Black Crystal Wisher
Disclaimer & Author's Note: I do not own Harry Potter, the world of Harry Potter, or any and all official characters from the Harry Potter series itself. J.K Rowling, the woman behind the series, owns this genre, along with other companies and whatnot that help make this series enjoyable in the world. This story is inspired by this one-shot H/Hr fic I read called Teen Scene. Yes, I lurked the site... of course, I tend to like writing some Harry stories where he's different than anybody else known him as. This story will last through the summer before their sixth year, and in the story, I had Arthur killed to let Sirius live. :/
The second chapter, detailing the plan Harry, Sirius, and Gringotts will conduct in the shadows. Be warned; this story will contain eventual adult content. I will warn you when a chapter contains such a thing, but this chapter will have some references to yuri, and light sexual humor.
Chapter Two: When We Start Things Off
The Day before the World Quiddich Cup, 1994
Harry woke up. It was odd for him. He would have expected that the slave drivers, AKA Vernon and Petunia Dursley, would force him up at an ungodly hour, and force him to cook them an amount of food that could be better used to feed starving children in poor third world countries. Putting his glasses on, the young teen quietly wondered from his tiny bedroom, again, he was surprised it's unlocked. Hedwig started making noise. He glanced back, but caught the flash of white. He blanched a bit, seeing a cutting knife stabbed into the door, pinning papers held in an open brown envelope.
"The bloody hell?"
He had taken the papers out, and was shocked. The Dursleys disowned him, and signed off papers to have him fully emancipated in the muggle world. Quickly shoving the papers back into the envelope and ripping it off the door, he looked down the stairs. Everything was still there... He looked outside the window. The car's missing. "What the bloody hell? They left me behind on my own?" Now this was confusing, really. "Well... bugger." So the Dursleys decided to ditch him and disappeared, and the only money he had was leftover Galleons in his trunk that was locked in his former bedroom, aka Cupboard under the Stairs. He looked at the clock, and noticed it was only 9 in the morning...
Harry had managed to find a hammer in his former uncle's shed, and used it to smash the lock off the hinge, thus giving him access to his trunk. He took the last twelve pieces of gold, and decided to go downtown. One Knight bus Ride later (and parting old gold coin), he was at one of London's banks that Vernon would go to. Since he was fully emancipated, first things first was that he had to make sure he had plenty of money, and since wizarding money worked on real gold pieces, well, he wasn't as smart as Hermione (and he had wished she was there to help at this moment)...
After one story later, and the proof of his emancipation by his former relatives, he was not only able to set-up a bank account at the bank, but with the ten gold pieces (he kept one just in-case), he had plenty of money to be really rich. With a debit card and some bills in hand, he went off on the directions the nice teller told him where he could find an eye doctor. However, Harry knew that there would be some problems in the Wizarding World if people ever discovered the Dursleys pretty much packed up and left him to fend for himself.
If the Sorting Hat believed he was good for Slytherin, then he decided right there and then, he would have to plot a couple of things out. "Taxi!" he called out at a passing taxi car.
END FLASHBACK
The phone was ringing off the hook. Making sure his cat had plenty of food and refreshed cold water he answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Harry," Hermione's voice was heard on the other end of the call.
"Oh, hey 'Mione. Glad you called," he said, walking to his refrigerator and looking inside. He took out the leftover pizza he got yesterday.
"Tell him you love him," Harry heard Amy's voice.
Harry chuckled a bit, as Hermione shouted something to her giggling friends.
"So, tell me you liked the clothes I picked out for you," he said, popping the glass plate with the five slices of pepperoni pizza into the microwave.
"Mum was teasing me when she asked to see the clothes I bought," Hermione told Harry.
"How did she react to the thongs?"
"Harry!"
Harry wasn't the only one laughing. He heard her friends giggling about it.
"Well, tomorrow's Sunday, and I got nothing to do tomorrow. Why don't you come over to my apartment? I can just tell you want to know why I'm living on my own."
"Oh... well, as long as mum and dad don't object..."
"Or, better yet... why don't I come over?" Harry inquired, as the microwave beeps three times, signaling it's finished heating his dinner for the night.
He had a feeling she was blushing (again).
"Hold on, Harry, please?"
"Sure."
There was silence for a moment, before someone took the phone.
"Hey, Harry, you there?"
