(I figured I'd post a couple ideas right away. Yay!)
I have never seen this. But I really really want to.
It happened when Harry was six. He was in the middle of cleaning the bathtub for the Dursleys when the drain opened up.
There was a whirl of colors, and the next thing he knew, he was standing in the middle of a forest.
With no clue as to how he'd gotten there.
Harry looked around at the brightly colored forest, not quite sure how to react. Yes, odd things may have happened around him on occasion, but really, this was far beyond him.
But he couldn't stay in the middle of this forest forever. There had to be someone around, right?
Glancing around, Harry chose a direction at random and set off. There had to be some…
A huge red and green plant snapped at him, sending Harry skittering several feet back with a sharp yelp. It towered over him, and Harry slowly took another step back.
What was he supposed to do? The plant looked terrifying! It was going to eat him!
"Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?!"
Harry looked over in surprise as a man emerged from the trees, glaring at the plant. The plant tried to nip at him, but the man spun gracefully out of the way, before launching into the air and landing heavily on the head of the plant.
The plant pulled back at the onslaught, shriveling into the patch of leaves it had emerged from.
"That's right! Attacking kids is hardly playing fair, and don't you forget it!"
Harry launched himself at the man, grabbing at his leg and shoving a tear filled face into his overalls. No one had ever stood up for him before, let alone rescued him.
"Er, kid, are you alright?"
Harry clung tighter.
The guy clearly had no idea how to react to a kid hanging on him and it showed. "Well, er, maybe you could… MARIO!"
It took a second for a second man to stumble out of the trees. He was slightly shorter than the first, but looked very similar.
"Luigi, what's going-is that a kid?"
The first man Harry was clinging to looked a little panicked. "He was being attacked by a piranha plant and now he won't let go!"
The second man moved closer to Harry. "Hey there, little one. What's your name?"
" 'M Harry," Harry mumbled, his voice muffled, as his face was mashed into his saviour's leg.
"Well, Harry, it's nice to meet you. My name is Mario, and that man you're clinging to so tightly is my brother, Luigi. Now, the place we're currently in has a lot of plants like the one he just chased off, and I was wondering if you might let go of his leg so we can all get to safety."
Harry looked up at the man who had saved him. He was really worried that he might run off, but the way the other man was talking… They would take him with them?
Slowly, he released his death grip on Luigi's leg.
"Great!" Mario exclaimed, before scooping Harry up and swinging him onto his back. "Now, let's get out of here!"
Harry was surprised by the sudden movement, but as he found himself sitting on the man's back in a piggy-back type position, a smile broke out on his face.
He was going with them! He didn't know where, but the men seemed nice, and the green one had even saved him!
The two men continued moving rapidly through the forest, leaping great gaps in the ground in a single jump, and easily scaling any trees in their path. Harry watched the two knock bizarre creatures that he'd never seen before aside as they moved through the forest like pros.
Finally, they reached the other side, and the man who'd been carrying him set him down before sitting down himself.
"So, Harry," he said. "What were you doing in a terrifying forest?"
Harry's happy feelings suddenly shut down. He didn't know how he'd gotten there, and was sure he'd done something freaky. What would these men do when they found out he was a freak?
The men seemed to sense his reluctance to answer.
"You know, we ended up in a forest not too unlike that one," Luigi began, trying to calm the boy. "It was through the pipes-never know where those things'll take you!"
"We were just plumbers," Mario chuckled in remembrance. "One moment we were clearing a clogged drain, the next, WHAM! Forest!"
"I was cleanin'" Harry said quietly, looking down.
"Ah, through the pipes, then?" Mario asked. "Don't worry about it. We'll get you all sorted soon enough. We have to rescue a princess, but when we return to her castle, we can see about getting you home."
Harry wasn't so sure about going home, but rescuing a princess sounded fun. Plus, he was with new friends! What was the worst that could happen?
-0-
Approximately twenty minutes later, Harry found himself kidnapped by a spiky shelled turtle about the same size as he was with a massive paintbrush and some sort of hovering jar thing with a face on it.
