Hey! Sorry it's taken so long but I've been away in the US! This is seriously angsty and I have no idea where the end came from but once it popped into my head I couldn't let it go so here it is. Please be gentle!

Silence was not a concept usually associated with the Hotchner household, Jack was usually laughing and we were usually chatting together; especially at Saturday morning breakfast, it was our family time. But today a stifling silence had descended as I pushed cornflakes around my bowl, unable to find an appetite to eat them. Jack, despite being ecstatic that his Dad was finally home seemed to realise that something was seriously wrong between the two of us.

"Jack, there's something we need to tell you." Aaron eventually started, I'd been waiting for it since I'd woken up but I thought he might drag it out until the afternoon, as if thinking of some ridiculous excuse would make this any better for Jack. "I need you to be a really big boy for me okay?"

"Okay Daddy." He smiled up at Aaron, not realising the lies his Father had told all of us.

"You remember how Aunty Emily died…"

"Because of a bad man." Jack finished quietly. "Like Mommy."

"No!" I yelled quickly, wanting to keep the similarities between the two cases to a minimum. "It was a bad man but not like the one that hurt your Mom."

"No," Aaron agreed. "Listen Jack, Aunty Emily had to hide from the bad man so I had to lie to everyone… to you so that he couldn't hurt her. But now the bad man's… gone so she's back. Do you understand?"

Jack was very quiet for a long time before looking at me. "Did you know?"

"No, no I didn't." I tried to keep my voice level but I didn't know how well I succeeded.

"So you lied?" He quizzed his Father. To that Aaron had no answer. "But you said that lying is always bad and we must never lie."

"Sometimes… sometimes adults have to lie to protect someone."

"But if Aunty Emily can come back why can't Mommy? Is it because she doesn't love me enough?" His bottom lip wobbled and his voice cracked. I let out an involuntarily snarl in Aaron's direction before wrapping Jack up in my arms and cradling him tightly.

"Baby you know that's not true. Your Mom loved you so much, she would have done anything for you." she died for you I added silently. "I know what's happening right now is confusing but all you need to know is that we all love you." It was hardly earth shattering advice but what could you say to a little boy who'd had his whole world turned upside down.

"Love you too." Jack mumbled against my chest but I could still feel his shoulders shaking as he cried quietly into my chest. I looked up from comforting Jack to see the crumpled, defeated look on Aaron's face as he watched his son succumb to grief, all because of him. I couldn't find much sympathy for him though, this was all his fault. As I continued to comfort the tearful boy Aaron's phone buzzed along the table and from the grimace on his face I knew that he had to go into the office.

"Go, we'll be fine without you. We coped perfectly well without you for the last few months." I added with unnecessary savagery.

"Jack, I've got to go to work but when I get back we'll talk some more. I love you so much." He kissed the boy's head before heading towards the bedroom to sort out his stuff. I knew how confusing it must be for him, it was bad enough for me and I'd seen into that world of darkness and destruction. Jack continued to cuddle my jumper while I stroked his hair and whispered soothingly that his Mom loved him very, very much.

"Can we go see Spencer? I want a magic trick." He whispered quietly and I gave a thin smile; while their relationship had started off being less than perfect they were now firm friends. What could I say; anyone who could pull a quarter out of thin air was definitely a winner where Jack was concerned.

"I think that sounds like a great idea." If I was honest I was glad he'd suggested it, although it had only been a few hours I really wanted to be near him. And I wanted to check that he hadn't done anything stupid while he'd been alone. So while Jack ran to get his shoes on, I quickly pulled my phone out to text him, praying that he was alright, well as alright as he could be given what had happened. Jack wants to see his favourite uncle, can we come round? Love you baby xxx

Can't wait to see you both. We can get lunch? X Thankfully Spencer's reply came back quickly so I didn't have to spend too much time worrying about him. I hurried to get Jack ready; desperate to be with the man I loved, hoping that the three of us could get back to the small family unit that we'd had going before all the lies and deceit.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Spencer answered the door before I'd even finished knocking and quickly bent down to hug Jack before pulling a coin out of his ear. It was the first time that Jack had smiled all morning. Spence looked like he hadn't slept much but he had a smile for the two of us. While Jack was busy clutching the coin the he'd mysteriously been able to 'grow' in his ear, I quickly kissed Spence's chapped lips. He must have spent the whole night biting his bottom lip if the shredded blood stained flesh was anything to go by. Spencer pulled Jack up onto his shoulders as we began walking down the road towards our favourite restaurant on this side of town, I allowed my hand to wander into his and felt a million times better when he squeezed mine back.

