Disclaimer: AtLA is property of VIACOM and Nickelodeon. No profit is made from this story.

Today wasn't going to be a good day – Katara just knew, despite the fact it was barely morning and she hadn't left her bed. She could hear the steady drum of rain on the roof; a cool breeze was blowing through her bedroom window. Turning her head and looking through it, Katara could see that massive black thunderclouds were resting lazily in the sky.

Memories of the previous night arose, and Katara felt her stomach turn. She wasn't supposed to be breaking tables and yelling at the Fire Lord – she was supposed to be cool and collected, or at the very least keep herself in one piece in public.

Sighing, Katara got out of bed, feeling strangely calm – even though she knew that today was going to be terrible. She would have to endure yet another awkward breakfast with Zuko, only to have to attend yet another memorial service, or possibly an award ceremony, in honor of Aang.

Although everyone meant well, to Katara thee ceremonies were like a slap in the face. Here's a nice shiny medal/pretty speech to remind you that the man you love is gone. Sokka had hated these ceremonies as well – apart from Suki's pregnancy, which had been the obvious reason, it had been one of the major factors in his decision to leave the Fire Nation. And Suki didn't want to raise their child in the Fire Nation, Sokka had told her of all the horrors of the education system, usually with Aang at his side.

Tear formed in Katara's eyes. She blinked hard, refusing to let herself cry. She had to go downstairs and apologize to Zuko for potentially wrecking his fancy Fire Nation table.

Sorry I broke your table. I'm just upset because Aang's dead. I hope you understand.

'Hey,' said Katara, forcing herself to smile.

Zuko looked up. He had shadows under his eyes. 'Oh. Morning.'

Katara walked across the room and took a seat – this was going to be extremely awkward. 'Listen,' she began, 'I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to …' she trailed off, looking down at the huge mark her waterbending had left on the table.

'Don't worry about it, I hated the thing.'

'What?' Katara had swallowed some water from her mug and barely escaped coughing it all over the table.

Zuko's golden eyes were dead serious. 'It's huge and it's ugly and takes up way more space than it ever needed to. Plus it belonged to my father. I've always wanted a good excuse to get rid of it.'

Katara almost felt like smiling. 'Maybe you could burn it,' she suggested. 'A ceremonial burning with tribal masks and dancing.'

Zuko laughed. 'You're in an awfully good mood today,' he observed. 'Maybe you should break tables more often.'

Katara blinked, understanding what Zuko had said was true. Then she realized – last night, she hadn't had nightmares. She had slept peacefully, something that she hadn't done since that day…

Then …

No. No. No.

No!

NO!

'This is all your fault!'

'Katara-'

'You said he would be okay! You promised me!'

'I-'

'You promised to protect him! You promised me!'

Sokka's hand was on her arm, pulling her back, but Katara tugged away.

'You killed Aang!'

Now …

It turned out that this was simply a memorial service – no nice shiny medals this time round. It didn't really matter to Katara, who usually put them in the bottom drawer of her bedroom chest and left them there to rot, who was spending this time searching the crowd for one familiar face. She didn't know a single person here, yet somehow everyone in this crowd knew Aang.

Then …

It was at that moment that she well and truly hated him with every fiber of her being.

'Murderer!'

'Zuko, she doesn't mean it.'

Katara wheeled around to face her brother, and slapped him in the face. 'Yes, I do.'

Now …

Katara was always expected to say a few words to the crowd, and today was no different. She stepped forward.

'Aang would loved to have known that there were so many people who cared about him,' she said, forcing her force to remain steady, 'and I have no doubt in my heart that he's watching over us all right now. Thank-you.' She stepped back next to Zuko.

There was thunderous applause, and Katara felt herself sway. He squeezed her hand, and their eyes met. For a brief second, Katara saw something like concern in those golden eyes, but then it was gone, replaced with the reserved look that Zuko kept for public occasions – emotionless and completely in control of his feelings. The respectable Fire Lord he was supposed to be.

*

That night, Katara went to see Zuko in his office. The guards let her in straight away, they knew who she was.

Zuko looked up from where he was seated at his desk, bent over piles of scrolls.

'Oh, am I interrupting something?'

He smiled, but it was strained. 'No, no, I'm glad of an excuse to stop pouring over these.'

Katara took the seat opposite the desk, taking a glance at the scrolls Zuko had been reading. 'Grain prices, sounds thrilling.'

Zuko laugh dryly. 'Everything but.' He put the scrolls to the side of his desk. 'I'm sure it would be fun to talk about grain all day and night, but I have a feeling that wasn't what you wanted to talk to me about.'

Katara nodded, at the same time taking a deep breath. 'It's about what you said the other day – about me going back to the South Pole. I've made up my mind.'

'Oh.'

'I've decided that, as much as I'd love to go home and see my family, the Fire Nation is where I'm needed most right now.'

Zuko's expression was impossible to read. 'Katara, don't let your sense of obligation keep you here if you want to leave. Things are fine here and you need a break.'

Katara rolled her eyes. 'Zuko, everybody needs a break right now – you included.'

Zuko started rubbing his temples. 'If it's any help, I'm pretty sure that Toph's having a lot of fun chasing up the rest of the Dai Li.'

'But,' Katara continued, ignoring Zuko, 'they don't get a holiday. Neither should I. There's stuff that needs to be done around here and I want to help.'

'No.'

'What?'

Zuko sighed. 'I think I know where this is going and –'

Katara groaned. 'This isn't about leaving the Fire Nation for some top-secret undercover mission! This is about, I don't know, helping out with all the paperwork or something like that.'

The corner of Zuko's mouth twitched. 'You honestly want to spend your time helping me read about grain prices?'

Katara shrugged. 'It's better than sitting around all day wishing he –' her voice broke, throat closing up.

Zuko's eyes widened. 'Oh. Now I understand.'

Katara nodded once, her eyes filled with tears. Then she pushed back her chair and left the office.

It's better than sitting around all day wishing he hadn't been fast enough. Even now, a part of me wishing that it was you instead of him.