~~~Em~~~
"So today on Whole Mouth Foods, we're making Monster Cookies!"
"I know, I'm excited too. Just don't eat to many of them in one sitting folks, or you'll have to call a plumber. You know what I mean?"
*Stifled laughter*
"Basically, we're going to use every single baking ingredient we know and love, and add some cayenne pepper to give the cookies a kick. Then we're baking them at 375 until they golden brown around the edges and chewy on the inside."
*Applause*
"Let's be democratic about this, shall we? I'll hold up an ingredient, and your claps, or lack there if, will tell me whether to add it or not, alright?"
*Bald guy in the back row, with the funny eye yells, "Yeah, Man!" The crowd chuckles.*
"Milk chocolate?"
*Whoops from the crowd*
"You got it!"
"Raisins?"
*Booing with sporadic clapping*
"Oh, ho ho. No love for the raisins today! How about dried cranberries instead?"
*Cheers*
"In they go."
"Oats, coconut, white chocolate, peanut butter, and red hots?"
*Laughter and loud cheering*
"I know, I know, I got impatient. Let's just dump it all in so we can get them into the oven."
"You know what? These suckers are so gigantic I don't think I have enough cookie sheets to plop them on. Should we ask Bella, nicely, to bring some more out for us?"
*Audience chants Bella's name*
"Bella! Oh Bella? The people say we need more cookie sheets. Can you bring out, like, half a dozen more, pretty please?"
"I have fantastic eyelashes don't I?"
*Ladies and a few men in the seats whistle*
All this batting practice does nothing to sway fair Bella though."
~~~Em~~~
I'm sitting in my dressing room, wiping stray chocolate from all the hidden places it spewed when I turned on the mixer, when my in-room phone rings. It's our new head of production for the channel, Eric.
"Hi, Eric. What can I do for you today?"
He's like a yippy Chihuahua, always so over excited that I have to hold the phone six inches from my ear to keep from going deaf.
"Things are well, Sir Emmett!" I roll my eyes.
"I was just wondering how the Monster Cookies went over. Did you have a bunch of Cookie Monsters on your hands?" He laughs at his own joke while I pick at the flour caked under my nail-beds. I really don't like this guy. He gives me the creeps in a smarmy clown kind of way.
"What can I do for you, Eric?" I ask again, as politely as I can manage. My head already hurts from the intensity of my eye rolling in the last four minutes.
"Well, I was just giving you a heads up that I'm going to be trying out a few new tactics to improve ratings. Nothing drastic, mind you." He laughs lightly, and I shoot an imaginary gun into my head.
~~~R~~~
"Hello? Who? Oh, Hi Eric. What can I do for you?"
The man on the phone is the most annoying soul Rose has ever encountered, and that's saying a lot. He's like cotton candy; fluffy and sweet, and when he talks to you he leaves you all covered in his sappy mess.
In his overly dramatic, valley-girl-turned-upside-down voice, he tells her to be prepared for a few changes in her show's line up.
Rose is not pleased. Everything that happens when the camera hits her stage has to be approved through her and he knows it. He's new and, apparently, throwing his weight around.
"That's fine." She says to him.
"He can warn me of an upcoming alteration in my plans, but I can throw today's completely out of whack in his honor", she thinks, her mind truthful and full of revenge already.
As soon as he shuts up she calls in her team and fills them in both on what Eric says will be happening soon, and what changes need to be made for the day's taping.
For today's episode, a giant image of a jersey cow will hover behind Rose on the flat screen she uses for visuals. It will also be sticking out its tongue. Lingua tacos are her featured item du jour.
She's like a deranged Orbits lady, cleaning up Eric's dirty mouth, but not with gum. No, She'll clean his dirty mouth like the butcher cleaned that smart ass cow's mouth. She's going to cut his tongue off, at least figuratively, and change his plans unannounced.
When the lights hit her face, she smiles cheekily, adding an imaginary "ding" to her blindingly white smile.
"Good Morning, Class!" She says playfully as the camera begins to roll.
Her audience is good to her and replies with a sleazy, "Good Morning, Miss Hale", without any guidance.
"Today, we going to make something immensely ugly and repulsive into something so delicious I even eat it for breakfast on occasion."
Her crew plasters the giant cow image on the television screen and the audience roars with laughter.
"The Ugly Truth is that tongue's can be tantalizing." Rose licks her lips straight into the camera.
"We're making Lingua tacos, my dears." She smirks at her fabulous team, and Edward brings out a heaping platter of cow tongue to a standing ovation from the audience.