"Strauss cornered me yesterday." Spence murmured quietly while we ate lunch as Jack played on the outside equipment at the restaurant. "She wants to know when…if I'm going back."

"Are you?" I asked as I shredded a piece of lettuce with my fingers.

"I don't know. I… I used to love that job more than anything else, well, not as much as you." I laughed at his declaration and squeezed his hand. "But I thought they were family, I thought I could trust them! And maybe I could understand it from Hotch, or Rossi but JJ! I thought I could trust JJ with anything. It turns out I can't trust anyone."

"You can trust me." I whispered, hoping what had happened wouldn't dent his confidence in me or our relationship, I couldn't stand that. But thankfully he reached out and squeezed my hand, giving me a small smile. "And you can trust Derek, Garcia and Dave. None of them knew, none of them betrayed you."

"I know, but I've… I've enjoyed this time off… with you and Jack. I'd miss you." I laughed before leaning forward and capturing his lips in a sweet kiss.

"Well you've still got what, two weeks off; we can make the most of that and then decide." Spencer nodded quietly before turning to check that Jack was still within sight.

"There's going to be a hearing about the whole Doyle fiasco, I'll have to give evidence. I hate giving evidence." He bit his lip and exhaled as I continued to massage the tense muscles in his hands.

"Why don't we go out tonight, just the two of us?" It wasn't much to offer him; a few drinks and something to eat while we both stewed on what had happened but it was better than staring at our apartment walls, or even worse having that conversation with Aaron that I really wasn't ready to have. He leaned over the table to kiss me again and I took it as a non-verbal agreement to our evening plans.

"Still gross." Jack's trademark saying when we were together alerted us to his presence and I smiled at the familiar rhetoric although my gut gave a painful twinge as his scowl matched that of his Father's. He settled himself into the seat beside me ready for his ice cream, I couldn't help but analyse his behaviour, trying out my rookie profiling skills; he'd been quiet earlier, as he'd comprehended the news in his childish way but now he seemed more content although that may be because of the ice cream. I may need to work on my profiling skills.

We'd decided we would go to the park and kick a ball around, it was one of Jack's favourite things to do although the two of us could hardly bend it like Beckham. However before we're even halfway to the park my phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew exactly who it would be. Aaron.

I'm back from the office. I had to sort out some of the stuff I left behind in Pakistan. I know you're angry but we need to talk. Can we meet back at the apartment, Please? Aaron.

I rolled my eyes, not particularly wanting to have the discussion that I knew he wanted. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say or whether I wanted to hear his explanations, but I also knew that something had to give if our bizarre family unit was going to continue. And maybe if I could sort out some sort of truce with Aaron then Spencer would find it easier going back to work which I knew was what he really wanted to do. Even if he wouldn't admit it to himself yet.

So, despite the ache in my gut as I watched my two favourite men leave me in the car and headed towards my home, taking up Spence's obsession and biting down harshly on my lip until I tasted blood. Once I got to the apartment I took my good sweet time walking up the stairs and fiddling around in my pocket for my keys, I even stopped three times to tie my shoelace; unfortunately even with all my procrastinating I eventually made it to our front door and I had no choice but to push the white wooden door open.

"Thanks for coming." Aaron was sat on the edge of the sofa watching the door, I had the feeling he'd been sat there since the text even though I hadn't given him any indication that I was coming back; obviously all those long nights in Pakistan had taught him patience. I rolled my eyes and flopped down on a chair opposite him, I wasn't going to make this any easier for him. "You're mad I lied to you."

"No, I'm mad you lied to Jack." I corrected bluntly.

"Marley, I know you and you are angry I lied to you, even if you've hidden it away."

"Fine." I muttered as I turned away from him, I'd give him that one, I was angry that he'd lied to me even if I passed it off as concern for everyone else. "We're meant to be family, we're meant to tell each other things. I thought we could trust each other." I ended pathetically.

"Families don't tell each other everything…"

"Yes they do! Mine does." He let out a harsh bark of laughter that made me look up at him and his disbelieving grimace.

"I think you're forgetting the elephant in the room. I don't think you ever mentioned your suicide attempt." He snarled, obviously forgetting he was trying to make peace with me.

"He knows." I whispered quietly, feeling shame burn my cheeks as I remembered the look of utter horror on my Dad's face when he'd first seen the vivid scars on my wrists, not that we'd ever talked about (like Aaron said it was the elephant in the room) I guess he just found it too difficult to even contemplate losing his daughter; instead he'd just hugged me tightly and told me he loved me, his voice thick and his shoulders shaking. "That's not fair."

