Breathe your life into me
1. The fight inside
It's still the same, pursuing pain
Isn't worth the light I've gained- RED
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Hazy smoke and loud music only seemed to worsen her mood. Kristen had the urge to go back to Sophie's apartment and hide in amid of shadows of those four safe walls and pretend like she didn't exist. The idea kept swirling in the back of her head over and over again, but she didn't want to look like a bitter-old bitch. Not after what Soph's done for me she internally grimaced. So, in spite of herself, she decided to stay as a thank you gesture to her friend.
Sophie had been nice enough to let her move in when she had no other place to go and now was trying, with a lot of effort, to cheer Kristen up by taking her on a girls night out around town and a couple of drinks at a local pub that was just a couple of blocks from their apartment.
Making her forget that pathetic-low life, dumbass excuse of an ex-boyfriend of hers 's the main idea Sophie thought as she quickly glanced at the girl sitting next to her. Hey, with that little black dress of hers, I'm sure I could even get her laid she smiled whilst placing her shot in her burgundy lips, checking out her friend first and then her emerald eyes scanning a couple of guys that sat a the table across from theirs.
According to Sophie's better judgment, Adam was cheating, gambling-crack-addict son of a bitch that just made Kris' life a living hell. But of course, Sophie didn't know half of her shitty story. In fact, Kristen kept several deadly details to herself and never mentioned them to her best friend, because she knew exactly what would happen.
Adam's brutal rampages had shattered and scarred Kristen's life for good. Over the years she'd learned to find a way around to survive them, painfully breaking her will to live in the process.
According to everyone else, she moved to the city trying to start a new life and forget the chaotic-dreadful love life of hers, but the real reason she left was because she was afraid.
The thought of facing Adam in one of his sadistic episodes terrified her to death, especially when the last time he'd beaten her to unconsciousness leaving her with a swollen mouth, three broken ribs, severely bruised and barely breathing.
But, this time, she found the courage to fight back and Adam did not leave the scene unharmed.
* * *
"Come on Kristen, have another shot!" Sophie yelled in her ear as she placed the tiny little glass on the palm of her hand. Kristen deliberated for a second, she didn't feel like drinking anymore, hell, she wasn't even drunk but her head kept spinning and her stomach churned on its own.
"Come on!" Sophie shook her gently by the shoulders and the rest of Sophie's friends cheered loudly and banged the table hard, encouraging her to take it. Kristen felt the pure-pressure and threw her tequila shot inside her mouth, closing her eyes and shutting out the world.
"YEAH BABY! THAT'S MY GIRL!" Sophie shouted as she kissed her on the cheek and swallowed her own shot.
Kristen kept her eyes closed a little longer and enjoyed the burning trail the tequila left on the back of her throat; the smoke from the person next to her saturated her nose and lungs once she took a deep breath. She continued to feel like shit, but still, a small ounce of hope vaguely flickered inside her mind saying she will be able to pull through this nightmare and maybe even live a 'normal-crappy life' like everybody else.
Yeah, right she sighed to herself. Angry tears filled the inside of her lids and fought with all her might to keep them from flowing freely. Her face was sort of composed once she opened them.
"Hey girl, don't go all mopey on me, ok? I told you I would show you a hell of a good time and I will keep my promise. Now drink!" Sophie ordered her friend while shoving another tequila shot over Kristen's lips, forcing her to swallow it down.
"Shit –cough, cough- Sophie!!!" she protested loudly and the brunette hugged her by the shoulders, laughing darkly.
"Come on Kristen, don't be such a tight-ass" Sophie rolled her eyes at the annoyed expression on her friend. "I remember back when we were in college, you used to be all wild and crazy… what the hell happened to you?!"
"That was a long time ago Sophia" her tone grew a little bitter.
"That was two years ago" she stated "And, I've told you to NEVER CALL ME SOPHIA!" her eyes burned at the mention of the forbidden name. Kristen smiled at her, knowing she stroked a nerve, hard, but didn't seem to care enough to make her feel the need to apologize for it.
She'd asked for it, she shrugged internally. "Ill keep that in mind next time, when you stop being a pushy-manipulative bitch" Kris smiled slightly at her friend who continued to glare with piercing green eyes.
"Fine. I'm sorry Soph, but you did ask for it" she smiled sheepishly when sudden wave of guilt filled her insides. Her friend was indeed trying to show her a good time and here she was, being all goody-goody two-shoes.
I've had it! I want out!
"But you are right, I am being a tight-ass" she sighed, throwing her an apologizing look that quickly turned into a darker one.
