Part 2: Emmett's Random Events

Chapter 18: Google is ALWAYS Right

You can't always believe everything the internet tells you.

I'm sprawled out on the couch. "I'm bored," I announce to the only people in the room, who are Jasper and Edward, the two most boring vampires in the entire history of boring vampires.

Hey, don't get me wrong. Edward and Jasper are great guys.

That is to say, they're great when Bella and Alice are around, but as soon as they go off to the mall with Rosalie, Jasper goes all quiet and becomes a statue of Adonis on the couch with a book in his hand, occasionally coming back to life every few minutes to turn the page. Human-speed reading.

And Edward? He's at the grand piano, eyes closed. How can he even know what to play? The music is great, but not perfect.

Both of them ignore me completely.

I try again. "Let's do something, guys."

Edward opens his eyes. "Dude, we are doing something."

I give up and go over to the computer, turning it on. It take a million years to connect with the net. By the time I see Google, it's fifty minutes later.

I have no idea what I want, so I type: the strongest vampire on earth. Of course it's me, dude, I think as I hit 'search.'

Did you mean Emmett McCarty Cullen?

"Hey!" I shout excitedly, "Look at this!"

Jasper ignores me for a second time, but Edward comes over, the good old man. He began to laugh. "When since did Google start offering these sort of service?"

"I don't know." The hottest vampire on earth.

Did you mean Edward Masen Cullen?

I scowl as Edward chuckles and types in: The prettiest vampire on earth

Did you mean Rosalie Lyllian?

The kindest vampire on earth.

Did you mean Carlisle Cullen or Esme Cullen?

The most predictable vampire on earth

Did you mean Mary Alice Brandon?

The most unpredictable vampire on earth

Did you mean Emmett McCarty Cullen again? Gosh, you do like him, don't you? Just like Google.

Yes, Edward typed, in fact, I am Emmett McCarty.

OMG!!!

Our laughter was taking the house down. The statue of Adonis finally turns to glare at us.

"Keep the noise level down."

Edward sticks out his tongue and types: so tell me: who is the most abnormal, stupid, soppy, emotional, meanest, ugliest, fattest, dumbest, terrifying, scary, monstrous, heartless experiment failure vampire in the entire history of experiment failure vampires?

You definitely mean Jasper Whitlock Hale, right? Never mind, 'cause GOOGLE is always right!

Chapter 19: Truth Or Dare

I knew I should have seen it coming. But I'm not Alice, I'm Super Emmett. I can't see the future---and it's often that I can't see what's under my feet.

As I stepped into the house, I was faintly aware of a sort of...smell. But I couldn't place the smell—only that it was human food, because it stank. I could only assume that it was Bella again. And then it happened.

The floor tilted to meet my face, and the ground to meet my butt.

I hear laughter. "Edward!" I roar, flinging the banana peel in the vampire's face. He ducks, and flings it back in my face. I roar in anger when it stays there. Damn you, Edward.

Bella appears, laughing her head off. Alice and Rosalie are behind her, both smirking evilly. Jasper merely watches with an amused expression on his face.

I glare at all of them. "What's the deal?"

"Now you know what it's like to be falling down so often, only multiply this by 100 per day," says Bella, still laughing.

"So is that what you're here for? To see me trip?"

"Certainly not," Alice replies, "Bella wants to play truth or dare."

I raise my eyebrows at her. Bella, playing truth or dare? "Are you kidding? That game's for girls." I whine at Rosalie.

Rosalie rolls her eyes. "Listen to the human."

I'm in the blackest of moods as I plop down between Jasper and Alice. Both give me a dirty look, so I place Rosalie beside me.

Hey, that earned another fight.

By the time Jasper has us all calmed down, 10 minutes have already passed. Carlisle and Esme, to all our surprise, want to play with us. Bella starts.

"Great! Let's start with me, because I'm a human and I'm the youngest here."

"Hey, that's not fair," Carlisle said, "I'm the oldest, so I should get to go first."

