Steve Warz
Episode 生:
Fear
One year has gone by since the Great Rocker Crisis. Much had gone down in that time: Nerd assassinations, betrayals, cameos, and tons of moshing. However, the Jedi triumphed once more over the square Contractor, and Richter the Jaa-Ruuk had learned more about himself. Since that epic event, the galaxy enjoyed yet more predictable peace. The Jedi relaxed, the nerds were organized by the members of Geek Squadron, and General Chris was still a completely bats**t Looney-Lou. Yep, things were looking normal as always.
But lately strange—and I mean really strange—things have been occurring. All across the galaxy, unusual phenomena were taking place: The winds of Vortex stopping; the magma of Mustafar cooling; Tatooine receiving a straight week of steady rainfall all over its surface; and many other freaky things. The Jedi have been called to investigate the source of these strange happenings, but will they find an answer at their next stop, or discover something deeper than they could ever imagine? Guess we'll find out soon enough.
(Space. We see a great asteroid field. Speeding through it is the Century Sparrow, which heads for a larger rock with machines and command posts all over it. The ship hovers into a hanger in the rock and lands. Stepping from the ship comes the Jedi, including the Jaa-Ruuk family. Walking to greet the group are some dry dock workers)
Worker: Welcome to Bilbringi, Jedi.
Jo: It's good to see you all as well, gentlemen.
Anna: Yeah. It's real quaint seeing a welcoming committee here.
Worker: Thank you. It just wouldn't be right to have you arrive without proper ceremony.
Squishy: Right right right. So where's the problem?
Worker: Please follow us.
(They leave the hanger. They go on through some corridors and more hangers, passing all types of personnel)
Will: So what kind of strange happening are we dealing with?
Worker: You'll see soon enough.
Stan: Why not just tell us now?
Worker: The solitude here makes us bored. We sometimes like to play guessing games with new arrivals.
Sylvia: That's kinda understandable, though rather annoying.
Worker: Yes, and we're sorry for that. (They stop at a door) The problem is right through this door.
Rick: Then open it already.
Worker: Okay, but don't freak out too much.
(Pushes some buttons on the door. It opens to reveal the surface of the rock and the void of space)
Cope: That's a freakin' airlock! Close it you fool!
Worker: Calm down; nothing's happening.
(After some waiting the Jedi see that everything remains still and in place)
Sara: What the—?
Worker: There's the problem.
Sally: Whoa, so weird... It's like there's air out there.
Worker: That's exactly what it is. Some hours ago, one of our crewmen cracked his visor out here, but didn't asphyxiate. It seems an atmosphere had inexplicably formed, but only on this part of the asteroid.
Cope: Only this part?
Worker: Yeah, that's the other strange thing. There's only this one large bubble of breathable air and gravity on this side of the rock. We investigated a bit and placed markers at the borders. It's perfectly round.
Sylvia: Very odd...
Worker: But other than that, we know nothing else. Hopefully your Force powers can figure this out.
Will: We will see.
Worker: That's good. Oh, and before you go, in case the air goes away, take these breathers with you. Once used, beacons will go off and we'll get you out of there.
(Offers a box full of the things, which the Jedi take from)
Jo: Much appreciated.
Worker: Good luck, and be careful.
Sally: Okie dokie!
(They walk out onto the rock's surface, and once out the station door closes behind them. The group walks along a smooth, dusty surface surrounded by crags and craters)
Jo: So what do you make out of this, guys?
Sara: I don't know. I never walked in space like this before.
Squishy: Nothing new to me.
Sylvia: Same here.
Cope: Well we don't normally go through different dimensions for whatever reason.
Squishy: Yeah yeah. Have we got anything?
Anna: Nothing. Just faint traces of... something, having been here.
Rick: Just like with the other places.
Stan: What does all this mean, anyway? I mean, everything that's been happening, like on Tatooine and Vortex and here. Why is it happening?
Jo: Your guess is as good as mine, or anyone else here. Except maybe your dad.
Squishy: No clue, sorry.
Sara: What's bothering me about this place is that though there's gravity here, there's all those rocks floating and spinning about, as if someone made it this way.
