I do not own Disney songs or characters. but I do enjoy them.
We had traveled to the less human-inhabitant part of Louisiana. It was getting stormy while I told the princess of how I of my unfortunate tale.
"Voodoo!" she said in outrage in the same second of a strike of lightning. "You mean to tell me all this happened cause you were messing with the Shadow Man?!"
As if I was accustomed to her country's local fiends and magicians. The rain had started.
"He was very charismatic!" Anyone outside this country could've made that mistake.
"Uggh! It serves me right for wishing on stars. (Her expression was cutely cynical) the only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work!" Freaky philosophy for a girl who must come from a life of regale splendor; she must be attempting humor- it was unsettling how convincing her comment was.
"Hard work? Why- why would a Princess need to work hard?"
Slight shock, followed by a perfectly calm fact that she wasn't a princess but a lowly....
"A...a waitress! Well no wonder the kiss didn't work! You lied to me!" the charming, the bribe, I, Heir of Maldonia(!) actually had to beg for a kiss from a servant!
She wasn't even guilty! "Nu- uh-uh, I never said I was a princess!"
Despicable servant-woman! "Well you never said you were a wa- waitress! (I was too angry to vomit but in my mind I would've. Getting on my royal knees for a waitress!) You were wearing a crown!"
"It was a costume party (she said slowly), you spoiled little rich boy!" The commonplace servant's attitude made my green skin crawl with annoyance.
"Yeah, Yeah, well the egg in on you face because I do not have any riches! (Her disappointed shock was lovely!) Yes, I am completely broke!" I laughed at the karma! This was the first time I was proud of my disposition- it tasted bittersweet on my tongue. Mostly sweet!
Then there was a pop – "Uh-oh..." the branches were popping the trapped balloons so we fell into the gloomy, smelly swamp. The waitress missed the branched that slowed me down but I did drop on her hard. My head was spinning; the waitress was under the gray water, under me. She came up with moss covering her. Wobbly but her anger kept her head clear.
"You said... you were fabulously wealthy!" yes, the only reason this waitress would have to kiss me- my pride wasn't wounded, just fueling my annoyance with her greedy attitude.
"No no, my parents are fabulously wealthy (my elbow felt funny, but my head lacked the care for it while I argued with the waitress) but they cut me off for being a (saw reason for funny feeling, a giant-) LEECH! LEECH!" I wiggled it toward the princess to take it off me.
"You're broke! (She kicked me down while pulling it off) and you had the gall to call me a liar!" I saw shrew throw the bloodsucker into the mouth of a huge, hungry fish. We ran away, I tripped and she fell on top me. How dare she accuse me of blasphemer!
"It was not a lie! I fully intend- ahh! (Giant evil bird the waitress pulled me away before it sunk it's beak into my regale frog flesh. But near death wasn't enough of a distraction) I fully intend to be rich again once I marry Miss Charlotte La Bouff, if she will have me."
I was hopping, she ridiculously tried running while yelling- "You're a prince!?"
Dumb question. "Obviously!"
"She'll have you!" she yelled this while we fell off what seemed like a cliff. I slammed my valiant head on a log first. The waitress sounded more composed in her new demands." Alright, so once you two are married, you are gonna keep your promise and get me my restaurant..."
How could this servant ask for a fruitless reward for doing nothing for me! "Not so fast, I made that promise to a beautiful princess, not a cranky wai-(logs coming closer) why are those logs moving?"
Seeing their eyes, nostrils and sharp teeth all around was more terrifying than the other swamp monsters. Bloodsucker, Prince-eating monsters and a carnivorous waitress....'things shall get better', I'd think if not for the approaching razor filled mouths.
The alligator we were on lifted and turned it's huge neck around so say with 72 bladed fangs "I got dibs on the big one."
Jumping into the water, just as the horned monsters all came snapping at us, we avoided a painful death. For that moment! The waitress somehow jumped into a tree, I saw her in a burrow. My back to the trunk, I whisper to her to lower a vine. The alligators were thrashing in the water, searching in themselves to find my royal flesh.