Without hesitating, Kristen took a tequila shot that belonged to Math, one of Sophie's friends, and shoved it into her system like there was no tomorrow. Sophie smiled once she saw Kris' effort to get back into the mellowing groove.
"And now…" she shook the burning sensation off "let's remember the old times!" Kristen yelled at the top of her lungs, feeling the tingly effect of alcohol run in her veins. Her stiff body loosened once she got up, taking Sophie by the hands and both of them made way to join the dancing crowd.
"Now, that's what I'm talking about!" Sophia danced away on her five inch stilettos rearranging her way-too-short animal print miniskirt and shaking her sleek dark hair from one side to the other following the beat.
The guys on the next table began shouting and whistling as both of them began to gracefully dance. Kristen took of her shoes and threw them under their table so she could dance better.
She had forgotten how free she felt whenever her body swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music. She closed her eyes and let the raving tune swallow her whole into a deep trance. Her reddish curls were all over her face, her lips slightly opened, a small smile in them as she enjoyed the electricity that rippled through her skin.
"Hey there, baby!" she felt a soapy finger run down the bare skin of her shoulder, making her stop the hectic movement and pop her eyes opened. She didn't like to be touched like that, by anyone.
"Mind if I join you?" a blond haired guy smiled, trying too hard to sound smooth and seductive. The booze on his breath made her want to throw up.
"Hey… I-I didn't see you there…" she muttered, instinctively taking a step back, leaving a space between them feeling utterly uncomfortable. The way he looked at her made her feel highly irritated.
"Oh, don't stop dancing" his blue eyes sparkled maliciously as he drank her all in "I love this song" he began to dance awkwardly around her, closing in as he moved.
Throwing an exasperated look to her friend that danced next to her, Kristen took another step back.
"Thirsty as hell, let's get some drinks" Sophie got in his way, grabbing Kris by the wrist and pulling her out of his reach. "Excuse us" she snapped and pushed past him. Both girls gracefully walked away leaving him gaping at them with a frustrated face.
"Thanks" Kris said grateful as they made it to the crammed bar.
"Don't mention it, hon. That bastard is all hands, believe me" she slightly clenched her teeth, eyeing him as he went back to his table. "He gropes you all he wants and doesn't even bother to pay for your drinks. A total prick"
The biting tone on Sophie's comment left Kris wondering if her friend somehow knew this guy, but didn't bother asking her, at least not right now; so she decided to drop it.
"Smooth move, Romeo!" One of the guys called out and there was a burst of laughter once he sat down, a frustrated scowl plastered on his face. "Another black stripe for the tiger". A loud bantering broke over his cheap attempt to pull a 'smooth pick-up line' whilst 'Romeo' continued to glare at the girls.
"I don't blame him for trying, though…" Sophie cocked her head to the side and gave a small chuckle. Kris rose a questioning brow at her statement.
"With that cheeky dress of yours…" she scanned her from head to toes "You look hot as hell there, babe" and winked mischievously. Kristen rolled her eyes but smoothly tried to pull down her dress as much as she could, trying to cover a bit more of her long legs.
Ugh! Why did I even agree on wearing this? She internally scowled at Sophie, making a small note to dispose of the garment once she was home.
"Here, drink this" a tall glass filled with red content was swiftly placed in her hands by her friend.
"What's this?" she eyed it before taking a sip, the taste was strongly of vodka.
"What do you care?" Sophie scoffed "drink it!" the brunette ordered. For a small, fragile looking person, she was rather authoritative.
"You wanna get me all wasted, don't you?" she took another swig from it. The question made Sophie laugh out loud.
"Yeah, sug. That's exactly what I'm aiming at…" her eyes flashed devilishly "Getting you drunk, hooking you up and getting you laid"
"Is getting laid all you ever think about?"
"Don't you?" she smiled innocently whilst placing a red cherry on her lips. She began playing with it using the tip of her tongue, catching the inevitable attention of two guys that were standing next to them, making them give out a couple of husky groans of appreciation once she licked it one last time, chewed on it and swallowed it down. The girl winked to the one who was closest to her.
"Ugh. You are so low, Soph" Kristen muffled a chortle.
"Aw, come on Evans! Don't tell me you don't have it bad" she tilted a little towards her direction, sounding skeptical.
"Actually, I don't" her tone came out rather defensively, causing Sophie to rise both eyebrows incredulously, a small smirk on her lips.
"And my sex life is none of your concern, thank-you-very-much. So back off you nosy old hag" she gave out a small nervous laugh before finishing her drink in one shot.
"What ever…" Sophie shrugged "but a vibrator does not compare to the real thing there honey, that's all I'm saying. So, suit yourself" she teased.