Cope: Don't be ridiculous. Why would anyone take the time to do something so pointless?
Because I felt like it.
(They stop. Before them, a pool of inky darkness has appeared on the ground like liquid. A tall specter of black rises from the pool with its back to the group)
Anna: Ooooh. Nice effect.
Specter: So you have arrived at last... Heh.
(It slowly turns around. It is revealed to be covered in a great black coat of leather. A hood covers its head)
Specter: I've been waiting quite some time to finally meet you.
Cope: Huh?
Sally: You have?
(The specter brings his hands to the hood and pulls it back. He has the look of someone in their late 20's, with a head that's tall, sharp, and slightly pale. His hair of dark blonde hangs shoulder-length behind his head. He wears rectangular-framed glasses, with eyes blue with sinister intent)
Jo: Who are you?
Man: I... am nothing, but everything. I'm not a man, but man itself. I am the method of madness, and the requiem for sanity. I am the living oblivion.
Stan: Uhhhh, wha?
Man: My apologies for being overly cryptic. I'm just overcome with omnipotence, tis all.
Squishy: Omnipotence? Contractor, is that you?
Man: Heh, that fool? No no no, I am not him, little one. I'm in a whole other, higher class than him.
Will: Then who are you?
Man: Of course, I failed to give a proper introduction. (Coughs) I... am the Financer.
Anna: Financer?
Fin: I'm the one who ensures things are kept on track before they continue; without me, projects go unfinished.
Rick: Uh-huh. So what brings you here?
Fin: I just told you: I'm here to do my job.
Sylvia: What job?
Fin: The Master wants things changed around here: changes that are long overdue. That's why he dumped that Contractor in favor of my services.
Squishy: What's this about the Contractor being dumped? By who again?
Sara: I thought there was only the Contractor.
Fin: (Chuckles) Silly mortals; the Contractor has done too good a job keeping you in the dark. Allow me to explain. You see, there is only one true Master who reigns over everything here. The Contractor works for him, as do I. Those who work for him also represent the Master's core behavorial traits. The Contractor is the embodiment of the Master's creativity and compassionate nature; I, on the other hand, am the embodiment of Master's cunning, cruelty, and malice.
Stan: C-cruelty?
Jo: That's all well and interesting, but what's the point to all this?
Fin: It is this, Mr. Pomade—
Jo: Yo! This hair is all natural; no foreign substances.
Fin: Right. Anyway, the Master gave an order to have the Contractor change his little universe a rather long time ago. You might already be aware of this from everything that's been happening during your years here.
Anna: Don't we know it.
Fin: However, Contractor proved to be hesitant. He lacked the spine to carry out a simple order, instead opting to make outlandish plans that always had a near-guaranteed probability of failure. It's funny, really: He actually cared for you nothings. Which was why you managed to survive this long.
Will: What do you mean by that?
Fin: You can't seriously be this dense. Very well, I'll go on. All those acts your "creator" performed, those plans for domination and destruction: They were designed to fail each and everytime. I mean, think about it: Did any of his "evil" schemes make sense for a god as he proclaimed himself to be? Being your maker, he should have had no need for any type of scheme. He was just prolonging the inevitable, putting on a show of him trying to do as he was ordered to, but always being thwarted by your resourcefulness. All done for your benefits.
Sylvia: That can't be right. The Contractor never cared for us.
Fin: Believe it or not, Ms. Scalie, but that's how it was, and that's why the Contractor is out of the picture. So now I'm here to do what has long been overlooked: Your erasure.
Sally: Ooh, intense.
Anna: And how will you stop us, huh? Flood us with card battle games?
Fin: Tch, please. Do I look like someone who would resort to childish means?
Squishy: That's how the Contractor usually did things. And you said that you and him represent someone, so it follows that—
Fin: Well I'm different. My plan is far more straightforward and effective than anything that hack ever came up with. And certainly far less inane and absurd as you and your wife's freaky Super Mario roleplay.
Cope:...What?
Squishy: Uh uh uhhhh, it's nothing. He didn't just say that.
Sylvia: Y-yeah nothing whatsoever.
Sally: E, ewww...
Rick: Agreed.