It was the pink-haired girl, Mimi.
"Yeah?"
"What do you really think of Hermione?"
"Well... to be honest... if I had never met Hermione, I'm pretty sure I would be lonely and friendless today. I deeply value her friendship and her words. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," she drawled, "you should ask her out."
"... I... I don't know. I value her friendship, but I'm afraid she may reject me or doesn't want to ruin the friendship we have."
"You'd be a fool to lose her, Harry," was the reply, before he heard nothing. The sound of the door opening and closing, and then Hermione's voice came through.
"They said it'll be okay for me to see you. I... I kinda lied that I was going to meet you at the local pizza restaurant downtown."
Harry mock-gasped. "Oh my! Is my lovely Hermione breaking a rule? Lying? Oh for shame!"
"Harry..."
"I think I may be corrupting you just because I got you clothes I would find lovely on you, and even quite sexy." He was chuckling for a moment, "Alright, you know the shop's location. There's a staircase around the left side of the shop. It leads to my apartment from the outside. I'll even order some pizza. How about noon for you...?"
"That'd be fine," she replied.
Harry smiled. "Great, 'Mione. So... can your two lesbian friends make out on the phone for me?"
"You prat."
CLICK
Harry pressed the off button on the cordless phone. "Well, I tried." From her perch, Hedwig, who had returned in the last two minutes, just shook her head briefly before she started to preen her feathers.
Harry finished one pizza slice before he walked over to the bathroom, and grabbed a handheld black mirror off the nearby wall-mounted hanger. "Sirius Black." Walking back to the living room, the mirror's reflection darkened until he no longer saw his face. Then a new face appeared; his godfather's.
"Hey pup, what's up? How are things with that job you have in the Muggle World?"
"Hermione's saw me," he said, and Sirius's usual smile disappeared.
"She saw you?" the former Azkaban convict questioned.
"Yeah... I didn't believe she'd be there, but she was, with three of her friends; muggles I would take it. They introduced themselves to me, and two of Hermione's friends are lesbians."
"Ohh," Sirius ohh'ed in a Bill Hader kind of way, "lesbians!"
"Sirius, no perviness," Harry said in the tone of a master disciplining his dog.
"Hey! I'm not a pervert-"
Harry immediately cuts him off with, "If you pull a Jiraiya, I'll send a Penis-Pinching Hex next time I see you!"
"Who's Jiraiya?"
"What?"
"What?" Sirius repeated.
"Sirius, I only told her a little just so she wouldn't do the whole twenty questions game. I know she's just begging to know more... so... so I invited her to the apartment at noon tomorrow..."
Sirius nodded, "I see..." as he started to think over what they should do now. A smile suddenly crosses his lips, prompting the man to look back at his godson through the two-way mirror. "Should I send over some condoms and KY Jelly?"
"SIRIUS!" yelled a now blushing Harry Potter.
"How about I teach you the Contraceptive charm?" he asks then, eyebrows waggling as well. He enjoyed how his godson's face turned redder.
Over at the Granger residence, Hermione sighed, as her friends giggled. "So, going to see Harry tomorrow? Maybe we'll spy."
"You will do no such thing," she told the three.
"Don't forget a condom or three," Amy said, casting Hermione a saucy look.
"Pervert! You two are perverts!"
Jennifer grinned, as she started to molest her girlfriend's breasts. "You didn't complain last summer," she pointed out. And Hermione couldn't forget that summer day, when Jennifer and Amy both confided with Mimi and her, right after proving just how deeply in love they were... and it involved a bit of foreplay that gone out of control to two girls opening making out and molesting one another. Oh yes, don't forget the erotic foreplay.
"Don't remind me," Hermione groaned. She had to lie about the rather odd "damp spots" on her carpet when her parents came home from work later that day long after her friends left, blaming poor Crookshanks. Crookshanks didn't forgive Hermione until three weeks after the lesbian scene incident.
"Please don't start," Hermione said, as Jennifer's hand was about to trail down to a lower region on Amy's body.
The pinkette of the group just smirked, reading a Ranma ½ manga.
=0=0=
Harry yawned the next morning. "The internet needs more pizazz," Harry said to no one but himself, shutting down his computer. Needless to say, the internet would get better by the year 2000... But that's beside the point. Once Hatsune Miku arrives on the Japanese music scene, he'll eventually be one of the nameless fans of the future Vocaloid fan base. Why did he find the words Fook Yue funny all of a sudden? Hm... The mirror began to buzz, prompting Harry to crack his jaw a bit with another yawn, making him wince.
