It was a warm day in Pittsburgh, which was strange. I decided to take Lia to the park. I dressed her and packed an extra coat in case it got colder. I pick up the baby and place her in the stroller. I leave a note for my mother, and walk to the park.

There were many people out today. I walked by the playground and rolled the stroller onto the grass and to a tree. I took out a blanket and spread it out and took Lia out of the stroller and let her crawl around on the blanket. I take some toys out of the stroller and lay them in front on Lia. She takes hold of a small duck and squeezes it. It quacks and she drops it, frightened. She starts to cry. I laugh. I pick her up and cradle her. She calms down and I pick up the duck and show it to her. She reaches for it. I make a quacking sound and she looks up at me. I quack again then squeeze the duck. She turns her attention back to the duck. I squeeze it again and she laughs. I put her back on the blanket and give her the duck. She squeezes it and smiles.

I watch Lia play with the duck happily.

"Justin!"

I hear my name and I know it's not my mother. I turn and see Lindsey. I'm a little taken back. I wasn't expecting to see her, at least not this soon.

"H-hey," I stutter out. I quickly stand and she comes over to me. Lindsey reaches me and hugs me tightly. She lets go and looks down at Lia. Lia looks up at us and squeezes the duck. The older woman looks at me, I look at Lia. I reach down and pick her up, then turn to the blond woman. I take a deep breath.

"This is Lia," I say looking down at the smiling baby.

We don't say anything. but I knew what she was thinking. I didn't want to say anything.

"She's Brian's," Lindsey say, taking a relief off my shoulders. I nod, but I don't look at her. "Does he know?" she asked. I shook my head. I sit back down on the blanket and set Lia down. Lindsey sits down as well.

"How old is she?" Lindsey asks.

"Almost eight months," I say and watch her face and watch her find the connection.

"You left because of her?" she sounds a little outraged. I look away from her and don't say anything, she takes my silence for a yes, which it is. "Are you going to tell him?" She pushes.

"Why does everyone want me to tell him?" I mumble. I look back at her, she has her eyebrows knitted.

"Who's everyone? Who else have you told?" she asks a little mad. I blink a few times.

"Well my mom and sister and my friends in Georgia," I say, knowing what the next question will be.

"You went to Georgia!" she said loudly, and left her mouth open a little.

"Yeah. It's nice there," I say thoughtfully.

"What's in Georgia?" she questions.

"A good doctor," I say honestly. She tilts her head to the side a bit.

"Why," she starts softly. "Why did you need to go to Georgia to get a good doctor?"

"It doesn't matter," I say. "Hows Gus?" I ask trying to turn the conversation from me to her. She gives me a look saying 'we're not finished' but takes the bait.

"Gus is great, he's going to be six soon, and starting first grade."

"What about Mel and J.R.?" I ask wondering.

"We're back together now," she says smiling.

"That great," I say smiling back at her. "What about the others? Deb, Michael, Em, Ted, what about them?" she gives me another look. She knows I want to know about Brian, but I'm not ready to talk about him.

"Everyone's great. Really great," She adds in a softer tone. "Ben and Michael are happy as happy can be, and hunter cam back."

"Really?" I say surprised but happy.

"Yep, and Debbie put him straight to work, scared the shit out of her when you left. You really need to see her," I agree and she continues. "Well Ted is still working for Brian, and doing quite well. He's met someone but I don't know if that will last," Me and Lindsey smile at each-other. "And Emmett's well...Emmett, not much can phase him," she stops for a moment. "Well not much but you leaving."

I look at Lindsey and I can tell that she's changed. She look more worn out, tired. I noticed this look in my mother also. I look down at Lia, take a deep breath and ask her.

"What about Brian?" it was almost a whisper. Lindsey gives me a sad look. I worry. "What?" I ask a little panicked. "Did something happen to him?" she winces and opens her mouth.

"Something did happen," I take a quick breath. "But," she adds quickly. "He's fine now."

"W-what happened?" Lindsey looks away over at the playground, a shallow breeze picked up her short hair.

"The cancer came back."

I couldn't say anything. I though he had cleared everything up. I thought he was healthy. I blink a few times, and pick up Lia and hold her tight for a moment as she giggles. There are so many things I want to ask but I can't think of how to ask them. I try anyways.

"Umm," this is hard. "Is, is he gonna be alright?" I ask still holding Lia.

"So far he's fine," I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "He's been through radiology again. He was sick for a while too," she looks hurt.

"Did you guys do anything for him?" I ask, she didn't seem to know to much.

"He," she sighs. "He didn't want any help. Even when we would try to force him he would reject us. Just completely shut us down," she was still looking at the playground. "He asked for you," she whispered.

"What?" I ask, wanting to believe what she said but I wasn't sure.

"Never-mind," she says quickly. I drop it, it probably wasn't what I thought.

"What about now?" I ask, forgetting the past matter. "What about now? How is he?"

"I don't know," she whispers.

"What do you mean you don't know!" I almost shout. I put Lia back on the blanket.

"He won't talk to any of us." she looks back at me. "He works and leaves. At least that's what Ted says. He won't even talk to Michael," she rubs her arms and stares at the blanket. "It's scaring me," she continues to watch the blanket. "You should go see him."

"I don't think so," I answer quickly. She jerks her head up.

"What?" she was angry.

"I don't think he would want to see me," I say petting Lia's soft head.

"Why the fuck not," she raises her voice.

"Lins, he doesn't want to see you guys, the people who didn't leave. What makes you think he would want to see me? The person who left without a word."

I see Lindsey's eyes water. She quickly shuts them and stands.

"Lins," she turns to look at me. "Don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone that I'm here, I don't think I can handle that just yet," she crosses her arms lets out an aggressive breath and her eyes narrow.

"I won't tell anyone if you go see Brian."

Bitch

"Lins," I whine.

"No," she says. "Go see Brian or I will tell everyone that your here. And I bet Debbie will have some words for you," she laughs.

"Lins, please I'm not ready,"

"Well get ready. Because he is ready for you,"

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"He's ready now," Lindsey stares me straight in the eye.

I feel like crying.

"Lins..." I'm crying now, she sits back down. I wipe away tears.

"What Justin?" she asks taking my hand in hers. I pull her into a hug. I grip her tight, and she holds me just as tight.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm not ready for him," she lets me go.

"What? What do you mean your not ready for him! You were always ready!" she says angrily. I sigh.

"I know, I know," I start. "but since Lia was born I learned how to live on my own, and..." I stop. Lia is still playing with the duck. I reach over and pull her hat down a little more. She looks up at me then turns back to her duck.

"And what?" Lindsey persisted. I don't look up at her.

"And I don't want to go back. Because I know if I go back I will fall back in love with him, and I know that if I fall in love with him he will just break my heart and I don't want that to happen again," I start to cry during my explanation. "I want to be strong, not just for me but for Lia."

Lindsey doesn't say anything, neither do I. I think she understands, at least I hope she does. We both sit in the park and watch Lia. She hands me the duck an takes out an elephant, it doesn't squeak. She holds the toy above her head then hands that one to Lindsey. Lindsey takes it and smiles.

"Well I better go," Lindsey says standing up dropping the elephant. I don't stand, I just nod.

"Bye," I say.

"Promise me that you'll come see everyone," Lindsey pleads.

"Yeah," I say. "I will but, don't expect me to go out and do it now. It'll take some time. I need some time," I whisper the last part.

"Okay," Lindsey sighs. "Take care, I'll see you later," she turns to leave.

"Bye," I say again, as she walks away.

I reach over and pick up Lia and hold her.