It was a quiet fall day, and Lee was making a pie in the kitchen. It had been a few weeks since he had returned from San Francisco, vague bookshop visions having disolved before the train passed Santa Cruz. The back door slammed open and the sound of tramping feet heralded the twins in. Well, one at least. Cal burst into the kitchen, pant legs coated with dirt and a new hole in the knee of his stocking. Lee sighed to himself, he would have to mend that later.
"Hey Lee. Whatcha making?"
"Don't even look at that pie. It's for dessert tonight. If you're hungry get an apple from the pantry." Cal sulked over to the cupboard and retrieved a bruised apple. His attempts to clean it on his pants only left the apple dirtier. Lee plucked the apple with a distracted air and cleaned it in a dishtowel before handing it back.
"You should go wash up Cal, dinner will be in a few hours."
"Mhmh." Cal grunted through the mouthful of apple. He swallowed and looked at the apple with an air of distaste. "Lee, I've got a question for you."
"If it's about the slingshot the answer is no, you're not getting it back. That poor cat is traumatized enough as it is."
"Nah, not about that. I was wondering..." Cal's words sounded stilted and rehearsed, like he was repeating them from memory, "...what is your real name?"
Lee was too stunned to answer for a moment, "...What?"
"Your name can't just be Lee, so what is it really?" Cal took a thoughtful bite of his apple. Lee paused and contemplated the boy, who had already been distracted by a game of kick-the-can outside the window.
Lee rubbed his temples as only the long-suffering can. "You go tell your father that if he wants to know something, he should ask me himself." He emphasized the last part, making sure it was heard. Adam appeared a few seconds later, looking sulky. Lee turned towards a cowed Cal.
"Just go outside Cal, I'll take care of the apple." The boy was gone in a flash of dust and untucked shirt-tails. Lee cut off the bit section of the apple and popped it in his mouth, incorporating the remainder into his pie filling. Adam coughed.
"How did you know?"
"First mistake was using Cal," said Lee, though a mouthful of apple. "I might have fallen for Aron but Cal has as much interest in my name as he does in my copy of Aurelius." Lee turned towards Adam, "I also heard the floorboards creaking out in the hall. Do you want some coffee?"
"Damn, I knew I should have waited for Aron!" Adam collapsed into one of the creaky wooden chairs. Lee wiped his hands and poured two cups from the pot he had taken to keeping warm though the day and sat down across from Adam at the narrow kitchen table, resting his elbows on the scarred wood.
"So why do you want to know my full name? You've never shown much of an interest before."
"I...it's for a document I'm writing." Adam stared at his tin cup of coffee. Lee blinked.
"Adam, you dictate all your documents to me. I haven't seen you write anything yourself for years."
"It's something private!"
"If my name's going to be in it, I feel like I should know what it is!"
"Lee, I– I can't–" Adam was alternating his gaze between the stove knobs, the pile of chopped apples, and his own right hand.
"Can't what, Adam?" Lee raised an eyebrow and took a sip of coffee. For a few moments they sat in silence, the Adam's fingers nervously twitching on his cup.
"It's for my goddamn will, allright!" Adam slammed his fist down on the table, his cheeks reddening as he met Lee's gaze. Lee, for once, was struck dumb.
"Since you came back for good...well, I'm rewriting my will, and you're in it. But I need your full legal name." Adam stared even harder into his coffee.
"Adam...I don't know what to say."
"Maybe your name?" Adam's sheepish grin was almost too much, Lee found himself wanting to laugh and cry at the same time.
"You don't need to feel obligated to give me anything Adam."
"Don't give me this bullshit again Lee. You're family!" Adam looked more defiant now, "Most of the money's going to the boys, but I'm...I'm leaving you as the main holder of the house. I'm also specifying that you're to raise the boys if I pass away when they're young. You can manage their money until they're old enough and you won't be kicked out of the house by any lawyers or anything." Adam rubbed his left thumb against his cup, tracing small circles in the metal. "I want to make sure you're safe too, after I'm gone." Lee could feel a lump in his throat. This wasn't the first time he had been in the will of a family he served but what he had been left previously was always something in exchange for his "years of dedicated service." This was the first time he was in a will as a family member. Adam was thinking about Lee's safety and the safety of the two people they cared for most in the world. Lee smiled weakly.
"You always manage to surprise me Adam. I can't tell you what this means to me."
"So you'll give me your name then?" Adam looked eager to change the subject, these emotional moments tended to reveal a turbulent tension that neither wanted to delve into too much. Lee laughed dissipating the thick air that seemed to be filling the kitchen.
"You couldn't pronounce it if I told you, I'll have to write it down."
"Try me."
"It's Lee Qiquiang spelled with two q's."
"...Maybe you should write it down." Lee retrieved a slip of paper and a pen.
"Chee-chee-aing?" Adam looked hopeful.
"No, Adam. Not even close." Lee smiled, "Why do you want to know how to say it anyway?"
"It just feels odd to always call you Lee. You started calling me Adam a long time ago but you've always just been Lee."
"If you wanted a first name to call me, you could always just use my English name." Lee passed the slip of paper to Adam, who grimaced when he saw the letters written in Lee's precise hand.
"English name?"
"It's getting pretty common, especially with Chinese who go to universities. We need something the professors can pronounce when they take attendance. I haven't used mine in years, but you can if you want."
"What was it?"
"Seth. Seth Lee." Lee didn't especially dislike the name, but it had old memories that left a bad taste in his mouth. It was a reminder of the person he tried for so many years to be, just as his Chinese name reminded him of the person he had desperately tried to escape from.
"Seth." Adam tested out the name, with more success this time. He thought for a moment, then shook his head and stood, tucking the slip of paper in his pocket. He leaned over and clapped a hand on Lee's skinny shoulder.
"Thanks for telling me, but I think I'll just stick to Lee for now. It seems to fit you more." Lee smiled as he cleared the coffee cups from the table and turned back towards his pie.
"It's all I've ever wanted to be."