"What?"
"Morning, pup!" Sirius greeted with a more-then-cheerful smile on his face.
"Why are you so happy? Get neutered?"
"You wound me," he said with fake sarcasm.
"You got married?"
"Nah... I doubt I could truly settle down... unlike a certain furry wolf and the girl who hates her first name."
Harry chuckled a bit.
"How's Moony, anyway?"
"He's on a mission for old goat man," Sirius said with slight disdain.
"Trying to rally up werewolves for the Light, I guessing?" He then gives a sigh, "I hope Uncle Moony wises up before Dumbleprick screws him over..."
"Don't worry pup... I'm certain old Remmy and Tonks will see just how light," Sirius made air quotes on light, "Dumbleprick really is."
"Still, I don't like having to do this, you know? It's bloody frustrating, only having you and half of Gringotts on our side, and not being able to tell Moony the full truth."
He was in the kitchen, having dug out his cleaned milk jug that was refilled with his brewed black tea he made three days ago, and poured himself a glass.
"Hey Sirius, should I really tell Hermione everything?"
"Well... that's up to you, pup. But having known, and met, Hermione, I have no doubt her loyalty would fall ultimately to you. Now if only you two would just cut the tension and snog."
His laughs echoed, but Harry had the last laugh, one that even made him cringe once thinking of it.
"Severus "Grease-ball" Snape in a tiny pink thong!" He yells, making Hedwig wake abruptly.
"Merlin's bleeding blue balls! Harry you son of a-" He was cut off abruptly by Harry disconnecting the Mirror Call.
"I need brain bleach." Harry shudders, before his mind imagines Hermione in one of the lacy near transparent thongs he got her yesterday in the shop. He fights the feelings that tried to collect down south, and takes a glance at the clock in the kitchen near his key holder, "Hm... 10:34... I wonder if 'Mione is awake...?"
Hermione was indeed awake. Her parents had to go on a month-long trip to some dentist retreat (she was partly not listening since she was doing some summer homework that Professor McGonagall assigned her Gryffindors who took their OWLs "How was my four years at Hogwarts?"). At least, they trusted her well enough to take care of herself as well as left some emergency money on a debit card her mother Emma left her in her spare purse. Mimi was cooking breakfast (having the most experience at not burning or causing a kitchen fire), and at the breakfast/lunch/dining table, the girls were having the usual breakfast of hot cakes, eggs, and reduced-fat breakfast meats.
"So, what clothes are you going to wear, huh?"
"I say you should at least wear the socking on the arms," Mimi pointed out, "since Harry wears them, too."
"He looked nice wearing that shade of lavender eye shadow, though," Amy said after she swallowed the bit of eggs she devoured.
"I never expected Harry to wear something that could be considered a girl's make-up."
Mimi made a small noise of commitment. "Maybe he's a Goth? Or half Goth? He gave me the vibe of being Punk Rock. Oh... he should put some streaks in his hair... or turn his hair half white!"
"Harry with half black and white hair? Huh..." Hermione thought of it. She imagined Harry having his shoulder-cut length ponytail dyed white.
Still, it was quite shocking seeing Harry dress and really act so different than he had while in Hogwarts during their fifth year. And those pants that he wore, made of leather... and how his butt looked so nice in them. The girls blinked as their friend's cheeks started to turn a tinge pink.
"Pence for your thought?" Jennifer inquires.
"I just thought about Harry Potter's arse," she blurted out.
The three girls began to giggle and laugh.
=0=0=
"So, you have a girlfriend at last, finally," Jennifer said with a smirk as she visited her for-now, lone employer at her store in London.
"She's not a girlfriend... well... not yet I hope," Harry admitted, "she's just a really close friend from my boarding school."
"I see," Jennifer said, helping Harry sort through the money in the safe for the past six months, "I need to talk to you about that. Since that drunkard was fired, you're my only well-trusted employee here at Black Crystal Wisher."
"I know," the teen says with a groan, "I'm the most well-liked out of all my other co-workers."
Jennifer nodded.
"Yup. But we're going to have to shift through some schedules for this location."
