Chapter 2

Days had turned to weeks and it was already time for the first trip to Hogsmeade. Severus sat uncomfortably in the Three Broomsticks and wondered what he was doing there. He never took part in these trips. He preferred the privacy of his reclusive room to being around chatty people. Yet Svetlana had said she would be coming to check out the town and he was hoping to see her. He slowly sipped his butter beer and glanced around. Most of the tables were full. Some teachers were gathered in one corner and Potter and his two friends were whispering secretively in another corner. Suddenly the door to the pub burst opened and in walked Svetlana. The room seemed to brighten with her appearance. She seemed a bit breathless and her cheeks were rosy from the cool air. She sauntered up to the bar and ordered a drink. Glancing around, she spied Snape and gave him a little wave. When she had gotten her drink she came up to his table and said with a smile, "May I join you, or are you having your own private pity party?"

"No, please sit down." Severus said, maybe a little too quickly. He motioned to the empty seat at the table.

"I thought the reclusive Severus Snape never ventured into Hogsmeade for fear someone might strike up a conversation with him." Her eyes twinkled.

He eyed her and ignored her comment. "This is your first visit to Hogsmeade, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yes. Well, first in many years. I don't recognize much from my trips here as a student."

"Then may I offer my services as a tour guide for you? Although I don't come here often, I do know my way around the place," Snape said importantly.

Svetlana beamed. "I would really like that."

The past few weeks had gone by in a blur. It seemed that she had known Severus all her life. Their friendship had grown quickly. They each enjoyed the other's company and found it easy to talk to one another about anything. Still Svetlana hadn't broached the subject of him being a Death Eater. She was curious to hear his story, but the time never seemed appropriate. Maybe today she could ask him.

They finished their butter beers and set out. Severus pointed out interesting shops and they browsed many of them. Some hours later they were sharing some hot chocolate on the walk back to Hogwarts. As they approached the gate, Severus found himself not wanting to end the afternoon and asked if she would like to join him in the lounge for a quick snack. She agreed and they were soon settled on the couch with a small plate of sandwiches that he had conjured up.

"Severus, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Fire away," he said.

"Why did you become a Death Eater?" she asked.

There it was. The question he had been waiting for since the episode with Slughorn. He was surprised it had taken her this long to ask it. His eyebrows furrowed as he thought of the appropriate answer for her.

"I've told you about my childhood. I was not well loved or well cared for. When I got to Hogwarts, I had a hard time making friends. Many students just made fun of me. I found acceptance with students who sympathized with the Dark Lord. It gave me a niche and I found that I was good at the Dark Arts. At the time it seemed logical to me to join the Death Eaters. They were my only friends."

There was sadness in her eyes. She knew what it was like to be ostracized, but for different reasons. "When I was at Durmstrang I was an outcast myself, just for not being enthralled with the Dark Arts. I had only one friend. She wasn't liked either for her refusal to go along with the others. It was a very lonely time for me. I was happy to leave there. Hogwarts was a much better environment." Her mind was far away. "What made you decide to turn against the Dark Arts?"

Severus glanced around, even though the lounge was empty. He moved a little closer to her, "I finally saw the Dark Lord for what he is, ruthless, evil, and uncaring. He's only out for his own interests, and will destroy anyone who stands in his way, no matter how important a role they play in his plan." He got a pained look in his face. "You see, I was in love with Lily Potter."

Why this had come out of his mouth was beyond him. He had only told one other person about this, and he would be in serious trouble if anyone else ever found out. He looked at her sternly and she shrunk back a little. "Look, what I am about to tell you is between you and me. Only one other person knows about it and it could cost me my life if it got out. Do I have your word that you'll keep this secret?"

She nodded. He went on, explaining how he had liked Lily Evans ever since they were children. He told her how he had grown to love her, but she had broken off their friendship because of his association with future Death Eaters. He described the prophecy and how he had begged Voldemort to spare her life. He confessed the devastating effect her death had had on him.

Svetlana sat in stunned silence as he explained how he had become something of a double agent and that through Oclumency he was able to keep Voldemort from knowing his true thoughts and feelings. He concluded by describing his ongoing spy work for Dumbledore and the Order.

Her eyes widened. "My gosh Severus, that's so dangerous. Aren't you afraid you'll be found out?"

"There's always that possibility, but it's important to know what the other side is doing," he countered.

They both sat thoughtfully. Snape nibbled on a sandwich and Svetlana sipped her hot chocolate.

"I think you're very brave to do this, Severus. Not many people would risk their life on a daily basis just for some information. I hope someday people will realize what a great service you're doing for us."

He sighed. "Not likely. But I'm not in this for the glory. It's just revenge."

She regarded him slyly. "I think it would take much more than revenge to keep someone doing what you do daily for this long a period of time."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You give me too much credit." Eyeing her curiously, he abruptly said, "I must be going." He stood to leave. "Thank you for a lovely afternoon. I'll understand if you want to keep your distance from me from now on."

"Why on earth would I want to do that?" she asked in astonishment.

"My past, present, and future are all tied up with the Dark Lord and that scares most people."

"It doesn't scare me. One thing I learned at Durmstrang is that the worst thing you can do is fear these people. They live off of fear. It's people like you who will actually defeat them. People who recognize what these Death Eaters are and stand up against them. They don't intimidate me. I respect their powers, but they will not reduce me to a pile of sniveling snot unable to defend myself."

"Svetlana, you never cease to amaze me," he remarked. With that, he turned and was gone. She watched the door as he exited. Her insides turned at his departure. She would have preferred to spend the rest of the day with him. She would have preferred to spend the rest of her life with him. But he had gone, sealing himself back into his cold exterior, becoming the secretive, calculating spy once again.

She was being foolish. He was too engrossed in his work to have time for her. It also was obvious that he still loved Lily Potter. It was hard to compete against a dead woman. She sighed. It was time to face reality. He was a good friend, and that's all that it could be. She could accept that, even if it wasn't all that she wanted.

Severus slammed the door behind him and sat in his recliner. What have I done?! How could I have told Svetlana all those things? He had seriously compromised his situation and he couldn't think of one reason why. Well, there was one reason, but his attraction to her was going to cost him his life if he wasn't careful.

She was unlike anyone he had ever known. She accepted him for what he was and still stuck up for her beliefs. Maybe he was trying to drive her away. Maybe that was why he told her those things, to scare her away. He expected her to be mortified, but she was complimentary. He expected her to want to distance herself from him, yet she seemed to be unaffected by his revelations in the least. If anything she wanted to be closer now that she knew the truth.

Then there was Lily. He had never thought of any other woman but her. These new feelings were strange and somewhat frightening. After his fiasco of a relationship with Lily, he had been sure no woman would ever look at him as more than a friend, if even that. They usually looked at him as more of a demon. He knew he helped that opinion along a bit by his personality, but that was just who he was. As for his past, he could do nothing to change that.

But this woman was different from the others. She seemed to see him differently. He seemed to see her differently. He almost felt guilty about finding her attractive. He didn't want to give up his obsession with Lily. She had been everything to him. Unfortunately, Lily was dead. She would never come to him claiming to have been mistaken about Potter like she did in his dreams. There would never be a happy ending for him with Lily. Maybe it was time to move on. Svetlana seemed to like him. Maybe he could make it work. He made his decision. He would pursue a relationship with her. Hopefully this relationship would work out better than his and Lily's. Of course, nothing could go that wrong again, could it?