Due to recent changes in ff.net, chapters of this story have been revised to conform to the new rating system. However, for those mature readers who wish to read the original, and much better, NC17 rated version, please visit my web page at http://members.optushome.com.au/dboy/ or Julie's web page at www.voltress.net. Main revisions affect chapters 3, 4, 8, 9, and 10.

Dark as Rain

By Scutter

scutter1200@hotmail.com

This fic is still a thank you fic for Julie (yaoifantasy), who has written some cool fics, and who is strongly recommended for reading by yours truly.

I don't own Final Fantasy 8. I also don't currently own any chocolate, since I already ate it. Poor me.

Rated R.

Irvine's POV, followed by Zell.

Chapter 2

The SeeD lounge has been renovated.

About time, too. That scratchy green rug never went down well with me. It always seemed too much like the color of Geezard vomit. Anyway, they obviously hired someone with taste this time, since the new carpet is deep red, and doesn't clash with the walls. They've ditched the cheap yellow chairs, too. Now we've got ourselves a couple of stylish black leather couches. Very nice... I settle into one of them, testing their texture carefully. Comfortable, suitably soft for snuggling... I approve.

"Hey, who did the fix-up job! This is totally cool!"

Ah, the light of my life. And not a moment too late, since we were just considering all things snuggle-worthy. "Mornin' Sweetbuns," I call, twisting my head over the back of the couch.

"Mornin' Irvy," she mimics my drawl perfectly, sashaying over to grace me with a peck on the lips. She hops gracefully over the arm of the couch, landing comfortably in my lap. "Is this the reason Cid called the meeting, or is there another one? Cos if this is it, I think it's totally cool!"

"YO!" Two guesses who that could be... "Talk about your fixer-upper! Heh, it looks like someone finally figured out how important we are! SeeDs like us need a cool place to chill!"

"Mornin' Zell," I reply, returning my attention to the love-goddess in my lap. But alas, peace was not to be had.

"Holy shit! They got me a beanbag!" Zell throws himself down with a thud, forming what I swear will end up as a permanent butt-shaped depression in said beanbag. I'm surprised the thing didn't split open, the way he does that...

"Do you have any idea how many times I had to ask Cid for one of these! I can't believe he finally said yes!"

"Hi Quisty," Selphie calls to the older woman, who has managed to slip into the room during Zell's excitement.

"Good morning, everyone," she replies, settling onto the opposite couch. Is it me, or does she seem more tired than usual...

"Mornin' Gorgeous," I wink at her, and she responds with a long-suffering look, rather than the sharp retort I was expecting. Quistis has never tolerated my flirting well... which tells me something is definitely up.

"Ah, good morning everyone." Cid blusters into the room, quickly followed by Dr. Kadowaki. "I see we're all here... then we can get started."

"Hey no," Zell interrupts. "Squall's still not here."

"Yes, he is." Squall detaches himself from the wall he was leaning against, where he had been doing a superb impression of a Nothing.

"Woah!" Classic Zell double-take. Some things don't change. "Uh... hey. Didn't hear you come in," he mutters, turning red. Squall doesn't reply, as he takes a seat next to Quistis, and I feel pretty unsettled as I wonder if he's been in the room the entire time, or had managed to sneak in during our conversation... either way is pretty disturbing. Squall developed some pretty powerful skills on our trip through hell, both physical and magical... I hadn't realised just how skilled he's become, if he's managing to slip past all four of us at once. Zell plops down on his beanbag again, as Cid shuffles his papers.

"Now, the reason I called you all together," Cid begins, somehow managing to look completely absorbed by his stack of papers on the coffee table, "is regarding your psychiatric evaluations, after your dealings with Ultimecia. I know you requested that we discuss the results as a group... are you all still comfortable with that?" We all give our various forms of assent - after what we went through, keeping secrets between us just makes no sense - and Cid continues, "Good, good. Now, we've only done a preliminary assessment so far, but unfortunately..." He stutters for a moment, "...we've already run into a few problems... Ah, I think it best that I let Dr. Kadowaki explain."

