MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution. I said before, that this story gets very real.
BASED ON A TRUE STORY
DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI
Clary POV
I wish I could say I woke up, but I never went to sleep. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again and I got sick every time I tried to think about being pregnant. I had sex one time and we used protection. I turn myself over on my pillow and wrap my blanket around me tighter. My mom insisted that someone stays with me every night until I get discharged. So, right now I am looking at a sleeping Simon next to me in the most uncomfortable chair in the world. He looks so peaceful, so much like the boy I have known my entire life. When did this become our lives? I can feel myself trying to cry again and I sniffle it back.
"You wanna talk about it?" Simon says barely opening his eyes to me. He looks exhausted.
"I am sorry, Si," I say hiding myself in the dark. "Go back to sleep."
"Please," he says standing up and pausing before he sits on my bed. "Like anyone can sleep in that chair." I try at a laugh but it feels wrong on my lips. I can tell that he noticed because he laid down next to me. "Doctor Boss said that you need to sleep so the two of you stay healthy. Oh. And Izzy went and got you the vitamins and other stuff for you," he says pointing to a bag under his chair. "Doc says to try not to miss a dose."
I sink myself further into my pillows and he puts a hand on my shoulder. "I can't sleep," I whimper.
"Do you want Jace?" he asks quickly.
"I don't want Jace," I say quickly. Simon doesn't say anything to me. "What am I supposed to say to him?"
"This is my fault too, Clary," we hear from the doorway. Simon gives my shoulder a small kiss before leaving us alone. "Sorry I saw you up still, you need to sleep."
"I am trying," I say louder than I intended too. I know it's typical hormones to cry when you're pregnant but that's not what it is right now.
"I'm sorry." His voice comes out shaky and weak. I hear his steps coming closer to me until they stop. He pulls back my blanket and tucks himself next to me. He rubs my back to try and soothe me but I can't hold my anger back anymore. I know my tears are running a trail to my pillow but I don't care. The last time I look up at the clock it says it is just after three am. I had spent over an hour crying myself to sleep tonight.
I was woken up by voices in my room four hours later. Everyone must have decided that this is a good place to hang out. "Don't you guys have school or something?" I ask bitterly. The room falls silent and I notice that there is someone missing, Jace.
"We got excused until you got discharged," Izzy informs me.
"Lovely," I say clearly faking my smile. I know that they are trying to help but is it too much to be alone right now?
"Good morning," Doctor Boss says knocking on my door. I don't acknowledge him but everyone else does. "You can leave today, but you need to come back in four days so I can make sure your levels are all still good. Those vitamins will help you and limit the chances of passing out again. Make sure you are eating a good diet for the baby. Don't forget to breathe," he jokes. I find myself appalled that he made room to joke in there.
I sit myself up and at least two people come to help me. I shake them off and I get stares from everyone. "I'm not a doll," I say rudely. I didn't mean for it to come out that bad but it did.
My mom is signing my papers and I make it to my feet. "Thanks, Doc," I say giving him the best fake smile I can manage. "See you in four days."
I hut the door behind me and I can hear them talking about me again before the latch even catches. Luke follows me out with a set of keys and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "I'll take you home," he says.
"Finally, someone with some sense," I say leaning into him. So far, he's the only one that hasn't tried to 'help' me.
I missed my bedroom so much. I still feel like a garbage truck so when I drop the contents from my hand on to my floor, I drop myself in my familiar bed. I can feel Luke dragging a blanket under me before leaving me, closing my door behind him.
I want so badly to fall asleep and wrap myself in darkness. I force my eyes to close and pull my blanket over my head. Instead of sleeping, my eyes are crying again. For having so many people here for me I feel more alone than I ever have before.
After the next thirty minutes passes, my phone buzzes for the first time since I fainted.
Can we talk about it? It's from Jace. I type the message I really want to say to him, I don't want to talk. I decide against it and delete it. I think for a second and try again, I want to get. No. That can't be what I want. I try again, I can't. That's not an excuse, Clary, think harder. Try again, I need you to. NO. I throw my phone across the room and bury my face in my hands.