Fin: Ahh, what a wonderful conversation we're having; I knew we'd hit it off. Thus, the first part of my plan is over: making you all aware of my presence.
Jo: Huh?
Sylvia: What now?
Sara: How come?
Anna: Why?
Fin: So you'll know what to expect, or rather, who to blame. All those bizarre happenings were just to pique your interest and bring you to this meeting spot, just so I can say hello before I get down to business.
Sylvia: So, why tell us at all? Why reveal yourself?
Fin: (Menacing grin) Because I sincerely doubt you'll be able to stop what I am about to do.
Will: Yeah sure, pal. Talk like yours is a dime a dozen.
Anna: And we've faced even more intimidating guys, Count Edgelord.
Sally: Even us, and we're barely Jedi!
Stan: Yeah! Wait, uh...
Fin: Hehehehehmhmhm. How delightful it will be when your arrogance, bolstered by years of phony victories, begins to unravel, along with the rest of this stagnant galaxy. As to the means, that part of my plan will remain a secret.
Cope: Oh what? Is it the part that we can actually stop?
Fin: Heh, no. Like my predecessor, I love to surprise my guests. You'll have to wait and see exactly what I have in store for all of you.
Squishy: When will that—?
Fin: Sorry, I've no more time to chat, measly one; I have things to do. But don't worry, I'll be back sooner than you think. (Pause) And let me just say it was a pleasure to meet you all. So long.
(Sinks into a pool of darkness and is gone, leaving the Jedi dumbfounded)
Jo: Certainly hadn't expected something like that to happen today.
Anna: Another whacko God goon. Typical.
Sally: Was he really serious about our erasure, though?
Stan: Nah. He must have been blowing smoke. I mean, he had to have been.
Sylvia: He was, Stanley. It's like Will said: cheap talk. No different from the Contractor... if a bit creepier.
Sara: Still, if he's just like the Contractor, then there could be trouble.
Jo: In any case, mystery solved. Now we know what's behind all that phenomena.
Will: So what about the atmosphere here?
Jo: It's bound to go away, same with how the other places had returned to normal eventually.
Rick: If that's so, then we better get back inside before it decides on being a vacumn again.
Cope: Agreed. Everything's too craggy here, anyway.
(They start to head back. Squishy lingers a bit)
Sylvia: What's wrong, dear?
Squishy: That Financer still bothers me. Could the Contractor really have been working for someone else, and get replaced?
Sylvia: It doesn't make any sense. Maybe he was bluffing. Heck, maybe he's just the Contractor in disguise.
Squishy: I'm still not sure. I oughta call and tell Steezy about this.
Sylvia: Yeah, good idea. It's been a while since we've seen him.
(Transition. We're now in a control room of some kind with a wall of monitors and wires and panels. Sitting in a chair at the console is Steezy the Ssi-Ruuk, who is talking to Squishy and Sylvia on one of the monitors)
Squishy: So that's what's been going on lately.
Steezy: Huh, that's some pretty heavy stuff. But hey, if that Financer guy is right, then Contractor is gone for good. That should be a good thing.
Sylvia: Yes, but the way he was talking, he might actually do things more seriously than what we've normally faced.
Squishy: He definitely didn't have that weird jovial attitude about him, yeah.
Steezy: Don't get all stressed over it, guys. You and the others have been through a lot, and if this guy wants to start something then you'll be able to handle it.
Squishy: Yeah, I suppose.
Sylvia: Anyway, we're on our way back to Home One. Afterwards we should be done with Republic business at that time.
Steezy: Hey, how bout you head back here to Jawa Home? You know, get together, chill, talk about stuff, all that jazz. It's been so long since you guys checked on the place. Also, if you want, we can break out those bottles of fft schnapps I got from home a while back.
Sylvia: Honestly, Steezy? With the kids in tow?
Steezy: Hey, they're old enough. Why not down a brewskie with their folks and lovable uncle?
Squishy: (Chuckles) We might have to pass on that offer for now. But we'll definitely head over as soon as possible.
Steezy: That's great, man. We'll stay here by Tatooine until you get here. Say to the kids and everyone for me, and make it snappy!
Squishy: Sure thing, partner.
