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ON BEYOND WRONGSICK
Fifteen MORE Kim-Kwickies
by SHADO COMMANDER
Chapter Two – Awkweirdly Last Summer
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1
Ron raised his hands defensively. "Look, they're both consenting adults and it's the only hetero ship I like, so what's wrong with it?"
Kim wrinkled her nose in utter disgust as she looked at the dozens of stained drawings she'd accidentally uncovered beneath Ron's bed. "It's Rainbowdash in chains being done by Eeyore in leather, Ron... that's what's wrong with it!"
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2
With an embarrassed sigh, a mission suit-less Kim Possible stepped out of the bushes to confront the green villain with furious scowl, since that was literally all she was wearing. "Okay, Shego, I give… I've tracked you down here and followed you around all week, first the topless beach and now this nudist colony, but I have no idea what you're up to."
"Getting you naked," a cheerful Shego grinned.
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3
"Okay, THAT'S disturbing," Kim gulped as her inadvertent wrong turn into Shego's section of Drakken's lair had turned up the fact that the green woman's bedsheets were decorated with a life-size nude photograph of Kim… an actual, accurate down to the smallest detail photo that she could have only obtained one way.
Then Ron's voice called from the bathroom. "No… I think DISTURBING is this rubber life cast of your vagina that she's got soaking in warm water in here."
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4
Tara suddenly looked up at Kim in shock as something suddenly clicked. "Hey wait, did you ask me if I was lesbian or a thespian?"
Kim managed to pull her eyes back down to the blond who was currently giving incredibly good 'lip service' between Kim's thighs. "Don't worry, just finish what you're doing and we can talk about the commercial for Ron's new restaurant later."
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5
"Ew, you mean you really give Brick a blow-job before AND after every game?" Kim gaped at Bonnie.
The darker girl simply shrugged. "Eh, to be honest, he's done so many steroids that it's more like using a chapstick than choking a salami."
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6
Drakken peered at the device in confusion. "I don't understand… exactly what does the blaze orange and glowing yellow mean, Shego?"
Putting the pregnancy test back on the table, a glowering Shego began to roll up her sleeves, "What it means, 'Doc,' is that A –we've apparently discovered a side effect to my comet powers that no one suspected, B – that the weird 'dream' I had about you humping me after I got sloshed at the Christmas party wasn't a dream and C – that I'm about to prevent Junior here from ever having full siblings via the forceful application of a full plasma neutering."
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7
"Excuse me Kimmie cub, but your mother says…." Dr. James Possible found his voice cutting off in shock as he opened the door to his daughter's bedroom to see Kim hanging upside down from the ceiling, naked and bound Shibari style, while a pale green woman wearing only a red-heart tattoo with the letters 'I heart KP' emblazoned on her ass was forcing the suspended hero to do something with her tongue just below the pubic bone while simultaneously lashing her with what appeared to be cat 0' nine tails.
Fortunately, the girls were too caught up in what they were doing to notice him, so he backed quickly out of the room and went back downstairs to where his wife was waiting at the table along with his twin sons. "I believe we should go ahead and proceed with dinner just for the four of us, dear… Kim's already eaten and seemed rather tied up."
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8
On the occasion of signing her third contract renewal, Shego finally got up the nerve to ask. "You know, Doc, I've been wondering… exactly where DO you get the money to fund all these crazy schemes of yours."
To her surprise, the blue man blushed. "Well, if you must know, I work for the Abstinence Program for a group of extremely conservative private schools… they hire Monkey Fist and myself to come in and claim that I got this way from unmarried sex while Fiske got his mutated limbs from masturbation."
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9
"Er… I believe you mean that you want crotchless panties, dearie," the snooty salesperson at Brittina's Secret sneered at the woman across the counter… a sneer that was wiped off her face as the woman's green hand flew across the counter and yanked her into a close encounter of the Shego kind.
But rather than beating the woman senseless, the green villain simply whispered softly so that one one else in the store could hear. "No, I mean BUTT-less panties, and you'd understand why if every time you pooted a fart, you vaporized everything it comes into contact with except your special flame proof catsuit… so are you going to take my special order or not?"
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10
"But why NOT?" Ron Stoppable pouted.
The venerable Sensei looked disapprovingly at the apparently extremely challenged young man who had somehow been chosen to carry the title of the Monkey Master.
"Because, Stoppable-kun, the Lotus Blade is an ancient and holy artifact, and using it for any purpose besides battle is an insult to its honorable heritage… even if it's ability to change size and shape at your command DOES make it the best butt-plug you've ever had."
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11
"Mr. Barkin… you… here?" Ron gasped as he came out of the private room from his own weekly visit.
"I just think of it as the ultimate form of substitution, Stoppable" Steve Barkin grunted as he took the ten ounce vial filled with his own semen back up to the front of the Middelton Sperm Bank for deposit and cold storage.
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12
Senor Senior Sr. tore at his hair and shrieked at his imbecilic son. "I want you to be evil, Junior, EVIL… and that is just perverted!"
"But Father, I did not ask her permission and she is underage, is that not evil?" Senor Senior Jr. protested as he continued to have sexual intercourse with the VERY unhappy goat.
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13
"I don't understand, why is this the only Bueno Nacho in town that has this amazing Nemesden Sauce?" Ron asked as he ordered another round of his new favorite treat.
"Er, just test marketing it, I guess," Ned smiled, happily preparing himself for slipping into the back room and wanking off another helping of 'cream of Ned' for the bastard who'd walked away with Kim Possible, the girl Ned had always secretly loved.
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14
"It really bothers me, the way everyone keeps staring at you just because you're green," Kim growled as saw how the people behind them all seemed have their eyes riveted on herself and Shego as they walked along the beach in Rio in their tiny thong bikinis.
"Oh, that's not what they're looking at," Shego smirked, biting her tongue and wondering when she should tell Kim that what people were actually staring at were all the 'sunburned' handprints covering the redhead's back and ass, something of which Kim was still completely unaware but which their brief swim attire made all too visible to anyone with a rear-wards view.
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15
"Honestly, they were always pretty overbearing, but I think it was that history report she had to do that finally sent her over the edge," Kim sighed as she helped Officer Hobbie and the other police officers set up the crime scene tape around the site of the most gruesome crime in the history of Middleton.
Even creepier, though, was perpetrator's singing as the as the detectives led the naked and blood splattered girl away: "Bonnie Rockwaller took an axe, and gave her sister forty whacks, and when she saw what she had done… she gave the other forty one!"
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YeOldLegalstuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Bonnie Rockwaller, Ron Stoppable, Brick Flagg, Master Sensei, Dr. Drakken, Monkey Fist, Drs. James and Anne Possible, Jim and Tim Possible, Tara, Officer Hobbie,Bueno Nacho Ned, Senor Senior Sr. & Jr. and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Eeyore created by A.A. Milne. Rainbowdash character a trademark of Hasbro. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…