"Thank you, Cid," Kadowaki gives us all a reassuring smile. We've all been wound up pretty tight over these tests. They could potentially mean the difference between us returning to active duty in SeeD, or spending the rest of our lives in padded cells... "I'll just emphasise again that these are only preliminary results. We still have to do a more thorough analysis of your answers. I'll go through them one by one, starting with... Selphie?"

"Hm?" Selphie's hopped off my lap in the meantime, and is now snuggling on the couch next to me... see, I told you snuggle-worthy couches were important. She looks just a touch nervous, and I pull her a little closer.

"Your preliminary results were very good." Selphie physically relaxes beside me. "There are a few understandable problems, such as your insomnia, but on the whole, you seem to be doing very well."

Selphie smiles warmly at the doctor. "Thank you. That's a relief."

"Well done, babe." I kiss the top of her head lightly.

"Quistis?" Kadowaki continues. "Now Quistis, your results were a little more complicated."

"I'd like to request four weeks of shore leave, effective immediately," Quistis interrupts.

Kadowaki was obviously not expecting this. "Ahh..." I honestly can't blame her for her lack of verbal fluency right now. More likely, she was expecting to have to wrench Quistis away from work with a crow bar. She's always been a little too dedicated to her job for her own good...

"Cid? Can we arrange that?" Kadowaki dodges gracefully.

Cid seems equally as surprised, but he has had a little extra time to recover. "By all means, Quistis. We were rather hoping you would take some time off," he admits gently.

"Though, keeping in mind," Kadowaki cautions her, "that we'll need to be able to contact you when the rest of your results come through..."

"I won't go too far," Quistis interrupts again. "I was thinking of something like Balamb. Nothing too far, but still good for a change of scenery."

Kadowaki looks relieved. "That'll do nicely. Moving on then," Kadowaki continues. "Irvine?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

Kadowaki pauses, searching for a way to be diplomatic, it seems. Hmm... I wonder why? "Irvine, we're going to have to ask you to take another test. Your results for the first one were... inconclusive."

I allow myself a slight smirk. "I thought they expressed what I felt pretty clearly."

Kadowaki seems to realise she doesn't have to be diplomatic with me, and gives me a dry look, as she hands over a second set of questions. "For Hyne's sake, Irvine, go take a cold shower before you do this one? Do you even know what you wrote for some of these questions?"

I shrug. "No idea." Honest.

"Question 5, for example," Dr. Kadowaki shuffles through my test papers. "Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force. Your answer was 'The sad fucks who run Galbadia are severely sexually deprived, and the whole world would benefit if someone gave those losers a blow up doll or a blow job or a sheep, so they could go spend their time doing something more interesting.' Or this one, Question 37: In a battle between a level 57 Wendigo, and a level 14 T-Rexaur, who would you consider to be the likely victor? Your answer: It depends if the T-rex is a lady, or a bloke, and if it's a lady, it would only win if she had got some good lovin' from her gentleman T-rex the night before. Then again, if she hadn't got any good lovin', she might just be pissed off enough to kill the Wendi anyway. Can I also just mention Question 19. I take it you know what that question was?" she asks, as I turn slightly pink. I nod vaguely.

"Your answer was really far, far more graphic than we needed. Please don't do it again. We could actually have had you arrested and served a dishonourable discharge for what you claim to have done." Hell. She doesn't look like she's kidding.

"Yes Ma'am." I think, given the circumstances, I'll be much better off if I just shut my mouth now.

Kadowaki sighs silently, as she turns to the next set of papers. "Okay, next we have... Zell."

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Oh Shit.

"Zell, so far you've handed in three separate forms, each of which had answers for questions one through 7, and... uh... various drawings of..." She turns the page round a bit, then gives up. "...Of I don't even know what on the rest of it." She sighs. "You're having problems answering the questions, Zell?"