Sylvia: See you later. Love you!
(Monitor turns off)
Steezy: (Sigh) Now to find something to do till they get here...
(Switch to space. We see the rotund Jawa Home hanging in place in Tatooine's orbit. About 1 kilometer in the distance there appears a specter. The Financer floats in the void as if levitating with imposing might)
Fin: Jawa Home. The grounds for many celebrations and exchanges of goodwill. A monument to the viability of tolerance, peace and understanding among all races. A place for all to be wholesome and kind to one another. (Sneer) And just the perfect place to start.
(Lots of mini-asteroids float in and arrange themselves in the space behind him. He raises an arm)
Fin: Let's get things rolling.
(Drops the arm. The rocks shoot past him toward the station, where they collide with great force. On board, the whole station rocks as the outer walls cave in from the barrage. In the control room, Steezy falls out of his chair and hits the floor as klaxons go off)
Steezy: (Getting up) What the heck!?
(Back outside, the Financer makes arm flourishes that send even more rocks into the station and even past it toward the planet. This bombardment is observed via monitor in the control room)
Steezy: A meteor shower? With this much force? (The monitor's camera is taken out by a rock) Uh-oh, not good! (Grabbing a mike) Attention all personnel! Immediate asteroid repllent duty is in effect! All specialized personnel report to your designated hangers immediately! All other personnel are to escort guests to the Central Rotunda following asteroid shelter procedure. That is all! (Turns it off) Oh man. I gotta tell sis and the others.
(Transition. We now see the Century Sparrow floating lazily through the dead of space. On board)
Squishy:
Flying through space, flying through space, flying through space, flying through space—
Cope: Will you cut it out with the annoying singing?
Squishy: But I'm boooored!
Jo: Pipe down you two! We're about to make the last jump to Home One, so lay off each other.
(There's a beeping noise)
Sylvia: Hey, that's the personal console going off.
Squishy: Must be Steezy. I wonder what he wants.
(Goes over to console at the controls. He turns it on and Steezy's riled face appears on screen. Alarms can be heard)
Squishy: Hey, Steezy, what's u—
Steezy: It's an emergency, Squishy!
Sally: Hey uncle Steezy. What's with the alarms?
Steezy: I told you! Something bad is going down here!
Jo: Calm down, Steezy. What's going on?
Steezy: The station's being hit by meteors! Big gnarly nasty ones!
Sara: Meteors?
Squishy: Is that all? Steezy, we have crews that take care of that.
Steezy: Yeah but this is different! Take a look at this.
(A screen comes up showing Jawa Home's exterior in black & white. The whole outer surface is covered in nasty metal craters with smoke coming from some of them. More asteroids hit the hull)
Anna: Dude!
Will: D**n!
Steezy: I managed to get a probe droid out there. It's the darnedest thing: these things are going nearly as fast as comets, like they're being launched at us. The whole place is seriously shaken up.
Stan: (Concerned) That looks terrible.
Cope: This can't be right. Those rocks look far too small to make craters like that, even if they were going really fast. Unless the shielding and hull makeup is of poor quality.
Squishy: Top grade on both counts, Alex. I don't cheap out on something that important.
Steezy: Hold up... The asteroid crews have left the station.
(On the screen some small ships leave the Home. Back at Tatooine, the Financer just floats with his arms crossed, having used all his asteroids. He spots the ships)
Fin: Really? That's all you're sending out for a response? (Drops arms) Ah well, it'll have to make do.
(He floats forward in a straight line. He is soon spotted by the probe droid)
Sara: What's that thing heading for the ships?
Rick: Is that...?
Squishy: No. That can't be who I think it is.
Sylvia: You mean...?
Anna: Oh boy...
(Back at Tatooine, the Financer has stopped a good ways before the approaching ships. He sticks out a finger and waves it super quick in front of him, creating a glowing alchemic diagram that shoots forward, spinning and expanding. It goes past the ships, incinerating them before hitting the station, pushing it back and making it shudder violently. The monitor Steezy is using goes out in static. The Financer grins and continues his slow approach. Back on the Sparrow)
Jo: Steezy? Steezy! Come in, man! D***it, what just happened?!
