A/N: Okay well I figured I should do this some time before Blood Promise comes out. I know I'm not the only one excited for that book!! Hopefully we'll all have it in just a few days!! Anyway, here's the second part I promised forever ago. Sorry about the long wait.

Also, this chapter contains Lemon!!

"Oh god… I don't know what to do," I said, my palms smothering my face as I felt hot tears cut rivers through my cheeks.

"Baby, it's alright," he said, kissing me gently on the cheek.

"But I'm so worried about her," I said as I stared up into his crystal blue eyes.

"I know, I know," he repeated over and over again, linking his fingers with mine.

"Christian..."

I felt his name fall off of my lips – or rather, Lissa's lips – and I suddenly knew. I suddenly realized that I'd been pulled into her head again. So much so that parts of me could hardly tell whether I was Lissa or Rose. Goddammit.

I noticed quickly that I had no way of getting out at the moment. Her emotions kept pulling me back like a vicious current. Like gravity, I had no way of fighting it.

"She's hurt…" Lissa sniffled. "Rose's heart is broken."

She sounded like a child, her voice so weak. Christian held her hands in his, his features seizing a concerned look for her sake. "What do you mean?"

The half of me that wasn't stuck inside of her was shocked, like cold water had been poured over my head. The other half of me already knew what she was trying to explain to Christian. "She was in love with someone…" she said, her lip trembling. "…Someone that got hurt…" Christian's eyes seemed to light up like the fire he could ignite with a snap of his fingers.

"Who?" he asked, though I could tell from the look on his face that he already understood who Lissa meant.

"Guardian Belikov," she said. They'd discovered the only thing I'd ever hidden from them. "But you have to promise me you won't tell anyone! Not even Eddie!" she exclaimed suddenly, surprising him. He just looked at her, his lips quirking in that way that they do. But his eyes held an expression that told her – me – that he didn't think this was gossip. "Swear that you won't tell," she said again, softer, cupping his cheek in the palm of her hand.

"I swear." Despite our differences, or rather, our similarities, Christian had come to accept me as a friend. As I had him. We might not have gotten along at first, but we couldn't deny that we worked well together. He respected me. He also wouldn't break a promise he'd made to Lissa.

She leaned her head into his chest, fresh tears stinging her eyes. I could feel through the bond that this time, the tears were for me. Like I hadn't already cried enough for the both of us. Christian ran his hand over her back, and she held on tight to his shirt. They were in their usual spot, the chapel attic. Lissa wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"I don't ever want to lose you," she told him. I felt her feelings pulse through the bond, telling me things I otherwise would never know. Things that I didn't want to know. She felt horrible about what happened to Dimitri. She felt horrible that I was hurting and missing him. She felt horrible at the relief she felt over not having lost Christian. That it was better that it had been someone else. Better that it had been Dimitri. "I think I'd die if I lost you," she added. I felt her guilt weave through the bond too.

He tilted her face towards his and met her lips in an arresting kiss. I felt myself grow hot and angry all over, at least, the part of me that was still back in my bed. Angry and hurt all over again.

"You're gonna make yourself sick worrying about that stuff," he said. That was when they stopped talking.

He leaned over her, just kissing her. It was those same kisses that I didn't want to see. That nobody should see. Her arms twisted up around his neck, pulling him even closer to her. Feeling that this was the most important thing in the world. As long as she had Christian, she didn't need to worry about anything.

He slid his hands up her back and underneath her shirt, kissing her deeply. I couldn't help the fury that flashed through me. How could she do this to me? Of course, she didn't know. She still never realized, or else, didn't care. I tried desperately to get back to my own body, fighting with everything I could muster up. Focusing hard on getting out. But Lissa's anguished feelings wouldn't let me. And my anger was too distracting for me to truly focus.

Clothes started coming off, and I knew I had to get out of there quick. He was kissing down her chest, I know, because I was still feeling it. Still experiencing this. But Lissa kept pulling me back in.

Before I knew it, Christian had slipped inside of her, moving his body with hers, her legs locked around his hips. Fuck.