"I know, I'm sorry. That wasn't… right of me… bringing up… you know." Aaron uncharacteristically stuttered. "Look I did what I had to do and I spent the last seven months feeling awful about lying to you. When I heard about Spencer I came so close to telling you" I made to interrupt but he put his hand up to stop me. "And I would have but then he started getting better. I know it's not much of an apology but when Jack thought Haley didn't love him enough to come back… It killed me."

"It killed him too." I snapped back, my eyes flashing darkly.

"I did what I had to do, and I will make it up to him, to Reid and to you, but I need your help." Aaron begged, which was a pleasant surprise. Aaron Hotchner never begged, and he certainly never begged me for anything.

"I'll help you with Jack because he needs his Father and Spencer because he needs that job."

"What about you?"

"I don't know." I admitted before getting up and heading for the door, allowing it to slam shut behind me.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Jack was a lot more forgiving than I was towards his Father than I was, I guess because he didn't really understand the more complex aspects of the whole thing. When I bought him back, Aaron was waiting with his favourite dinner on the table and a new toy dinosaur on his chair; I rolled my eyes because really, Aaron was usually above using bribery to win back his son. Jack lapped it up and I tried not to look too surly as I picked over Aaron's annoyingly good cooking.

"Jack, Daddy does love you; you know that right?" Aaron breached the subject as Jack happily scooped spaghetti into his mouth. "And I'm sorry I lied to you. And Marley." I couldn't stop the snort that escaped me but Jack smiled at his Dad and hugged him.

"Love you too, so does Marley." I gave Jack a tight smile before continuing to eat my spaghetti; feeling suddenly alone as I stared at the two of them hugging.

"I'm going out with Spence tonight." I announced after Jack had returned to his own seat, almost as much to remind myself that there was someone out there who loved me as to let Aaron know he'd be alone tonight.

"I hope you have a good time, Reid deserves some fun." I glowered before leaving to get ready for tonight. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Spence, I wanted to do something he'd enjoy but my brain wasn't functioning properly.

I went to grab my coat from behind the chair, wanting to get to Spencer as quickly as I could, when a sudden white hot pain flashed across my stomach. I bent double as the pain exploded within me and I screamed out in agony; it felt as if I was being ripped in two from within. My eyes swam but I noticed the stumbling figure of Aaron hastening towards me, his familiar arms holding me tightly as my knees buckled.

"Marley." His strained voice seemed to come from miles away, as if I was underwater. He kissed my forehead before setting me down on a chair; I wondered where he'd gone. I wanted him back. The pain seemed to burst from my stomach until it was all consuming making it hard to breath. I closed my eyes against the swirling vortex the world had come, desperate for the pain to wane but if anything it seemed to be building towards a crescendo. Arms suddenly wrapped around me and lifted me up, into familiar arms; I opened my eyes to see the profile of Aaron's face, twisted into a mask of pain and concern for me. I clung onto the starchy white shirt as a spasm ripped through my abdomen and wretched Spencer's name from my mouth. "Shush, shush, he'll be here soon."

"Aaron," I whimpered as the world went black.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Bright white lights burnt my irises as I opened my eyes which I promptly shut again. I tried to move my hand to cover my eyes, the blinding light still seeping through my eyelids, but some heavy weight was holding it down. Reluctantly I opened my eyes to see where I was as I tried to remember what the hell had happened.

"Hey baby." I turned my head to see Spencer by my bedside; he looked like he'd been crying. And suddenly everything came flooding back to me.

"What… what happened?" I asked as I moved my other hand across my tender stomach.

"You had an ectopic pregnancy. It occurs in 1 in 90 pregnancies and happens when a fertilised egg implants itself into a fallopian tube; it's…"

"Spence," Aaron whispered quietly from the other side. I hadn't even noticed his presence.

"I wasn't pregnant." I whispered quietly, unable to take in what they were telling me. I tightened my grip on my abdomen, unable to comprehend that there had been a baby (baby, not a fertilised egg as Spencer believed) inside me.

"You didn't know?" Spencer stroked my hand and I felt the tears built up inside me before bursting forth as if a damn had broken. I couldn't stop it; the sudden onslaught of grief, so fresh, so acute even though a few hours ago I hadn't known I had anything to lose. My lover's tender arms wrapped around me but his presence only made it worse; I'd had his baby inside me and now… now it was all gone.

I felt Aaron's gun calloused hand squeeze mine and I risked a peak up to see his devastated face, so full of sympathy that I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me; allow the blackness to obliterate everything else.

"I'm sorry." We both whispered.