"Find your own tree!" the waitress whispered brutally. Oh right, she's a greedy bloodsucker who'd only help a fellow if she got something out of it! The gators noticed me so pride had to be put aside for living.
"Alright, hep me get out of this swamp and after I marry Charlotte I will get you your restaurant!" I was praying then, in my mind, when the vine came. I made it in right before the giant malicious lizards snapped me. I was safe for the moment and a bit chilly. I noticed the waitress on my left. She might be stingy and cold but even as a frog she was a pretty girl to look at.
"Well , Waitress, we're going to be here a while so we might as well get (I put an arm around her petite frame)….comfortable". Insert charming smile, start snuggling- PAIN!
The waitress punched me in the flimsy frog abbs. Hard! "Keep your slimey self away from me!"
She spat that very fast, as if my mere touch was infectious! An infuriating woman! "I told you it is not slime! It is mucus!"
Sleeping in a tree wasn't relaxing but I was tired enough to sleep deeply. Then was woken by a bang at the head. If I left this swamp with a stable head it'll be a miracle.
"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! Gators are gone."
I followed the early-bird voice out the hole of the tree. The waitress, Tiana, had already built a raft of drift wood. She either had sleeping issues or was just efficient. Hmm, not so terrible except for being bossy and cranky.
"We gotta get back to New Orleans and undo this mess you got us into." She said this while pointing at me with a sharp stick. As if blaming me for her being a waitress.
I jumped down, still a nice advantage in this unpleasant mess. "I was not the one parading around in the phony-baloney tiara".
Fighting wasn't necessary; she sighed and started to paddle. She's efficient, so I did my part and made a make-shift ukulele. "Music to paddle by."
"I could use a little help!" The waitress commented.
"Oh? I will play a little louder". I did as she asked, it's been a while since I heard Dipper Mouth Blues. The waitress started to complain, again, when I heard rustling in the water. She gasped, I turned around to see a giant's row of razor teeth.
It was the last seconds of our lives so the waitress and I jumped into each other's arms in fear. I thought of my hundreds of female friends then heard the trumpet part of Dipper Mouth Blues. Opened an eye to see a very pudgy alligator play a trumpet; play it beautiful& soulfully. Too cool!
"Play it, brother!" I grabbed my ukulele and we played a very fine amateur version of the tune. He was a great trumpeter! Better than a professional human!
At the end he laughed and grabbed my arms and started to swing me around! Finally, a creature with spirit! I was started to feel down by the waitress- but only a tiny bit.
"Where you been all my life?" the happy gator asked, swinging.
"Where did you learn to play like that?" that was a more fantastic question.
"Why the bayou's the best school in the worl. (He said this while fabulously twirling his trumpet.) All the great play the riverboat. (he looked yearningly) oh Louis would give anything to be up there jamming with the big boys."
He had the most amazing skill for a big lizard, people couldn't deny that. Even the alligatorness couldn't top that. "So why don't you?"
"Oh I tried once (he made a bitter expression) it didn't end well."
This was a twisted country- evil magicians and stingy waitresses could run in society but not blessed alligators. How sad and crazy life was for people here.
"Well it was nice meeting you, uh, Louis (the waitress started to drag me to the raft) and thank you kindly for not eating us but we best be on your way."
Louis looked disappointed. "What? Where ya'll goin?"
"To find somebody to break this spell." Stated Tiana.
"What spell?" the gator asked curiously, his tail curled around his trumpet.
This was gonna be a shock for him but he had the heart to take it. "Brace yourself, my scaly friend, we are not frogs. We are humans."
Louis laughed til he fell backwards; his spherical belly covered the whole of him. Then seriously asked "Ya'll serious?"
"I am Naveen, Prince of Maldonia (he looked impressed, rightfully. Then I remembered the stiff paddling) and she is Tiana, the Waitress. (less impressed, I warned in a whisper) do not kiss her".