I remember listening in school and thinking it was a joke that they talked about abortions. I never took it seriously, like it was never a choice I believed in. And now I sit here, arguing with myself that it is an option for myself to consider. I don't want to be pregnant, but I don't want to get rid of it either. I stand up on my feet, and hold my balance for a second. I pick up my phone and I know what I need to say this time. I type it as quickly as I can before I lose my bravery, YES.
My stomach instantly churns and I feel the worst twisting in my stomach. Luke heard my frustration and came to check on me. "I feel sick," I say doubling over.
Luke picks up and before I know it I am leaning up against the bathtub in case I vomit. "Clary, are you okay?" he asks with so much pity in his voice. On a normal day I would scowl at the thought of being pitied but I can't manage the words right now. I nod my head instead. "I am going to call Jocelyn, I will be right outside." I waive a weak hand at him that I'll be okay for a minute.
I try to puke up whatever is making me nauseous with all the strength I have left. I remember my dad telling us, you will feel better after it comes up. After ten minutes I give up without anything leaving my stomach. I decide to go lay back down but Luke is standing right outside the door. "
"I was just going-," I try to tell him.
"Jace is here," he says instead. I pick my head up and stand tall. I wrap my blanket around myself and Luke puts a hand to my back. I nod to tell him that I'm ready and he guides me to the living room.
"Are you okay?" he asks meeting me in the doorway. "Clary, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. It wasn't-," he says too quick to be clearly understood.
"Your fault?" I ask looking right into his beautiful eyes. He looks so worn down and sad. I knew he was suffering right now but I can't take seeing him like this. It's so unlike him to look defeated. His eyes change again and I see right through to his bones. He chokes up and I take step back.
"I am going to the garage if you guys need me," Luke says leaving alone. I look as deep into his eyes as I can see. I might as well be looking right through him because I can't tell what his eyes are trying to tell me.
He looks so afraid. I didn't mean to hurt him I just said what I was thinking. I feel myself chocking up just standing here staring at him. He takes away the distance between us and wraps me into a hug. I let myself cry into him. He sits us on the longest couch against the wall and rubs my back. "What are we going to do?" I cry into his shirt.
"Clary, this is your decision," he cries into my hair. "I don't have an answer this time."
"You're Jace Herondale," I try to start controlling myself again. "You always have an answer." There was a long pause and I could tell he was thinking. "Honestly."
"I love you," he says between taking a deep breath. "But we're not ready for this."
I feel myself crying still. He picks his hand up. "What's wrong?" he asks eventually. I sit myself up and I hold my head high, letting my tangled hair and tear ruined face into the light.
"That's what you want to do?" I ask holding myself together for the minute.
"Haven't you thought about it?" he asks. He doesn't look me in the eye. I know he knows what we are talking about.
"Aborting?" I say even though it comes out a question. I blink my eyes closed and I stand up. "I need to be alone-," he tries to stop me. "NOW."
He turns his entire body away from me and before I know it, he's gone.
I'm surprised I still have tears left to shed after today. How else am I supposed to deal with everything going on?
"LUKE!" I hear from the front door. I close my eyes and ignore them, everything sounds like background noise anyways. I can hear come running back into the house and two different pairs of hands grab at me.
"Leave me alone," I cry but no one listens. I squeeze my eyes shut harder.
"Jace was here," Luke says quietly, but not quiet enough, "they were just talking twenty minutes ago."
"SHE HAS BEEN LAYING ON THAT FLOOR FOR TWENTY MINUTES?" I hear Izzy screaming this time. "WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS JOCELYN?"
"She's on her way," I can hear Luke trying to calm her down. The rest of the conversation comes in a blur as I push myself to sleep. The last thing I hear is Izzy, "I'm staying with her -."
Third Person POV
"Shit," Izzy says reaching for a falling Clary. Luke is next to her in a second.
"I was making her something to eat," he says, his brain scrambling. "She forgot to eat this morning after we left the hospital."