-0-
For some reason, (mostly the fact that he was still half convinced this entire thing was some sort of bizarre dream) Harry was less panicked by this than he probably should have been.
"Who are you, anyways?" the turtle asked after they'd reached a large castle quite a ways away.
"I'm Harry," Harry said. "Who are you?"
"I'm Bowser Junior," the boy introduced. "My daddy kidnapped Mama Peach, so I figured that I should kidnap someone else to be just like him!"
Harry scratched his head. "Er… okay. What happens now?"
"Now somebody comes to rescue you," Bowser Junior informed him. "You were with the Mario brothers, right? They're already on their way here to rescue Mama Peach, so they'll probably rescue you too."
"Oh," Harry said.
The two boys stared at each other for a long moment.
"What do we do until then?" Harry finally asked.
Bowser Junior scratched his head. "Well, I think my daddy usually puts Mama Peach in a cage, but that's just because she tries to run away."
"That doesn't sound very fun," Harry frowned. "If I don't try to run away, can I not go in a cage?"
"Okay," Bowser Junior agreed cheerfully. "But we do have some time before the Mario brothers get here. Let's play a game!"
Harry, never really having people to play games with before, thought that this sounded like an absolutely wonderful idea.
-0-
It was several hours later that a rather beat up looking Mario and Luigi entered Bowser Junior's room with a blonde woman in a long pink dress and crown. They weren't really sure what they were expecting to see, but a hyperactive Koopa jumping up and down on the bed while holding one action figure while Harry pretended a second was flying around him was certainly not it.
"Aww…" Bowser Junior complained upon seeing Mario and Luigi. "I can't believe you're being rescued already!"
Harry looked a little disappointed too. "That's okay, BJ. Maybe you can kidnap me again some time."
"Okay!" Bowser Junior agreed cheerfully.
So Harry basically ends up living with Mario and Luigi (eventually in some sort of bizarre joint custody thing between Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland when the two get married) and being periodically "kidnapped" by Junior whenever Daddy kidnaps Peach. I have no idea how he ends up going to Hogwarts, but he does. And, of course, ridiculousness occurs, such as:
Hammers:
Harry stood behind Quirrell as the evil teacher muttered under his breath, pacing back and forth in front of the mirror.
But Harry was not idly waiting. No, his hand slowly slid upwards over his shoulder, as he quietly prayed to Grambi that the DADA teacher wouldn't notice.
He did.
"Potter, what are you-?"
That was about as far as he got before a hammer slammed into his face. Followed by another. And another. And another.
"I really love hammerspace," Harry sighed as he chucked another hammer. "I wonder how many hits I can get in before Hermione gets Dumbledore down here…?"
Harry the Pipe-Head:
"What I'm curious about," Hermione said slowly, "is how Slytherin's monster is getting around. Nobody sees it at all, but there's nothing invisible that could also petrify people."
"The pipes," Harry said absently, flipping a page in his book.
Absolute silence.
After a moment, Harry looked up to see everyone staring at him in surprise. "What? It's fairly obvious. The plumbing goes everywhere in the castle, and that explains why I could hear the whatever-it-was through the walls. Pipes can get pretty massive, though, so I don't think we can use that to figure out the size or anything."
"You figured this out?!" Hermione cried. "Why didn't you say anything?!"
Harry scratched his head. "Well, I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, and I figured that if I'd put it together, then you had too." He paused for a moment, frowning.
"Then again, most people aren't raised by a pair of plumbers-turned-monster-slayers-turned-royalty. And haven't been running around plumbing for nearly as long as they can remember." He grimaced. "Oops."
Hermione barely held back from slamming her head repeatedly into the table.
Followed by:
"Well, I have to say this is one of the most ridiculously convoluted plumbing jobs I've ever seen, and I work in the Mushroom Kingdom," Mario said, squinting at the lines etched on parchment.
"This is worse than Peach's castle, and that's saying something," Luigi agreed. "But are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
"Gigantic pipes that serve no purpose whatsoever?" Mario asked, tapping a spot on the map detailing the Hogwarts plumbing.