The waitress gasped, then her quick-temper flared. Here comes the complaining. "Now wait just a second, this goon got turned into a frog by a voodoo doctor and I-"
"Voo doo? Like the kind Mama Odie do?" Louis was cringing in fear.
Funny name for a supposedly scary person. "Mamam who-dee?"
He illustrated the mystical witch with chilling details. She had magic and spells, all kind of hoodoo.
The witch sounded like a divine angel. The waitress agreed, we asked at the same time with equal enthusiasm. "Could you take us to her?"
Louis did not sound willing. "Through the deepest, darkest part of the bayou filled with pricker bushes and hunters- with guns!? (clam& certain) no."
He lay against a tree and started playing a little tune. The waitress' face fell as if asking once was the only opportunity. How easy she gives up on the funny gator. Pff, silly girl, Louis had cravings just like she did; persuading him would be just too easy.
"Watch and learn. (I said as I leaned against the sweet melody)Louis, it is too bad we can not help you with your dream. If only you were smaller, less toothy. You could play to adoring crowds without scaring. Anyway, enjoy your loneliness, my friend. (So long)Abinaza"
One brunette, two brunettes, three brunettes…
Tiana was doubtful -"Cute, but it's not gonna…" Five brunettes.
Louis, very excitedly-"Hey guys, I just got a crazy idea! (he was practically dancing) what if I ask Mama Odie to turn me human too?!"
I happily grabbed Tiana we leaped onto his scaly head. "Louis, you are a genius."
He agreed, jumping into the water; splashing everywhere. "Hallelujah!"
The mood shifted into something much jazzier and entertaining. Louis was a better than the most excellent trumpeter. He had rhythm and moved surprisingly graceful for such a large fellow. He sang eagerly about his soon-to-be fame as a human. Splashed everywhere, it was thrilling; I found another ukulele and joined his desire-filled song while we rode on his back.
"When I'm myself again I want just the life I had (grabbed red petals and threw them like confetti) a great bit party every night. That doesn't sound too bad"
The waitress rolled her eyes. It didn't matter; I hadn't lost my magnetism for all women. "A red-head on left (enter a pretty crimson butterfly) a brunette on my right (another pretty, dark butterfly and a generous amount of gold butterflies) a blonde or two to hold the candle and seems just about right (while leaping into the butterflies) hey Louis? Life is short when you're done you're done (the monarchs caught me- as beautiful women should react) we're on this earth to have some fun, and that's the way things are (I was looking at Louis upside down, he approved my philosophy)."
"Tell it brother!" said a sensible Louis.
"When I'm human, and I'm gonna be! I'm gonna tear it up like I did before (I rolled and hopped on to Louis' tail, winking at the ruby butterfly. She was the cutest of them all.) And that's a royal guarantee".
Then a stick started to scatter the butterflies. It was held by a jealous girl-frog.
"You are getting married!" she loudly reminded me. I'd have to give up women for fortune….not a fair or fun thought.
"Uggh, right (it helped to know the rest of the world's women mourned with me) I guess I'll just have to leave a string of broken hearts behind me." The butterflies waved sympathetically as the floated away.
It was the Waitress' turn. "You're modesty becomes you (she took my ukulele and gave me her whacking stick.) "She started to rant about responsibility. It was decent only because her singing voice wasn't so awful, even during a dull lecture. I broke her stick and used it as a drum. Try as she might, she couldn't keep fun from following.
We sang together "When we're human, and we're gonna be-"
Louis- "I'm gonna blow my horn!" and he with great talent.
Me- "I'm gonna live the high life" bet on that!
Tiana, uninspiringly- "I'm gonna do my best to get my place in the sun."
Louis became stuck in the hollow tree we almost passed through- it was the finale, Tiana& I continued to sing while Louis sneezed himself out of the tree. We skidded fast out, creating a huge wave. That, was the most I had in the last twenty-four hours.