Sylvia: We have to go to Jawa Home this instant!
Will: What about Home One?
Squishy: The Admiral can wait! There's a major crisis going on, and it's obvious who's behind it!
Sylvia: Change course and full speed ahead!
Stan: Aye aye, Mom!
(After a few seconds the Sparrow leaps into hyperspace. Meanwhile, the Financer floats into an open hanger bay on Jawa Home. Aboard the station, several security personnel run through the halls wielding blasters and rifles. A lone blast door begins buckling and screeching before blowing out across the hall with a resounding clang. The Financer walks in with a casual stride, but is blocked by the line of security before him)
Security: Don't move! (Raises rifle, to which Financer chuckles with the widest of grins)
Fin: Guns, guns, guns! It's always guns with you insects. Well, if that's how you'll play, then I shall oblige.
(Sticks out his arms. Dark energy flows from his palms and forms a ball which he swirls with his hands. He fans and molds it into a long, thin shape, which he turns upright and fires high into the air. When it comes down he grabs it and whirls the dark pole around him before slamming it down at his side. The shock turns the pole into a smooth staff, with a wicked scythe blade springing out from its top. This unnerves the security group, and in that moment of hesitation the Financer grins and swings his blade sideways, slicing through the security in one clean, bloody slash in half a second. With the opposition dead, he brings the scythe back to his side)
Fin: Good warm-up. Now, for the main course.
(He moves on. At another blast door, two slashes break it down, much to the shock of the confused and terrified guests huddled withint the Central Rotunda. Through the hole the Financer casually strolls in, clacking his scythe with each purposeful step)
Fin: Ladies and gentlemen, freaks of all shapes and inclinations! Your evening's entertainment has finally arrived, and it promises to be a spectacle for the ages. But first, a demonstration.
(He holds out his scythe, which extends in a blink far off to the side where the blade digs into the back of one guest before reeling him back to the black-garbed deity. Financer hefts up his victim even while everyone around begins screaming)
Fin: If you want to prolong your insignificant lives as much as possible, then start running; otherwise, you'll end up like this quivering waste of thought.
(He tosses up the unfortunate guest, then with a quick overhead slash he causes his victim to explode in a cloud of crimson that sprays out over fifty yards in all directions. This causes the entire station to erupt into panic as people scramble over one another to flee)
Fin: Good, that's the spirit! Now without further ado, boys and girls, (Killer smile) It's time to PLAAAY!
(His very being sends out a pulse wave of unseen energy that causes all of the Rotunda's light fixtures to explode into flame, bringing everything to a dead silence, until...
("Ave Maria")
As the flames rose, the massacre began. Time seemed to go in and out of slow motion at varying moments during the gore-happy god's rampage. His scythe cut through the innocents by the dozens like a knife through butter. Cowering aliens would beg for mercy, only to have their heads burst by the unseen force shot from the specter's hands. Children cried over their dead parents before that most horrible of figures would approach to cave in their little skulls with the butt of his reaping tool. Fires continued to grow and dance around the blood-stained rotunda. Those too slow to flee in time would find themselves grabbed and have their faces shoved into open flames until only cinder remained upon their shoulders. A similar fate met those who fled into the desert environs section, when the Financer rose the temperature to broiling before sealing the doors. All the while he continued to slash with a smile on his face and malice in his eyes, undeterred by the moanings and gurglings of the lambs dying around him. Blood would cover him and his instrument only momentarily before evaporating into the growing smoke above. Truly, the Angel of Death had come to the galaxy far, far away. Such travesty was witnessed by Steezy as they were being carried out, standing dumbfounded with horror in the claustrophobic confines of the control room. Eventually his legs gave out and he plopped weakly into his chair, his eyes never leaving the morbid show displayed on the monitor screens.
Steezy: Sis... Where are you?
(Transition. We now turn to the Sparrow, which is zipping through hyperspace. On board, Anna stumbles and groans a bit)
Sara: What's up, Anna?
Anna: I just felt a great disturbance in the Force Feedback.
Jo: We've got no time for jokes, Anna.
Anna: No, this is serious. It feels like, an immense surge of anguish, terror... (Looking up) Death.