It hurt to feel everything. Of course, it hurt to feel how little Lissa cared for Dimitri in comparison to Christian. But I knew she wasn't in love with Dimitri, had never known or cared about him like I did. So I tried my best to understand that. It hurt to feel how much she cared about me. How she'd figured out the only real thing that I'd kept secret from her. I felt how it hurt her too, deep inside, that I never trusted her enough to tell her.

But it hurt so much to feel how she loved Christian, to feel him loving her. It wasn't too long ago that I'd had someone love me this way.

I sat up rigidly in my bed, breathing fast, like I'd just woken up from an awful nightmare. And in many ways, I had.

It was almost exactly like the morning that felt like a lifetime ago. When I snuck out of my dorm and ran into Dimitri while he walked the campus grounds, insuring the academy's safety. Before everything had been turned upside down. Before my heart had been shattered into molecular pieces of wretched heartache. The worst kind of déjà vu. Longing for what could never again be.

I threw myself out of bed like I'd been lying on hot coals, falling onto the hard floor. I held myself in my arms, and once recognition finally crept in through the haze of sleep, I couldn't hold back a sob as it ripped right through me. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling lonely and empty. I so badly wanted someone to hold me right now. I wanted Dimitri. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted to feel him. I rubbed my hands over my eyes trying to clear away the tears.

That was more than impossible now.

Dimitri is gone.

My body shook as I gasped for air, wishing someone could piece my broken heart back together.

-

I ran as fast as I could to Eddie's room. I knocked on his door, not caring how loud I was being. Nobody would care anyway.

It was late, barely even noon. I really doubted he was awake. The regular curfew hours might still be in effect, but there would be no school tomorrow. Not after what had happened.

Guardians. Teachers. Students. So many lives taken by Strigoi. But not all of them had been killed.

I'd sat in a pew at the chapel hours earlier. My fingers were linked together. I didn't know what I was doing there. But something about the place had a certain calming effect. It helped the pain in my heart even if it couldn't make it go away.

"You here for someone?" My thoughts were interrupted. Shane Reyes stood next to me, a somber look in his eyes. He slid into the pew beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder. I didn't really like that.

"Yeah." My tired eyes flicked downward, remembering why I'd come here: to be alone, thinking everybody else had gotten over seeking out God to help them through this disaster. I'd been alone up until that moment, and I'd wanted it that way. I felt myself become irritated when he moved my ponytail out of the way to peek at my molnija marks. I scooted down the pew from him, out of reach.

"Was he your friend?" Shane asked me. He nodded his head in the direction of the table adorned with lit candles, in honor of each life taken in the Strigoi attacks on campus earlier this week. The candles were accompanied by pictures of each victim. My eyes did a quick scan of all of the faces, as I'd done many times before that night and the previous nights I'd come to the chapel. Dimitri's dark eyes stared back at me each time.

My friend. Sure. If only it had been that simple. "Something like that." I didn't know if he could hear the ache in my voice. I don't think anybody other than Adrian had ever realized…

Dimitri had never been my friend. Well, he might have been at one point. But I think we'd mostly just skipped over being friends and jumped straight into that phase where we were constantly sexually frustrated by each other. And then at some point, our relationship had become more.

Dimitri. He was more than just the man I loved. He was my life. My heart. And he is gone. Everybody probably thought he was dead, but I knew the devastating truth. Dimitri is undead. He'd become Strigoi.

He probably wished he'd died instead.

I had no future now. The only future I wanted was one I could never have. I could never be with Dimitri. I could never hold him in my arms again. I could never kiss him. I'd never hear him laugh, and god, I loved how he laughed.

I'd never hear his voice saying my name.

Roza.

My mind wandered back to where I was standing outside of Eddie's door. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling cold. This time it had nothing to do with the drafty hallway. I knocked again, not quite as loudly.

After a minute, Eddie opened his door. No words were exchanged. I didn't even ask to come in this time. He stepped off to the side, shutting the door gently behind me. I sat on his bed, much like I'd done that one night. It felt like so long ago now.

He sat next to me, taking my hand and holding it delicately in his larger one. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Dimitri was gone. But he wasn't really gone. I think this hurt more than if he had actually died. I would have eventually been able to move on from that, even though it would have taken a lifetime. But when Mason told me he'd been turned, his soul stolen away from him… it was like my soul had been stolen away.