"What happened?" Harry asked, immediately feeling that something was amiss.
"The location that we planned to have on the other side of London was destroyed in a fire last night. Arsonists. Thus far, police have no leads aside three men wearing ski masks with sledgehammers and carrying a tank of gasoline caught on our security cameras."
Jennifer had her stores protected with a well-paid security system, and security cameras. And she followed what the FAA do whenever a plane ever crashes; black box her important security devices in-case of a fire. In a case such as what had happened, even if the building burned away, the "black box" would survive. And thus, is how she knew what happened to her store.
"Yeah... So you, Amelia, and Kenny will just have to make sure no arsonist thinks of destroying my other store, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," he says with lazy salute. The woman just smiles penning down the total amount that will get deposited into the bank on her way home, and once she was finishing packing all the money away into her bag, she leaves the shop, letting Harry to once again lock the front doors.
He glances at the clock, and curses. "Hermione will show up in less than half an hour. Damn."
He races upstairs after re-locking the register, the safe bolted under the wide counter table, and races upstairs into his apartment to get ready. In less than five minutes, wearing a pair of cargo pants with some chains interlinking pant loops and on three of his belt loops, a pair of boots, and he decided to wear his vest zipped over his fishnet t-shirt, headed out the side door, sliding down the railing, and towards the small garage that contains Sirius's motorcycle. Several teens were walking by the store when Harry rolls out of the small alleyway and off he goes to the nearest pizza place. Thankfully the seating compartment was charmed just like a trunk to hold bigger the space than what it would normally hold. Forget the pizza today; he's going to Aldis to buy some items to make a big enough lunch. Twelve noon, right on the dot. Hermione got out of the taxi, paid for the fare, and she looks at the store. It was empty inside, but on the right window's shelf, there were some CD Players on display with customized skins such as flames, one had the grim smile of Jack Skellington, and the third depicting the art of the Dragon King Bahamut. Scattered were displays of new metal cover albums, British Rock, American, and one CD was a Japanese title.
Now, Hermione in the end wore the clothes that her three friends believed she would look great in before they all went their separate ways. The clothes consisted of fishnet stocking that covered the entire length of her forearms, and about three inches past the elbows. She wore her pink/white and black-shoelace sneakers she got last Christmas, and plain white socks. She wore a low-cut jean skirt that wasn't too tight for wear, but it was not as short as a sailor fuku so she looked modest-enough in public. Her friends got her to wear that strapless polyester tube top that was called a bra (purple in color), wore one of the many fishnet tanks she got from the store, and over that was a slim leather vest with the collar designed with a bat motif, held fastened by two short chain locks around the front. It was short so that her fishnet-clad stomach was exposed. Mimi found a shade of red nail polish that she was now wearing, and the girls had helped pull her hair back into a ponytail.
The roar of a motorbike caught her attention, and she was surprised seeing Harry pull into the alleyway on such a dangerous contraption.
Oh, I hope Harry isn't like dad and his love for motorcycles, Hermione thought, as she raced around the corner to a small built shed where Harry had turned off and parked the bike, and was now pulling out several bags of groceries.
"Harry!"
"Huh?"
Harry blinked, as he took in Hermione's look. "Wow, you look hot, Hermione," he said with a cheeky grin.
She blushed. "My friends helped before they left to go home."
"I approve," he says, "Can you help me carry some of these bags to my apartment, please?"
"Oh sure, Harry."
Five minutes later, Harry had all his bags of food set on the counter, and he was putting things away. Hermione was in awe over Harry's pet kitten mewling for new attention, while she was reacquainted with Hedwig, the smartest owl possible in existence. He left some things out, such as a stir-fry bag of vegetables and spices, a twelve pack of 12 oz rib-eye steaks, potato wedges, and other spices needed for what he planned on making for lunch. Everything else was either put on the shelves, in the refrigerator, or packed away in the ice box.
"Hey Hermione, hope you don't mind something else other than pizza. I was busy helping Jennifer pack up the money from the safe from six months, so she could deposit them into her bank, when I noticed the time after she left."
"It's alright Harry." She giggled as the cat continued to enjoy Hermione's little affections, "when did you get a cat?"
"That little guy? I found her abandoned in a cardboard box under the stairs outside. It was cold and shivering last summer during that slight cold rain period we had. I took it in, and made calls to the vet. She almost died, but she survived. I adopted the cat, had her vaccinated, and made sure she got her tags for her collar and all that. She's not magical in nature, that I am sure of with Sirius's confirmation."