- - - - -
"I should get going, Soph" Kristen glanced at her watch and sighed a bit annoyed. Was it really 3am?
"What are you babbling about, Kristen? It's Friday night…"
"And I have a job interview tomorrow at 10am. I really doubt I'll be able to wake up sober and on time if I keep up at this rate"
"By any chance, does that job interview of yours involves taking care of a church and wearing a coif and a habit?" she mocked darkly.
Kris threw her an irritated glare.
"I'm just kidding, Evans" she laughed nonchalant and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Listen, there's this really kick-ass band performing in a few and I really want to listen to 'em. Just give me 15 minutes and we're out of here, I promise" Kris didn't say anything back, but continued to stare at her.
"We'll go home after the second song, you have my word" it sounded more like a plea than a suggestion.
"Oh, alright. But no more booze for me" she shook her head, which lightly began to spin. "I mean it, Green" she threatened.
"You are such a nun, you know that?" she scowled at her, breaking a smile. The redhead simply nodded once, her eyes falling on the empty glass in front of her, avoiding eye contact.
A nun? Really? Oh, Sophie. You might be surprised, Kristen thought bitterly as her insides recoiled. Her fingertips slightly traced across the inside of her left wrist, feeling the barely noticeable scar made by a blade on her latest attempt to put an end to her miserable life. There was an identical one on her right.
The images of that night a couple of months ago kept flashing in her head. Next time I'll make sure I lock the freaking door first. She clenched her teeth, a speck of irritation surging.
If it hadn't been for Chelsea -the girl who lived across the hall from her- walking in unexpectedly and finding her in the tub, bleeding herself to death, she might have actually gone away with suicide.
Should have taken pills instead. Much quicker, less messier, no drama she noted to herself.
It was obvious that Chelsea heard Adam's burst on Kristen a couple of hours earlier and she was really anxious that this time he might have actually killed her. Once she heard Adam's car pull out of the lot at high speed, Chelsea went to check on Kristen. She knocked several times on the door of the small apartment but no one called back. Clearly Adam didn't bother to lock the door behind him, so she went inside, calling Kris' name loudly.
She heard the water running in the bathroom. She called out again, a chill ran down her spine after receiving no answer. Chelsea braced herself and opened the door in one quick movement, finding the limp body of Kristen Evans at the bottom of the blood-stained tub. Taking out her cell phone, she dialed for help and Evans was taken to the hospital immediately.
Barely knowing her neighbor, Chelsea stayed in the hospital room to look after her. It sadden her to know that the girl had no family members nor friends aware of the incident and she wanted to make sure that Adam didn't come within a thousand feet near her.
He's done enough to this girl already.
When Kristen finally woke up after several hours of being dozed off, she found Chelsea sitting next to her bed. They just stared at each other for a long time, not saying a word. Kristen could see Chelsea's angst in her dark eyes and she wondered why this almost-stranger was there with her.
"Why?" she barely whispered to the pale girl in bed which color was completely gone; even her reddish curls looked faded.
"Because I can't do this anymore" her voice broke. Bitter tears spilled freely making her look away from the stranger that continued to contemplate her with a strange expression on her face.
"Then fight back!" she ordered fervently, placing her tanned hand softly on top of Kristen's. "Find a reason and fight back"
These words made something inside her chest to jolt. Was it anger? Fear? She couldn't tell, but somehow, it was branded deeply in her soul and for the first time, she actually felt the need to do it.
"… fight back" she repeated to herself internally. Her long fingers were grasping tightly at the edge of the table where she sat, causing her knuckles to hurt slightly.
The sudden loud sound of the electric guitar caught her by surprise and made her eyes pop open; she became aware that her lashes were wet. She quickly brushed her cheek with her finger tips, hoping that Sophie hadn't noticed, and tilted her posture towards the left, giving her back to Sophia and the rest of the people in the table, just in case she broke down or something.
I should really leave… she closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath. She made up her mind and turned around to meet Sophie, who was eyeing her carefully.
"Soph…" she began but her voice was drowned away by the first lines of lyrics of the performing band.
Enemy
Familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth
Whispering lies
And it hurts again...
Kris snapped her face, irritated, towards the spot where the band played and began glowering angrily at the male singer who'd interrupted her previous intent of getting the hell away from there. But then, she felt herself freeze as the lyrics slightly began to sink in, making her insides recoil.
What I fear
What I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain
I want it to end
But I want it again
"You were going to say something, hon?" Sophie asked loudly at Kristen's ear, but the girl just shook her head, amidst in the tune. She swallowed once and returned to her earlier position.