Sylvia: Steezy...
(Back at Jawa Home, the Financer strolls down the burning, ruined corridors of the station, cutting down all those in his path)
Fin: Slash slash slash! Chop chop chop! Kill kill kill! Oh what fun all this is! So satisfying how the frailty of mortals never dulls the joy of extinguishing them! Ha ha ha ha haa!
(He comes to a runaway human couple)
Fin: Still running even after outliving so many others! You blood puppets should give yourselves a break!
(He tosses his scythe. It spins and cuts through the two in the middle, and it continues to spin, lopping the heads off some Ssi-Ruuk, Quarrans, Bothans and Jawas. Once they're dead, the scythe returns and is snatched by the Financer)
Fin: (Shaking arms in booming voice) SO INVIGORATING! (He settles down and looks around. He makes an annoyed face) Crap. Now I'm lost.
(There's a moaning noise. It comes from a Jawa on the ground soaked with blood. Financer goes over and holds it up high off the ground by its collar)
Fin: You, sand midget! Where is the control room? (Jawa only moans some more) You're not dead just yet. Tell me where the bloody control room is!
(He shakes the Jawa a bit, but ends up with bloody spit in his face)
Jawa: Go to Hell...
Fin: (Wipes off spit with sleeve) Well, if you don't want to do it the modest way, then I can make do with a more direct, imaginative method.
(Using his other hand he rams it through the back of the Jawa's skull and tears out its brain. He drops the corpse then hungrily eats the organ. After some vigorous chewing, realization comes to his face)
Fin: Oh... It's back thataway.
(He strolls back, continuing his murder spree with a laugh and a twinkle to his scythe. In the control room, Steezy manages to put something on him before the door that gets cut up into pieces. The Financer walks in with his scythe raised)
Fin: Steezy Ssi-Ruuk, I wish to lodge a complaint: your passengers are dying far too quickly for my liking. (Steezy gets up enters into a battle stance) Oh, putting up some resistance?
Steezy: Yeah; there's no way I'm backing down!
Fin: Is that so? You've undoubtedly seen what I'm capable of, yes? You can spare yourself the same messy fate by cooperating with me. Do so and I'll make your death quick and relatively painless. Perhaps even instantly.
Steezy: Screw you! I'm doing nothing!
Fin: How unfortunate. But if that's how you want it, then I have no other choice.
Steezy: Same here. (Disappears in a blur)
Fin: Huh?
(His scythe is knocked from his hands and gets stuck in a wall with a clang. Steezy reappears where he just was, only now he's smiling)
Fin: Hmmm... You're pretty fast.
Steezy: D**n straight I am.
Fin: Don't get too full of yourself: you've simply moved me down to your level. (Cracks knuckles and neck) Right. Do that again.
Steezy: Gladly.
(Disappears in a blur again. Financer makes a quick glance, then sticks out his right arm and grabs Steezy by the neck and snaps him back into visibility, his fingers having elongated to wrap around it completely. As Steezy struggles, Financer reaches over with his other hand and pulls a black electronic box off Steezy)
Fin: Personal cloaking device? (Crushes the box) Clever, but oh so disappointing.
(Backhands Steezy in the face, sending him flying into a wall and crumpling onto the floor)
Fin: (Walking over) You had me thinking I was going to have a real challenge. Something to make this visit of mine truly memorable.
(Grabs Steezy and hurls him at the consoles, causing an eruption of sparks and broken metal. Financer goes over and picks him up again)
Fin: But despite your relation to the lynchpins of this universe, you're just like any other spineless piece of lizard trash: hiding away while the people left in your care are turned into scenery. And cowards are only fun when they're running away, screaming in terror. (Shrugs) Oh well.
(He starts punching Steezy, knocking him around the room. Steezy tries to fight back, but he moves sluggishly, and when one of his swipes gets close Financer slams with a fist down hard enough to crack his claw and break his wrist. Before he can make a sound, Financer grabs him by the neck again and headbutts him repeatedly, crushing in his snout amid blood spurts and broken teeth. Eventually Financer lets go, letting Steezy crumple to the floor yet again. Financer's face is drenched in blood, and as the dazed and bloodied Ssi-Ruuk struggles to get up, he wipes off some of it and gives it a taste)
Fin: I can't tell if this is just your blood or if some of mine is mixed in. Eh, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and congratulate you on landing a cut on me. So here's your reward!