"Wait," said Alice, "Ladies first, and I'm the oldest lady here, so I'm going first."

"Oh yeah?" said I, "I'm the strongest here, so it should be me, or I'll beat everyone up."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm a bachelor, so I go first."

Jasper raised his eyebrows. "That doesn't make sense, Edward."

"Oh yes, it does!"

"I'm the mother, so it's me!" Esme cut in.

Everyone starts bickering about who should go first. Finally, we agree to let Bella ask first.

"Okay…Edward, I'm picking you. Truth or dare?"

"Dare, of course."

"Then…I dare you to go and put Emmett's boxers over your head."

I paled, if it were possible. "Bella!" I gasped, "I can't let everyone see my perfect, pink Barbie boxers!"

"So Edward, you have to put them on. Go on! And we all have to see you!" Bella shoved Edward. Edward glared at her, and 0.123 seconds later, he was back with my boxers over his head.

"Happy?" we heard him grumble.

"Yeah, all right. It's your turn to pick."

Edward ripped the boxers off. "Carlisle, truth or dare," he gasped, "Emmett, are those clean?"

I don't answer the question. If not for Jasper, we'd have another fight.

"Truth," said Carlisle.

"All right, Carlisle, do you still love Esme after all these years or has your interest wandered somewhere else before?"

"What sort of question is that?" demanded Carlisle.

"A truth or dare question."

"Dang it, Edward, it isn't fair," Rosalie hissed.

"It is. Go on, Carlisle, have you ever?"

"None of your business!"

"Just answer yes or no."

Carlisle glared at Edward while everyone else held their breath. "Yes, I had a crush on a girl when I was human, but she's bound to be dead now, so no."

"That was no fun," I grumbled.

"Excuse me, Emmett?" Carlisle said sharply, "Then YOU can choose!"

"Dare, of course."

"Dare…"Carlisle thought for a moment, "right, here's your dare: you have to go and ask Angela Webber to the dance."

"Are you kidding me?" I gasped, "I'll be killed by Mike! Or is it Eric?"

"Eric," Bella corrected me, "Well, go on, and ask her out!"

I sighed and picked up the phone book and the phone. "Hello?" I asked, "um, this is Emmett Cullen and I want to---" I glared at Bella before continuing, "speak to Angela."

"Wait a sec, she's coming. May I ask who's calling?"

" Well, I'm Emmett Cullen and...

"GET AWAY FROM ANGELA, YOU FREAK!!!" Eric's voice boomed out so that even Bella heard him.

"Well, that's my dare done. Jasper, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"The dare is..." I say. Oh hell, when it came to dares with Jasper, I was unbeatable. "You have to go and enroll for the biggest anger management class in the country. Plus, you're not allowed to control anyone's feelings in the room." I snickered.

Jasper's face, if possible, becomes whiter and he clutches at his throat. "Emmett!" he gasps, "Are you serious? That will be the death of me! I will die in a room where the emotions are running so high!"

I smirk. "Your dare," I says. Esme has an uncomfortable look on her face.

"This is so stupid," Jasper says as he picks up the phone to enroll. Everyone is doubling over in laughter on the couch.

"Hello?" Jasper says, "I want to enroll for the anger management classes." There was a pause. Then his eyes bugs out. "Five hundred students in a small class? And you say that only the big classes are left?" No one can breathe. Not that anyone needed to, apart from Bella. Finally, he puts the phone down.

"Well?" demanded Edward.

Jasper glares at me. "I have to be in a single room with eight hundred students whose feelings are running really high all in the in San Francisco! Emmett Cullen, you will never forget this if I live through the classes!"

"Forget it," Edward snaps, "He can go later. Pick someone, Jasper."

"Bella." I see Edward stiffen at the mention of Bella. "Truth or dare, Bella?"

"Dare." Wait, Bella wanted to do dare?

"Okay, Alice, you can have your fun. Bella, I dare you to spend a whole day being Alice's Barbie Doll..."

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