Regret
By Sauf'cok
Shepard was in the bathroom of his cabin, washing his face. The battle of Rannoch had ended two days ago. Tali was down in the engineering, finishing her shift. The Normandy was on it's way to the Citadel. He was able to make a peace between the quarians and the geth. He was of course delighted about it but something pressed his mind.
Then he realized. His thoughts drifted to the ones he had lost. Starting with Akuze and his marines. From his team today, Ashley Williams was the first one to go on Virmire. The Normandy SR1 and big part of it's crew destroyed. Mordin Solus on Tuchanka. Thane Krios on the Citadel and now Legion as well. Tears began to form in his eyes. Soon they started to fall down.
Tali had just finished her shift and was on her way up. She stepped out of the lift and into the cabin. Shepard was nowhere in sight. She could hear sobbing. She walked up to the door of the bathroom and knocked.
- "John? Are you alright."
The sobbing stopped quickly and she heard a splash of water. The door opened and Shepard stepped out.
- "I'm fine, Tali."
This answer was fairly common to Tali. She and Garrus had always been concerned about Shepard. The knew that he suffered silently. He had suffered since the original Normandy. He tried to keep it hidden but it could be seen from his eyes. But when they had asked he had always brushed them off and went to solve somebody else's problems.
- "Please John, don't lock me out. Let me help."
- "Really Tali, I'm fine."
- "No you are not."
Shepard was quiet for a moment but then he pulled Tali into a tight hug and started to cry.
- "I'm sick of it. The loss I mean. I just want it to end. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm fighting for each and everyone in this galaxy and those narrow- minded assholes who have never been in a battlefield are accusing me of not helping humanity because I help aliens too. People keep questioning me about everything, not only humans but also others. They do their best to dig up dirt on me while expecting me to save them. I'm tired of all that. I'm running out of reasons to fight for."
He ended the hug but kept Tali close and looked into her eyes.
- "Tell me John, what are you fighting for?"
- "Like I said, I'm fighting for everyone. A long time ago I believed that everyone was worth saving, but that belief has been shattered so many times. But you are worth fighting and dying for Tali. You keep me going. Without you I would have given up already."
Tali hugged Shepard tightly.
- "Thank you John. You have no idea how much that means to me."
They remained still for a few minutes.
- "John, you are exhausted. How about I get us some food and then we can go to sleep."
Shepard just nodded and Tali left to fetch some food. They ate slowly and sat close to each other.
After the meal they got into the bed. Shepard snuggled close to Tali which was unusual. Usually it was the other way around. Tali was amazed about him. This was one of the moments when he showed nothing but strenght.
Perhaps tomorrow will be better.