I'd gone to Dimitri's room earlier in the day. The last time I'd been in there, we'd almost had sex. I remembered the night of the lust spell. It was sort of a blur, but I could still remember how it felt to have no control. How it felt to feel so free.

Upon entering his room, I felt that torture wash over me, like my lungs had collapsed. My heart withered pitifully within my chest. I was surprised I could still feel it pumping at all. I didn't know how much more of this I could take.

It felt like he'd never left. It scared me, how it felt so much like he was still here. Like he'd simply stepped out of the room for a moment, but he would be returning any second. I didn't know if he'd spent a lot of time in his room, but it felt like him. All of his things were still in there. Everything he loved. Everything nobody had been able to pack away since he'd disappeared, except the box by the shelf where his books had been. I slipped inside and sat on his bed, my fingers curling into the blankets. His bed was still rumpled like he'd been sleeping in it, but it was cold. His body had not warmed this bed for almost a week. I'd seen Alberta come around his room. She merely stood there and sighed. I could see it in her eyes. I didn't need a link to her mind to tell me that she missed him.

Reaching into the box, I grabbed one of the Western novels he seemed to always be reading. I could remember when he told me why he loved the Old West. Everybody lived for themselves. Everyone makes their own rules. There's nothing to hold you back from what you want. What you need. Free to make your own decisions.

Just free.

I regretted now that we hadn't been able to be so free. If only I hadn't acted like such a child. If only he hadn't been so frigid in the beginning. So perfect and in control. But if there was one thing I loved about Dimitri, it would have been that he was so strong. He always took his job seriously. He hadn't failed in helping me to become a better guardian. A better person. I loved that he was so together. Well… usually. Except when I pushed his buttons and he couldn't help but give in. Because he loved me. He was so perfect. And so imperfect. Because I could look through him and see him. How out of control he wanted to be, escaping the stupid system we depend on, living by his own rules. To put on that cowboy hat and free the world of injustice…

There were so many books; a few really battered ones. Those must have been his favorites, I realized. He must have read those, I don't know how many times, for them to be so worn. I'd seen him with them in the gym. It was such a dorky thing to be into. But I loved that he loved reading these cheesy Western novels. I picked up the last one I'd seen him with, thumbing through the pages. Something fell out onto the floor as I leafed through the book. I bent over to pick up whatever it was that he'd been using as a bookmark.

It was a picture of me.

My heart lurched in my chest. He'd kept a picture of me. It was even a recent one. I had to fight to hold back my tears, replacing the bookmark where it had been. Holding the book close to my chest, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I grabbed a couple more of the novels out of the box. I only took the really battered books with me. I just needed something of his, because it made me feel closer to him somehow. I needed something to remind me that he hadn't been a dream.

-

"How are you feeling?" Eddie asked. His voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I remembered that I was here in Eddie's room, sitting on his bed. He was rubbing his thumb over my wrist. His hand felt so warm against my chilled skin.

"Not so good…" I whispered sadly. My brain hurt. My heart hurt. My eyes hurt. My whole body hurt. He pulled me into his chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist, closing my eyes. I felt safer here with him, just needing to feel strong arms around me. I hated feeling so alone.

"Anything I can do?" he asked. He tightened his arms around me, pulling me down on the bed by his pillow. He squeezed me in snugly beside him, his arms around my back.

"I don't think so…" I said, slipping my hands under his pillow and pulling it closer to my head.

My bare feet tucked into his, seeking his warmth. I heard him gasp at the icy feel of my toes on his skin. "Why are you always so cold?" He asked, a somewhat amused note in his voice. He seemed to be asking himself this question rather than me though. He put his legs over my legs, and rubbed his hands over my arms, trying to warm me. He pulled his blanket around us and held me closer to him. His fingers combed through my hair, and I closed my eyes again.

His fingers brushed against the back of my neck, near where I'd recently gotten my new molnija mark – the little star that meant that I'd been in a battle and had killed a bunch of Strigoi. "It itches," I said softly, willing away the urge to scratch it.

