What The Bloody Sasuke!?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

A/N: Here's Chapter 1! For those who have reviewed, thanks! In answer to Dark Insomniacs, I'll probably update around every 1-2 days, every 4-5 days max. However, please consider that I have to try to make each chapter longer than the last (eventual target around 6K words per chapter), as well as the fact that real life is more of a priority compared to fanfiction writing. I also have to create a profile at some point =D

Chapter 1 – What The Bloody Sasuke!?

"Ugh…where am I?"

The alarm clock was ringing loudly beside Naruto's bed. Groggily opening his eyes, he slammed his hand down on the clock, and turned over on his side, hugging his blanket and breathing in the smell of his ramshackle apartment. He sighed contentedly into his pillow.

Wait...alarm clock!?

...bed...apartment…pillow!?!!

He had done it! He had gone back in time! Naruto sat up straight, and promptly fell out of the bed animé style. He groaned and rubbed his head, before picking himself up and shuffling his way to the toilet. Glancing at himself in the mirror, his eyes widened in shock to see himself back to how he looked in his Genin days. Noticing his academy goggles next to the sink, he figured that this was the morning of the Genin exam. Remembering what happened last time, he figured that he did NOT want a repeat of it, and came up with the solution of just showing Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-teme the Shadow Clone Jutsu.

A sudden thought occurred to Naruto. What if he was unable to use all the jutsu he had been taught? That would be disastrous, and would make it almost pointless to even have gone back in time in the first place. Naruto sighed. Only one way to find out. He bit his thumb, and slammed his palm onto the cover of the toilet bowl.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

Gamakichi poofed into existence, but unlike the size he was before Naruto went to train with Jiraiya, this Gamakichi was as big as he was during the fight against the six paths of Pain. 'Kichi toppled over and landed with a thump on the bathroom floor, barely fitting in.

"NARUTO! How dare you summon me on a TOILET, do yo-…uh? Why ya so young, Naruto?"

"Well…uh…you see…I kinda used this time jutsu and ended up back in the past, before everything happened." he mumbled.

"WHAT THE HELL! You don't just go around experimenting with forbidden S-rank jutsus!"

"It was S-rank? No it wasn't. Anyway…why are you still big?"

"Yes it was, and time works differently in Mt. Myōbokuzan, ok? We get summoned, go back, summoned, back etc. Doesn't flow the same way." said Gamakichi.

"No it wasn't, but do I have to live through it all again?"

"Yep."

"Aww, man!" Naruto pouted.

"No pain, no gain. You probably came back to do some good in the world. I'm off if you don't need me. And by the way, it WAS S-RANK!" There was a poof and Gamakichi was gone.

"NO IT WASN'T!" screamed Naruto, but Gamakichi was gone by then. He sighed. He'd been sighing a lot this morning. The Genin exam was scheduled at around 12pm, and it was 8am at the moment. Might as well go catch some ramen at Ichiraku's, then go visit Old Man Hokage to tell him what's happened.

"Ah, that was good ramen." said Naruto, rubbing his belly. He walked down the streets of Konoha, oblivious to the stares and glares he got from civilians and passer-by's. Getting tired of walking (Naruto figured that it was because he was younger) he shunshined to the Hokage's office.

"Hey old man" shouted Naruto as he poofed into the Hokage's office.

"Why hello Naruto, what can I do for you today…Naruto, how can you use the Shunshin no Jutsu? You've never even been able to henge into anything for a start save the Sexy no Jutsu."

"That's what I've come to talk to you about." said Naruto. "You see old man; I've come from the future using a Time Travel Jutsu found in the Scroll of Seals many years after today."

"Time Travel no Jutsu? It doesn't exist! HAHAHAHA! I've never even seen or heard of it before!"

"Then maybe it was added. Look, I can prove it. For example, your students were Tsunade, Jiraiya and Orochimaru, who make up the Legendary Sannin."

"How would you know that? You could have picked up information from a civilian or old retired shinobi."

"Then how bout this old man? Uchiha Itachi caused the massacre of Sasuke's whole clan. Tsunade-baa-chan will become the Godaime Hokage. Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage, sealed the Kyuubi no Kitsune into me. He was my father." stated Naruto.

Sarutobi had gone pale after that statement, everything, well mostly everything was all true. And there was no way Naruto could have known anything, before his Genin stage, about the Yondaime. Especially that he was Naruto's father.

"Come with me. We need to talk." He stood up, and ushered him out of the Hokage office, himself following in Naruto's wake.