"And they all converge in one spot," Luigi agreed, tapping another point. "Now all we have to do is figure out how to get there."
"Knowing magicals, there's probably some hugely complex manner to enter or some password at some point along these," Harry said thoughtfully. "That being said, it looks like we could blow our way in here." He gestured to a point on the map. "The wall is thin, and it would get us pretty close to where we want to go."
Mario ruffled Harry's hair. "That's my boy!"
Harry knows Koopa:
It was the first task of the Tri-wizard Tournament.
Harry was in a state of shock as he exited the tent, clutching the mini-dragon he'd pulled from the bag. The number 4 around it's neck informed him that he would be fighting last, and everyone was salivating to see the Boy-Who-Lived go face to face with the huge dragon that was of a hitherto unknown species.
The only problem?
King Bowser Koopa was, to Harry's best knowledge, neither a dragon nor a nesting mother.
And when he found out just what everyone seemed to think he was, heads were going to roll.
Unfortunately, the Koopa in question (and how the heck had he gotten here, anyways?!) seemed to be enjoying hamming it up for the crowds, breathing fire into the air and roaring magnificently.
Harry took a deep breath and stepped forward.
Bowser turned to face the young challenger, drew in a deep breath, and roared.
It was loud, powerful, and caused the crowd to fall silent for a moment. Everyone was eager to see the boy's response.
What they weren't expecting? Harry to take a firm stance, draw in a deep breath, and roared right back.
Total silence now.
Bowser, taken aback, blinked before roaring again.
Harry responded with another roar.
There was a long pause.
And then Bowser started laughing.
"Kid," he said, through his chuckles, "your accent is terrible."
Harry shrugged and tapped his chest. "Sorry. Human's can't really get the right growls in the chest for fluent Koopa. And I only know a few phrases, anyhow."
Bowser grunted. "Well, can't really expect a Mushroom Kingdom brat raised by those blasted Marios to know anything about a Darkland language. I was wondering why you kept telling me you were lost."
"Like I said, only a few phrases," Harry said. "BJ tried to teach me more, but frankly, when I tested those out, everyone only laughed at me and wouldn't tell me what I said."
Bowser grinned at the memory. "That's right. I'd nearly forgotten." He flopped down into a sitting position. "So, how've you been? I haven't heard anything from you in a while."
"Oh, yeah, that'd be school," Harry explained, approaching to sit near him. "Really hard to get any info to the family, you know? But school's been good. How's BJ?"
"I think he's missing his favorite playmate," Bowser admitted. "It's funny, we said we would be happy to send someone to fight, but no one said I'd be fighting you."
"Yeah, I was informed I'd be fighting a female nesting dragon mother," Harry agreed.
There was a pause.
Then all hell broke loose.
And yeah, his "dads" may have had to step in to stop the carnage before anyone got hurt too badly, but it was so worth it to see the looks on everyone's faces.
Harry can jump:
"Have you seen Harry?" Hermione asked Ron.
"I last saw him headed outside," Ron frowned. "Thought he'd gone to practice Quidditch or something."
"I have this terrible feeling he's getting up to something," Hermione said as the two left the castle and headed in the direction of the Quidditch pitch. She squinted at it. "Hang on, it looks like there's a practice going on. Harry can't be there!"
"Then where can he be?" Ron wondered.
"Bloody hell!"
Almost as if realizing something, and sort of resigned, the two turned around to see the student who'd shouted. Following his gaze upwards, they caught sight of a small figure running along the roof of the castle. As they watched, the figure flipped forward off of the roof of one of the towers to land on the main roof, before bounding across the roof in series of long leaps and backflipping upwards onto the roof of another tower.
"...Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Ron asked Hermione.
"No," Hermione decided, watching Harry push off of that tower in a somersaulting feat that would make acrobats jealous.
"Me neither."
Not sure what all would happen or how Voldemort would end up dead, but it would probably be one heck of a journey.
Until next time!