Izzy runs so fast, faster than if her own life depended on it. In her eyes, her future niece or nephew depended on her right now. She knew Clary wasn't feeling the best but she has never seen her this out of it before. She runs straight into Clary's room where her hospital bag is. She remembered that the doctor had send them home with something in case anything like this happened again.
Just in case, she dialed 911 on her phone and ran back into the living room.
"My friend," Izzy says out of breath. "She passed out again, we just found out she was pregnant-."
"Is she breathing?" The lady on the other end of the phone demands. "It's really important you need to look. I have sent an ambo to you just in case so they can check her vitals to be safe."
Izzy puts a hand to Clary's chest. "She's breathing but really fast."
"That's ok," the operator said.
"She forgot to eat again this morning, we just brought her home from the hospital," Izzy explains.
"The boys will be there in a second, can you relay all of that information to them?"
"Yeah," Izzy says calming down with the doorbell rings. Luke answers the door as fast as he can move and in the matter of seconds they are surrounding Clary.
"Give us a second please," the first EMT says putting two fingers to her throat. The next five minutes go by in a blur to them. Jocelyn had just arrived asking a million questions and Luke had to catch her up.
The second the EMTs have her awake Izzy and Jocelyn are almost on top of her. "Your blood pressure got really high, miss," they inform us. "Have you been taking vitamins?"
"We just found out yesterday," Jocelyn tells them. They give Clary a protein bar and she takes it without argument.
"Those could really help," they say shaking hands with Luke and Jocelyn.
Izzy decides to go and get the bottle of vitamins she had gotten for her and hands them the bottle. "These are okay?" She bought her the 'One a Day Prenatal Vitamins' because the lady at the counter had recommended them.
"Perfect," one of them said taking a pill out of the bottle and handing it to Clary. She takes it was an unstable hand and takes the pill. "These help people in ways that sometimes medication can't."
"It will help supply everything your body needs to grow a baby," the other answers. "That could make a big difference in your case." Luke and Jocelyn are nodding to the information from the EMTs, while Izzy is taking notes on her phone.
"Does high risk pregnancy run in the family?" they ask Jocelyn who nods her head 'no' in response. "You should consider making a plan for meals then, too. Making sure you get enough dairy, protein, and stuff every day." They all nod at once.
Clary POV
Izzy is next to me in my bed, for all of eternity when I asked her for how long. I know she stayed up until I was asleep but I just woke up again two hours later. I check my phone and see two missed messages.
Izzy told me something happened. No one will tell me anything. It's from Jace. I click on the other message. I just need to know you're okay. Also from Jace.
I send back, just fine. My phone buzzes again in what feels like a second.
You're not fine, it's all my fault, I read from him.
I needed you to be there for me, I send back. He doesn't respond this time. I know he was only trying telling me what I already thought about myself but I don't feel that way. I won't let myself. This is something I didn't ask for, but it happened. Maybe we're not ready for a baby, but one is coming. I never blamed anyone else in the world for making the choice to abort, in fact, there are a lot of valid reasons to choose abortion. Like rape, like being on drugs, like knowing your own limits, whatever the reason, I have never judged them. "Their body, their choice."
I also know Jace has his own reasons for being scared, look at his parents. They were irresponsible, not much regard for responsibility. They never taught him to love unconditionally, to pursue happiness like it's a god given right, to respect people the way you want to be respected. Not that Jace didn't turn out good, because he is most definitely the best guy I have ever known besides Simon, my father, and Luke. I just understand, and I can't blame him for it either.
And here I am right now, judging myself for considering it for only a second. I put a hand to my belly and try to tell myself it will be okay. Maybe I am just cowardly because I can't bring myself to abort. Maybe I am being selfish because I don't want to abort. I might not be sure of anything right now, but I am sure that this is going to happen.
AGAIN, this is all based on a true story. I am not trying to force my own opinions on anyone. I am only trying to spread awareness. It gets very serious so keep an open mind. There will be a happy ending, just not soon, sorry. Thank you so much for the feedback! Don't forget to review, questions are always welcome. If anyone has seen someone close to them go through anything similar it would be awesome to hear about it too! xoxo