Disclaimer: They own me, I don't own them.
Thank you so much for your reviews! To be honest I had the first chapter of this written on my computer for almost two months and it was never supposed to be...anything. But then yesterday, I decided to just post it. Honestly, I was surprised/thrilled to get any reviews at all. Some were asking if there was more to it. Well, as I said, it was unplanned. Now, I'm kind of motivated to add more but a) I don't have much time and b) it's not like there is any creative plot to it. And I, myself, usually prefer stories that are planned out by the author beforehand. So I don't know. I'll maybe write more - if only for myself - because I am interested the emotions and I do have some scenes in my head but please don't expect it to be very original. It's all already been done.
I'm sorry about heavy mistakes. English isn't my mother tongue.
--------------------------------------------
"So, what about a little shopping today after school? I need a new dress for that party my mum and Caleb make me go to on Friday. I think it needs to be extra short and provocing."
"Huh?"
"The dress for that Newpsie party? I want to embarass my mum the best way possible."
She had no idea what Coop was talking about. She had no idea what anybody was talking about today. Didn't they see that she was tired?
No, of course they didn't. Because even if she failed to supress certain thoughts and memories at times, she sure as hell still knew how to make herself look good even when she was feeling anything but.
If only Zach stayed away from her today. She really couldn't face him this morning.
There was only one thing worse than having to handle your perfect boyfriend after a night of desperate crying over some other jackass.
Only one thing worse and exactly that one thing was standing a few feet down the hall, talking to that blond chick that seemed to be his girlfriend now. Or fling. Or whatever. She seriously, seriously didn't want to think about it.
Blond she was. And cool. Just like Anna had been. That's probably why he liked her. She was probably really smart, too. Too smart to even need school. He must love that. Some smart, pretty, blond indie chick who shared his interests in music and whatever. And to top it all she was totally cool, working at a bar and stuff. What was she even doing here at school? Probably dropping him off here in the morning...
…Ugh..
Her bottom lip was still all sore from last night. This was the last thing it needed right now. She had to get away from here.
"Sum…Su-um!"
"Huh?"
"Are you coming to the party with me or not? You can bring Zach if you want."
"Uh…yeah…sure. Should be fun, right?"
"Okay. Come on. We need to talk" Marissa took her wrist and pulled her into the next classroom. "What the hell is up with you today? You are totally out of it since I picked you up and I think you might start bleeding any second if you keep that biting thing going on any longer."
"What? I'm fine. Just a little tired, okay? Everyone is allowed to have a bad day once in a while. You do, too."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course." She did not want to talk about it. At all. It was stupid.
Marissa studied her closely one more time but then let it go. "Okay"
"Good."
"Good."
She couldn't even tell Marissa. Nobody knew just how much this whole thing affected her. As far as everyone else was concerned she had gotten over Cohen months ago when she had started dating Zach. Just like she was supposed to. Nobody knew just how much she had really cared for Seth, nobody knew how deep their connection had been. Nobody knew that she had been in love for the first time in her life. And there was no way in hell that anybody was going to know that she still was.
It was pathetic. And pathetic wasn't anything Summer Roberts did.
Still this morning kept on getting better and better. Just when Marissa had turned around the corner and she herself had set off in the opposite direction she had to bump into Mr Jackass himself.
Bump. Into. Him.
God.
What had she done to deserve this?
She. Did. Not. Need. Him. To. Touch. Her.
"Hey Sum. How are you?"
"Great." Just great. Except that I'm this close to a heart attack thanks to you and your stupid, awkward, lanky body. But other than that great.
"Good. That's good. I'm fine, too, just in case you were going to ask."
No, I wasn't going to ask. I have seen how great you are just ten minutes ago.
"Yeah." She smiled.
Oh, she was so good at this.
"So, I just saw you with Alex down the hall. Things are going good for you two?"
She deserved a prize.
"Yeah. Yeah, things are really good." She couldn't look him in the eyes. "And you and Zach? Newport's most beautiful couple?"
Was he trying to piss her off?
"We're great. We're going to that Newpsie party with Marissa on Friday."
God. That was the best she could come up with? Trying to make him jealous by telling him they were visiting a party together? A Newpsie party?
Yeah, that was gonna do it.
Whatever it actually was.
"Great. Have fun."
If she heard or said the words great and good one more time this morning she was going to snap. She couldn't think of any terms that were more inappropriate for anything concerning her than these two.
"Okay. So, I have to go to class now. See you." Hopefully not.
"Yep, see you." He smiled and turned around.
How could he smile? What was there to smile about?
Why. The. Hell?
He needed to leave right now. Before she was going to either hit him or press herself into him and burst into tears.
It was probably going to be a mixture of all of it.
She didn't know how he did it. How he still held that power over her. But she hadn't snapped once in the previous months and she wasn't planning on letting anyone in on her true feelings now. And certainly not him.
So she smiled, too. Still not meeting his eyes.
And she didn't lose it until he had turned his back to her and started walking off. Then her face fell and her eyes clouded. She couldn't help it. She was tired and hurt and confused and he had smelled so familiar and she missed him so much.
Just don't turn around. Don't. Turn. Around.
But then he did turn. And their eyes met for the first time that day. And she saw that he didn't smile anymore, either. And that his eyes wore the same expression as hers. And that he saw it, too. And that he felt it, too. And they held each others' gaze for a long time, both knowing what no one else knew.
And she only turned away when she felt the first tear actually threatening to fall. She was not going to cry at school. Not where anyone could see it.