He took out several pans and pots, and went to starting lunch.
"Harry? Why ARE you living on your own? What's going on, anyway?" she asked.
"Well... it starts with the Dursleys ditching me and being on the run from federal officers in both our country and in America. I was fully emancipated in the muggle world thanks to those papers the Dursleys stabbed to my tiny bedroom door with a butcher knife. So I had to make sure I had all my tracks covered. For one thing I'm glad they're gone; those bloody bastards abused me when I was growing up..."
"They couldn't be all THAT bad... could they?" she whispered, suddenly afraid for Harry's well being.
Her soft gasp of horror said it all when Harry took off the vest, and took his fishnet shirt off to show the fades whipping scars that lined his back.
"I was whipped by Vernon's belt when I was seven just because I tripped and fell onto the coffee table, spilling their food."
He tosses the shirt and vest over to the couch, and returned to the interconnected kitchen.
"They would abuse me, belittle me, and assault me. Child Services tried time and again to take me away from that place when I was little, but then I would suddenly wound right back in their care, and the co-workers that tried to work my case would suddenly forget and any and all records of me mysteriously gone. I never knew until I and Sirius discovered it was Dumbleprick behind the Obliviations of the workers for Child Services."
"Dumbledore, but why would he do that?" Hermione questioned Harry.
"Because I'm nothing more than his stupid weapon, a worm on a fisherman's hooks enticing any fish to fancy a nibble or two. But, when I discovered my emancipation in the Muggle World, I immediately went to turn all but one of my Galleons to the muggle bank I now have an account set-up, which is routed through to Gringotts via secure transfer whenever I have no time to go to Diagon Alley and head to the goblin bank. Then you know of the whole bloody crap that happened in our fourth year..."
She nodded, as the sizzling of the meat was cooked, also flavored with various spices, and a bit of olive oil so the steaks wouldn't stick to the large pan.
"Since I was at the time a minor being forced to compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament... Gringotts contacted me through a secure owl. Even though Barty Crouch was right about my forced acceptance sealed by a magically-binding contract, it was still a tournament for adults. They couldn't treat me as a child any longer. Because of this oversight, the Ministry confirmed without their knowledge I was now considered an emancipated minor in the Wizarding World, and Dumbleprick never knew, just patted me on the shoulder told me I was going to be fine and sent me on my merry way to that disaster with Ron in the Common Room. I was able to now have access to more than just my trust vault funds."
"And what about Sirius? Where does he come in all of this?"
He places the potato wedges in the now hot cooking oil in the counter-top fryer, lowers the wired basket, and closes the lid so the fries can cook.
"When he sent an owl with the mirror charmed like a cellphone. I told him what had happened and then he decided that I should conduct more business with Gringotts. I did so, once Griphook and the head of the bank, Ragnarok, discovered grievous thefts made to my family's vault through Dumbledore. That and he illegally sealed my parent's wills upon their deaths. They managed to get the wills recovered, and they were read. In no way possible was I EVER supposed to go to the Dursleys, and yet that old goat took me to a place worse than Azkaban when I was an infant."
He growled. "I suffered through my childhood, believing that I was nothing more than a freak that deserved to die!"
Hermione immediately ran over to Harry and grabbed him in a tight hug.
"Oh Harry... I never knew..."
"You're the only one other than Sirius that knows... that knows how much pain I keep bottled up."
He was on the verge of another break-down.
"Griphook suggested that for now, I only take advantage of my forced emancipation due to the tournament, while the goblins went to work on how they can screw Dumbledore over, and everyone involved that was stealing my parents' money. I did so, until it was safe enough, after Dumbledore told me just why Voldemort wanted my head on a platter during the fight at the Ministry when that bastard tricked me through that damned link in my scar. And as far Dumbledore or the Wizarding World believes, I am still just a minor in their eyes, but the goblins have the real papers detailing my full adult status and my right as Lord Potter."
"Link? Lord Potter?"