"Yeah. Mine do too," he said, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. I'd forgotten that Eddie had received molnija marks as well. He hadn't gotten the star like some of us had, but he received the lightning marks.

"That's right. You took down some Strigoi too." I laced my fingers through his, looking up at him. He gave me a sad smile.

He'd been so willing to fight even though he'd been abducted. He probably would have kept fighting too, if the Guardians hadn't finally pulled him away from the caves. He'd probably also been bitten as well. I hated to think of him so helpless, because he's so strong, so full of life. But life can end so quickly. Oh, didn't I know that. Eddie never told me what happened to him down in the caves, but I supposed he didn't want to talk about it.

I'd wanted to protect him so badly. I felt I owed it to Mason to keep Eddie safe, but I'd failed, just like I'd failed to keep Mason safe. I'd promised Dimitri I wouldn't let anything happen to him, and I'd failed there too.

Why couldn't I protect the people I love?

Eddie pushed me over onto my side, so that my back was facing his front. He swept my hair out of the way and brought his lips to the back of my neck where my lightning marks were, much like he'd done the last time I'd been in here. I barely felt his lips on my skin. And then he started to blow cool air over the irritated star.

"That feels good," I sighed. I shivered.

I was so tired. I wanted to sleep. But I knew I wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. Not while Lissa and Christian were still together. And not when I close my eyes, I see Dimitri… Dimitri with eyes ringed in red… Dimitri with chalk white skin and fangs…

I shivered again.

When I closed my eyes, I could see him. And my heart hurt, imagining the state he was in now.

I slowly turned around so that Eddie and I were again face to face. My arms wound their way over his shoulders, and I leaned into him and kissed him. He pressed himself against me harder, and I felt his tongue enter past my lips.

I just wanted to forget. I wanted him to help me forget.

But I couldn't help myself from wishing he was Dimitri.

His fingers grasped the hem of my tank top as he kissed me, and I arched my back and raised my arms, pulling away from his lips only long enough for him to tug the thing up and over my head. His arms went around my back, and he pulled me to him. I flinched when I felt his hands press against my side. I'd gotten hit a couple times and thrown around a lot the night of the attacks, and my body was still in the process of recovering. Eddie gave me a look, and I told him that I had gotten a couple of nasty bruises and that he'd just pressed against them. He looked down past my navel to where the ugly yellow bruise was on my hip. Then I rolled myself over slightly so that he could see the one on my back. It was a bit worse than the one on my hip, more blue than purple, and it too was starting to turn yellow.

"Jesus. Does it still hurt?" he asked, pushing me back onto my back, his hand resting in the dip of my waist.

"Not so much anymore."

He made a face like he knew I was lying, and yeah, I was. They still hurt like a bitch. And he gave me this look that I didn't particularly like. Like he felt sorry for me. Like I was some kind of wounded animal. And maybe I was wounded on the inside, but on the outside I wanted to be strong. I pulled him down by the shirt and kissed him again, to distract him. To distract myself. His fingers wove themselves into my hair, his elbows resting by my head. When he pulled back, it was to look in my eyes.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered an inch from my lips, and it sort of took me off guard.

I blinked at him, feeling shocked, and not in a good way. "Don't tell me things like that," I said heavily. I didn't feel anything serious for him. I didn't feel anything for anybody. The last thing I wanted was Eddie falling in love with me. It would only end with him being hurt, and I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to lose any more of the men I cared about. It had happened twice now – gruesomely – and I wasn't sure I could handle it if it happened a third time. Even if he'd still be alive afterwards.

"No, I don't mean it like that. You're just really beautiful, that's all. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

I had to close my eyes at that.

A guy did have me, but that was all in the past now.

His eyes roved over my body, and I was suddenly glad he'd decided to stop talking. His warm hands felt my skin, cupping my breasts, feeling their weight. He rolled his thumbs over my nipples, making them stand up. He brought his mouth to one, breathing hot, moist air on it before taking it between his lips. He gently squeezed my other breast in his hand. I felt his hot tongue on my skin. I ran my fingers through the short strands of his sandy hair, prepared to forgive him as long as he could make me forget for a while. Quickly discarding the rest of our clothing, I fell into him.