She didn't understand why all of a sudden, her heart began to pick up once she heard his voice. There was definitively something about the huskiness in it. Warmth spread through her chest, travelling all the way to her navel.
She merely stared at him, not even sparing a glance to the rest of the band members. Only him. Hell! She wasn't checking him out or anything, she just… gaped at him, confused.
His voice slowly reeled her in.
And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again
"He's steaming hot, aint he?" Sophie giggled in her ear again. "That is the reason why I come here every Friday…" the brunette pointed her slender finger at the man with faded denim jeans and tight navy blue shirt. Kris merely nodded, not paying that much of attention to her friend's comment but shyly taking him in.
He was tall and well built, -it was inevitable not to notice his muscles under his shirt-. The biceps under his russet skin often bulged as he made the slightest movement whilst he walked around the stage. His dark straight hair was lazily fastened in a disarrayed shoulder-length ponytail where several strands hung loose across his face.
Kristen's eyes fixated on his exotic face. Dark, thick eyebrows pulled together, emphasizing the emotion of his tune. Squared jaw, chiseled cheekbones, full lips. He was indeed gorgeous. She slightly smiled to herself.
It's still the same, pursuing pain,
Isn't worth the light I've gained.
We both know how this will end,
But I do it again.
His rasping voice was full with emotion as he continued to sing. His closed eyes, the expression on his handsome face, the intensity of his stance, reflected all the pain and agony he was going through as he poured his heart and soul into the song. Somehow, Kristen seemed to feel empathic towards him, because she knew exactly what he was talking –singing- about.
"Ugh! I just wish he would take his fucking shirt off!" Sophie complained again "Other guys do it!" Kris couldn't help but chuckle a bit at her friend's protest.
Yeah, that would be quite a view. She laughed to herself, actually imagining it.
"Do you know his name?" she blurted out before stooping herself.
"Hm, interested, are we?" Sophia asked mockingly. She placed her lips closer to Kris' ear so she could hear better. "They call him Jake as in Jacob. Fits him, right?"
Jake. She whispered his name only to herself, as if it was a precious secret she didn't want to share with anyone else. A small flutter in the inside of her stomach made her smile lightly.
And then, as if hearing his name called out loudly, his dark eyes popped open and tilted his head slightly towards Kristen's way. She caught her breath once their eyes met only for a brief second. She swallowed a loud gasp and fought as hard as she could to keep herself in place. It would have been quite comical seeing her jump out of her seat as if she'd just received a full electrical discharge. But that was exactly what she felt.
She looked away, heat spreading up her chest and cheeks.
Am I blushing? She scoffed internally. Oh, don't flatter yourself, Kristen. She shook her head twice, as if clearing the first thought and realized that suddenly she felt utterly thirsty. Taking a sip of Sophie's drink –whom, by the way, threw her an 'AHA!' look- she allowed herself to peek at him through the edge of the small glass.
Another violent jolt shook her insides once she noticed that he continued to look back at her with the same intensity as the first time. Once again, she looked away, pretending to look for something inside her purse. She just couldn't hold his gaze. It was so strong, so… penetrating.
"Oh, he is so checking you out…"
"Hm… what?" she asked as if not aware of Sophie's comment and continued 'looking' through the contents of her purse. What am I, seventeen? Why am I acting like this, nearly to the point of hyperventilation, just because some random guy looked over my shoulder? It's just stupid. She wasn't fooling anyone, especially herself, but the fact that he had that effect over her made her squirm in place.
"I said that HE is totally checking YOU out…" she repeated her first line and again, pointed towards the man that was making Kristen feel uneasy and drawn.
And without even thinking of stopping herself, she looked. She couldn't help it. Sophia almost grabbed her by the face and made her turn towards him. Well, she might as well have, any ways. But this time, she didn't avoid his gaze.
Her heart began to thump melodically fast in her chest whilst a strong, static wave rippled trough the inside of her body. There were several emotions, she noted, that crossed his face as he silently 'connected' to her.
First, there was confusion. Then there was curiosity and last there was… recognition?
Do I know him? she doubted for a second, her mind racing. Does he know me? I don't think so… I would have remembered him…
"Nonsense…" was all she could blurt out at her friend who was gaping at her highly entertained.
"Mm-hmm" Sophie mused, taking her drink from Kris' hand and finishing it.
Two more songs went by and neither of them looked away, 'hooked' on the same trance that made her head spin violently. She waited for him to wink or smile or give out some sort of 'guyish' signal to make her think that he was indeed hitting on her but... nothing.
This was different.