"My scar, the goblins discovered, was a soul jar. In wizarding terms, a Horcrux; this is the foulest way of dark magic ever concocted by human ways. The goblins saved my life by killing that fragment of Voldemort in my scar, which is why it's now the faded look it is now than it was through fifth year. As for the Lord Potter, as an adult and the last of the Potter line, I am entitled as Lord Potter in the Wizarding World. It's just we're not telling anybody we know can truly keep a secret... I'm telling you all of this because I fully trust you and believe in you, 'Mione."
She gazes into his eyes, looking as serious as they could with their bright intensity of green, before her eyes linger to Harry's temple, where the faded bolt-shaped scar was. It was as if a children's tattoo was there and rubbed away with a sponge. He pulled away from her grasp to tend to the steaks so they wouldn't burn, along with the vegetable stir-fry in the pot near the pan. Hermione was touched by Harry's words. While Ron may have burned bridges between them because of his innate jealously in their fourth year, Harry still valued her opinions and her words about all else... except maybe Sirius, as he's his godfather...
"Who was stealing money from your parent's vaults?"
"Dumbleprick to supply for that stupid Order of the Phoenix, and the Weasley Family."
"What!"
"Molly, Ginny, and Ron. Ron I bet was goaded by Dumbledore, and Ginny had that insane fixation of me being her Knight in Shining Armor, when I don't even love her... Molly I was shocked, as I had believed she treated me like another son in her family, just like Arthur... The other Weasleys don't even know, or aren't a part of robbing me blind. Even though Gringotts don't like it, they knew that if they suddenly stopped and seized the vaults Dumbleprick made under his name and under the name of the Order of the Phoenix, they're know something was amiss. But once they helped me take down Voldemort and his damned Horcruxes he may have created for good this time, then they'll start fucking Dumbleprick's life and force the thieves to pay me back all they stole, plus interests and penalty fees. It was mine and Sirius's plan, approved by Ragnarok."
"But how? He was resurrected last year, through that forced ritual you told me in secret..."
"Well, that's the thing about Horcruxes. It doesn't really give you immortality and a cheap way of cheating death. All it does is just split your soul to continue living forever, even long after you die. Right now, someone could just fight the Dark Lord, and if he or she is lucky enough, cast a spell that would end his life, and he's dead, just like that. And his body is more or less just a magical construct, a homunculus using my blood to tether him to life and what remained of his jagged soul. But a Horcrux is just as dangerous because with split soul pieces scattered, if one of them drew enough magical force, it could essentially rebirth into a minor demon form of Voldemort... he won't be human in a sense, but he'll be destructive. Griphook told me to ensure the Dark Lord has no way of attempting to cheat death for a third time, they're going out discreetly searching for his soul wave length, collecting them, and then when the time comes... we'll start the destruction of Voldemort's short reign of power, and then take down Dumbleprick's odd view of using me as the sacrificial lamb for the Wizarding World's delight. Can you stir the veggies in that pot for a bit, please?"
"S-sure," she said, taking the wooden spoon and stirring the delicious smelling veggies in the pot for Harry, "you're a good cook..."
"Blame the Dursleys... they forced me to cook all of their meals once I was old enough to walk and learn. Damned slavers..."
Hermione had a sudden thought about if she could get away with the Dursley's murder for their mistreatment, slavery, and blatant physical and emotional abuse of her best friend. Suddenly, the mirror began to buzz.
"It must be Sirius. I had placed the hand-held mirror – it's in black – underneath the corner table's lower shelf near the couch."
"I'll get it," she said, heading to the table. When she bends down to grab the mirror, she saw two items. One was a small plastic tube of brand KY Jelly, and the other was a box of Trojan-brand condoms.
"Harry! Why do you have a box of condoms and sex lube!" She yelled out.
Harry blinked. Lube and condoms?
"SIRIUS!" he shouted, realizing the culprit.
The mirror stopped buzzing, as in his secret room that Dumbledore or the rest of the Order don't have knowledge of, Sirius was giggling.
"I hope he found it."
Well... I love Sirius... and earlier in the chapter I unintentionally broke the fourth wall... with the whole Jiraiya thing. The year this story takes place is the summer of 1996, before the gang's Sixth Year at Hogwarts. Masashi Kishimoto's manga Naruto would not come out with a pilot chapter until 1997, and then start its official run in November of 1999. Oh, and the reference to Bill Hader was when he would parody that one guy on NBC's Dateline on parody/comedy skits on Saturday Night Live...
Well... there you go... reviews are wonderful. :3