper leans closer to her and puts her lips close to her ear, 'oh, I know I do', she breathes out seductively. Alex's smirk is cut short by Cal bounding towards them.

'Lesbians!' he beams, 'thank God you're here, I'm pretty sure Mom was just in the middle of telling Neri how to have a successful affair.'

Piper sighs and Alex sighs harder. Cal scoops them into one of his big hugs and squeezes them tight, not Alex's thing but she actually quite likes Cal, and so she lets it happen.

'Come on Vause,' he catches her unwilling eye, 'you've dealt with drug dealers, this could not be worse than that, right?'

They all burst out laughing at the unanimous unsaid vote that yes, dealing with Piper and Cal's parents probably actually is worse than dealing with lethal drug dealers.

As they are led by Cal into the dining room, Alex cannot help by inwardly seethe at the sight. 'Are you fucking kidding me? You have a maid?!' she half whispers half spits at Piper.

'Noooo she's not a maid Alex, she's just the Christmas help!' Piper brightly reports. Alex gives Piper a look and Piper loses her smile, 'yeah okay you're right, we're assholes.' Alex snorts in agreement.

'Piiiiiiiiper!' Piper's mother's shrill voice rings out into the dining room as she glides towards Piper. Her pace always annoyed Alex, it's like she has never rushed for anything in her life. Sure as hell never worked more than one job like Diane did. Alex closes her eyes for a brief second, trying her best to push the image of Diane out of her mind.

Carol pulls Piper into an awkward, forced hug and fusses with her hair, 'how was the traffic?' she grimaces. Really, she hasn't seen her daughter in three months and she asks how the fucking traffic is, get me the fuck away from this woman, Alex internalises. 'Eh, good yeah, fine I don't notice I usually sleep while Alex does all the driving', Piper says as she pulls Alex over to her side and caresses her elbow reassuringly.

'Oh, yes of course, Alex. You look… lovely, Alex.' she said as she looked disapprovingly at Alex's entirely black outfit, she wondered whether she knew this was Christmas dinner and not a funeral. Piper winced at the way her mother said her wife's name, she said it with a sneering tone, even after three entire years of marriage, as if Alex was something dirty stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

'Thanks Carol, love your shoes, I think I saw a pair of them in the charity shop last week,' Alex sneers back. Carol purses her lips as Piper gives Alex a glare and presses harder into her arm.

After much awkward silence Cal once again bounds over and saves them, showing them where to sit at the table with far too much feigned enthusiasm.

Alex sinks into her chair beside Piper and opposite Neri with a sigh. Piper leans over and kisses her cheekbone, 'I love you' she whispers as she gives Alex her most winning smile, trying her best to make this as easy as possible. She worries about Alex on the holidays, she goes quiet and Piper knows it's to do with her Mom, she hears Alex call out for Diane in her sleep. The only thing that calms Alex down is having Piper close to her, so that is what Piper does, as much as she can without her mother chastising her for 'rubbing her lifestyle choice in their faces', as she did last year.

Alex softens as Piper keeps her face close until she smiles back and mutters, 'yeah, I love you too kid.'

Piper beams and turns her attention to Cal. 'So! Caught anything furry this month?' she asks.

Cal launches into a long speech, interrupted at many points with Neri pointing out where he is over exaggerating, and Piper laughs, Alex listens, and Piper's parents eat silently.

Strained conversation continues after this, Piper's father lecturing Cal about what fuel is best and what is the best poison to control rats, and at the beginning Alex tries her best, she really does. She listens intently, nodding in all the right places and joining in briefly when asked direct questions. Piper gushes over Alex's importing for PoPi and how their business has grown thanks to Alex, but all Piper's father can manage in response is an under the breath comment which Alex is certain is in reference to her past with drug importing. Piper tries, and Alex appreciates it, but all she wants is to be back in Diane's little house around the corner from the diner, laughing over the shit the old men have said to Diane there on the nightshift, while eating leftover apple pie. She wants Christmas with her Mom and Piper, the only two people who ever loved her and who she ever loved. After being left by both of them, she wants to spend every waking moment beside them. But Piper is all she has left. She fiddles with her wedding ring.

Piper glances at Alex and notices her head is bowed and she has stopped eating, only playing with her food. 'Well, I'm done!' she announces loudly and grabs both her own and her wife's plate quickly, grabbing Alex's attention, 'Al, come help me with the dishes yeah?' Alex nods silently and follows her into the large kitchen. 'Piper honey, that's what the maid is for!' her father calls after her, but Piper ignores this and swoops into the kitchen.

She throws the dishes into the sink carelessly and pulls Alex by the hand, guiding her towards the back door and out on to the backyard porch.

'See, told you that woman is a maid', Alex chuckled, but something wasn't right about her voice. It was soft, and it lacked… it lacked Alex.

Piper turned Alex to face her and held both of her hands in hands, rubbing them softly with her thumbs. 'Alex. What's wrong?' she spoke softly.

'Nothing, I'm good'

'Alex, I know you. You're sad. Is it the comments my Dad made? You know he hasn't a clue, he talks shit.' Piper tries to reassure her, moving one hand to the nape of Alex's neck and pulling her closer.

'No it's not that it's just, it's um,'

'It's your Mom.'

Alex looks at Piper and her eyes well up, she looks at her wife with a pleading, almost child-like sadness that breaks Piper's heart, she's seen this before, only last time it was accompanied by 'please don't leave'. This time its Alex's heart breaking over another woman, Diane.

Piper rests her forehead against Alex and simply says, 'Let's go home'.