Sarutobi sighed, leaning against a tree of the Hokage Mansion's courtyard. He had taken in a lot of information from the future Naruto about the past, present, and what was about to happen. He now only needed one more confirmation.

"Naruto, after that I fully believe all that you are telling me. But I need to see it with my own eyes."

"No problem old man, just stand back." Naruto flexed his fingers, and whipped through handsigns.

"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!"

Gamabunta appeared, and dropped down onto the courtyard with Naruto standing atop of him.

"Hey Naruto, ya brat. Gamakichi told me what you'd done. What the bloody Sasuke were you thinking?" Gamabunta took a puff on his pipe.

"See old man? Believe it! And if that wasn't enough," Naruto performed more handseals.

"TAJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Four hundred shadow clones appeared in the courtyard, most on the grass but some on Gamabunta's back. Now Naruto dispelled all but two of them, and those two clones began molding chakra, wisps of wind beginning to form. The Hokage's eyes widened in recognition at the move.

"FŪTON: RASENGAN!"

Pure chakra blasted into the stone courtyard wall, blowing a sizeable hole in it. From the outside, civilians peered inside, seeing a blonde academy student stand atop a hundred foot toad with two shadow clones. (A/N: Is Gamabunta a hundred feet tall? Not sure.) The Hokage waved and sweatdropped, muttering something about fixing an unstable wall.

"Okay Naruto, I believe you now. Get off the toad and go to the Genin exam. Drop by my office later, I need to discuss the circumstances with you. I will also be explaining the details to the rookie Jōnin-sensei's and other trusted individuals."

"OK old man!" Naruto bounded off towards the street and the Academy.

Naruto hummed as he walked down the streets of Konoha yet again, only to recognize two familiar figures walking up ahead, Sakura and Ino. Funnily enough, this time he didn't really look a lot at Sakura but more at Ino, and realized that by focusing all his attention on Sakura, he didn't realize how pretty Ino was as well. He called out to them.

"Hey Sakura-chan! Ino!"

They both turned around, and Naruto caught up to them.

"What do you want, jerk?" asked Sakura.

Ino however didn't agree with Sakura, but instead pulled Naruto into a bone-crushing hug.

"Oh Naruto-kun, you're alright! I thought we'd lost you, you baka!" she cried. "There was a sound when you shouted and you were gone!"

Naruto stared in bewilderment. It then dawned on him that Ino was being very clever; Naruto wouldn't know what she was talking about unless he knew exactly what he was talking about. Naruto just hugged her back, and Ino started crying on his shoulder.

"Wait, wait wait WAIT." shouted Sakura. "Naruto, stop hugging Ino she will kill you eventually, and Ino, what's gotten into you? Don't we-"

"So, Ino," Naruto cut off Sakura, "Do you think Sasuke got his Mangekyō directly from Itachi or because he died?"

"Oh, both of them I think; he wouldn't have Amateras-" Ino stared guiltily at the floor, realizing what she'd revealed.

"Oh Ino it IS you!" Naruto jumped up and down. By now Ino had recovered from her initial relief, which turned to rage. She dragged Naruto out of earshot from Sakura, and whispered fervently into his ear.

"YOU BAKA." she hissed. "What the bloody Sasuke were you thinking using a Time jutsu?"

"Well, first let ME ask YOU, what the bloody Sasuke are you doing here?"

"I followed you to make sure you didn't do anything stupid, duh." she replied. "I figured you'd want to go back to Genin to fix all the problems you made for yourself Naruto-kun, like Gaara, the Akatsuki and Orochimaru."

"Well, I'm perfectly fine; the only person I told was Old Man Hokage. Besides, when since have I been 'Naruto-KUN'?" Ino blushed at that.

"Believe me, you'll like the company you're gonna get – it's going to get REALLY boring when nobody understands what you're saying, you don't get the Namikaze estate again and you would have been at the toilet the WHOLE DAY today."

"What? Oh that, I didn't drink the milk or eat the ramen this time round; went to Ichiraku's instead." grinned Naruto.

"Whatever Naruto-kun, now lets go, we have an exam to take." Ino pulled at Naruto's hand and led him down the street.

"Fine, just let go of me okay Ino-chan?"

Sakura had caught the last few sentences and trailed behind them, confused. Naruto-KUN? Ino-CHAN? What the bloody Sasuke's going on?

A/N: Hmm…longer than the prologue. Ino and Gamakichi might have been a bit too OOC. Oh, and I tried to stick to the humor, but if it doesn't work I'll just scrap it and pick a new genre. Read and Review =D

Next: Chapter 2 – I Am Friends With Uchiha Itachi