If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend that he was Dimitri. That we'd never left the cabin that night. That we were there now. Every touch, every brush of his fingers undid me. His arms holding me as we moved together…

Dimitri's hand cupped my neck, bringing my lips up to meet his. He held me so tight against him that it was almost difficult to breathe. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tasting his mouth, my tongue wrestling with his.

He entered me slowly, always taking things slow. I let him guide me like he usually does. I trusted him. Following his lead was so easy, it was what came natural. And I'd been following his lead for months now. He always knew what to do. He was so experienced in everything. I always felt safe with Dimitri.

He pulled my leg up around him, and I locked my ankles around his waist. His lips were on my neck, but I wanted them against my lips.

I rolled us over, taking him off guard. He probably hadn't expected me to be so strong, and I flipped us so that he was beneath me now. I could imagine the surprised, exhilarated look on his face, and I felt a smirk growing on my lips. I rose and fell against him, feeling him nearly slip out of me every time I lifted my hips, only to take him in again. My hair fell over his chest, and his large hands came to rest low on my hips.

I rocked back and forth on top of him. Every time I came down on his length he made a small sound at the back of his throat that I wasn't sure he even realized he was making. It was so sexy, and I wanted to make him make more sounds like that. I leaned forward, laying my hands over his chest, and I brought my lips to his neck. I barely left a wet kiss there before his strong hands gripped my wrists tightly, pushing me away gently, yet firmly, only so far as I could go when we were still joined together. He kissed the knuckles of my hand and then twined his fingers in mine.

He rolled us over, pressing me into the bedding. My eyes were still closed, enjoying the feel of him surrounding me. He held me so close to him, we were practically one being.

I clawed at his back and screamed when I finally came.

I'd screamed his name.

My eyes shot open, as if I'd broken a spell. I hadn't said his name aloud in almost a week.

It was Eddie's hazel eyes that stared back at me, not the bottomless brown I'd seen in my head all this time.

I felt my heart break a little more than I thought was possible. None of it had been real. Everything I just felt. That had all been Eddie. This last week really happened then. It wasn't Dimitri I felt inside of me. It was Eddie. It wasn't Dimitri that I'd just made love to. It was Eddie.

It couldn't be Dimitri, because Dimitri is gone.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I couldn't hold them back. I couldn't even try. Everything that I'd been struggling to hide came pouring out, and it was like trying to block a tidal wave with your hands. I sobbed loudly. Eddie pulled me into his arms, and I clung to him tightly, my nails digging into his skin so hard it had to have hurt. He held me as I cried.

He smoothed his hand over my hair, trying to shush my hysterical weeping. My body hurt so much. It was like a part of me was missing. Dimitri was missing from me and I would never be whole again.

I couldn't breathe. I wanted this pain to go away. I wanted it to disappear. I found myself wishing that I'd never known Dimitri. That I'd never met him. Never fallen in love with him. Because if I'd never known him, never loved him, I would never have had to feel this way…

But if I'd never loved him, I would never have known how complete I could be. And as much as it hurt, as much as I couldn't stand to be without him, I knew in my heart that it was better that I had loved him. Because he'd loved me too.

But it hurt so much.

"You loved Dimitri," Eddie finally said after a while, after my crying had calmed down to quiet sobs. It hadn't been a question. And I didn't answer back. Finally, somebody understood. And he didn't judge. He held me tighter. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I never knew." He tucked a damp lock of my hair behind my ear. "I can't even imagine… I'm so sorry." I felt his lips in my hair, and I shut my eyes tighter.

I fell asleep at some point, taking what comfort I could in being in Eddie's arms. When I woke up, it was almost nightfall. I slipped out of the bed, reminiscent of that night so long ago. But this time, he was awake. I didn't say anything, and he didn't say anything. After getting dressed, I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before making my way back to my own room, and curling up in my bed. I pulled Dimitri's coat around me. I couldn't help the tears that slipped out of my eyes.

It still smelled like him.

A/N: Well, that's the end of that angsty fic. Maybe next time it'll be a happier ending.