(Financer pulls back and delivers a kick that sends Steezy into the consoles with force great enough to make a huge, nasty indentation in the metalwork. Financer fluffs out his coat collar)
Fin: You make quite the impression, Steezy. Ha ha ha!
(Walks over to the ruined console. He yanks Steezy out of it, revealing the mild burns and broken glass covering parts of his upper torso)
Fin: (Face to face) Care to start cooperating now, champ?
Steezy: (Coughs) Only when I'm dead, you psycho.
Fin: (Looks him over) You know, I think I can work something out of that.
(Transition. The Sparrow continues to shoot through hyperspace)
Squishy: What's taking so long?
Jo: Chill, Squishy. We're almost out.
(A small alert goes a console)
Sara: (At the console) It's the proximity alert.
Will: Proximity alert? WTF?
Cope: That's impossible. There shouldn't be anything out there. We're in flippin' hyperspace!
Stan: Whatever it is, it's big and coming fast.
(Out the front view screen an object appears. A huge, round disc-like object shoots past the Sparrow. While in passing, we catch sight of Financer standing atop it laughing manically)
Jo: WHAT THE H**L WAS THAT!?
Cope: I don't know! Stop yelling!
Sally: It was huge!
Squishy: Did you get a reading?
Stan: No! It was too fast!
(The stars outside start slowing down)
Rick: What the?
Sally: What's happening to the stars?
(The Sparrow slows down to sublight speed, then it starts to go backwards and the stars streak back the opposite way)
Will: What the freak?
Sylvia: What's going on?
Sara: We're re-entering hyperspace in reverse!
Cope: HOW THE H**L!?
Jo: NOW WHO'S YELLING?!
Stan: We're gaining speed. 1.2, 1.1, 1.0, 0.9, 0.7—
Rick: We're going faster than any ship in existence!
(Soon the Sparrow catches up to the disc ship. It turns out to be Jawa Home)
Squishy: Jawa Home?!
Jo: What have you been doing to its engine, Squishy?
Squishy: Nothing!
(The Sparrow backs past the station some more. Now they can see a huge cylinder sticking out in front)
Sally: What the heck is that?
Anna: Holy crap! That's an actual ordnance cylinder from the Galaxy Gun!
Stan: Huh?
Anna: It's like the Death Star, only it uses bullets instead of lasers.
Will: Then why is one of its bullets strapped to Jawa Home?
You'll see soon enough...
Squishy: Financer?
(The whole ship starts rattling like crazy. The two ships re-enter normal space, but the Sparrow is spinning like crazy)
Stan: Oh man I'm gonna lose it!
Jo: Stabilize, d**n it! Stabilize!
Anna: Hold on to your britches already! I'm getting there!
(The ship slows and stops its spinning. Everyone on board stumbles a bit)
Will: What a relief.
Stan: I managed to hold it this time.
Cope: Thank God you did.
Rick: Uhhhhhh, guys? Look where we are.
(They look out the windows to see a great blue sphere)
Jo: Mon Calamari? What're we doing here?
Sylvia: Isn't General Chris here this week?
Will: Yeah. Drilling Duff and the others.
(They all gasp. That's because they now take notice that Jawa Home is lined up with the planet with the G. Gun bullet pointed at it)
Cope: That can't be good.
(Over on Jawa Home, Financer rises from the top of the station)
Fin: Now it is here that the grim reality of everyone's fate shall finally be brought to light. (He floats off to the back of the station) Time for the winning shot~.
(He raises a leg back, which starts glowing with red and white energy. After holding it long enough he releases a kick that hits the station. For a split second Jawa Home is moving at the speed of light)
Jo: Holy Cr—!
(Everything slows down. Jawa Home is moving at a fast, steady velocity towards the planet)
Anna: What now!?
Sara: This is nuts: The scanner says Jawa Home is going as fast as light, but it looks like it's only making a really fast descent.
Sally: That's super weird.