I shrug, in what I hope is a nonchalant way. "I just found it... kinda boring is all." Not fooling anyone.

"Zell, you understand how important these tests are?"

I can't help but scowl at that. "With respect, Doctor, it's been nearly two months since we got back from time compression. I really think that if any of us were gonna go jump off the observation deck or play basketball with a wendigo, we'd have done it by now."

Okay, so that didn't go down so well...

She frowns her 'I'm really worried and I'm not giving up until I get what I want' frown. "Zell, I think you should come and see me privately after this meeting."

"Fuck, man..." At any other time, I would have been issued a warning for swearing at a superior officer. "Anything you wanna ask, do it here. I got nothin' ta hide from these guys." Hyne, how I wish that were true.

More frowning. "Have you been sleeping properly?" she finally asks.

I shake my head in a vague, non-committal way. "Mostly." She seems to expect more. "Oh, like insomnia ain't a problem for anyone else here."

She seems willing to accept that for now. "Have you been eating?"

"Yeah."

"Have you had trouble concentrating? I've noticed you've been spending more time in the training center than usual, and..." she pauses, appraising me shrewdly, "Hyne knows, you don't need the practice."

"I just..." Think of an excuse, think of an excuse... "It's weird, ya'know. For the last five months or so, we've been doing nothing but fighting, and running around after crazed lunatics in one form or another, and now we're back here and the war is all over, and we're supposed to be all enjoying the peace and relaxing and shit, but in reality, we're just doing a whole load of nothing."

Well, that was surprisingly heartfelt for a hollow excuse...

Kadowaki seems to have read between the lines a bit more than I like. "You're feeling frustrated, then?" she clarifies.

"Hell, yeah..."

"And you're looking for something to fill in the gaps, to make life more exciting?"

"Exactly!"

"But you can't find a way to express yourself, because nothing you do matches the intensity you're looking for?"

We are still talking about the same thing, right? "That... pretty much covers it..."

Kadowaki pauses, and I'm not sure I like the way she's putting all this together. "Given how easily you've opened up just now, why have you had so much trouble putting that on paper?"

"..." Because as we both know, Dr. Kadowaki, the boredom and lack of battles ain't my biggest problem here.

Truth is, it's the very idea that we'd be going live and uncut with the test results that meant I couldn't answer them. Sheesh, I can see that going down well... 'Zell, the results of your test show that you have an almost permanent hard-on for the Garden's resident hero, commander and personified arctic winter, who is now going to beat your brains out for what you suggested you'd like to do to him.' But on the flip side... there's no way I can just say straight out that I don't trust these guys enough to front up to them. We went to hell and back, we put our lives in each other's hands, and we gave each other a piece of our souls. Throwing that back in their faces just isn't something I can do.

"Zell, as much as I understand your frustrations, I still need some results for this test. I can't place you back into active duty until I have them. Now," Dr. Kadowaki hands me another set of questions, and levels me with a firm, but gentle stare. "This is your last chance. I'm sorry, Zell, but if you don't complete this set of questions, we're going to have to suspend you from active duty indefinitely."

I nod vaguely, my mind already supplying me with some nice graphics of what some of my answers will entail, and some rather less pleasant pictures of what Squall would do to me if he finds out. Followed by a nice little image of a padded cell, complete with puréed food fed to me with a plastic spoon. Man, I am so fucked...

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Author's notes:

You would not believe how long it took me to get inside Irvine's head to write this chapter... But heck, once I got in, I found all this really amazing stuff... I had no idea there were so many possible uses for strawberry syrup...

Any and all feedback will be enshrined in a silver vase. Any flames will be used as a source of endless amusement for me and my cohorts on those cold winter days.

Lots of thanks to redrum, tatsuko and Dokusatsu Zenrei for reviewing!!

Sugar is a good thing. Now please excuse me while I go have some serious words with my muse... He's napping on the job again.