His gaze held her as though he could see right into her very soul, read her mind, hear her heartbeats, taste her breath. In matter of seconds, everything around her ceased to exist except for him. For Jake.
"... are you high or something? What the hell is wrong with you?" she felt being shaken rather hardly by the shoulders. She abruptly became aware that the music, his music, was gone and the ordinary pre-recorded tunes were hitting the speakers at a really high volume.
"Kristen?!" she snapped her fingers twice in front of her face, which cause her to glower back at her friend.
"What?"
"Exactly... WHAT?" she giggled darkly "You've been staring at the same point in space for the past five minutes as if your were fixated over it or something. I'm telling you... "
"I-I'm just tired" her eyes darted from one side to the other of the stage and then quickly around the area where she sat, but she didn't see him. She frowned internally. "I really should get going"
"Right. Just let me get my stuff and…" but the guy sitting next to Sophie, whose hands had been roaming around the edge of her skirt for the last 30 mins, whispered something to the brunette, nipped her in the ear and smiled seductively. She smiled back at him and then shook her head as if making up her mind.
"… have to go, I promised her that…" Kris heard Sophie say to him, her tone heartrending.
"Soph, It's ok" she placed her hand on her arm. The brunette stared back at her with big green 'I-hope-you-aren't-kidding' eyes.
I don't want to be held responsible for ruining her steaming plans. She winked.
"Are you sure? I mean…"
"I said it's cool. I'll take a cab or something. Don't worry"
Sophia closed in on her and hugged her tightly "Make him beg for more, hon" she whispered darkly to her friend and kissed her in the cheek.
"I will" she smiled devilishly "Oh, and good luck with your interview. Talk to you in the afternoon, don't wait up for me"
"I won't" She waved goodbye to the rest of the people on the table and raked the pub with her eyes just in case she saw him again, but felt disappointed since he wasn't in sight.
She felt an urge to walk up to the bartender and ask if he knew the whereabouts of the band playing previously, but decided to drop it. Ugh! Talk about a stupid stalking-groupie. So, she walked out of the bar.
* * *
The streets were completely deserted and the fear that silence naturally inspires, was increased by the echo of the solid pattern made by her heels on the pavement. The lamp close by, flickered hesitantly, adding a more dramatic effect to the scene.
"Damn it! Should have called a cab" she cursed whilst hugging her jacket tighter around her thin frame, trying to keep herself warm. A gust of freezing wind gushed near her, making her teeth chatter slightly. She was only a couple of blocks from the apartment, so she picked up her pace. The sooner she got there, the better. All she could think about was a long hot shower, some aspirins and a couple of hours of sleep.
As she picked up the pace, she tried to push away her thoughts of Jacob.
Only seen him once and I'm already thinking about him like an obsessed teen she felt irritated with herself, but silently wished she would bump into him soon.
She made a turn and remembered that there was an alley in the next block, -she'd seen it on her way over to the pub-. Her first reaction was to cross the street to avoid it, and then walk back again to continue her way home. There's always something about dark alleys.
'Keep as far away from them' her mother's voice rang in her ears, and in some way, the voice was right; you never knew what kind of things await for you in them.
As she closed in, her footsteps got washed away by several jumbled-gruff voices and something close to an animal's snarl. Her heart picked up quickly and even though her brain screamed to walk away, something deep inside her –instinct maybe or pure idiocy- made her decide not to stop.
Liquid courage ran through her veins, whilst her ears kept ringing with the pulses of her heartbeat. It was until she finally made it to the edge of the alley when the sounds of a fight finally registered in her brain. Someone was viciously getting the shit beaten out of 'em.
"… I know you are just dying to!" the heated voice yelled and there was sound of a fist hitting flesh and a muffled-guttural groan of pain. "So, why the fuck go through all this trouble, huh?"
More violent punches were followed by angry growls that couldn't possibly be human.
It took several seconds for her eyes to focus in the dark depths of the alley so she could properly see what was happening. But when they did, she froze in place as she recognized who was receiving the beat.
'No' she swallowed her gasp.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight Saga or any Twilight Saga's characters for that matter. All of them are creation of Stephanie Meyer. The amazing song used and inspired the chapter are property of one of my favorite bands ever: RED. No copyright infringement intended.
The plot, Kristen Evans and the rest of the characters are of my creation.
A/N: Sorry to leave you in a 'cliff' like that, it's just that this chapter came out quite long, so I decided to chop it in half instead ;)
I really hope you're liking the story so far. All will be revealed in due time, but all you gotta do to make me happy and want to upload the next chapter is: Review!!! :D
Oh, and Serendipity will be updated shortly *pinky promise*