(There is communicator static coming from the console. Someone is heard over bursts of static)
Sylvia: Could it be..?
Jo: Boost that signal!
(After some knobbing the comm clears up. Some moaning is heard)
Sara: Hello? Anybody there? Please respond.
(Steezy's voice is heard)
Steezy: G-guys? Is that you? How'd you get here?
Sally: Uncle Steezy!
Sylvia: Steezy! What's happening? Are you alright?
Steezy: Sis? Oh man, sis, I'm hurting really bad. That b****rd bashed my face into hamburger. I'm, still pretty woozy...
Sylvia: Oh my god...
Jo: What about everyone else, Steezy? Is anyone else there?
Steezy: ...Dead; they're all dead. He killed them all, but left me.
Sally: Are, are you serious?
Steezy: Squishy, he strapped me to the chair in your office; I can see everything from here. You could say it's a view to die for. (Chuckles then coughs) I screwed up big time. I could have tried to get us out of there before he came onboard, but instead I stuck with d**n protocol.
Squishy: Don't, don't beat yourself up over this.
Will: Yeah; just take it easy, man. We're coming to get you.
Steezy: Don't! (Coughs) I'm going too fast. You'll only die in trying.
Sally: N-no. No! We have to save you! T-that's what we do!
Stan: Sal...
Cope: Don't get hopeless on us now! Have some faith in your survival, darn it!
Steezy: No can do, Alex man. The heat's unbearable... I'm starting to see black.
Sylvia: Don't do this to us, Steezy! Stay focused!
Steezy: Listen, before I go, I want to say a few things—
Cope: You're not going anywhere! Get it through your head!
Steezy: Everyone... Heh. You Jedi are something else. It's been great working with you all. All those years I've known you were real rad.
Anna: And they're gonna keep being rad if you can just hang on!
Steezy: Not a chance. And kids... I'm real proud of you. You have grown into fine thrashers that any uncle or Ssi-Ruuk would be proud of. Especially you Rick. Even though you had your troubles, you still turned around for the better. I always knew you were good.
Sally: Uncle Steezy!
Rick: You're not actually serious about this are you!? You've never given up!
Steezy: Afraid that's changed, big guy. It, it happens.
(The kids turn away in disbelief. Sylvia is doing her best not to shudder)
Sylvia: This, this can't...
Steezy: Sis... Squishy... I'm sorry for being a real a**hole in the past. I've always wanted you two to find happiness, yet my selfishness tried to botch it. You know she's practically my only family, eh man? But now, I wish you two to live on with my blessing... even after I'm gone...
Sylvia: Steezy...
Squishy: There has to be another way! Don't give up!
Steezy: I'm almost there; I can see the islands. It hurts... It really hurts...
Squishy: Steezy!
Steezy: There's, still, one thing left I have to say...
Jo: Steezy!? STEEZY!
(There is a flash. Everything becomes white except for the Jedi. The air is still without sound, except)
It was my fault...
Stan: Uncle?
(Below the Jedi is a huge black object breaking apart on one side and shrinking slowly and without notice. Seen at the top of the object is Steezy)
It was my fault. I got those people killed. I could have run for it, but I didn't... A part of me wanted to see the cause... But now I feel regret...
I can still feel it: crushing me, even as I'm dying... This guilt, is so terrible... Stan... Rick... Sal...
Don't make the same mistake I did. Do what you know is right. Protect yourself from the guilt... of never doing the right thing. Otherwise Death... is that much more painful...
Continue living... Be happy...
Have... No... Regrets...
(Everything returns to normal in time to see a massive explosion where Jawa Home has hit the planet with calamitous force. There are great shockwaves made on the planet's vast oceans, with nothing remaining of the space station)
All: STEEZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
(A few seconds after the impact, the planet starts expanding before blowing up into an even more massive explosion. The blast sends the Sparrow whirling back into the depths of space with its occupants yelling for dear life. When all is still, nothing is left of the ocean planet except rubble. All goes dark)
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh...
While the Master's away, the Jedi will play...
But playtime is over; things need to be changed.
There are yet more tragedies to behold.
And none of them are escapable...
You're all worthless to ME!
What... Has...
Happened...?