The following document was first posted on the Guilty Scientist blog, a blog dedicated to scientific discussion on Pokemon, on November 29th, 2006. It was republished and rewritten from an essay written by a Dr. James Turnball under the pseudonym Frank L. Proud for Johto Digest. Dr. Turnball passed away three years later, leaving behind little documentation on the Missingno project.
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Sometimes, the universe throws a curveball at us. We are presented with a huge problem, and we are expected to fix it. These are little tests for us, the human race, to prove ourselves worthwhile. Often, no one is really happy with the end result or how we solved the problem, but at least we did it. If we didn't, then we would incur the wrath of the cosmic forces that be.
These problems are always the big crises that we see on the front pages, and hear on the evening news every day. They are the diplomatic problems we face. The crazy dictators and their war mongering; the natural disasters that ravage us; the divisions of society and culture. So needless to say, we've been hitting many a curveball over the entire history of man.
Now we are reaching a new type of problem that we will have to solve: glitches in the design. Glitches in the big plan of the universe.
For the unfamiliar, a glitch is defined as a short-lived fault in a system. Or as Time Magazine once quipped, "Glitches — a spaceman's word for irritating disturbances."
You probably have come across a glitch of some sort in your life. Perhaps in a video game you played. Ever find yourself moving inside walls that you normally cannot do? Maybe you came across a character model that looked distorted. That's a glitch. They are unintended actions in the game script. It's not really the programmers/creators fault for these glitches. They would have fixed them if they noticed them
Often, gamers will deliberately exploit these faults to mess around in the game. Good fun for all, right?
Well, imagine that these glitches could happen in the real world for just one second. What if somehow, you walked into a 7-11 or something, went in the back of the store near the refrigerated goods, walked into the little hallway where the restrooms are, and maybe you yawned and leaned your arms back towards the wall, and then suddenly: your arm is inside the wall itself. You notice this and you begin to freak. When you pull the arm out, a Coke bottle comes out with it.
Imagine getting into a car crash, and your car goes right through the impacted car in front of you.
You jump in the air, and find yourself stuck on a unseen platform or wall or something.
Sounds like a pretty fucked up world, don't it? Thank god you don't live in such a place.
Well, I live in one. It is entirely my fault that this happened, and I would kill myself in shame if I didn't have any pride.
I still remember hearing the first "Missingno" incident on a local Johto news affiliate about three and a half years ago. What a surprise it was to hear about the project I was working on the morning news.
To clarify, I admit to have once been associated with Team Rocket, who funded the now dubbed Missingno project. I was a lab technician on the project for months before being put on a "temporary" leave of absence by the boss. Didn't get paid shit by that greedy little shit Giovanni.
Sounds like they must've finished it or were very close to completing the experiment before it escaped from the lab. Or at least that's what all the reports said about it. You can't be too sure that what the news says is the 100% truth, knowing that all news stations are owned by large groups who can influence the stories being told. Anyways,
So there I was, eating scrambled eggs, when the report came on. My memory is a little fuzzy on what was said at first, but it was something to the extent of "a science experiment has escaped from captivity from a small laboratory near Mt. Silver. I heard that and I said to myself, "No, it can't be." And sure enough, the updated reports confirmed my suspicions.
One report done about four weeks later just about angered me. One of my bosses, Dr. Thomas Fedorov, was interviewed, and he tried his best to make this seem as harmless as possible. He tried to make himself look innocent. "The, uh, "experiment" that escaped from our laboratory four weeks ago is just a new type of Pokemon we found and studied. It is a harmless creature. There is nothing to be afraid of." That little sneaky Russian.
Later reports and investigations deemed that interview moot. Other colleagues of mine confessed on live TV to it being a Team Rocket experiment. Many arrests were made. The Pokemon Rangers began a rigorous crackdown on Team Rocket activity in the whole continent, and are playing on tracking down various branch-offs of Team Rocket found in other parts of the world. We don't have to care about all that stuff right now.
So who exactly am I? I'm just a scientist with a guilty conscience.
The exact nature of the creation of Missingno will be told when I can finally come to grips with what I helped unleash upon this world. This little spiel is here to serve as a small introduction, and to head as a warning:
When things seem a little too "unreal" for its own good, beware. You may come across the anomaly that is Missingno. Do not attempt to play with luck and try to use its powers for yourself. Your whole world may be destroyed. Or at least your own perception of reality itself. Down the road, the tales of Missingno will become the fables and legends of our generation. I hope all remember that these stories are one hundred percent factual, and that our lust for more power led to this thing's birth.
Welcome to a world of endless wrongs.
[technically, this would probably be chapter one as it establishes what the rest of the stories are about. however, there is something to be said about doing things out of order. it will create more interest. plus, after the first chapter, this part really tells us what the rules of this world are.]
[don't worry, this story will become more offensive as it goes on.]
[the title just came to me rather instantly. it is rather self explanatory. and yes, A Design Flaw is the name of the essay, but I'd rather separate the chapter title from the rest of the story. it makes it look more interesting.]